One word about this top 100 for 2017 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words.  I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2017 fantasy baseball rankings.  If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2017 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2017– Ah, I almost got you.  This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other.  Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from.  416 more, to be very exact.  Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 516.  Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April.  Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500.  Yeah, that makes sense.  Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel.  Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2017 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.”  Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters.  Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter!  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2017 fantasy baseball:

1. Mike Trout – I’m reminded of Simply Red.  No, not Trout’s teammate, Kole Calhoun, that would be Simply Ginger.  Simply Red as in, “If you don’t know Trout by now, you will never, never, never, never, never know him.”  2017 Projections: 105/37/117/.326/21 in 561 ABs

2. Paul Goldschmidt – There’s some talk about Au Shizz and what if he loses his steals due to age and just not being a quote-unquote base stealer.  He stole 32 bags last year, so he is quote-unquote base stealer, but if he were to mysteriously go the route of last year’s Machado, then Au Shizz is a .310 hitter with 25+ homers, and you’ve drafted best case scenario Votto and only get a top 20 most valuable hitter rather than the 2nd most valuable one.  Yeah, Au Shizz ain’t aw shucks.  2017 Projections:  105/28/107/.306/21 in 581 ABs

3. Mookie Betts – Something I didn’t talk about in the top 10 for 2017 fantasy baseball, Betts had a ton of Just Enough home runs last year.  But he’s also only twenty-four in a great hitters’ park.  Don’t Betts the don’t pass line.  2017 Projections:  104/29/113/.314/21 in 584 ABs

4. Kris Bryant – As I did the rankings, I realized something that wasn’t as obvious to me last year.  Yes, offense was up, and we figured Rob Manfred had his minions sticking Capri Sun straws in balls juicing them, but great hitters all around the league also entered their prime last year.  More players at once than I can remember in past years, and they’re all so young, and vital, and strong, and potent, and filled with sperm.  2017 Projections: 106/34/113/.288/10 in 588 ABs

5. Jose Altuve – There’s no shortage of studs, and Altuve is the shortage.  2017 Projections: 107/18/81/.321/37 in 612 ABs

6. Nolan Arenado – Lawmakers in Colorado recently announced the Torenado Energy Act.  It’s goal is to harness energy from Torenados and use them to replace fossil fuel energy sources.  Lawmakers in Colorado are also stoned.  2017 Projections:  103/38/123/.291/2 in 601 ABs

7. Anthony Rizzo – Another guy from your World Champion…Chicago Cubs!  *looks at intern*  C’mon, you can at least clap when I say that.  It deserves an applause.  *intern gives weak clap*  You sound like JB clapping.  2017 Projections: 97/35/109/.297/7 in 571 ABs

8. Manny Machado –  Guys and five lady boys, Machado’s numbers don’t necessarily scream this, but I would not be shocked if he had a 40/20 season.  I typed that last sentence with my drool.  2017 Projections: 102/35/107/.292/5 in 603 ABs

9. Bryce Harper – I have serious questions about anyone that would rank Donaldson before Harper.  Not that I question their rankings, but I question the medicine they’re on and if it’s strong enough.  2017 Projections: 96/33/106/.291/12 in 534 ABs

10. Josh Donaldson – To continue above thought, not that one spot is really that different in rankings, but just the thought that someone would see Harper and Donaldson both on the board and purposely choose Donaldson first.  Throw out Donaldson’s age, peripherals and whatnot; just look at the Jays’ lineup.  Their big offseason move was getting back an old and broken down Bautista.  2017 Projections:  95/32/101/.287/6 in 570 ABs

11. Miguel Cabrera – Even if you get the 12th pick in drafts I wouldn’t be surprised if Miggy’s still there, because someone’s taking Kershaw in the 1st round.  Can lead a horse to water, can’t make said horse not draft a starter early.  Though, starters are sometimes referred to as horses, so a horse taking a horse to water is hard to argue with; they likely just want company.  2017 Projections: 95/29/105/.317/1 in 577 ABs

12. Trea Turner – By this point, I’ve looked at where others are ranking guys, and, while I should be able to get Turner at the 12th pick, he’s far from a guarantee to still be on the board as I thought he would be when I first ranked him.  2017 Projections: 102/16/84/.305/40 in 577 ABs

13. Carlos Correa – As I kept mentioning in the top 20 for 2017 fantasy baseball, I love the guys in the top 20, but, man, there are far fewer sure things than I’d like.  John Cusack wouldn’t even drive across country for most of them.  2017 Projections:  98/26/104/.275/20 in 575 ABs

14. Rougned Odor – Totally floored by how different my Odor ranking is compared to others.  For me or them, something’s gonna end up smelling funny with this Odor.  2017 Projections:  92/28/98/.281/15 in 581 ABs

15. Freddie Freeman – Member those novelty cards in the 80’s?  They’d do Bud Black and Vida Blue on the same card and say, “Black & Blue.”  They should have one with Freeman and Blackmon and say, “12 Years a Slave.”  Hmm, they might get protests from some SJWs over that.  2017 Projections:  93/31/97/.295/6 in 575 ABs

16. George Springer – Same camp as Manny Machado, in that I think he has 40/20 ability.  That camp’s name is Camp Ireallywanna.  2017 Projections:  103/32/88/.255/10 in 590 ABs

17. Charlie Blackmon – Where does Blackmon go if the Rockies trade him?  This isn’t some kind of “Jew, priest and Blackmon are in a canoe” joke.  I mean, where does he go in the rankings if not on the Rockies?  60 overall?  100?  Split the difference with 80?  2017 Projections: 104/21/67/.303/24 in 594 ABs

18. Starling Marte – Let’s just hope McCutchen’s gimpy knee doesn’t sneeze on Marte’s and infect it.  Wear kneepads around him to avoid contact!  He’s got pathogens!  2017 Projections: 81/17/88/.295/37 in 549 ABs

19. Ian Desmond – This guy is like Blackmon in reverse.  Whitemon?  Actually, Latinmon, but I mean Desmond was likely a top 60 guy before the move to Coors.  UPDATE: HE BROKE HIS HAND.  Sorry for the caps, but I drafted him two days prior.  He’s now in the top 60 outfielders.  2017 Projections:  79/30/94/.273/15 in 579 ABs

19. Edwin Encarnacion – After he signed with the Indians, I wrote my Edwin Encarnacion fantasy.  It was written high as a kite and the kite was in the shape of a bong, cause I get meta-high.  2017 Projections: 88/36/105/.260/2 in 535 ABs

20. Trevor Story – I want nothing but Rockies hitters on all my teams.  Allah help me when they’re on two week road trips.  2017 Projections: 89/31/98/.258/12 in 575 ABs

21. Clayton Kershaw – You can go to the top 20 starters for 2017 fantasy baseball to read all about why I won’t be drafting Kershaw, or you can just put two and two together and know there’s no way Kershaw is going to be still on the board at 21 overall.  2017 Projections: 19-6/2.44/0.95/261 in 222 IP

22. Max Scherzer – Kershaw and Scherzer are easily the top two starters everywhere and also two minor characters in The Man in the High Castle.  They’re still more interesting than Joe.  2017 Projections:  18-7/2.51/0.96/270 in 225 IP

23. Giancarlo Stanton – I had a dream that this was the year Giancarlo hit 50 homers.  In this dream, Giancarlo was wearing a whipped cream Speedo and I was a giant tongue.  2017 Projections: 84/38/103/.253/1 in 529 ABs

24. Francisco Lindor – You ever have this happen?  You own a guy for his breakout and you’re super happy you owned him, but get worried about going back in for another season while paying the new, exorbitant price.  It’s not really buyer’s remorse.  It’s like you’re worried your future experience won’t be as satisfactory as your last.  I need a Psych 101 term here so bad.  I’m going to go with the manufactured term, Insulation from Drafty Logic or IDL.  2017 Projections:  103/17/82/.308/19 in 607 ABs

25. Joey Votto – A little glimpse behind my chartreuse, velvet curtain, I had Votto in my top 20 at one point, but I ended up moving him out.  His floor of barely 20 homers feels closer in reality than Freeman’s, even if they are super close.  It goes to show you how bunched up guys are from being ranked in the teens vs. the mid-20s.  It makes me want to puke.  Actually, that might be from looking at this ugly chartreuse curtain.  I should’ve went with the basic red.  2017 Projections: 84/25/91/.308/7 in 530 ABs

26. Xander Bogaerts – It’s hard to imagine Bogaerts failing with that park, that team, that lineup, then you see he had 11 HRs, 2 SBs and hit .253 in 296 post-All-Star break ABs and you no longer see him as a sure thing.  2017 Projections:  107/22/94/.304/11 in 614 ABs

27. Robinson Cano – When I was first projecting/ranking Cano, I assumed I was going to be down on him, in a non-sexual way, and was going to need to write an overrated post for Cano, but I seem to be around the norm, not off the cliff.  Cheers!  2017 Projections:  86/26/91/.291/2 in 605 ABs

28. Corey Seager – Two players whose numbers are close to 90/27/90/.285/5?  Corey and Kyle Seager.  So, if you see one ranked way before the other, question it.  By the by, George Seager, Kyle and Corey’s other brother, has received 90 noise complaints, been fired 27 times, got into 90 unprovoked fights, has blamed someone else for his misfortune about 28.5% of the time and has been charged with five capital offenses, leading his rap sheet to read 90/27/90/.285/5.  Weird, right?  2017 Projections: 96/28/85/.298/3 in 610 ABs

29. Jonathan Villar – The problem with trying to find fault with drafting Villar is he stole 62 bases last year.  A guy that can steal 60+ bases is very hard to find reasons to avoid, especially if they give 10+ homers, and don’t kill you in any category.   Essentially, what I’m saying is, I might have drafted four middle infidels by the fifth round.  Okay, this could be a problem.  2017 Projections:  91/15/51/.257/37 in 565 ABs

30. Nelson Cruz – You know what surprised me?  That cat jumping out of a closet.  You know what surprised me that’s on topic?  How far I’ve dropped Chris Davis.  The reason I think of this right now is Cruz is pretty much Davis with forty more points on average.  This makes me think Davis might actually be a sleeper, but I’m not sure if that’s like ESPN’s Klara Bell the Clown saying Lance McCullers is a sleeper just because he ranked him two hundred spots too late.  2017 Projections:  88/33/98/.265/1 in 537 ABs

31. Ryan Braun – It’s too bad he got caught taking steroids.  Not because it distracts from what he accomplishes, but it distracts from him obviously trying to make it all seem so cool and effortless like the salt throwing guy.  Sadly, Braun you are no salt throwing guy, no matter how much you dress like him.  2017 Projections:  82/25/89/.291/14 in 505 ABs

32. Brian Dozier – Definitely not the salt-throwing guy either.  More like the “I wanna draw a cat for you” guy.  2017 Projections:  102/25/74/.248/15 in 595 ABs

33. Jean Segura – Okay, if Braun’s not as cool as the salt throwing guy and Dozier’s not as cool as the cat guy, who’s Segura not as cool as?  I’m gonna go with the frat boy who sings 99 Luftballons at karaoke.  2017 Projections:  83/11/46/.274/27 in 580 ABs

34. Madison Bumgarner – Still not drafting a starter yet, but what am I drafting?  More on that in the Abreu blurb.  2017 Projections:  17-9/2.78/1.04/232 in 218 IP

35. Chris Sale – Here’s my Chris Sale fantasy after he was traded to the Red Sox for a bunch of prospects.  The White Sox also supposedly threw in a pair of scissors.  2017 Projections:  18-8/3.31/1.08/244 in 225 IP

36. Jose Abreu – At a point in the near future, I will outline exactly how to draft, but let me try to predict where I am in the draft.  “Yay!  I got Altuve!  Well, that’s a bit of all right!  Right, Mary Berry?!  Ooh, tough choice in the 2nd round, okay, I’ll take Trea Turner!  Um, let’s see, 3rd round, I guess I’ll take Odor since he’s still there, but I swear I’m taking something other than a middle infielder next.  4th round…Um, Jose Abreu?  Oh man, this sucks.”  2017 Projections: 73/28/92/.306 in 603 ABs

37. Hanley Ramirez –  I’m scared I’m going to draft Hanley this year.  He’s the type of guy that you look at in March like, “Well, he doesn’t have great upside, but he is a solid contributor.”  Then in August, “I guess I’ll try fantasy football because Hanley never showed up this year.”  Then you overhear in September how Hanley is having a huge final month and leading the Sawx to the playoffs and you punch yourself in the mouth.  2017 Projections: 84/25/89/.278/6 in 518 ABs

38. Kyle Seager – If you draft Kyle Seager, it could be worse, you could be the person his brother George calls every time the cops pick him up.  2017 Projections:  84/27/92/.269/4 in 591 ABs

39. Anthony Rendon – Hopefully he doesn’t revert back to the tragedy that was his 2015, unless everyone reverts to 2015 and offense normalizes, then it won’t be quite as soul -crushing.  I mean, it will be soul-crushing if there’s no offense again, but not just for Rendon.  2017 Projections:  84/25/96/.268/9 in 551 ABs

40. Noah Syndergaard – There’s at least a 15% chance the Mets have a giveaway day this year called, “Frayed Tendons Day.”  2017 Projections:  16-7/2.67/1.05/235 in 203 IP

41. Jake Arrieta – I’m convinced if he didn’t play for the Cubs and had as terrible a season last year, he’d be ranked about fifty spots later.  Yes, I say this while being guilty of the same thing.  2017 Projections:  17-10/2.98/1.06/196 in 205 IP

42. Jon Lester – Still not drafting a starter, but getting so close that if Lester were to fall, I could see this becoming “don’t do as I do, do as I say,” and then, of course, Lester will have a miserable season.  Hold on, Hypothetical Grey!  There’s so many starters still!  2017 Projections:  16-9/3.35/1.10/206 in 210 IP

43. Yoenis Cespedes – I was watching the eight-part docu-series on Cuba on Netflix, and one of the earliest slave owners in Cuba was named Cespedes, which got me wondering if Yoenis’ ancestors came through that pipeline.  That thought was quickly replaced with, “Holy crap, former dictator Batista looks exactly like Johnny Damon!”  I wonder if Batista’s arm was better throwing political dissidents out of the country.  2017 Projections:  86/29/97/.278/5 in 550 ABs

44. Mark Trumbo – Too bad he signed with Baltimore, he could’ve went to Korea, hit 98 homers in a year then came back and had his choice of teams.  2017 Projections:  81/33/95/.252/2 in 557 ABs

45. Justin Verlander – Prolly because I believe too much in Murphy’s Law, but I just know now that I’m back in on Verlander he’s so gonna eff me in the eff hole.  2017 Projections:  15-10/3.31/1.05/220 in 217 IP

46. Corey Kluber – Oh, by the by, I’m now drafting a starter.  Continued in the next blurb.  2017 Projections:  17-10/3.36/1.08/229 in 220 IP

47. Yu Darvish – See, I don’t hate top starters, I just hate drafting top top starters.  If you really think you need Kershaw or Scherzer it saddens me how insecure you are about your drafting ability.  Continued in the next blurb.  2017 Projections:  15-5/3.04/1.15/239 in 201 IP

48. Johnny Cueto – I can’t figure out why else someone would draft a top five starter.  They’re just drafting scared.  If you take Cueto or any of the starters here and put them with a starter just around the end of the top 100 and another one in the 130 to 170 range, you’ll be right as rain.  Continued in next blurb.  2017 Projections:  16-10/3.04/1.11/192 in 210 IP

49. Carlos Carrasco – And…Um, actually, I said all I wanted to say on that.  2017 Projections:  15-9/3.28/1.13/192 in 190 IP

50. Kenley Jansen – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Re-signed with the Dodgers.  Fairly straight forward move by the Dodgers.  They needed a closer, so they re-signed one of the best for a fair price.  Yes, we’ve reached the point where $80 million is a fair price.  I apologize for the heart attack I just caused Ted Williams’ frozen head, assuming a frozen head can have a heart attack.  Does it just have an eye twitch?  Has someone sewn shut the frozen head’s neck or is it left open?  Does someone stub a toe, realize they don’t have any ice and wrap the frozen head in a towel and put it on their toe?  I have frozen head questions, y’all!  So, Jansen is a $12 Salad and re-signing in a city that loves salad won’t change anything.”  And that’s me quoting me!  2017 projections: 4-1/2.11/0.81/100, 45 saves in 65 IP

51. Aroldis Chapman – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Yankees tied (Aroldis) up for five years like Aroldis ties up prostitutes in his hotel room.  Somewhere, Fidel Castro is sitting, lighting his cigar on the surrounding flames, saying, “I gave that kid everything.”  Aroldis heads back to the Yanks and will be as dominant as always, between domestic abuse scandals, of course.  Okay, one more thing, Google suggests “Aroldis Chapman Jew?” before it suggests “Aroldis Chapman domestic abuse.”  Really?”  And that’s me copying and pasting me!  2017 Projections:  5-3/1.98/0.95/100, 42 saves in 64 IP

52. Zach Britton – If you were surprised as me that Britton didn’t garner more AL Cy Young votes, raise your hand.  Okay, who’s the jackass with the Hulk Hogan foam hand?  Peter Thiel?  Is that you?  In 67 IP last year, he had a 0.54 ERA and 0.84 WHIP.  Rollie Fingers just screamed, “Too hot!  Hot damn!”  Then, waited a beat, and said, “Is Bruno Mars no longer cool?  Only music I listen to is during Super Bowl halftimes.”  Britton’s xFIP wasn’t quite as pretty (2.09), but also not exactly a hot mess either.  Britton’s last two years ERAs were 1.65 and 1.92, so, yeah, if you wanted to make a case that Britton should be the 1st closer taken, I could see it, but, SAGNOF, and I wouldn’t draft any top closer.  2017 Projections:  3-1/1.78/0.93/78, 42 saves in 66 IP

53. Gregory Polanco – I explain more in Dahl’s blurb, but Polanco is going to make my life difficult.  2017 Projections:  77/23/89/.262/24 in 572 ABs

54. Mark Melancon – I already gave you my Mark Melancon fantasy.  It was written while drinking soda through a Twizzler.  2017 Projections: 4-1/2.26/0.97/58, 42 saves in 62 IP

55. A.J. Pollock – I still like this tier of outfielders, but as you can see from this top 100, there’s just so little chance of me drafting A.J. Pollock.  This A.J. Pollock, though it goes for A.J. Pierzynski too.  2017 Projections:   97/16/61/.273/26 in 581 ABs

56. Wil Myers – One word of wisdom (after 25,000 words of humna-humna-what) I’d be careful about drafting Votto and then Myers.  There’s only so much of ‘best player on terrible team’ a man can handle. 2017 Projections:  81/25/91/.264/15 in 567 ABs

57. Carlos Santana – Continuing thought from above blurb.  Which is why I could see going Santana if you already have Votto.  Remember, guys in same tiers are all relatively the same.  You can see tiers at individual position rankings at 2017 fantasy baseball rankings.  Clickbait! 2017 Projections: 95/31/81/.266/5 in 572 ABs

58. Justin Turner – A small part of me is worried that now I’m in on Turner full-steam-ahead, he’s going to disappoint.  I’m not going to say what part of me is small, but its name is Justin too, because it’s followed by, “I’m just in.”  2017 Projections:  81/24/92/.271/5 in 510 ABs

59. Adrian Beltre – Yeah, we’re drafting corner infidels at this point if you need one, but to say I’m excited about this tier from the top 20 3rd basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball, would be a lie.  2017 Projections:  85/25/97/.289/2 in 575 ABs

60. Evan Longoria – Longoria owner this year, “He’s on 2nd with no outs.  C’mon already, Colby Rasmus!”  2017 Projections:  77/29/89/.271/1 in 617 ABs

61. Todd Frazier – Frazier’s owner, “I wish the White Sox had Colby Rasmus!”  2017 Projections:  72/31/91/.235/13 in 582 ABs

62. Eric Hosmer – In March, “Hosmer will be fine for runs and RBIs, the Royals have Cain, Moustakas, Salvy Perez and Alcides!”  In July, “Damn it, the Royals have Cain, Moustakas, Salvy Perez and Alcides!”  2017 Projections:  82/24/94/.288/7 in 589 ABs

63. Ian Kinsler – Here’s a little rhyme for you, “When you make Ian Kinsler lunch, he says, ‘Why do you make such a fuss?’  You know who else is Jewish?  His manager, Brad Ausmus!”  2017 Projections:  105/18/77/.272/12 in 607 ABss

64. Daniel Murphy – I see where he’s currently ranked and I wonder how long until I post my Daniel Murphy schmohawk post.  2017 Projections: 82/15/85/.296/5 in 510 ABs

65. Chris Archer – You know a guy has scarred you real good when writing his name makes you flinch.  Archer got me real good last year, y’all!  2017 Projections:  13-12/3.33/1.17/225 in 200 IP

66. Carlos Martinez – T.I. is singing “Dead and Gone” for Wacha, but C-Mart’s No Mediocre.  For those over 50, T.I. is not Texas Instruments.  2017 Projections:  15-10/3.17/1.19/193 in 205 IP

67. Jacob deGrom – “What if instead of just giving away the frayed tendons we hide them in the hot dogs?”  That’s a soon-to-be-fired Mets’ PR exec.  2017 Projections:  13-10/3.12/1.15/191 in 194 IP

68. Stephen Strasburg – I could see getting back in on Strasburg at some point in his career, but to hell you say if you think I’m getting back in now after his previous two seasons.  2017 Projections:  12-9/3.55/1.10/190 in 163 IP

69. Danny Duffy – I hope Duffy never wakes up from his previous dream season.  If that means he can’t shower, then so be it!  Take one for the team!  2017 Projections:  13-10/3.45/1.15/201 in 195 IP

70. Kenta Maeda – It’s weird how some guys take years before I trust them, and other guys I trust almost immediately.  Okay, not weird, and not really interesting, but, ya know, it’s something.  2017 Projections:   15-7/3.39/1.13/198 in 195 IP

71. Christian Yelich – Power’s up.  I think you can find speed if you need it.  You know what you can’t find?  A .300+ average.  Okay, not entirely true.  You can, but there’s a ton of guys who hit .300 last year that are bleh in other categories:  Yadier, Prado, Yunel, Realmuto, Andrus, Pedroia, Wilson Ramos.  Besides those guys, you know how many guys ranked after Yelich that hit .300 last year?  One, Jose Ramirez.  2017 Projections:  87/15/92/.303/17 in 585 ABs

72. Jackie Bradley Jr. – Yeah, it’s pretty safe to say I’m owning JBJ on a bunch of teams this year.  2017 Projections:  82/27/92/.271/8 in 567 ABs

73. Max Kepler – You thought I was owning JBJ a lot?  Not as much as I’m owning Kepler.  For more, here’s my Max Kepler sleeper.  2017 Projections:  74/23/85/.266/14 in 548 ABs

74. Carlos Gonzalez – As you see in my top 40 outfielders for 2017, it’s highly doubtful I own CarGo.  Oh well, I won’t have all Rockies hitters.  I’ll just have to replace him with Trout on that fantasy fantasy team.  2017 Projections:  83/27/91/.278/3 in 580 ABs

75. Matt Kemp – I would instantly love Kemp forever if his ‘coming up to bat’ song this year was by Atlanta’s Paper Boi.  2017 Projections:  78/27/94/.266/2 in 572 ABs

76. Adam Jones – Gonna be fun for me to rail against *uck Showalter for another year because he’s batting Adam Jones leadoff.  Fun like a dentist visit.  2017 Projections: 92/27/78/.268/3 in 599 ABs

77. Danny Salazar – You’re likely thinking, “Grey is crazy handsome, and I hope he’s right that Salazar is healthy.”  Well, I hope I’m right too.  2017 Projections: 14-10/3.44/1.15/201 in 180 IP

78. Albert Pujols – What’s there to say about Pujols that hasn’t been said?  Every time he’s on the toilet he says, “Pujols meet poo hole.”  What can be said about him that is actually true?  Very little.  2017 Projections:  73/32/94/.254/2 in 563 ABs

79. Gerrit Cole – This is a make or break year for him.  If Cole fails this year, he may not sniff the top 150 next year.  You’re on notice!  2017 Projections:  15-10/3.45/1.14/188 in 193 IP

80. Jose Quintana – If your first two starters are Maeda and Quintana, your staff won’t be flashy, but it will be competitive.  Besides, who needs a flashy staff?  You wanna bedazzle your peanut?  2017 Projections:  14-9/3.35/1.20/181 in 204 IP

81. Kyle Hendricks – He should dress like a cocker spaniel every Halloween and say this is “Hendricks doing Cocker,” then spazz-sing.  2017 Projections:  14-9/3.41/1.14/175 in 198 IP

82. Gary Sanchez – And the first catcher ranked!  If you follow my rankings and can’t figure out how to punt catcher, the Ghost of Reggie Roby is going to haunt your world.  By the way, I’m glad Thesaurus dot com went with haunt in that sentence rather than spook.  2017 Projections:  71/27/82/.260/3 in 471 ABs

83. Masahiro Tanaka – I’m gonna so regret drafting Tanaka this year, like major, super regret.  Yet, it’s building to this.  You know it is.  2017 Projections:  13-10/3.47/1.13/172 in 201 IP

84. Cole Hamels – Just as I say in the top 40 starters, this tier of pitchers is not all that exciting, but you put too much exciting on your team and it leads to a form of dysentery that causes your team to blow with massive runs.  2017 Projections:  15-10/3.56/1.22/197 in 202 IP

85. Rich Hill – I was trying to think if I was crazy in the coconut by my Hill ranking, or if it made sense.  Top closers get about his ratios, but he gets no saves.  Then again, he does it in 60 more innings, so that ratio help is greater, and he gets more wins.  So isn’t he worth around the same ranking as a top five closer?  Hello, apples, I want you to meet oranges.  2017 Projections:  14-5/2.74/1.03/144 in 125 IP

86. John Lackey – Yeah, this is a 2nd starter area, but, and this is a well-defined Serena Williams but, if you have a starter already and there’s a ton of starters on the board, I could see going a different way.  This area of the draft is more about what your team needs vs. overall rankings.  That’s kinda why when people rank ‘perts as to how well they rank, it’s total nonsense.  “Yeah, Razzball put Nomar Mazara early, that’s great!”  Well, yeah, we are great, but if you have three outfielders drafted already, you’re not drafting Mazara, no matter how early I’ve ranked him.  2017 Projections:  14-8/3.54/1.15/177 in 190 IP

87. Byron Buxton – Already gave you my Byron Buxton sleeper.  I wrote it at the…Y!  M!  C!  Eh!  Which is a Canadian YMCA.  2017 Projections:  65/18/57/.232/26 in 522 ABs

88. Adam Duvall – To continue my Lackey thought, there’s about a 5% chance I own Duvall even if I have him higher than other people, because I would draft Mazara or Buxton first and they’re way higher here than other sites.  2017 Projections:  74/34/92/.244/5 in 547 ABs

89. Khris Davis – What I said about Duvall but three-quarters of an inch later.  Which is also the beginning of the world’s worst romance novel.  “Three-quarters of an inch later, he was done.”  2017 Projections:  72/34/89/.247/2 in 530 ABs

90. Stephen Piscotty – I wrote a Piscotty sleeper post last year, and he made good on my modest expectations.  I think I could’ve wrote another sleeper for him this year.  Wonder why some guys just feel perennially underrated.  Piscotty doesn’t know!  Piscotty doesn’t know!  2017 Projections:  78/24/92/.277/9 in 573 ABs

91. Andrew Benintendi – Already gave you my Andrew Benintendi fantasy.  It was written with me mansplaining.  2017 Projections:  79/16/68/.303/19 in 480 ABs

92. J.D. Martinez – I get the feels Just Dong is going to be a top 12 guy next year.  Hopefully this is not mental masturbation.  UPDATE:  Just Dong sprained his Lisfranc, which sounds like some kind of European treaty.  “At the Lisfranc Accords, Goebbels dropped trou and asked the Romanian diplomat to kiss his birthmark that looked just like a poppyseed bagel.”   A little history lesson for everyone.  Goebbels was very proud of his poppyseed bagel birthmark that resided on his backside, but he called it a poopyseed bagel.  So, this obviously sucks major poopyseed bagels for Just Dong and I’ve docked him hundred at-bats.  I’d still draft him, but I’m be damned in the poopyseed if I don’t think we’re never going to see more than 400 ABs from this guy ever.  2017 Projections:  78/25/71/.282/1 in 451 ABs

93. Kyle Schwarber – I’m Iffy McIffstein on whether I’m officially high or low on Schwarber, but I doubt I own him either way.  On one hand, I’d want him at catcher and I’m not drafting a catcher yet.  On the other hand, if I’m drafting an outfielder, I would’ve taken one of the previous six.  On a third hand that is actually a mitten on top of a bottle of ketchup, I have some worries about Schwarber’s playing time.  2017 Projections: 81/26/90/.248/5 in 488 ABs

94. Andrew McCutchen – You’re prolly thinking, “Damn, Cousin Sweatpants, I’d totally draft Knee McClutchin’ if he’s around at pick 100.  Hahahahaha, but he won’t!  The laughter was snidely aimed at you, Grey.”  Okay, fair enough, but if McClutchin’ does get 21 HRs and 7 steals as I project, it would be not be as good as Piscotty, Davis or Duvall, to name a few above him, just as McClutchin’ wasn’t as good as them last year.  2017 Projections:  87/21/90/.263/7 in 556 ABs

95. Addison Russell – This guy is being way undervalued, which is odd since he’s young and a Cub.  Two things that usually light fantasy baseballers aflame.  By the by, people who use the word ‘aflame’ are aflamers.  Not judging, just noting.  It likely helps that Russell’s got five guys sexier than him on his own team.  One of those guys who is being labeled sexy is Baez.  Quick debriefing session:  Addison could be the five-hole hitter all year for the Cubs; Baez doesn’t even have a starting job.  2017 Projections:  77/25/92/.257/7 in 569 ABs

96. Marcus Semien – You know that expression, “Here’s mud in your eye!”  Well, I had to rank Semien in the top 100, so here’s Semien in your eye!  2017 Projections:  70/25/78/.241/10 in 555 ABs

97. Jonathan Schoop – I love Schoop, and he’s guaranteed to be better than HBO’s The Young Pope.  That rhymes is you pronounce Schoop the right way.  Schoop Schoop ba-doop Schoop ba-doop!  Which doesn’t rhyme unless you’re Salt and/or Pepa.  2017 Projections:  78/30/89/.260/2 in 565 ABs

98. Dee Gordon – Originally ranked him a bit lower than this, just outside the top 100 in the top 500 overall, but 50+ steals shouldn’t be that low.  *sees Billy Hamilton isn’t in the top 100*  Shut up with your observations, okay?    2017 Projections:  88/3/39/.282/51 in 608 ABs

99. Jason Kipnis – I updated my Jason Kipnis ranking after his rotator cuff injury, and that update is under the 2017 fantasy baseball rankings.  And so much more! (Not really any more than rankings, there’s no, like, fun scratch-off tickets.) UPDATE:  Will be out for another 4-5 weeks and was moved into the top 500 overall.  2017 Projections:  71/14/52/.262/14 in 519 ABs

100. Jose Peraza – The hype is strong with this one and getting stronger.  Peraza is the early preseason favorite for the answer to, “Okay, after Mike Trout who else do you want?”  2017 Projections: 78/4/46/.288/44 in 527 ABs

 
  1. Ante GALIC says:
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    Grey!

    This is so good. Like the first time I ate Kentucky Fried chicken str8 from the bucket!

    a. So, if I understood correctly, none of this will change from here until eternity, right?

    b. I was sad as I was getting to the end of this list. I never want this list to end!!! Sadly, I am struck with the reality that life goes on.

    c. Agree with you on Bogaerts. Add to that that (stutterer) he will play for the WBC and he could have an even worse second half than last year!!

    d. Nice triple Cheers reference!!! Just needed a Sam and a Woody!

    e. According to the Che Guevara biographer Jorge Castaneda, Batista made 50,000$ a week from the CIA to keep the US sailors ‘happy’ when they were docked in Cuba!!! Lots of booze, floozies and access to the casinos!

    f. Lol! World’s worst line from a Drama ‘Deepwater Horizon’ (2016) –

    Man: ‘Would you like the 30-second version, the 60-second version or the 90-second version (of sex)?’
    Woman: ‘I need the 90-second version today please!’

    If you haven’t seen it, there is no rush to go out and break the bank to watch it. Standard drama, plot is extremely simple and the ending is shittier than the real-life ending.

    g. Too bad there’s no player named Smoke and he was good. Then you could put him in there after Semien and you’d have #102…Smoke gets in your eye! Anyway, enough day-dreaming. Back to the grind.

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Sweatpants Nation says:
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      @Ante GALIC: Smoak! Nah, he sucks.

    • Freddyfreeman says:
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      @Ante GALIC: how are you always first? Do you stay up all night hitting refresh? Lol

      • Ante GALIC says:
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        @Freddyfreeman: Hey, man!

        I work in Africa (we’re presently EST+5 hours) so Grey’s post usually comes out around 09h00 local time which is just the time when I finished re-vamping my to-do list from yesterday afternoon and responding to URGENT e-mails. We start work at 08h00.

        Cheers,
        Ante

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Ante GALIC: They serve chicken in a bucket in Africa? A. Correct! B. Ha C. Exactly D. Bam! E. I think he was Johnny Damon F. Hahahaha G. Smoak

      • Ante GALIC says:
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        @Grey: Grey!!

        a. I said the first time!! The first time was around 1976, I was 9! The times were great.

        b. In Africa the chickens are really thin and the meat is mighty chewy! What they call the ‘village chicken’ in patois English is nothing more than a chicken that’s been raised in someone’s home that has survived the following.

        1. Many a chicken hawk;
        2. Many a poacher;
        3. Many neighbors.

        My security guard in Zambia showed me a trick to catch a chicken. You get string of about 8 feet long and skewer fresh corn for about 30 inches or so. The chicken starts swallowing the corn whole but can’t digest the string. After she goes through 12 inches or so, just pull the string and catch her. Really simple.

        c. lol on Johnny Damon. Batista was so mean and cruel as a leader that you and I would have been able to make the revolution happen in Cuba. Anybody would have really because he was hated so much by the vast majority of Cubans. He literally took millions with him when he fled Cuba!! Millions of 1959 US dollars, that’d be billions in 2017 for sure!

        d. Waiting for the next generation of baseball players with the surname Soap so that you can say Soap gets in your eye.

        Cheers,
        Ante

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          3. You know what you need to do? Have your bodyguard start beating up people and calling yourself Suge C. I’m convinced that the Cubans won’t like any leader, though evidence they’ve ever had a good one is debatable

  2. Wil says:
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    Snow day in nj. Leggggo

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Wil: Nice! Where are you in the Dirty Jerz?

      • Wil says:
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        @Grey: work in weehawken live in bloomfield, Essex County.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Nice!

    • Pete says:
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      @Wil: interested in new league. We are all in Nutley? Only rule is youjust can’t look at the site for the next few months lol

  3. kingforaday151 says:
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    Urias or Reyes in a dynasty league?

  4. Jason says:
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    Christmas morning! Thanks Unce Grey!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jason: No problem!

  5. G says:
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    In top 50, are there any hitters that automatically jump out to you and should be higher in rankings if H2h league has both AVG and OBP as categories?

    Anyone lose any significant value?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @G: OBP rankings should be out Monday

    • swaggerjackers says:
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      @G: One that jumps out to me as taking a hit for OBP is Odor. That dude hates to take a walk.

      • peacecoast says:
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        @swaggerjackers: his OBP reflects that already though, it was sub 300 last year

  6. Spot says:
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    Thanks for this great list, Grey. Could you please tell me if you would flip Jean Segura and Anthony Rendon in a league that uses OBP (and not AVG)?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Spot: OBP rankings should be out Monday — I wouldn’t flip them though

  7. Sweatpants Nation says:
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    ” T.I. is singing “Dead and Gone” for Wacha, but C-Mart’s No Mediocre. For those over 50, T.I. is not Texas Instruments”
    Thanks for clarifying.
    Razzball: The place for old guys to go to get modern cultural references! (and other useful shizz)

    • Let Us Now Praise Famous Death Dwarves says:
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      @Sweatpants Nation: assuming you’d consider TI to be “modern reference”

  8. Jean Genie says:
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    Hiya Grey!

    Another phenomenal year of rankings. Well done!

    Would Billy Hamilton be top 100 in a 30-team roto league? If so, about what range would you put him. Its hard for me to come up with an appropriate value for a guy that can win you one category but who offers little else.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jean Genie: Think you’d have to grab him around 60-70… I wouldn’t, but I imagine he’d go there

      • Jean Genie says:
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        Thanks Grey!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          No problem!

  9. Cheese says:
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    Posted this message in the podcast comments, don’t know if JB is still checking that post but I’ll post here…

    You guys touched on Desmond and clearly love him, rightfully so. He’s projected to bat 5th in the line up, does this worry you for counting stats, specifically runs? Similar question for Story batting 6th/7th. I usually like my first 2 or 3 picks to be batting in the top 4 spots. There could obviously be movement, but I would hate to bank on that.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Cheese: I’m sure JB will chime in… Doesn’t worry me, if it worries you, I’d go with a Runs guy to pair with him, someone like Ender/Fowler

  10. MattH says:
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    Great job Grey! Enjoying the rankings this year. Keep up the good work.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @MattH: No problem!

  11. Tits McGee says:
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    Is it weird that I was expecting D. Gordon to be in the top 100?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Tits McGee: That’s where he is for most rankings from what I’ve seen, so not weird

      • mindicohn says:
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        @Grey: Just moved my A-aron Sanchez for Dee Gordon…dynasty but needed the SB…Did I do wrong or is Jo going to get mad at me.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          Sounds fine

  12. Stock says:
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    I love these ranks. Russell and Semien blow me away!! Really need the online WAR ROOM. Anybody working on this? Thanks again

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Stock: Someone was working on it, but they didn’t get it to work, so it may not happen

    • peacecoast says:
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      @Stock: russel blew you away with his semien?

  13. Cram It says:
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    Have you been watching Taboo?

    • Whatever says:
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      @Cram It: Awesome show.

      • Cram It says:
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        @Whatever: I’m 3 in and as slow as the burn has been, I can’t wait to get back to watching it. Is there a more perfect fit of an actor and a character? I say no!

        • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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          @Cram It: I watched the first one but suck at recording things. FX is painful On Demand with no fast forwarding. So it’s worth it?

          • Cram It says:
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            @Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I suck at it too. I hear ya with the FF but they only show like 2 commercials at a time. It’s worth the 1 minute wait.

            • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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              @Cram It: Think I might give Legion a shot, all the commercials finally got me.

              • Grey

                Grey says:
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                I think we’re watching Legion tonight

              • Cram It says:
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                @Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I was intrigued by the psychological issues until I found it out it has to do with a superhero/supernatural powers. I hate superhero themes. This feels like a TV version of an M. Night movie. But check in if you watch it.

                • Grey

                  Grey says:
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                  Yeah, I hate superhero shizz too… But Fargo is so good, and the same guy did it

                • Cram It says:
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                  @Cram It: I don’t put a lot of stock in who does what…or maybe it’s more that I don’t pay attention to it. I’m sure he’s done some not great things too.

                  • Grey

                    Grey says:
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                    Yeah, that’s prolly true

                • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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                  @Cram It: I think some superhero shit is a fun watch or whatever, I don’t have a hard on for it or anything. Never read a comic in my life.

                  I think this looks interesting. Seems like those Jessica Jones and Luke Cage shows on Netflix, which I never watched but I heard good things.

                  • Cram It says:
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                    @Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I agree, if the superhero thing plays as fun/comedy. This does not seem to be that though. Unless it’s done as well as the Batman reboot, it’s a hard sell for me. I hate all that X-men stuff. I saw Split, which was like a more “realistic” superhero villain thing, and it did nothing for me.

                    • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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                      @Cram It: Did you just Split spoiler me? I didn’t have plans to see it anyway.

          • LenFuego says:
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            @Dr. Kenneth Noisewater: I cannot say that I am finding it enjoyable – not sure why I am still even watching. An awful lot of very slow-moving sturm und drang.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Cram It: I have them all on my DVR, but haven’t watched any yet… So you like it?

      • Cram It says:
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        @Grey: So good. But everything about it is right up my alley. Except that it takes place in London and I struggle with understand wtf they are saying sometimes, especially when they’re whispering. Like, I know you’re in a dark room with candlelight, but it’s just the two of you and the place isn’t bugged in the year 1814. You don’t have to whisper!

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          I do love Tom Hardy, which is why I DVR’d it… It hasn’t gotten the best reviews from what Cougs told me

          • Cram It says:
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            @Grey: The role fits him perfectly. I read the reviews too and a lot of the negativity was towards how slow it’s moving and the heavy-handed darkness with a lack of humor. But most of that negativity is coming from “critics”. It’s not for everyone. But it’s definitely for me.

            • Grey

              Grey says:
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              I have a feeling I’m going to have to watch this alone, doesn’t sound like Cougs’ bag at all

              • Cram It says:
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                @Grey: Make sure you have your pint of vanilla ice cream to comfort you. It gets a little spooky and brutal.

                • Dr. Kenneth Noisewater says:
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                  @Cram It: I was trying to read this comment Cram, but I kept falling asleep every time I got to ‘vanilla ice cream’.

            • Mad Beach Bums says:
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              @Cram It: Taboo is definitely a good show, reviews be damned! Also Brian Wilson says he’s coming back as a knuckleball pitcher.

  14. Whatever says:
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    Glad I have Harper and Donaldson in my keeper league so i dont have to choose between them. :)

  15. Joe says:
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    Hey grey 12 team dynasty league was offered joe Ross and a first round pick for my Blake snell. Would you pull the trigger on that or keep snell in a dynasty for his immense upside. Or do you think that upside is similar on joe Ross. That extra pick I got I would use for an arm in the foltenywicz, Norris, or wheeler rhelm

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Joe: Sounds solid

  16. Prettaaay, Prettaaay, Prettaaay, Pretty Good says:
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    Grey,

    Love your rankings. I skimmed at first to see where my potential keepers ranked and saw Verlander in the Top 50. No joke, my first thought was Grey has been ripping on him for the past two years, now he is back in the Top 50 so for sure he disappoints. Then, I read what you wrote. Simpatico.

    I can keep either Verlander or Archer at the same price. I’m leaning Archer. We are drafting for 2017, not 2016, right? Is this a bad move?

  17. Cram It says:
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    The curious case of Maikel Franco continues. Last year you ranked him #52 overall with basically the same projected stats as this year. Now he’s not even in the top 100. But peeps seem to like him more this year after clamoring to draft him in the 4th-ish round. But now he’s a 9th rounder. I don’t really have a point here. Just an observation of perception vs numbers I guess. Maybe it speaks to how much offense had gone up last year with all the young talent out there making good. But you covered that.