Yesterday, I went over the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball, and, today, you guessed it (if you didn’t read the title and just fell here from outer space), it’s the top 20 1st baseman for 2017 fantasy baseball.  Something weird happened last year — okay, a lot weird happened last year, but I’m going to focus on fantasy baseball.  Middle infield got deep and 1st base got shallow.  I have some theories why this happened.  First theory, a lot of kids who are playing now grew up watching Bret Boone and Alex Rodriguez and their frosted hair and, like a moth to a flame, or peroxide to a hairstyle, kids became middle infielders.  Second theory, it happened just cuz.  So, I don’t have a lot of theories on it, per se, but offense is deep this year, but not 1st basemen.  My projections are included, and here’s all of our fantasy baseball rankings.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2017 fantasy baseball:

1. Paul Goldschmidt – Went over him in the top 10 for 2017 fantasy baseball.

2. Anthony Rizzo – Went over him in the top 10 for 2017 fantasy baseball.

3. Miguel Cabrera – Went over him in the top 20 for 2017 fantasy baseball.

4. Freddie Freeman – Went over him in the top 20 for 2017 fantasy baseball.

5. Edwin Encarnacion – Went over him in the top 20 for 2017 fantasy baseball.

6. Joey Votto –  This is a new tier.  This tier goes here until Hanley.  I call this tier, “*blows dust off a leather bound book*”  By the tier name I mean, these guys have been great in the past, but, as is the problem with the current 1st base position, the best guys feel old and dusty.  Can’t we get some Kindles in here?  Right now, I’m reading the book that put David Simon, The Wire creator, on the map.  It’s an old book, but it’s on Kindle and I don’t need to blow dust off my electronic device.  Do you see what I mean?  Or should I belabor this point for another 400 words?  In the end, I’d draft from this tier, but I hope I have a 1st baseman already.  He spams you about dead aunt inheritances and hits .320.  Know why?  Votto’s a bot.  Call him Robotto.  Seriously, put all of this in a closet and have it jump out at you and it will freak you out it’s so scary accurate.  And that’s all true of Robotto, until it’s not and he hits .250 for three months last year or hits 14 homers in 2012 or hits .255 in 2014 or gets injured because he’s 33 years old and too old for this shizz Danny Glover-style.  Like Lionel Richie recapitulating, it’s karamu, fiesta, forever, until it’s not.  2017 Projections: 84/25/91/.308/7 in 530 ABs

7. Jose Abreu – Not quite as old as some of the AARP cover boys in this tier, but Abreu feels like one of their contemporaries, right?  Like him, Hanley and Edwin sit on the stoop talking about the good old days before these kids ruined Apache by The Incredible Bongo Band with their endless remixing.  Maybe Abreu’s a Latin 30, which would make him as old as Edwin and Hanley.  Whatever Abreu’s real age, the White Sox have depleted their major league roster.  Unlike the Padres, it was an intentional move, but it will still cost Abreu some runs/RBIs and that’s about the only thing he was good for last year.  2017 Projections: 73/28/92/.306 in 603 ABs

8. Hanley Ramirez – Guess how old he is.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  *scratches chin, accidentally kills a Lilliputian that was living on chin, Lilliputian detective attempts to investigate but the system is corrupt and there’s Lilliputians in City Hall who don’t want to see the crime solved*  Okay, any guesses on Hanley’s age?  33, younger than Edwin.  Yeah, I’m surprised too.  Hanley strikes me as a slightly less talented and slightly more insouciant Miggy.  I.e., Hanley doesn’t need to try to be solid, and, most days, he doesn’t try.  2017 Projections: 84/25/89/.278/6 in 518 ABs

9. Wil Myers – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Hosmer.  I call this tier, “Gary Glitter’s Rock & Roll, Part 2.”  By the tier name I mean, was there a Part 1?  There must’ve been, but all anyone knows is Part 2.  (And they know Gary Glitter is a pedophile, they know that too.)  Myers, Santana and Hosmer feel like they’re about to have their Part 2, and everyone will be like, “Wow, no lead up to that Part 2,” but there was a lead up, people just didn’t notice it.  As for Myers, last year, he had a better season than Bryce Harper.  Okay, Bryce had a down year, fair point.  Myers also had a more valuable season than Miguel Cabrera, who had a great season.  Where’s your fair points now?  I didn’t think so.  I’m like Phil Donahue, sticking my microphone in your face for a comment, then ignoring your answer.  By the way, I had an epiphany the other day, Donahue was the first social media site.  He’d shove a question at you, give you a microphone, you’d answer and then people would cheer or boo.  Back to Myers, would it surprise you to know he went 28/28 last year.  Has any 1st baseman ever gone 30/30?  Not to ruminate, but to answer.  Seriously, has anyone?  If we thought Myers would repeat, he should be drafted in the top 10 overall.  If he does repeat, Wil will (stutterer!) be drafted there next year.  2017 Projections:  81/25/91/.264/15 in 567 ABs

10. Carlos Santana – He surprised me a lot when I looked at his stats.  Sure, that might’ve been because I was writing this in the dark while a ghoulish man played an organ.  Santana appears to have come into his own this past year.  Every conceivable stat went in a positive direction and he became the man he was always meant to be.  Kinda like if you watch Keeping up with the Kardashians, the Bruce Jenner years, in reverse.  His Ks went down, his fly balls went up, he hit the ball more square with a round bat, hexagon, okay, now I’m just naming shapes.  He had the 23rd highest ISO, and, among those 23, he had the 2nd highest walk rate behind Donaldson.  Pegging guys like Bautista and Edwin, who break out later in their careers is hard, but Santana strikes me as a guy that can now be a force for the next five years.  Him in the leadoff slot kinda annoys me, but after Tito Francona had success with it last year, I think we’re going to get it again.  2017 Projections: 95/31/79/.266/5 in 572 ABs

11. Eric Hosmer – His lead up to this year is admittedly less linear.  Last year, he hit 25 homers and knocked in 104 RBIs, both career highs.  Sadly, they came with a .266 average as his line drive rate dipped way down.  So, is he a 25-homer guy with a .266 average or a .290+ hitter with 17 homers.  He’s 27 years old, why can’t he be both?  I know, ‘both’ wasn’t one of the original choices.  I backdoored you.  That sounds weird.  How about — Grey goes in through the doggie door!  Hmm, that’s not much better.  2017 Projections:  82/24/94/.288/7 in 589 ABs

12. Daniel Murphy – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Davis.  I call this tier, “‘See, corner’s not that shallow,’ said the Blind Man, as he walked into the wall.”  By the tier name I mean, these guys make 1st base appear to be deeper than it actually is for a couple reasons.  One reason, these guys are either dealing with age or declining skills or both.  Landmines that even The Ghost of Princess Di would have trouble navigating.  Another reason, two of these guys (Murphy, Posey) will be artificially inflated at drafts due to eligibility at different positions.  As for Murphy, he’s like the polar opposite of Carlos Santana.  I will call him Sarlos Cantana.  All the gains Murphy made last year, I don’t buy.  You don’t have a career high of 14 homers into your 30s, then hit 25 homers without expecting regression the following year.  For the hundred and eleven guys who hit 20 homers last year, he averaged the 89th longest distance (396 feet, equal to Salvador Perez).  His steals have almost become moot, which isn’t surprising for a guy in his 30s, but that means if he hits 15 homers, he’s not going to boost his value with 10+ steals.  Last year, he stole five bases in eight attempts.  Um, bleh.  The one positive that should buoy his fantasy value, he should hit third in a good lineup.  2017 Projections: 82/15/85/.296/5 in 510 ABs

13. Albert Pujols – You know who Pujols has become?  Your standard 1980s slugger.  Check out Gorman Thomas with that 32 homer, .254 season!  Whoa, nice year, Reggie Jackson, with your 32 homers and .254 season!  Damn, solid year of 32 homers and .254 from Tom Brunansky!  2017 Projections:  73/32/94/.254/2 in 563 ABs

14. Buster Posey – Went over him in the top 20 catchers for 2017 fantasy baseball.

15. Chris Davis – Guys and five girl readers, skills that Chris Davis exhibits do not age well.  He’s like the baseball player equivalent of Kate Bosworth or Meg Ryan.  “Your beauty is so ethereal, my syntax is now Yoda-ish.  Like a nymph from heaven, you are.”  Five years later, “Why does your button nose only have one nostril?”  Davis could hit 35+ homers, but he’s really not much more than Chris Carter.  2017 Projections:  79/36/95/.218/2 in 554 ABs

16. Brad Miller – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Bird.  I call this tier, “The Low End Theory’s A side.”  A Tribe Called Quest’s The Low End Theory had arguably one of the best sides in the history of rap, its B side.  The B side had one hit after another, Check the Rhime thru Scenario.  The A side wasn’t as catchy.  However, the more you listened to the whole album you began to appreciate the A side and ended up liking some A side songs even more.  This tier is that A side.  You may not fully trust these guys as much as the next tier, but I think you’re going to enjoy them more in the (low) end.  As for Miller, I’m still weighing whether to write a sleeper post on him, but it feels kinda silly to do that for a guy that hit 30 homers and stole six bases last year.  Yes, 30/6, and he will be hitting cleanup this year (granted, for a less than stellar team).  Miller’s homers went further than Kris Bryant’s on average.  He pulls everything, and had more hard contact than, say, Ryan Braun.  Maybe a few less homers, but I expect more speed and a better average.  I’m in on Miller this year bigly.  2017 Projections: 76/25/93/.251/10 in 531 ABs

17. Mitch Moreland – Here’s what I said this offseason, “(Moreland) signed with the Red Sox to play 1st.  Last season’s Sawx 1st baseman Hanley phoned in to reporters, “I’m bummed I won’t get to play first in 2017.” As he said that, he touched one foot against his couch and reached for the remote his daughter tossed him.  Unfortunately, Hanley pulled his foot off the couch, collapsed to the ground and lost his sofa spot to the family dog.  I think Moreland can be one of those signings that doesn’t trend on Twitter and pretty much is forgotten about by most, but can actually have huge fantasy repercussions.  Moreland is slated to bat fifth for at least 80% of the time, and will find out he enjoys hitting balls around the Pesky Pole in right.  2017 Projections: 61/25/75/.259/1 in 465 ABs

18. Tommy Joseph – Another name for this tier is “How have I not written a sleeper post on all of these guys yet?”  I have a bet with myself that I intend on welching on that says ToJo will be more valuable than Chris Davis this year.  2017 Projections:  64/30/79/.253/1 in 488 ABs

19. Greg Bird – Already gave you the Greg Bird sleeper.  I wrote it while riding an elevator with Solange Knowles.  2017 Projections:  59/24/69/.257/2 in 412 ABs

20. Matt Carpenter – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Duda.  I call this tier, “Old movies are better until you’re watching a Mickey Rooney marathon.”  By the tier name I mean, these guys seem like a good idea.  They even might give you the nostalgic feels.  Then you get to May, your team is in last, Carter is hitting .185 and Mickey Rooney is doing a cringe-worthy Asian portrayal.  There’s a lot of negatives with this tier, but there’s one huge positive, you don’t have to draft a 1st baseman when these guys are being drafted.  “Hello, starting pitchers, I think it’s time we became acquainted.”  That’s you talking into your bag of Cheetos as these first basemen are being drafted.  As for Carpenter, he’s good for 20-ish homers, .270-ish, 80-ish runs, 70-ish RBIs, i.e., Carpenter is very workman-like.  2017 Projections:  84/20/72/.274/2 in 502 ABs

21. Mike Napoli – This tier could also be called, “My team is struggling, I wanna upgrade 1st base.”  This possible tier name goes back to what I was saying about Carter.  You’re in June, and your young middle infielder is struggling but you’re willing to give him more rope, because he has upside.  Your struggling ace will get better, you convince yourself.  Your catcher, well, it’s your catcher.  But if you look at Napoli, or any of the guys in this tier, you’ll want to upgrade them.  UPDATE:  Napoli signed with the Rangers.  The last time he went to the Rangers he was coming from an Angels team that undervalued him.  What does this mean for Napoli?  Not a whole lot, but can the Rangers trade for C.J. Cron?  Asking for C.J. Cron (who else would I be asking for?).  This move doesn’t change Napoli’s value much, he’s the kind of player that is who he is no matter where he’s playing.  2017 Projections: 68/25/83/.232/3 in 462 ABs

22. Adrian Gonzalez – When A-Gon finally retires, and it may not be for another six years (he’s only 34!), he’s gonna need a serious hobby.  My moms semi-retired and threw herself into dog shows.  Now everything is about her Westie.  Last year, I even went to Westminster Dog Show to see my dogbro.  That’s right, my moms is now Jane Lynch from Best in Show.  A-Gon might need a Great Dane or something, because he’s going to go stir crazy in retirement after playing 155+ games every season for the past eleven years.  If he wanted, he prolly could’ve challenged Ripken (not at floor wrasslin’), and, like Ripken, there’s been some serious lag on A-Gon’s stats in his thirties.  2017 Projections: 75/20/91/.272 in 570 ABs

23. Brandon Belt – Feels like a poor man’s Carpenter.  So, instead of Belt, call him One Of Those Home Depot Aprons.  2017 Projections:  72/18/77/.271/3 in 521 ABs

24. Matt Holliday – Here’s what I said this offseason, “(Holliday) signed with the Yankees. In the past month, I’ve compared the Yankees to your dad right after the divorce from mom. They were done with A-Rod and Te(i)x and ready to date some players twenty years their junior. Then, on dad’s way to the coffee shop to meet you, he hears Cat’s in the Cradle, and by the time you get there, he’s found all these women his own age who he’s swiped right on, and is talking about making a real connection.  Holliday is the right-swipe after Cat’s in the Cradle.”  And that’s me copying and pasting me!  2017 Projections: 64/22/74/.261/2 in 422 ABs

25. Jedd Gyorko – Last year Gyorko hit 30 HRs in only 400 ABs having a platoon year like you’d expect from someone who just moved to the Rockies, but Gyorko called the 22nd worst hitters’ park home.  So, Jedd’s ranking comes down to whether you think he will repeat or not.  This ranking is not optimistic.  Like a well traveled road or Edward James Olmos’ face, I predict rough patches.  2017 Projections: 59/25/68/.239/2 in 447 ABs

26. Lucas Duda – There’s more upside and downside with Duda than with the other guys in this tier.  Duda likely belongs in another tier and he’s a buttress with the next tier.  Duda also sounds like what you might get on a buttress, which, besides its primary definition, is also a sheet of fabric that hangs on your butt that acts as a dress.  Duda could be a platoon guy, he could be a break out guy, he could hit 30+ homers or he could hit under ten homers and not even play.  Lots of possibilities here, and, if Duda falls very late, I could see drafting him.  I’m not excited about Duda as a corner infidel, but as a utility guy, it’s a little more digestible.  More than likely, I won’t be owning Duda.  Upside doesn’t seem to cover downside, which sounds like the drawback of a buttress.  2017 Projections:  68/29/82/.246 in 494 ABs

27. C.J. Cron – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Bell.  I call this tier, “Upside isn’t just a city in Italy, or pronounced You-pea-said-eee.”  I like this tier of guys, I do, so don’t take it the wrong way when I say, you may find yourself grabbing their upside in March, and then wanting a guy that is actually playing well in April.  As for Cron, there will be at least five stretches this season when I tell you to pick him up.  If those five stretches are within close proximity of each other, you may own Cron for an entire half a season.  2017 Projections:  62/25/72/.270/2 in 497 ABs

28. Justin Bour – He reminds me a bit of Ryan Zimmerman, and now I’d like to formally apologize to Bour. 2017 Projections:  54/17/64/.267 in 417 ABs

29. Travis Shaw – Here’s what I said this offseason, “(Shaw) went to the Brewers.  Brewers have serious problems locking down a 3rd baseman, huh?  I’m not counting Villar, who was always more of a middle infielder. Casey McGehee and Aramis manned the hot corner dating back about six years; an era that butted its ass into Bill “Mother’s Day Ain’t Just For Mothers” Hall.  The Brewers even recently considered another Red Sox cast-off, Will Middlebrooks.  Better results to come with Shaw?  Pshaw, as a scoffer might say.  Miller Park is a good stadium, but it’s not like Fenway is miserable, and Shaw hit .242 with 16 homers in 145 games last year.”  And that’s me–Meh, you know.   2017 Projections:  51/18/64/.247/3 in 435 ABs

30. Eric Thames – This offseason I said, “Within hours of the Brewers releasing Chris Carter, the NL home run king, they signed Thames, the Korean home run champ.  In alcoholic terms, Miller Lite to Soju & Hite.  To say this is puzzling is an understatement.  Thames was signed for $15 million over three years and they could’ve had Carter for $8 million.  Was Carter great?  Well, compared to Thames, I’d say, yeah, he was great.  As we’ve seen over the last few years, Korean power numbers translate about as well as kimchi to an Iowan with a bleeding ulcer.  “My doctor says I need to lay off the bibimbap I’m getting the bibimpoops.”  That’s the Iowan now.  Jung Ho Kang hit 40 HRs in KBO, 15 here; Byung-Ho Park went from 53 HRs to 12 HRs and Hyun Soo Kim went 28 HRs to six.  So, the bridge from 40 homers in Korea maybe too far for Thames to cross.”  And that’s me being more negative on Thames than anyone else I’ve seen!  2017 Projections:  58/17/64/.225/5 in 435 ABs

31. Danny Valencia – Here’s what I said this offseason, “(Valencia was) traded to the Mariners.  After his fight with Billy Butler, Valencia was no longer welcome in Oakland, but he was welcome in the WWE, UFC and any buffet where Butler is at to get him the hell out of there.  If Valencia is used in the LLAMAS context, he has no value — no Value’ncia?”  And that’s me– You know!  2017 Projections:  51/15/59/.281/2 in 454 ABs

32. Josh Bell – Already gave you my Josh Bell fantasy.  I wrote it while trying to love Illmatic as much as the critics.  2017 Projections:  54/15/52/.281/3 in 407 ABs

33. Ryan Zimmerman – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Plouffe.  I call this tier, “Who else is on waivers?”  This tier derives its name from what my question will be to you when you ask me if you should pick up one of these guys.  For example, “Grey, I love your feathered hair so much I’ve combed my Siamese cat to look like you.  Also, should I pick up Ryan Zimmerman?”  “Who else is on waivers?”  2017 Projections:  54/17/59/.231/3 in 444 ABs

34. Chris Carter – He needs to hit 40+ homers to be worth owning even with his .220 average.  He can do that, as last year shows, but imagine you’re three months into the season, Carter has a .220 average and 15 homers, are you really waiting for him to hit the other 25 homers or are you dropping him before he completely tanks your team?  Tanks, pal!  Update:  Carter signed with the Yankees to platoon with Greg Bird.  Carter will likely have McGwire-like HR/AB numbers but with only maybe 350 ABs headed his way, he takes a hit on value.  Too bad Carter didn’t sign in Korea, he could’ve hit 80 homers in a season over there then returned with much hype and a well-manicured beard a’la Thames.  2017 Projections: 46/24/66/.232/2 in 330 ABs

35. Joe Mauer – To think, only a few years ago Rotoworld ranked Mauer in the top ten overall for fantasy.  Speaking of which, where’s Jonathan Lucroy ranked this year?  Oy.  2017 Projections:  65/10/59/.272/2 in 489 ABs

36. Howie Kendrick – Here’s what I said this offseason, “(Kendrick was) traded to the Phillies.  Who’d the Dodgers let him out for?  Ruf!  Ruf!  Ruf!  BLAAAAW, Howie like me now?!  The ripper will not allow!  Sorry, I just mashed up terrible with wonderful — terrerful?  I don’t mind this move for Kendrick for an NL-Only league.  As long as he stays on the field, he will get at-bats.  For mixed leagues, he’s pretty meh.”  And that’s me quoting me!  2017 Projections:  71/10/55/.262/10 in 475 ABs

37. Justin Smoak – Yes, he has power.  He’s also 30 years old and his high in homers and RBIs is 20 and 50, so there’s Smoak, but little fire.  2017 Projections: 42/19/44/.220 in 403 ABs

38. Dan Vogelbach – Already gave you my Dan Vogelbach fantasy.  It was written on Spirit Airlines, a commercial airline that is trying to reach a millennial audience by also giving zero f*cks.  UPDATE:  Vogelbach was optioned to the minors.  The Jelly Donut of Swat will be back at some point, referring to the majors and an AYCE buffet.  2017 Projections:  32/16/41/.251/1 in 340 ABs

39. Brandon Moss – Is currently a free agent.  Moss hopes to catch onto a team or rolling stones.  UPDATE:  Moss signed with the Royals.  He will DH and platoon with Cheslor Cuthbert and Paulo Orlando, a platoon everyone will call, “Cheslo Morlandoss.”  Well, anyone that matters at least!  I could think of better places for Moss.  Say, the north side of a tree.  I can also think of worse places for him *cough* Padres *cough*  2017 Projections:  57/24/64/.235/2 in 426 ABs

40. Trevor Plouffe – Signed with the A’s this offseason, which is appropriate since Plouffe is French for the sound poop makes when it hits the toilet water.  Now the A’s can showcase its Plouffe.  2017 Projections: 55/18/62/.245/1 in 487 ABs

41. Wilmer Flores – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until the end of the list.  I call this tier, “Platoon and Two and a Half Men (vying for same lineup spot), you have to be Charlie Sheen-crazy to draft these guys as a starter.”  The tier name is pretty straight forward.  As for Flores, I contend that the Mets would be better with Flores over Wright and I also contend you can’t contend with Flores as long as the Mets insist on playing Wright.  I’m also the contending champion of using the word contend!  2017 Projections:  46/18/56/.255/1 in 353 ABs

42. Mark Reynolds – With Ian Desmond’s broken hand, Mini Donkey will get the at-bats at first base for the first part of the year.  Still early to say how long Desmond will be out, but if tears are hand bones, I have plenty to get Desmond back on the field.  2017 Projections:  32/16/47/.247/4 in 354 ABs

43. Ryan Rua – Someone is going to DH on the Rangers.  I don’t see Gallo having 1st base eligibility, so I didn’t rank him, but if he were ranked for 1st base, Gallo would be above Rua.   Also, says a bit about Rua that I’m talking more about Gallo in his blurb.  2017 Projections:  50/14/61/.241/9 in 390 ABs

44. David Freese – Gentlemen’s Bet:  if Mike Scioscia managed every major league team with all players currently rostered still remaining on a team, Freese would be starting somewhere and be one of the worst everyday players in the league.  2017 Projections:  46/15/54/.255 in 424 ABs

45. A.J. Reed – I already gave you my A.J. Reed fantasy.  It was written, then covered with a Top Chef-inspired foam.  2017 Projections:  47/15/54/.235 in 384 ABs

46. Gerardo Parra – I picture myself wanting to rank Parra for outfielders, and he has 1st base eligibility, so I’m covering my ass.  Hey, I need a buttress!  Call back!  2017 Projections:  52/11/44/.267/8 in 375 ABs

47. Derek Dietrich – I’m all about Dietrich (in deep leagues if I’m able to platoon him for the three days a week he actually plays; this parenthetical kinda kills the ‘I’m all about Dietrich’ huh?).  2017 Projections: 47/13/52/.272/2 in 370 ABs

48. Jurickson Profar – I’ll keep this brief:  Hanes.  Brief but on topic:  I don’t think Profar plays anywhere close to every day.  2017 Projections:  51/7/48/.251/8 in 370 ABs

49. Tyler Austin – I’m a fan of Austin.  Keep it weird!  As for Tyler Austin, he’s all right, but I need him to lose time for Bird to stay the word at 1st in New York.  UPDATE:  Austin fractured his foot and will miss six weeks.  His foot fracture happened when he tried to see if his foot was divisible by two.   2017 Projections: 21/8/34/.225/5 in 245 ABs

49. Byung Ho Park – Fun fact!  Byung Ho Park is the Washington Square Park of Korea.  UPDATE:  Twins and Park split ways.  Twins didn’t like his conditioning, and Park didn’t like that Twins wasn’t really short for Twinkies.  Update II:  Twins re-signed him to a minor league deal and he’s hitting well in the spring.  If he makes the team, it’ll prove once again never to trust spring stats.  2017 Projections:  44/15/51/.221/1 in 307 ABs

50. Yonder Alonso – ‘Somewhere over Yonder’ is an English lit term for every 1st baseman in fantasy except Yonder Alonso.  2017 Projections: 55/7/57/.278/3 in 460 ABs