Please see our player page for Anthony Rizzo to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Engine revs. It’s the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. Only instead of a Oscar Mayer hat on its front hood, it’s wearing a Padres cap. It’s staring down a lonely country road. Directly, a mile down, aimed right at it is the Dodgers’ team bus. The Dodgers’ team bus revs.

A half mile in front of each of them, at the midpoint is “1st place in the NL West.” What we have here is a game a chicken. Who will get there first? Behind the Dodgers’ team bus wheel is Magic Johnson. Behind the Padres’ pimped-out Weinermobile is the San Diego Chicken. “You’re going mano a chicken? With the Chicken?! This is not a game you want to play, Magic?” That’s the actor who played Magic in the Showtime series on HBO shouting at Magic. “A Showtime series on HBO? Are you talking riddles, Albright?!” That’s the voice inside my head. Back to the white hot asphalt! The San Diego Chicken guns it towards the Dodgers’ team bus! Magic slams down the gas!

Careening down the road, the Chicken bawks, “They need to lose some extra weight!” To get up to speed, the Padres throw out MacKenzie Gore, C.J. Abrams, Robert Hassell III, James Wood and Jarlin Susana. For Magic to get the Dodgers to increase speed, he throws out an anecdote about him hugging Isiah Thomas at half court. “You need more speed, Magic!” The actor who played Magic in the Showtime HBO series screams. Magic says, “Have you heard about the one of me and Clyde the Glide?” It’s not enough! The San Diego Chicken is the type that drives right towards a big trade and waits for the other team to swerve. It ain’t afraid — it accepts that Gore is sometimes necessary.

So, Juan Soto goes to the Padres. They have Manny Machado, Fernando Tatis Jr. and Sexy Dr. Pepper? Um…

Seriously…

Like seriously seriously…

Fun the Jewels, Macho Manny and Sexy Dr. Pepper. Guys and five lady readers, I am doing a horny. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, the Trent Grisham/Luis Urias trade is still being sorted it seems. If you’re the Brewers and Padres, do you think you won or lost the Urias/Grisham trade? Or do you think it’s a push and decide to go back to the well like Baby Jessica and try one more? How you answer that decides whether or not you make the Josh Hader trade, right? Since that Hader trade was made, it must mean both teams thought they won the Grisham/Urias one. Right? You don’t trade with a team that just fed you an L, do you? Well, I’m here to say the Brewers won that trade, and I think they won this trade too, but I’m a big fan of trading away closers, so I am biased. Yes, even top tier ones. With that said, I do think it’s odd the Brewers made this trade — appearing like sellers — as they are leading the NL Central.

The trade in full:  Josh Hader to the Padres for Taylor Rogers, Robert Gasser, Esteury Ruiz, and Dinelson Lamet. Do the Brewers just have such a “We can fix him” mentality they just have to take on messes? Oh man, the Brewers are Kate Hudson. That makes Taylor Rogers Matthew McConaughey; Dinelson Lamet is Paul Rudd and Esteury Ruiz is John Krasinski. What an All-Star cast of lovable losers that the Brewers, excuse me, Kate Hudson, er, I mean, Brewers need to fix! Looking at this from the other side, is the move from Taylor Rogers to Josh Hader worth the multiple players being sent away? Who’s the buyer here? Who’s the seller? Who’s the Boss!? Kinda like the Josh Hader trade because if you look at it at first, you’re like, “Brewers got hosed,” but then you look at it more and you’re like, “Padres got hosed,” but then look at it more and you’re like, “No, the Brewers definitely were hosed.” The Josh Hader trade is the Mona Lisa smile of trades.

So, Josh Hader is clearly the new closer in San Diego. Truly hope Devin Williams gets a chance to be the Brewers’ closer, but it’s been floated that the Brewers might like him in setup and roll Taylor Rogers out there for saves. Floated by whom? Me, right now, in these last few sentences. As for Esteury Ruiz, he was sent down, and Lamet is likely to be used in a similar role as in San Diego, for now, at least. Unless Kate Hudson can work her magic! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the trade deadline in full swing, division races are an afterthought for many. As teams begin to position themselves as buyers or sellers, a cookie cutout of playoff races starts to take shape. If the San Francisco Giants are sellers, the National League West, much like the National League Central and National League East […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Reid Detmers went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.62, as he threw an immaculate inning. Ya know what? There’s a lotta immaculate innings this year. I bet Rob Manfred has them using an immaculate inning ball. Detmers now has two huge starts this year (he no-hit the Rays earlier in the year) built around a rough patch, surrounding a demotion that was tagged “Fixer-upper,” and upper he fixer’d. Since he was recalled from his demotion, he’s been essentially lights-out (24 IP, 3 ER, 31 Ks). There was 9 BBs in those 24 IP, which is still a concern, but he looks like he’s on the standard path of ugly rookie year (last year), up-and-down year two (that’s right now) and next year will be the real breakout. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember last year’s trade deadline spectacular? It was more entertaining than about 90% of the baseball games I watched this year or last. There was drama, there was betrayal and there was probably some families displaced from their homes but it sure was a lot of fun to watch unfold. Last year’s deadline fell on a Friday so maybe that’s why but it seemed more suspenseful. It’s still early sure, but all had been quiet, dot dot dot…(you know I’m gonna say something good cause I used the past participle!) until late Friday night the Seattle Mariners swung their Ds back in Astros general direction acquiring Ace flamethrower Luis Castillo from the Ms for an impressive package of prospects including Noelvi Marte, Levi Stoudt, Edwin Arroyo and Andrew Moore. I’ll leave the prospect gushing to The Itch but I know Marte and Arroyo are tippy-top talents with the Noelvi (.270/.360/.46, 15 HR, 55 RBI and 12 SB at High-A) considered one of the top 50 in the country. It’s the first big (sorry Benny) trade of the deadline and who many thought was the best pitcher available for trade. That’s because Castillo and his 2.86 ERA, 1.07 WHIP and 90/28 K/BB would be a number one starter on any team. He’s been especially flames lately with a 1.93 ERA in July and batters hitting just .176 against him. The Mariners haven’t made the playoffs in over 20 years, and they’re hoping adding Luis to a rotation that includes Robbie Ray and Logan Gilbert will give them one of the more formidable staffs in the league. As for Castillo’s fantasy value, he moves to a better team and a pitcher-friendly park so LC should be able to improve upon the measly four wins he was able to muster in Cincinnati. With a postseason drought like Seattle’s I think we’re all rooting for the Ms, but only time will tell if this move will do anything to stave off the Astros. Now if only Kyle Lewis could stay healthy! Good luck with that!

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well well well, ladies and gents (I do hope I have regular readers) the second half of the season is about to kick off. I sincerely hope your team is undefeated at this juncture. But who cares about the first half, all that matters is how you finish. Fret not, for I have ranked them all. We’re talking every player over the second half. Projection data is taken from the Razzball Steamer Rest of Season projections. That is then converted into point totals, the number in brackets following each players name. Yeah a lot of them will be on a roster already, in fact, I would be pretty disappointed in you if they weren’t. But anyhoo, here’s the new rankings for the second half. Use this info to help in trade negotiations and hope that the rest of your league isn’t reading Razzball as well. When perusing these rankings keep in mind that in many cases point totals can be very close. In that case, prioritize the position you need or the guy you enjoy watching.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome, prematurely balding men and five women who are married to PBMs and decided if you can’t beat them, join them! Make yourself comfortable, this is gonna be a long post. Here, enjoy some coffee. Oops, you just drank rat poison. I should’ve used different mugs. Don’t worry, it can’t be worse than rostering Jonathan India in the 1st half. Oh, you rostered him, and that’s why you drank the poison? Now, I’m following! Hey, I’m supposed to be leading! *does a teapot with both hands on hips and shakes head* Before we get into the top 100 for the 2nd half of 2022 fantasy baseball, let’s just be glad our 18-year-old selves can’t see us now, we’d get beat up! But our twelve-year-old selves would think we’re the coolest! So, as with all of the other 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, slop this up with a grain of salt. If you need a 2nd baseman, but an outfielder is above him that doesn’t mean you can’t trade that outfielder for that 2nd baseman. Also, things change in fantasy baseball. Daily. I could put Aaron Judge number one, and he could pull a–Well, we won’t even mention an injury with the top players after we lost Tatis this preseason. As I say about the Giancarlo underwear I bought off eBay, why soil a good thing? This list is a road map for where I think guys are valued. It’s not the Holy Grail in the Church of Grey, that would be my mustache. This list is NOT (caps for emphasis, not aesthetics) where I see guys ending up if you were to take their first half and combine it with the 2nd half. This is simply a list of the top hundred fantasy baseball players if you were to pick them up today. So while Juan Soto did not have the greatest first half, he will appear on this list because, well, we have to believe in miracles — my 12-year-old self would want that, and to sleep with Cher. 12-year-old Grey loved Cher. The projections are not their combined 1st half and 2nd half numbers; these are their projections for the 2nd half of 2022. I also liberally used our rest of the season Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. That’s right, we have a Player Rater that tells you what players will do. It’s like that camera from The Twilight Zone. Welcome to the future! Anyway, here’s the top 100 for fantasy baseball for the 2nd half of 2022:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The All-Star game is right around the corner.  In fact, Phase II of the MLB All-Star voting concluded on Friday, so we now have the starters.  As always, we’ll see the respective lineups loaded with the superstars as well as some newcomers who earned their ticket in the eyes of the fans.  Unfortunately, as is […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One month into the year, 39-year old Charlie Morton (FD $10,000/DK $9,200) looked completely washed–over his first four starts he carried a 7.00 ERA and a 1.78 WHIP, along with barely more Ks than BBs (15:11). You’d have said “Stay the course, he can’t stay that bad.” And you’d have been right, but only in […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ian Anderson (2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.31) pitches like Jethro Tull singing, “Hello, darkness, my old friend.” Uh-oh, we’re being visited by Comatose Since March Man. This is gonna be brutal. Hey, Comatose Since March Man, how ya feeling? “Great, man! You ever sleep for four months? That’s what I feel like! Anyway, let’s talk about my fantasy baseball team! Ian Anderson is building on his 2021 season and is now an ace, right? Right?! Why are you tiptoeing backwards?” Seriously, though, how long until the Braves put Ian Anderson out to pasture with Touki, Ynoa and every other pitcher who they have that’s good for one season? Soon! Okay, the highlights, not the lowlights:  Nick Castellanos (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 8th homer. “Hey, we could just put the car in neutral and roll it off a cliff with him in the driver’s seat–Whoa! Hold on! He moved! Castellanos is alive!” This was Castellanos’s first, and only as it turned out, homer in June, and he was hitting .212 entering yesterday’s game with five runs. Apizzarently, he’s become the Greek God of Hardly Any Contact. Then, Kyle Schwarber (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) said farewell to June with his 23rd homer. Someone please Back to the Future Schwarber with a Walkman in the middle of the night and tell him June is another 60 days long. Next up, or I should say nextus is Rhysus, the Philly savior, (1-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 15th and 2nd in as many games. Finally, the one true DH on a team filled with them, Darick Hall (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) got his 1st and 2nd homer on his first and second hits. When the Philly and Yacht Rock legend, Darick Hall, hits a homer, they better be playing She’s Gone. He will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, and he’s solid for power, but I’m not sure how much else. Sorry, Charlie, for the imposition… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Have you ever been to Staten Island? Shame if not. It’s one of the best boroughs. Imagine if they built a pizzeria on top of a garbage dump. That’s Staten Island. On Staten Island, there’s a Mother Mary statue on every lawn, as far as the eye can see. On each Mother Mary statue, there’s garland and Christmas lights. All year around. If you were to turn on all those Mother Mary Christmas lights statues together, you could see them from the moon. The electric bill would be a fortune too, about as much to cover the gabagool expenses for the entire borough. Anyway, you take all those Mother Mary Christmas lights statues’ electrical power, and you still don’t have the power of Vinnie Pasquantino and the sheer electricity he brings. In 69 games — hey now! — of Triple-A, he had 18 HRs and a 12.2% strikeout rate. What is he, a power hitter that’s gonna hit .280? Mama mia, that’s Italian! His walk rate (12.5%) was over his strikeout rate! *pinching the cheeks of Vinnie Pasquantino’s player page* You’re so handsome! With Carlos Santana being traded to the Mariners — figured Carlos Santana would’ve went for a last hoorah in Philly with Rob Thomson, but oh well — Vinnie Pasquantino is worth a flyer for power in all leagues. It’s Vinnie Pasquantino PaiSZN! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?