Complete-ly Mis-erable

MisIO’s latest update makes history starting with faster speeds, increased efficiency and introducing warped eye guy emoji. I hate to do another Mis lede but he just keeps making history, it’s my journalistic duty, my hands sweaty, dirty, grubby and tied! Milwaukee Brewers Ace slash heartthrob slash Disclosure Day alien slash AI-generated starter Jacob Misiorowski […]

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Wrigley Field’s Hot Dog Vendor Calls Awaken Sleeping Giants

by: Dan Pants

There’s literally nothing like a sweet summer Friday afternoon at Wrigley Field in Chicago, where the ivy glows green, the breeze drifts through the stands, and time seems to move at the pace of the game. The famous hot dog vendors screaming louder than the neon relish on the dogs they’re hawking. And as the […]

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Buy A Shot Of Mead With A Curtis-y Discount

May 30, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 26 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Washington Nationals third baseman slash former Rays top prospect slash pride of the Australian Outback slash heartthrob Curtis Mead had two hits Friday night including his eighth home run, a 2-run shot that gave the Nats the lead in the first. The 26-year old Aussie is now slashing .244/.360/.496 with 22 RBI along with three […]

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Williams, Gavin It All He’s Got

May 23, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 27 Comments

by: Dan Pants

There’s nothing better to kick off a hype mem-day weekend than a scoreless baseball game through eight innings. The Guardians and Phillies found themselves in the pitchers’ duel of the year Friday night, with both starters slash heartthrobs grinding out eight scoreless innings, but only one would come through with the victory. Gavin Williams allowed […]

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Sp. Arrighetti Looks Saucy With Extra Cheese

May 16, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 42 Comments

by: Dan Pants

It’s rivalry weekend in Major League Baseball, and no one is more saucy than Houston Astros starter slash heartthrob Spencer Arrighetti, who says he never liked the Rangers, never has, and takes it all very personally. Well, okay! Tell us how you really feel, that’s how you fuel a fire, Spencer! Arrighetti backed it up […]

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Miz Fastballs, Miss Bats

May 9, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 49 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Ten pitches: 102, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103 and 104 mph. And that was just the first inning! OK,I rounded up a little, don’t be that guy. Speaking of that guy, Milwaukee Brewers phenom slash heartthrob slash genetic freak slash alien from another planet Jacob Misiorowski made his Yankee Stadium debut Friday […]

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Faithful Mets Fans Rewarded With Good Christian Value

May 2, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 33 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Great Scott! Christian prayers may have been answered as Mets fans might finally have some hope with rookie starting pitcher slash heartthrob Christian Scott pitching five solid innings of three hit baseball Friday night, allowing just two earned runs and striking out eight Angels. He gave up a home run to Jorge Soler in the […]

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Cortes Conquers A’s/Tex

April 25, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 30 Comments

by: Dan Pants

No disrespect to the “explorers” of my youth, who we now teach were brutal conquerors at best and genocidal maniacs at worst, but hey, they got a strait named after them, and we can use their “discoveries” for fun nicknames for sports ballers. The A’s Carlos Cortes, who I’m now calling El Conquistador hit two […]

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Jeremiah Jackson 5 Homers Singing I Want You Back, Back, Back

April 18, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 49 Comments

by: Dan Pants

O’s have a genuine Jackson dilemma on their hands as Baltimore’s fill-in second baseman slash heartthrob is up to a Jackson five homers with this huge bomb in the eighth to give the Orioles the lead Friday night. Joy to the World! I thought Jeremiah was a bullfrog, but he looks more like a bull. […]

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Money Talks, Muncy Walks It Off

April 11, 2026 | 2026 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 37 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Aaaaaand we’re back. I know I’m late, but I saw they were doing baseball hitting and throwing in March, and the teams were all heavily segregated by country, which seems kind of wrong, so I thought I might skip this, but also don’t tell anyone, but I didn’t hate it? Livvy Dunne’s boyfriend was there […]

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Junior Rocket Launches Three to the Moon

September 13, 2025 | 2025 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 8 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Minnesota Twins first baseman slash DH slash every position slash nepo-baby slash heart throb Kody Clemens launched not one, not two, but three rockets to the moon Friday night going a perfect 4-for-4 along with five runs batted in to rally his Twinks to the dub! And because you all asked so nicely and his […]

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Freeland Of The Kyle

September 6, 2025 | 2025 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 11 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Colorado Rockies starting pitcher—wait, what? Seriously? Well, alright then, let’s do this! Colorado Rockies starting pitcher slash heartthrob Kyle Freeland shut down the San Diego Padres for eight dominant innings, allowing just two hits and striking out ten for his fourth win of the year. Coors is a Freeland now! Denverites rejoice! The southpaw, who […]

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Author: Dan Pants

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Complete-ly Mis-erable

Wrigley Field’s Hot Dog Vendor Calls Awaken Sleeping Giants

Buy A Shot Of Mead With A Curtis-y Discount

Williams, Gavin It All He’s Got

Sp. Arrighetti Looks Saucy With Extra Cheese

Miz Fastballs, Miss Bats

Faithful Mets Fans Rewarded With Good Christian Value

Cortes Conquers A’s/Tex

Jeremiah Jackson 5 Homers Singing I Want You Back, Back, Back

Money Talks, Muncy Walks It Off

Junior Rocket Launches Three to the Moon

Freeland Of The Kyle