I apologize for the misleading headline but neither the Mary-Kate or Ashley news story you’re looking for is here. I did it for the clicks! Elizabeth Olsen, however, is mentioned quite a bit throughout this post. And it’s not just because I’ve seen her with her shirt off. It’s because she is an extremely talented actress (do you even Martha Marcy May Marlene?). She’s also the Scarlet Witch and will destroy you with her red CGI powers if you try to #MeToo her. Speaking of extremely talented Olsons, Matt Olson went 3-for-4 Friday night with two home runs (10th and 11th) scoring three runs and driving in five. That’s now four homers in the past week for Olson, to go along with seven runs scored, seven RBI and a .269 batting average. He’s hotter than a New York minute, which is an Olsen Twins movie for the unindoctrinated. Matt hit 24 homers in 59 games last year but has amassed just 11 in 58 games so far this year.  He struggled in May with a .216 batting average without Khris Davis there to protect him in the lineup, but still managed six homers. So maybe the 1.003 OPS from 2017 was a tad inflated, and yes, maybe his isolated power is down over 150 points from last season, Olson is still a 30 homer hitter, people. That means he owes you 19 from now until the end of September. Pro tip: that will help your fantasy team! If you need power, Olson has struggled enough in the early going that you can likely pry him from a frustrated owner, and if Friday was any indication he’s busting out of his funk and June could be shaping up to be a big month for the estranged Olson brother.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As Gerrit Cole’s weekly attempts to break the strikeouts per game record continue in Houston, the baseball world is left to wonder, “Wait what exactly did Pittsburgh get for trading this dude again?” Well, Bucs Nation got to see their return on full display Friday night, Joe Musgrove was dominant in his Pirates debut going seven scoreless innings allowing just five hits striking out seven and even added a hit and scored a run for his first win with his new team. Joe only needed 67 pitches to get through seven, throwing 50 of those for strikes and retired 80% of the hitters he faced on three pitches or less. He’s also the first pitcher to go seven innings with under 70 pitches in 10 years or something zzz. Enough with the stats, nerd! Tell me about the KAYS! Sure, Musgrove did not look spectacular in his rehab stint, and sure, the Cardinals offense is not the most menacing assignment, but the 25 year old RHP is formerly highly touted prospect! He had seven wins in 15 starts (109.1 innings) in 2017, but it’s the 98/28 K/BB rate that has got me doing the happy dance. ThasalottaKs! He’ll get a tougher assignment versus the Cubs next week, but could be worth a grab for that sweet, sweet upside alone. Remember, the Pirates traded Gerrit Cole for this kid! What do they know that we don’t!? I’d take a flier on Joe Musgrove anywhere I needed starting pitching help. I can see him becoming a reliable streaming option for me throughout the rest of the year. And that’s honestly one of the highest compliments I can give!

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Cincinnati Reds second baseman Scooter Gennett homered in his fourth straight game Friday night going 4-for-5 with his 6th homer and 3 RBI. After a slow start to the season power-wise, Gennett has been slicker than a Motorola cell phone hitting .458 in the past week with 6 runs, 4 home runs and 10 RBI. Holy Vespa! Even more shocking, this is the second Reds 2B/SS I’ve profiled this year. I must be infatuated with the Reds infield. Which is kind of sad, because there are so many better infields to be infatuated with. But nope. It’s the Reds. Scooter had a career best year in 2017, hitting .295 with 27 homers, 80 runs scored and 97 RBI. If we look at the advanced stats (nerd!), sure that 20.8% HR/FB rate from last year might be a tad tough to match again, but the .339 BABIP in 2017 is not that far off from his career .329 average. In other words, 2017 was no fluke! In 2018, the .364 BABIP may be a bit inflated again, but he’s also striking out less, 18.5% versus 22.9% in 2017.  So what does all this mean to all of us who aren’t mathematicians or data scientists? Speak english, doc! That average might go down but the power is legit, and Scooter is hotter than a Childish Gambino “This is America” video shot by shot breakdown think piece. Did you even notice the dancing symbolizes the fact that the new song is flames, and is distracting you aka SOCIETY from what’s really going on the in background–POLITICS. Don’t let Gennett’s slow start, or inflated sabremetrics or terrible team distract you, he’s the hottest thing on two wheels right now and worth riding where he’s available.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

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Dodgers rookie/phenom/franchise savior Walker Buehler continued to impress Friday night combining with three other relievers to no-hit the sad, sad Padres. Walker went six innings on 93 pitches striking out eight while walking three for his second win in just his third major league start. He is good at throwing baseballs. With three of the Dodgers’ best players hitting the DL recently the defending NL champs need something positive to grasp onto right now, and if Buehler can be their Baby Kershaw than way less fans would have to jump on the Angels’ bandwagon, which is already pretty full considering its carrying over a quarter of the Japanese population. The Dodgers top prospect has been every bit the flamethrower he was advertised to be with his 99 mph fastball which he can locate with pinpoint accuracy and he also features a decent slider and curve. You can read Ralph’s profile on him here if you don’t trust a word I’m saying, but honestly, I’m only trying to help. Maybe his 1.13 ERA and 1.06 WHIP with a 19/7 K/BB in 16.0 IP will convince you? To be fair, his three starts have come against arguably the worst three teams in the league in Miami, San Francisco and San Diego, but to be even more fair, he matches up with unarguably the worst team in the league record-wise in the Cinncinati Reds next week. Yes, you should own him! The upside here, especially for those sweet, juicy strikeouts, is immense, and outweighs any concerns about locating his breaking balls or off-speed stuff, high pitch counts going deep into games, or his rumored rocky relationship with Kershaw. That last concern I made up just now! If he’s still out there in your league, runner don’t Walker to the waiver wire to grab Buehler. This kid’s gonna be a start! Ha-cha-cha!

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

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The Reds put on a hit parade Friday night scoring 15 runs on 20 hits lead by Jose Peraza who went 4-for-6 with two home runs, and two runs batted in. It was only a matter of time before this offense woke up. And by this offense, of course I mean Joey Votto who was 3-for-3, with his fourth homer. Eduardo Suarez was also 4-for-6 with two runs and an RBI, Scooter Gennett had three hits, and Scott Schebler and Adam Duvall added two hits a piece. Votto has now homered in in his fourth straight game, and I bet you’re thinking to yourself, “Self, I thought this lede was about Peraza, not the Reds bats and Votto.” Silence, knave! It all starts with Votto, whom Peraza hits in front of, and I can’t very well tell you to buy Votto now, unless his owner’s been in a coma for the past four days and is ready to trade immediately after waking up. That seems unlikely. But with Jose’s ownership at just 20%, it seems more likely he’s still available in your league. He’s hit safely in five straight games hitting .387 with the two dingers, nine runs and a steal in the past week and has quietly raised his average to .286. After hitting .259 last year with 23 steals he was a popular sleeper pick because of his speed. However, the .719 OPS is a whole lot of meh and I’d like to see him stealing a lot more bases before I fully endorse him as a buy, but I’m watching him closer than the darkest moments of Avengers Infinity War. You don’t need Tony Stark’s super intelligence or the Vision’s, uh, err, vision to see that Jose Peraza could be worth a look.

Here’s what else I saw Friday in fantasy baseball:

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Continuing his NL-West dominance, Tyson Ross took a no-hitter into the eighth inning Friday night, allowing just one earned run off one hit (a pinch-hit Christian Walker double) and three walks while striking out ten. I’m sorry but I just completely blanked on everything you said before, “while striking out ten.” Tyson was tattooing faces and D-Backs, the 7.2 innings pitched was a season high and it took him 127 pitches to get there. He was just four outs from San Diego’s first no-hitter in ever, but nah. SAD! Another day I guess? You’ll get there, Padres. Errr. Don’t force it. Welp. Regardless, it might be premature to re-anoint Ross the ultimate hodgepadre status he achieved in 2014-2015 season when logged ERAs of 2.81 and 3.26, but things are looking promising early. Let’s face it, Texas is where pitchers go to die when Colorado’s roster is full. Just ask Bartolo Colon. Ross’ back in San Diego where he can pick up where he left off. He’s currently sporting a sparking 2.81 ERA with a 1.01 WHIP, and its the 3.21 xFIP, 23.5 K% and 6.9 BB% that got me all hyped up and mouth-punchey on Tyson. Ross will face a true test next week when he takes on the Rockies at Coors, and while I can’t recommend him for this start, I’ll be watching it closer than the Westworld premiere because robots doing human things is clearly more interesting to me than humans doing human things. Look I’m not trying to bite your ear off (zing!), I’m just suggesting you give Tyson Ross a good look. He’s available almost everywhere and he’s got the history, the ballpark and the skillz to be undisputed heavyweight champion of the world–err, I mean, hes got the skills to be a very solid starter all season long, in other words, he wants to eat your children.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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Anibal Sanchez picks up the win is something I never thought I’d get to write again. I haven’t owned him since 2016, but my ERA and WHIP still haven’t recovered. Well, the Aniballer is back and he shut down the Chicago Cubs Friday night pitching six innings, allowing just three hits, no runs and a walk while punching out six for his first win. He’s now rocking a sultry 1.29 ERA and 1.21 WHIP with a 14/5 K/BB rate through two starts. Not amazing, but a whole lot more amazinger than the 6.41 ERA, 1.59 WHIP he put up last year in 28 games. Oh bah gawd, the WHIP! It burrrns! My favorite thing about Anibal is that his ESPN profile page has a pic of him in a Twins hat, a team which, to my knowledge, he has never played for. Hmm, suspect. Clearly, we cannot fully trust Sanchez just yet but two straight quality road starts against two of the leagues best offenses has got me #tbt’ing to 2013 Anibal! That was Sanchez’ best year statistically and 2 years before the cold, sad, crushing, harshness of the city of Detroit damaged his psyche irreparably. It may not be Miami, but Anibal is in Atlanta now, and they do have Migos. Also, it’s the National League which is a better place than any to revive your career. Sanchez has a fairly nice match up at home versus the Phillies next week and I might take a chance seeing if I can rebottle some of those good ol’ fashioned 2013 Anibalic K-Roids I used to get on the streets of the ‘Roit. B Rabbit sold them to me. April has always been Sanchez’ best month statistically so if you’re going to buy now might be the time. Anibal’s available almost everywhere and he’s at the very least worth watching as he tries to win back our trust in Atlanta. Maintain Aniballer status, and maybe I’ll consider streaming you next week. I won’t tell my ratios if you don’t.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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Over the passed six months I have been imprisoned, suspended in static animation in the maximum security Galactic Fantasy Federation facility, falsely accused of recommending buys I would never endorse and urging people to sell players that I actually hold very dear. A couple lucky shots from a make-shift ion blaster I was able to telepathically build in space incarceration using spare pieces from my Mark VII Quantum E-Meter and I have escaped at last. I am writing this through a secure, untraceable VPN so I can provide you loyal readers with the fantasy information you’ve come to expect from me, even if its information so sensitive and secret that the Galactic Fantasy Federation would do anything to stop me from sharing it. I have time for a quick Friday recap before the space dogs come sniffing around my hiding hole again. And I do mean quick–just eight games on a Friday!? Y tho? Regardless, one of the few games played featured the Pirates of Pittsburgh’s plundering of the poor Cincinnati Red Legs. Unlike Sea of Thieves, this Pirates game actually featured a lot of action. The Bucs scored 14 runs on 15 hits, lead by 25-year-old third baseman Colin Moran who collected four hits, scoring three runs and driving in three. I wrote about Moran last July but that may have been a bit premature. So many super prospects in Houston, it’s hard to stand out. In Pittsburgh, almost every prospect they’ve had over the past five years has been disappointing so the bar is much lower for Colin to excel. The youngster is slashing .318/.348/.545 through five games started with a homer and 8 RBI, but it’s that sexy .893 OPS that makes me raise my eyebrow, Dwayne Johnson! It’s still early, but Colin should have plenty of opportunity to show what he’s got in the surprisingly exciting Bucs line up. Buy Moran, don’t be moronic! I think he’s worth a flier in all leagues, but don’t tell the Galactic Federation I told you that! Moran is Colin you to pick him up!

Here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Erasmo Ramirez was masterful Friday night in what was one of his best starts of the season going eight strong innings against the we-don’t-lose Windians, allowing just three hits, one earned run and striking out a season high 10 batters. Erasmowing down hitters? ErasMo Innings, Mo Strikeouts? ErasMost definitely more comfortable in Seattle than in Tampa? Ugh, I know. Headlines are hard you guys, I ran out of steam about three weeks ago and I’m sorry but that’s the best I’m going to do. However you headline it, after being wang-jangled around the Rays pitching staff, from starting rotation to bullpen and back again, Ramirez has settled nicely into the starting pitching job he deserves since being acquired by his old team, the Seattle Mariners, in July. He holds a respectable 3.79 ERA in 10 starts with the M’s since, but it’s the 52/13 K/BB ratio that really raises my eyebrow, Dwayne Johnson. If we remove a hiccup he encountered with a rough start in Houston, Erasmo has three quality starts in September with a 22/4 K/BB ratio. Yes, more please! He gets to finish his season strong with a favorable start next week in Oakland, and outside of the obligatory Matt Olson home run, I could see him pitching a successful outing there. At about 10% owned, Ramirez is a streaming option readily available in most fantasy leagues if you’re looking for an easy win to push you over the edge. And if you’ve been out of contention for weeks and are still reading this, first, Ramirez could be a decent late-late round sleeper to consider for 2018, and second, thanks for sticking with us and not jumping ship to fantasy football coverage (which you can check out here). You guys are the true Razzball MVPs. Except of course for the writing staff, obviously, they the real MVPs, especially me.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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As the story goes, Daniel Mengden entered the Lion’s Den Friday night with a 6.59 ERA through 17 career major league starts, and somehow left the game with his first career complete game shut out allowing just two hits and striking out seven retiring the last 11 batters in the row for his first win of the year. He looked dominant at times allowing only two base runners in the outing with Philadelphia not being able to manage any hard contact off the young right hander, who’s got a funky handle-bar mustache and an even funkier looking windup/delivery. This was by far the best start of the 24-year old’s young career, and just his second scoreless start in the majors. He added his first career hit as well and scored a run to help his cause. Whata night for the youngster! After struggling with a 6.50 ERA, and 1.61 WHIP through 14 starts last year, and two subpar outings in May/June of this year, Mengden has returned to the rotation in September and now put up back-to-back quality starts including a six inning two earned run performance against the fearsome Astros line up last week. Mengden may not be the safest fantasy option out there on waivers, but the A’s seem to be playing the role of spoiler late in the year and he remains a pitcher available in most leagues. I’d take a flier on Mengden, bible readers know how Daniel fared against the lions, let’s hope he can keep it going as he heads to the Tigers den next week in Detroit.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?