How good is Vladimir Guerrero Jr.?  The Blue Jays are now saying they’d like to see how he deals with failure.  He’s so good, he’s never failed!  He will be up by mid-June.  The Jays can longer hold him down anymore without concocting fake reasons.  Very soon you’re going to read this from me:  “Vlad, the Mini Impaler, just jacked another homer to go with his .320 average.  Aren’t you glad you listened to me and grabbed him back in mid-May?  You didn’t grab him?  Aw, shucks, you did a hashtag fail on that one, didn’t you?  It’s all right, there should be another generational talent up in five years.  I hear Bartolo Colon’s got 17 sons — one could be up soon and light the world on fire, or at least put the world in a microwave, open the door 30 seconds before the world is fully heated and eat it.”  And that’s me quoting future me!  So, do you wanna be the guy (or girl who can totally hang with the guys), saying, “Damn, Grey, you’re handsome AF but your witticisms cut deep sometimes.”  Or do you want to read my wound-salting barbs and think, “I’m so glad I own Vlad.  Now who is this Bartolo Colon Jr. he’s talking about?  I should comment calling him Bartolo Semi-Colon and totally make Grey cackle!”  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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“Hello, I’m here to visit The Sciosciapath.”  “We need to see your ID, and, if you’re carrying any sharp items, you have to leave them here.”  I empty my pockets and show the guard my ID.  The Mental Institution of Major League Managers is a relic from the 50’s, a product of discarded patients suffering moral treatment.  There’s Ron Washington chewing on a piece of chalk.  At least, I think it’s chalk.  Over there, Terry Collins is pretending a yo-yo is his arm.  Finally, I see The Sciosciapath, bifocals low on the bridge of his nose, carrying a clipboard.  He is a patient, but thinks he’s the megalomaniacal head physician.  He muahaha’s as he sees me, and screams at a discarded piece of meatloaf, “I told you to run, Darin Erstad!”  Any hoo!  C.J. Cron has finally emerged from the shadow of failed psychiatry in Anaheim and is putting up a season we thought always possible.  This is so unsurprising.  He was obviously a 27-homer hitter for the last few years as The Sciosciapath played everyone else.  If Cron is available in your league, grab him and stop screaming at your meatloaf.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

“Three little kids run into frame — let’s aim for an Asian, white and black kid — then they scream, ‘Hey, it’s Mac Williamson our favorite pimp!’ Then Mac enters in a fedora and fur coat and hands out lollipops that say ‘All day suckers’ and inside the lollipop wrappers are condoms.  Can you dig it?”  That’s Melvin Van Peebles on the set of the now-classic blaxploitation film, Hopefully Pence Is Shafted.  So, first things first, will Mac Williamson lose playing time to Pence, when he returns?  Have no idea what Bruce Bochy and his size 9 hat is going to do with The Gangly Manbird.  “Can The Gangly Manbird do it with a donkey?  Can you dig it?”  That’s Melvin again.  My guess is Pence will play, but Pence hasn’t really played for two years now, and Mac Williamson, the blaxploitation film star, is playing now and that’s all that matters.  Well, also his power.  It’s insane.  He has 9 homers in 16 games this year between Triple-A and the majors.  He could hit 30+ homers without even breaking a sweat.  Except when bedding two ladies, while putting another two to work.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

Yuli Gurriel will forever be known for the less-than-woke gesture he made in the playoffs, unless he were to do something even worse — “Hold on, it appears Yuli has taken the field with…uh…Is that pine tar on his entire face?  Oh, man, that was misguided.”  “Wait, is Yuli patting a rosin bag on his face and performing Kabuki theater on the mound?  Oh, c’mon, Yuli.”  “What on earth is Yuli thinking, he’s dressed like Nanook of the North and building an igloo out of Igloo coolers.  This guy desperately needs to see Human Resources for some sensitivity training.”  Funny in retrospect he made the Asian slight when his nickname is a mashup of two Asian names, Yu + Li.  Any hoo!  Was shocked to see him owned in less than 50% of leagues.  Prior to his Spring Training injury, I had him ranked high, due to how much I wanted him.  Sure, there’s some concern his injury could linger, but he’s well worth the flyer for his potential 20-homer power, .280-ish average and solid counting stats.  Just hope he gets the sensitivity training he needs.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

The other day Cougs told me her eye drops went from $20 a bottle to $240.  Naturally, I didn’t even know she used eye drops, because I don’t pay attention to much aside from who’s the backup catcher on the Nationals.  So, I said to her, “$240?!  Wait, you’ve been spending $20 on eye drops up until now?!  Why?”  She replied, “I have dry eyes, you know this.”  “Dry eyes?  Get some Visine!”  “Visine doesn’t work.”  Thinking on my feet, I responded, “Fill a bucket with water and I’ll dunk your head.”  She didn’t go for that, so I continued, “Buy a $12 Super Soaker and I’ll spray your eyes whenever your eyes are feeling dry!”  She started to leave the room.  “Is this a hot flash thing?  Don’t buy $240 eye drops!  Please!”  And that was how that conversation ended.  Segue Alert!  Nick Senzel could be a bucket of water instead of $240 eye drops.  There were a lot of expensive eye drop, middle infielders at the draft, but if you grab Nick Senzel, he could be the same and free off of waivers.  In Prospector Ralph’s top 100 prospects for fantasy baseball, he compared Senzel to Alex Bregman.  Seems like a great comp to me.   Senzel should be a 20+ HRs, 15+ SBs, .270 hitter immediately.  The only thing stopping Senzel is ‘When will he be called up?’  Word on the street he could be up this weekend.  If that’s the case, you’re gonna wanna own him in every league.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

For thousands of millennia, which is millions of years, Samoans were a persecuted people, due to their big bones.  One Samoan, Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la told one reporter, “If you ordered a flank steak, and got a thick ribeye, you’d be so pleased,” then Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la got choked up, “But if you order a five-foot, six-inch man and get a 485-pound man wearing a grass skirt, you make fun.”  However, through all this ridicule, the Samoans always had their main industry on the island.  An industry that sustained their people.  An industry that brought everyone together.  However, this industry has taken a hit this last year.  This industry is manufacturing tiki torches.  Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la said, “Now tiki torches make us racist?!  We’re big-boned Islanders, we can’t be racist!”  Now, the Samoan people may have had their torches snuffed, but have a new bright spot:  Sean Manaea.  He’s not big-boned and he has no apostrophes in his last name, but I can assure you he is Samoan.  He’s also a straight dazzlenozzle so far this year.  His command is at a minuscule 0.6 K/9, and his xFIP is 3.40.  His velocity is a little off, and his Ks haven’t been outstanding, but in the early going, with pitching as it’s been, I’d buy Manaea everywhere.  If not for him, do it for Fa’a’la’a’la’la’la.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

Lights a candle, and shakes out the match.  The candelabra illuminates a cave.  I carefully move towards a sleeping figure, reaching down and shaking the Buy/Sell out of its slumber.  “Hey, wake up, it’s a new season.”
The Buy/Sell stretches its arm and yawns loudly.  “Is it September already?”
“No, it’s March, it’s a new baseball season.”
“Baseball, riiiiight.  The thing with the racket.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”  In quick cuts, I see the Buy/Sell’s shirt reads Buy/Sell in smears of blood.  Cowering away, I trip, only to realize I’ve fallen on the entrails of the real Buy/Sell.
“I’m the new Buy/Sell now!”  Then it laughs ghoulishly, gnashing its fangs.  So, Scott Kingery made the team.  I know, I didn’t expect it either, but good for the Phils.  They made the bold choice, and the bold are rewarded, which sounds like a 1970’s cigarette campaign.  “Winston Lights, The Bold are Rewarded.”  Lance Broz…etc. gave you his Scott Kingery fantasy before it was official Kingery would start the year with the Phils, but it looked to be headed there, which is why it’s so frustrating that I didn’t move on him quicker (Kingery not Lance.  “When you’re a fantasy baseball blogger, they just let you move on them.”).  But data shows that Kingery is still available in a ton of leagues, and is an immediate buy everywhere.  In the video, Anime Grey has some more words on Kingery.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

You shouldn’t have to read tea leaves or do a sneaky scroll down to see who I am talking about in this week’s closer report.  If you are new to this guessing game and word association type stuff, it is Brad Hand.  Why Brad Hand, I say why not?  I hear what you are all saying closers on losing teams are not that fantastic fantasy options, and for the most part you are right.  Because the stats behind that prove that… mostly,  But we can get into that a little later with handy-dandy stats and percentages and such.  So all Brad Hand did last year is basically his job, which in most instances gets you paid.  Which he just did by inking an extension this offseason.  The stats are all there for him to be a legit closer numero uno, with flair.  The flair that I am talking about is kinda like the buttons worn on suspenders at Shenanigans, but only with fantasy intrigue. He boasted a 11.8 K/9 rate last year, amassed 21 saves and 16 holds.  All stuff we can read on any fantasy bio sheet. Dig deeper though, and he does have a few kinks in the armor, namely a HR/FB rate that is not what you are looking for in a an elite closer, but he’s being drafted as a number two.  He falls just outside the elite though, because he is capped by being on the Padres and their expected win totals… or is he?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

As the regular season draws to a close, it is with not a little melancholy that Dr. Easy and I bring you one last adventure with the Razzball Season-to-Date Player Rater (STD PR). Thanks for hanging with us for all these weeks! If you take one thing away from this series, it’s “next season, use the Razzball Player Rater” (pre-season and during). It’s free and it’s eye-opening. We thought that for our last post, we’d continue with our look back to the beginning of the season. This time, with the help of the Razzball Pre-Season Player Rater (PS PR), we wanted to check out some of the biggest surprises and biggest disappointments among hitters and pitchers who managed to stay healthy for most of the season (hitters who made it to 500 plate appearances or more; starting pitchers who hurled 100 innings or more). This means we can rank them by the good ol’ Player Rater $ (for previous posts, we’ve used the $/G rubric for players who have missed time due to injury). Where are the biggest differences between the pre-season and now, both positive and negative? Note: With all these players who have surprised big time, we expect a high variation on where they will be drafted next year. We don’t know about you, but we’re generally risk averse: we see big variation and let others take the flyer, unless it’s in the late rounds. Note 2: this is a bit of a selective list; we’ve talked about other big surprises and disappointments like Andrus, Judge, Villar, Cabrera, Upton, and Jose Ramirez, in previous posts.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   

When Hunter Renfroe was demoted two months ago, he had to ask himself, “Did I just lose my job to Jabari?”  Since he was holding down his soon-to-be-extinct home button on his iPhone, Siri responded, “You’re the jabroni.”  This sent Hunter Renfroe into a shame spiral not seen since Lorenzo Lamas spun his laser pointer at cellulite.  Then Renfroe stepped on more mental rakes that smacked him in his face.  He followed The Iron Sheik on Twitter, who promptly called him a Jabroni.  He wandered into a Brony convention, and a bearded man dressed as My Little Pony introduced himself as Jay Brony.  It was awful!  Renfroe, or as Scooby would call him, ‘Renfroe,’ has a batting average that is the dog’s breakfast, which means it’s Scooby snacks.  Zoinks!  That’s not why you’re owning him; it’s for power, that he has in spades (though clubs would make more sense).  If you need power in the final ten days, grab Renfroe, you jabroni!  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
   
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