by: Grey
A Muslim imam, a rabbi, and a priest are in a raft. They heard a tsunami was headed their way, so they went to sea because they’re hoping it’s a quicker death than having Garrett Mitchell, Sal Frelick or Blake Perkins as their fantasy outfielder. If only they heard Luis Lara just got paid and […]
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by: Grey
Imma put together a time capsule. Get in there discontinued foods we love — the Pudding Pops, the Viennetta ice cream cake, the beef tallow-fried McDonald’s fries. Get in there stash of Ernest Scared Stupid laserdiscs. We’ve even gonna stash celebrities who we didn’t know everything about like pre-2000’s Hulk Hogan. Finally, in this time […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Blake Snell had loose bodies removed, which is basically the end of every party in LA. If you’re not having loose bodies removed, and you’re at an LA party? I’m sorry, you got Carvel serving Fudgie the Whale? Because no self-respecting party in LA has zero loose bodies removed. I remember one party where they […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Reds are paying Ke’Bryan Hayes through 2029. I will now snort-laugh for the next ten minutes and, afterwards, I will take a long-awaited siesta. Doing a quick google, “Has any team ever said to a player, ‘Nah, homey, you are awful, we’re gonna make you a fielding coach?” Google responds, “Using the colloquial ‘homey’ […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?ChatGPT, please explain to me Zack Gelof‘s fantasy value. “Naturally, Grey, here’s what Grey Albright of Razzball says–” Um, ChatGPT, “I am Grey Albright of Razzball.” “Of course! That is a great distinction! Zack Gelof’s fantasy value is solid power and speed but will hurt you in average. You’re going to want hitters in Bing […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?[pinches fingers to temples, mind-melding with the Rockies’ brass] Okay, I am now at one with the Rockies’ front office. I will be thinking and acting like them for the next five minutes. I want to trade Hunter Goodman for a Bible once used by Todd Helton. Hmm, okay, I am now trading for Nolan […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
‘Member that show Unplugged? I got another show for you, Uncorked. It’s when a near-29-year-old player, who has been in the minors so long that when you open their minor league stats on FanGraphs, you get a pinwheel on your browser and your shizz time’s out. Ten years worth of baseball chops ready to fly! […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
We should start from early biographical details about Max Clark to fully understand him. When he was a young child, he was in a pillow fight with his sister, and she hit him and it had a Mr. T pillowcase, and the last thing Max saw was the embroidered Mr. T chains. When he woke […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Mariners gave Colt Emerson $95 million. Now the first thing you might think is, how long can he stay in the minors if they’re paying him that much? That was the 2nd thing I thought. The first thing I thought was, what is his life like in the minors with that much money? Is […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
On phone, “War Room, hello? How is your vacation going after draft season? You’re in Turks? Wow, very cool! Must be lovely there. I heard their beaches are beautiful. You heard that too, but your travel agent was actually using a shortened nickname for Turkey? Oh, well, I’m sure that’s nice too. You actually thought […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
My barber plucks a gray hair out. I explain, “That one I call ‘Jordan Walker 2024.’” Barber plucks out another gray hair. “That’s Jordan Walker 2025.” Barber points to a full gray beard. “Those are individual games. Jordan Walker game one, Jordan Walker game two, Jordan Walker–You get the point, you don’t need me to […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
*nudges the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, and it doesn’t move* “Oh my God, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is dead!” Drowsily, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell begins to wake on the couch, “I’m not dead, you idiot. I’m hungover. Could you please stop screaming?” “Woo hoo! The Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell is alive!” Rubbing temples, sitting up and asking, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?