Canha Buy One Chicken FAABNugget?

September 22, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 95 Comments

It’s the end credits of one of your favorite movies. You’re weeping, and snorting from tears. Then, just before you get up and trip on your neighbor’s feet, the screen comes back on. Up there, in bright lights, it’s Al Pacino and he says, “Hoo ha! Excuse me, Canha! That’s Mark Canha, and he’s been hot for the better part of the last week. Now, please be careful on your way out of the theater, and don’t trip on your neighbor’s feet.” You stand and applaud. Your claps echoing out. The Devil’s Advocate sequel was better than the original, you exclaim, as you head for the exit and trip over your neighbor’s feet. So, Mark Canha is hot, and worth rostering, and that’s what type of week it is. The type where it doesn’t matter what a guy can do in two weeks, just what he Canha right now. Thank you, Mr. Pacino. Now, how about a Gigli sequel? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Buy Slick Willi

September 15, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 135 Comments

by: Grey

I looked at Jake Alu. To repeat for emphasis, I looked at Jake Alu. Again, but with an exclamation mark, I looked at Jake Alu! That’s how random I was willing to go for a hot bat for this week’s Buy column. Loyalty and long-term outlooks mean nothing. I’d cut my grandmother if it meant a fantasy league win! Sorry, Nana. So, ended up on Willi Castro, because he’s been hot, that was first and foremost, but also: I haven’t talked about him nearly enough this year. The drawback to my style of roundupping (totally a word!) is if a guy doesn’t hit a lot of homers, he could fall by the wayside. I mentioned Willi Castro a total of seven times this year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Some People Buy Mauricio Cuz He Speaks of The Pompatus of Love

September 8, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 130 Comments

by: Grey

Welcome back to the Mets’ Future Stars Game! Arriving any moment will be Brett Baty, Mark Vientos and Ronny Mauricio. There’s nothing that could go wrong–What’s that? Hmm, this is still a breaking story, but we’re hearing the actor who played the pilot in Lost and the actor who played the pilot in Yellowjackets were flying the young stars to this game. This is a developing story. We can return to discussing the Mets’ offseason trade of Pete Alonso for Jarred Kelenic…” So, Ronny Mauricio seems as surefire as surefire comes. There doesn’t seem a miss in this bat. Been a bit surprised that it seems like the majority of people are interested in Jasson Dominguez and not as much in Ronny Mauricio. I get it; the first at-bat homer helps Jasson’s appeal for right now. I agree, but Ronny Mauricio has better eligibility and, for just this year, he could easily be better. Will he? I’m not a part of the Psychic Friends Network. He could be though, as soon as we locate that plane! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What A Buy What A Buy What A Buy What A Mighty Goodman

September 1, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 109 Comments

by: Grey

Rockies’ manager Bud Black was one of the best pitching coaches. It is such the Rockies’ move that they hired him to coach in Colorado. It’s like everything the Rockies do needs to be sent through the “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator. Here, I’ll show you: “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator make sense of hiring Bud Black. “That’s easy, Grey, the Rockies figured he could coach up their pitchers from a 4.75 ERA collectively to a 4.65 ERA, and win one more game.” Brilliant stuff! Hey, “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, what about the Kris Bryant signing? “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, you shouldn’t smoke it’s bad for your health–Oh crap! It’s overheating. Someone call for help! So, without the “Make Sense Of This Stupidity” Generator, we’re going to have to figure out Hunter Goodman‘s call-up on our own. Will he play? He absolutely should. I’m interested in all leagues because: 34 HRs in the minors this year at 23 years of age, and he hit .371 in Triple-A (only 15 games), but he makes solid contact for a power hitter. A power hitter in Coors! Sign me up! The only question left is it a coincidence that when Goodrum went to AA, we got back a Goodman? Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buy A Quick NYC Bite At Grey’s Pereira

August 25, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 169 Comments

by: Grey

The Ghost of George Steinbrenner stands with the Ghost of Billy Martin, discussing how when you’re dead, they realize, you can see the future. They decide the best way to communicate this future they see, where the earth is ablaze, is through a medium. The medium’s name is Aaron Boone. After an elaborate seance with lots of candles, they realize they are not witnessing the future, but they are actually in hell. The Ghost of Billy Martin says, “The heat does help with the hangover.” Then they ask the medium how the Yanks are doing. Aaron tells them, and Billy punches him, while George fires him. With that guy gone, they take over control of the team and the Ghost of Billy and George bring up, Everson Pereira. The other day I said Pereira could be better than Volpe. (That was meant as a compliment.) Itch’s said, “Pereira strikes out a lot for a premium prospect, but he makes enough impact that he could still catch on as a regular without making significant gains in the contact department. If he does figure out how to strike out less than the 30-ish percent rates he’s carried throughout his career, the 6’0” 191 lb Pereira will lay waste to the pitchers in his path. He’s not a burner but stole 21 bases in 28 attempts across two levels and should be able to chip in 10-plus big-league steals without much trouble. Or ‘good trouble’ like beating up Grey.” Okay, not cool. Speaking of not cool, during this time of year it’s better to go with a vet, who is hot, then a guy brought up by two guys who are hot as hell, but Everson could be rostered in all leagues looking for a power/speed upside play the final month-plus. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

MLB Risers And Fallers: Chap-man, he is Bad Right Now

August 24, 2023 | 2023 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell | 2 Comments

by: CableBoxScore

Don’t look now but the fantasy baseball playoffs are just around the corner. Your trade deadline has likely passed and you have about a week or two left to get into that coveted playoff position in head-to-head league. This week’s list is focused on some players who miiiiiight just be available in your standard 12-team […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buy Some Kerry C To Fuel A Pennant Run

August 18, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 168 Comments

by: Grey

The Tigers’ lineup reminds me of a streaming show that’s supposed to be better, and you see flashes of why it’s supposed to be better. “Idris Elba is so good in The Wire, he’s gotta be better than this show on the airplane. Hijack? More like Goodbye, Jack. Then again, Idris Elba hasn’t been good since The Wire. Maybe it was The Wire that made him good, and Stringer Bell was such an iconic charac–Hold up, this airplane show is good when it’s not on the airplane.” That’s the Tigers’ lineup. Akil Baddoo? I was told he’s good. Spencer Torkelson? I was told he’s a big-time prospect. Riley Greene? Well, I’m still waiting to see his Stringer Bell role. Matt Vierling? He’s a 4th outfielder hitting third? Zack Short? Well, I was never told he was good. Hijack is better than saying “Hi, Zack” for your fantasy team. Javier Baez? Well, Zack Short at least has going for him that he’s named after the position. Javier Baez should be named Javier Swinging-At-A-Slider-In-The-Dirt. Wait, there’s that one part that is very interesting — Kerry Carpenter! He looks good, and not “Tigers good.” His strikeout rate and BABIP reenforce his batting average, which is solid. His power? Absolutely real. He had 22 HRs in 63 games in Double-A, eight homers in 35 games in Triple-A. That’s real power. When he hits the ball, it’s going for a homer, and the announcer can say, “Hi, jack.” (Was that whole thing just for that ending? Who’s to say?) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Go Into Medieval Fight Mode And Buy Masyn Winn

August 11, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 207 Comments

by: Grey

Can you believe I’m already here talking about September callups? This year flew by. They say the older you get the quicker the years feel. For unstints, every week feels like a year for Masyn Winn at 21 years of age. For me, every year feels like a week. Last week was 2078, and we just discovered that people who like cilantro are aliens. Don’t challenge me on this, I studied the calendar in college. Sorry if you’re one of those that likes cilantro, it is an acquired taste — acquired by aliens. Call your doctor; you have green blood. So, Masyn Winn is almost guaranteed to start next year with the club, that means he will get an offseason rookie outlook post from me and the only question is: Him, Jackson Holliday or a third unknown rookie as the top fantasy rookie for next year? You’ll have to wait until October for that big reveal. You can hardly wait! No, you! For all rookies, it doesn’t hurt to call them up in September to give them a little taste. An amuse bouche of baseball! Masyn Winn is more than ready. He’s about to be a 20/20 guy in Triple-A at the aforementioned 21 years of age. Him or Tatis next year? Okay, still Fun The Jewels, but you see where my hype is going. For this year, I’d grab Winn in all leagues for the inevitable September call-up. Oh, and I know he has a glute issue right now; don’t be a pain in the ass. He’s fine, and will be spectacular soon with the Cards. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Buy More Jeimer

August 4, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 314 Comments

by: Grey

Jeimer Candelario stares out at the desert landscape in New Mexico. Behind him, an El Pollo Loco, in front of him nothing as far as the eye can see. “Now I Am Become Death, the Destroyer of Balls.” That’s a wide open Jeimer. Um, ‘open-for-business.’ That’s an important distinction. Also, it’s an important distinction to say “balls” as in baseballs. The open Jeimer pushes a button and–it’s a bomb. The explosion reverberates. A mushroom cloud ascends to the heavens. The bomb is a home run into the Wrigley bleachers. Prolly a good distinction to make, as well. Finally the open Jeimer says, “I wanted to hit that bomb off German. Uh, Domingo.” So, Jeimer Candelario was a sleeper of mine two years ago, and he did not pan out at all, but it shows you there was pedigree. It just took a little while longer. His Launch Angle is perfect for Wrigley and his HR/FB is actually not that inflated, meaning he could actually become a home run hitter (27-homer-power) with a solid-enough average (.255) for 2024 fantasy, but this is for this year, and he’s been hot. Like nuclear. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kirilloff Buy A Lot

July 28, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 336 Comments

by: Grey

“Hey, man, how come you have names written on the seashells in your bathroom that is decorated in Tommy Bahama?”
Fantasy Baseball Prospector, “I’m glad you asked me. I’ve had those seashells lined up on my bathroom shelf for the last five years, but no one ever visits me so I never had a chance–nay, an opportunity to tell anyone what those seashells really, and truly meant–”
“–hey, man, can you get to the point? I saw you have prospects’ names written on the shells. Why?”
FBP, “Here, this one has Alex Kirilloff‘s name on it. Please listen.”
I take the shell, and press it against my ear. From the shell, I hear, “Post-post-post-post-post-post-post-post,” like it’s waves lapping against the shore. “Whoa.”
“That’s right. Each shell has a different name, and if you press it to your ear you hear how many ‘posts’ are in front of post-hype prospect.” I reach for one shell that reads Garrett Hampson, and he stops me, saying, “That one never stops saying ‘post.'”

So, Alex Kirilloff seems to be breaking out, finally. Why do we care? Quite brucely, he was tagged at every point in the minors as being a guaranteed superstar. What stopped him was repeated wrist injuries. Clearly, those are not good for his hitting. His wrist is supposedly fine now. He was out the other day with a sore shoulder, but the Twins are saying he’s fine, so the superstar we always thought possible might finally be here. Up next, pressing Nolan Jones’s seashell to my ear. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hit The Buy Note With O-Pera

July 21, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 260 Comments

by: Grey

Players are going to start being traded like hot potatoes. Hot potato gratins. Sorry, I shouldn’t be doing this on an empty stomach. And when those players are traded, you know what this means? All new answers for the Immaculate Grid! Oh, and opportunities for younger players. One team that would never want to admit to being a seller. One team that is way too proud to be like, “We messed this up almost as bad as the Mets.” Their crosstown rivals, the Yankees. Don’t want to blow too many peoples’ minds here, but they were sellers last year too. The JoMo/Bader trade was not to make them better. With the Yankees turning the page, Oswald Peraza should get a “rest of the season” looksie. (We will put aside the fact that he should’ve been playing from March until now with Josh Donaldson told by Jimmy to go down that alley in Goodfellas to look at some new furs.) In the minors, Oswald Peraza went 12/11/.261 with great contact, and has been hitting leadoff for the Yanks, which he should. He’s their best leadoff hitter in some time with his speed and ability to take a walk. Also, one has to imagine that he knows what this opportunity means, and he’s going to want to show the Yanks he should be in their future plans. That means steals. As a team, the Yankees are on the cusp of doing a seance and having a medium channel George Steinbrenner, so Ghost Steinbrenner can fire the entire team, but, until then, Oswald Peraza will be in a great situation for fantasy. At worst, O-Pera beats out the Guardians’ Arias. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Vamanos A La Bryce Sell Iglesias

July 14, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell, Featured | 357 Comments

by: Grey

How’s everyone doing without baseball every day? I’m doing great! I walked into a Chipotle and told them my latest score on that day’s Immaculate Grid, and when they didn’t know what I was talking about, I explained how I was typing in Billy Sample but it wasn’t showing up for the Rangers’ 30-steal guy, so I started writing a strongly worded letter, starting with “To Whom It May Concern,” but then I realized he might be in there as William Sample, so I tried that, but that didn’t work either! Finally, I tried Bill Sample and there he was! I then cackled for 45 minutes until the guy with the guacamole scooper sat me down and hand-fed me a burrito to get my blood sugar back up. One guy who’s got my blood boiling is Bryce Harper. He’s currently the third Bryce on the Player Rater! After Bryce Elder and Bryce Miller! If you were to misspell Bryce, Bryson Stott’s above him too. Bryce Harper is currently about as valuable as David Peralta, Mike Baumann and Max Fried. One guy you thought retired; one guy you know has been out all year and one guy who you think I made up. This sell isn’t meant to be shocking if you saw my top 100 for the 2nd half 2023 fantasy baseball. Could Harper’s 2nd half be better than his first? Naturally! And that’s exactly what you tell the person who you’re selling Bryce Harper. I wouldn’t trade Bryce Harper for a handful of hand lotion from a stranger, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?