Braves announced that Raisel Iglesias has a low-grade shoulder inflammation, and Orlando Arcia will fill-in. Wait, that’s wrong. That’s the next Braves news. This is the third time in Raisel’s career he’s missed time with shoulder issues, but it’s been about seven years since the last time. He won’t throw for a week, then will see where he’s at. To see where he’s at, put your hands together in prayer. Okay, that’s Iglesias, and here’s the steeple. Now, crack them slightly, and that’s the people picking up A.J. Minter. Now turn your hands inside out and that’s the people getting *ucked once again drafting a closer high. Where’s all my genius-brained people who told you to draft closers high? Are they now pretending like this is a fluke and not that closers are easily the most fickle position? It won’t show up in end-of-the-season rankings, but remember I told you not to draft Edwin Diaz and Raisel Iglesias in the first five rounds. That was other people, who will do the same thing again next year. And the year after. Don’t worry, some brain geniuses are still drafting a guy who had, like, 12.00 ERA last 2nd half. Josh Hader is great, don’t you know? Any hoo! The 2023 fantasy baseball rankings are up to date, and the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball was updated for Iglesias, Minter, and Joe Jimenez (and others I will get to in this post). My guess is they’re in that order to replace Iglesias. For how long? I haven’t the foggiest. I’d guess a month, but you shouldn’t have drafted Iglesias anyway. Here’s the Fantasy Baseball War Room too, and good luck in weekend drafts! I will be in Vegas for the Main Event. I will be fighting Donkey Teeth. I mean, drafting with him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
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Daniel Bard gets no props for hitting Jose Altuve, and, of course, he should not, because he broke his thumb. That does not deserve an atta boy. No pats on the back for that, naturally. I will never say Bard did somehow an incredible thing by hitting Altuve’s thumb. I won’t dare say just because […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Steve Cohen carrying a $2.4 billion in a briefcase. All the denominations are million dollar bills that he bought off Etsy for $999,999 apiece, because he gets a billionaire discount. The Wilpons enter the exchange with the glove Jesse Orosco threw into the air at the completion of the 1986 World Series. With this transaction, Cohen will become majority stakeholder in the New York Metropolitans. The exchange begins. Cohen hands the Wilpons the briefcase and the Wilpons hand Cohen Orosco’s glove, which is the deed to the Mets. As they go their separate ways, Cohen puts the glove on and realizes there was something in the webbing. He opens it to a monkey’s paw. This will go beautifully next to his formaldehyde shark, he thinks. Then he sees a little piece of paper in the monkey’s clutches. He unfurls the paper to read, “Enjoy the curse, sucker!”
Welp, if it wasn’t for bad luck, the Mets would have none. The Edwin Diaz injury is just the latest insanely unlucky thing to happen to the Mets. Whomever bargained the Mets’ soul for that ball going under Bill Buckner’s glove needs to make amends to the baseball gods, or wrap Scherzer and Verlander in bubble wrap! So, the top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball has been updated with news Edwin Diaz will miss the season; the top 500 for fantasy baseball has been updated. Grab the Fantasy Baseball War Room for any weekend drafts too; I’ll be using it for my Sunday Tout Wars draft. Wish me luck, kidding! Don’t need it! David Robertson is clearly Edwin Diaz’s successor, and it seems unlikely Ottavino gets anymore than a handful of saves. Assuming that freakin’ monkey paw doesn’t have a say in this! Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The news coming across the wire read: Carlos Rodon has a forearm strain and is shut down for 7-10 days. Will start the year on the IL. Then became what I call the Sad Man’s March. Every March, you draft a bunch of teams, then you hear about an injury. Now you have a nerve-wracking click-through of every team you’ve drafted to see if you drafted that injured player. A bead of sweat accumulates on your brow. You open your first team that you drafted this offseason. Close one eye — the pain would be too much for both eyes! — then scan to the top of your pitching staff. No Rodon! No Rodon! You repeat, no Rodon! Then, like Tom Cruise trying to diffuse a bomb, you wipe your brow and open your next team. No Rodon! No Rodon! Then, as if you entered the latest Friday the 13th movie and about to open a closet, you open the next draft — NO RODON! You’ve beat the Sad Man’s March! You are victorious! Wait, then you realize you’ve drafted Yordan Alvarez everywhere and he still hasn’t picked up a bat. So, Rodon is out for a while; no one knows how long. Best case scenario for forearm strains in March is maybe back by May? I’m guessing here, obviously. Hence the question mark. I’m moving him out of my top 20 starters and into my top 40 starters, but to an area where I would not draft anymore. For every bit of bad news, there’s a separate but opposite bit of good news — that’s Grey’s Law of Fantasy. Clarke Schmidt and Domingo German both look good. I added Clarke Schmidt into my 2023 fantasy baseball rankings, and you can find his blurb in the top 100 starters, and moved up Domingo German in the top 500. Finally, my Pitchers’ Pairing Tool was updated. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Somehow, contact injuries are awful and non-contact injuries are even worse. It’s always something like, “Um, is that leg supposed to go in that direction?” It’s like three-quarters of someone’s body is going to get milk from the store and one leg is like, “Hey, I’m going to grab a burger.” Like most of someone’s body is headed to their friend’s house, and one random leg has the address typed into Waze for their friend’s home that they lived at in the 90’s. That happened to Gavin Lux heading to third base the other day. Gavin Lux tore his ACL and is out for the season. The good news is Miguel Vargas only has a fractured finger. I’ll be honest with you, unlike all those times I’ve lied through my teeth, I can’t get super excited for Vargas. I’ve tried. Boy George, have I tried! Now, he absolutely will get everyday at-bats though, so that moves him up in my 1st basemen rankings. Also, the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball was updated. Finally, the 2nd basemen rankings, which were depressing as it was, lost Lux and they really sux. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this preseason for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Due to being in the middle of the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings, I got super backlogged on player updates, so this is going to be a huge How’s Your Father. First up, and perhaps the biggest news I missed, Pablo Lopez was shipped to the Twins. Or I should say given away. What’s his downside? Well, he kinda sucked last year. That’s a big one. Here’s the thing: That was last year, not this year. Crazy, right? If you followed my lead, you were out on Pab-Lo last year. And now we’re going back in. Last year, he threw 180 IP, 8.7 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, 3.56 xFIP. Was a bit unlucky on men left on base and his command was a little wonky, but he upped his SwStr% and lowered his inside and outside zone contact. His 2nd half really hurt him (4.97 ERA) but that was based on a very high BABIP and he actually had better command. He had the 15th lowest Hard Contact% for the season, and 16th lowest in the 2nd half. That is disconnected from his 2nd half ERA. In fact (Grey’s got more!), he had the 8th highest difference in his 2nd half ERA and FIP. He was one of the unluckiest pitchers last year, and, if he hadn’t been, he would’ve ended the year with something like a 3.10 ERA instead of a 3.75 ERA and would be ranked at least ten starters higher, and drafted about 30 to 50 spots higher in ADP. He’s ranked and projected in the top 60 starters. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As Yogi Berra once famously put, “It’s like deja vu all over again.” Yogi also said, “Can you give my son, Dale, a job?” But no one ever talks about that Yogi-ism. This might be a first for me, we’re back with another Carlos Correa 2023 fantasy baseball outlook. This time, it’s for real. I think.
At the 11th hour, the Giants claimed Carlos Correa’s physical revealed an issue. What issue? Oh, just, ya know, something or other. Giants claimed it was from Correa’s time dating back…Dot dot dot. Pre-MLB. This is becoming more and more dubious. Are we going to get Correa’s origin story where he hurt his wrist on a garbage can in junior high, and vowed revenge against all garbage cans, planning to beat them? Giants are the ones with the injury, they got cold feet! Got ‘em! Honestly, would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall for the Giants’ front office convo:
“13 years? This is nuts, can we back out?”
“Sure, we’ll say we found something on his physical.”
“We’re the team that signed Mitch Haniger, and we’re backing out due to an injury risk?”
So, enter stage right: MLB’s own Montgomery Burns, the Mets’ Steve Cohen. “Mr. Cohen, are you sure you want to give Correa $300 million-plus over 12 years? It’s going to cut into your formaldehyde shark money.” That’s Cohen’s financial advisor.
Carlos Correa goes to the 1927 Mets. They’re more stacked than pancakes at IHOP. They’re so stacked Eduardo Escobar won’t even be a regular. Okay, he’s not exactly Howard Johnson, the player, not the motel, but I’m having a hard time imagining a team where he’s not an everyday starter. Maybe the Phillies once Bryce returns. Any hoo! It’s a great lineup, and Correa no longer looks like a diamond in a lineup of zirconia. Metco won’t help Correa; he couldn’t hit 27+ homers with the Crawford Boxes, so he’s not a great bet to do it now. He only once cleared 150 games too. The lineup with his on-base skills will be the biggest net positives. Still think he’s overrated for fantasy, and this isn’t going to help that. For 2023, I’ll give Carlos Correa projections of 104/25/83/.283/2 in 558 ABs. Giants fans, try not to think about the Mets too much, and just enjoy all those Wilmer Flores and J.D. Davis at-bats. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was clear where Dansby Swanson was going to sign once he got married. Mallory Pugh, his new wife, plays soccer in Chicago. Lucky Dansby didn’t marry Messi. He’d have to play for Argentina, which, I believe, is where Yasiel Puig is playing now. Imagine being so whipped you have to play for whoever your wife roots for. I’d be playing for the “Gilmore Girls reunion.” So, Swanson immediately makes the Cubs much better. Competitive? Well, maybe a Wild Card, then who knows, Their pitching staff’s got more question marks than the Riddler’s leotards, so, yeah, I don’t think the Cubs are competitive, but weirder things have happened. Their middle infield does look solid, though. I am Hoerny for Hoerner and have always loved me some Swanson. Last year, Wrigley played poorly for home runs, but, as mentioned previously, I think that was a flukey thing vs. a new thing. Though, the dead ball and the humidor might’ve finally overcome the Windy City to make it more like Fly Out City. Will need more than one year to determine that. Last year, Swanson did what he’s always done with just a little more luck on BABIP, and flashed more speed. His counting stats might take a little hit in a weaker lineup (though, now the Cubs have Cody Bellinger five exclamation marks). His power should remain around 25-28, steals around 12-15, and average around .260. Assuming he doesn’t get his new marriage annulled and start dating Marge Schott Jr. and throw every game vs. the Reds. For 2023, I’ll give Dansby Swanson projections of 78/27/84/.262/14 in 591 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yankees are absolutely stacked:
- Gerrit Cole
- Carlos Rodon
- Luis Severino
- Nestor Cortes
- Frankie Montas
Which makes it so weird that they’re going to Wandy Peralta with the ALCS on the line. Wait, ever since I bought this DeLorean off eBay I have no idea what time I’m in. Is this October of 2023? *looks down* Oh, I’m wearing a loincloth. I know when I am now. It must be in the 70’s in the San Fernando Valley. Carlos Rodon became a jewel in my crown of lovelies this past season. I didn’t want him, but Donkey Teeth insisted we draft him in our Main Event, and I fell in love. That Donkey Teeth also had us draft Maikel Franco is another thing entirely. He’s truly special when he’s healthy. Uh, Rodon, not Maikel or Donkey. Last year, his 12 K/9, 2.6 BB/9, 2.91 xFIP (!) tells pretty much the whole story. His HR/9 was .6, and that might go up, as he does give up a decent number of fly balls. But it is a ton of weak contact, 290-foot outs. Wait, you can get 290-foot home runs in Yankee Stadium. He’s going to be great in the AL East, in Yankee Stadium, everywhere. As long as he’s healthy. If healthy, yes. That’s the riddle that we don’t know, like why did E.T. want to phone home? You can’t call other planets. E.T. was dumb if you ask me. For 2023, I’ll give Carlos Rodon projections of 16-4/3.03/1.05/224 in 169 IP. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to announce that I’ve begun to roll out my 2023 fantasy baseball rankings on our Patreon. It’s an early Hanukkah miracle! Or late Hanukah miracle, depending on when Hanukkah is this year. The Jews should really decide on one day to start Hanukah each year, and stick with it. It’s better for branding. Anyway II, the roundup:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Finally, a trade! No team but the A’s could make Sean Murphy into the impetus for a three-team trade with eight players involved. Sean Murphy to the A’s; Oakland gets Kyle Muller, Esteury Ruiz, Freddy Tarnok, Royber Salinas and Manny Pina; Milwaukee gets William Contreras, Justin Yeager and Joel Payamps. Braves turning William Contreras into Sean Murphy, presumably at DH and catcher, is such a why bother for the Braves that I wonder if Alex Anthopoulos just had to trade William Contreras because he wouldn’t agree to a 17-year, $12 million deal. “You won’t agree to being a Braves player for life for $75,000 a year? Then, I’m sorry, you have to go.” We know Billy Beane, Anthopoulos and the Brewers’ GM, whoever that is, don’t play fantasy baseball, because if they did, they’d know to never pick their catcher scab. Ron Popeil, food appliance guru and master fantasy baseballer, once said, “Set it and forget it.” Seriously, I’m trying to figure out the difference between Murphy and Contreras and I am at a literal loss. In Oakland, the will is gone; and in Atlanta the William. Sean Murphy was the 6th best catcher on the Player Rater last year, and, while it looks like he overperformed on average, there is something to a team as bad as the Vegas A’s just rolling a guy like Murphy out there for 150-ish games. It’s Murphy’s Law. In a better lineup, he might lose a few at-bats, but, as said above, he has the DH too. For 2023, I’ll give Sean Murphy projections of 66/20/73/.244/1 in 502 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Aaron Judge grew up in San Francisco. He told associates of mine at the Winter Meetings that he can still remember which Walgreen’s he was in when he witnessed his first shoplifting. He wistfully remembered, “I was by the breath mints, and this man carried out six boxes of Wheat Thins.” Fond memories for Judge that are going to hard to replicate when he signs a 1-year deal with the Giants in ten years. As we all assumed, Aaron Judge re-signed with the Yankees through his age-39 season. Luckily, Razzball has a time machine at its disposal, and I went forward nine years to take a quick pic of Aaron Judge when he’s in that final year. Here it is:
So, Aaron Judge on the Yankees is more of the same. *claps hands, all done* No? Okay. Not sure how many people heard this, but it was reported the other day that MLB used three different baseballs last year. One of those balls was more batter-friendly. It was found only at the All-Star Game, Home Run Derby, postseason and Yankees games. This sounds like a joke, but the jokes ended with the guy walking out with Wheat Thins. I’m being serious now. Yo, jai alai called, it wants its “this sport is a joke” moniker back. MLB embraces gambling and institutes cheating by way of different balls. It truly is incredible.
Last year, Aaron Judge went 62/16/.311, guys and five girl readers, and that is the best line of all-time. 40/40 is nice; 50/10 is butter; 60/5 is nomnomnom, get in my belly; 62/12? I mean, c’mon. Seriously, c’mon. C’mon, c’mon! C’mon, c’mon, c’mon! It’s ludicrous. It’s mind boggling. Thesaurus, give me another synonym! It’s BREATHTAKING!!! He always had power — he’s a freakin’ giant, of course he has power! — but he’s never hit .300 or stole more than six bags in a season before. Also, being a certified giant (and not a Giant, as was rumored), he’s prone to injuries. That year of 62/12 wasn’t just a career year, it was the career year of career years. How’sever, if he goes 40/10/.280, it’s still very doable and a great. For 2023, I’ll give Aaron Judge projections of 109/41/102/.283/10 in 548 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Imagine a very good boy sitting at attention, let’s call that boy, Treat Urner. Treat Urner is looking at you with those doe-eyes giving you all kinds of oxytocin. Your brain is firing off like July 4th over the Hudson. My God it feels good! Stare at me Treat Urner and give me more and more oxytocin! Wag your tail and give me the love! In a baby voice, you lean in, “What does Treat Urner want? Does Treat Urner want a treat? Does he? Okay, to earn one of those treats you need to steal 30 bags, hit 25 homers and hit .300. Can the good boy do that? He can? Aw, what a good Treat Urner this Treat Urner is! Here…” Then I throw the treat into the yard, it lands in the bushes and we spend the next twenty minutes trying to figure out where that stupid treat landed while he licks my ears. Treat Urner was going to be great wherever he went. Landing in Philly gets Kyle Schwarber out of the leadoff slot. Right…RIGHT?! Please someone say I’m right. I don’t want to go to Amoeba Records and scratch Rob Thomas’s name off every CD as an act of deviance vs. the Phils’ manager. By the by, Trea Turner getting 11 years is quite funny.
Trea Turner when the 11-year deal with the Phils ends pic.twitter.com/QrG7Sf1PrT
— Razzball (@Razzball) December 5, 2022
But, of course, this is for this year, and there’s no one better, when consistency is factored in. Just an absolute lock for great counting stats. Now in Philly, it should help maintain the power, that isn’t top-flight, but good enough for a guy with his speed. Hopefully, he doesn’t pay too close attention to all the other Phils’ fly ball tendencies. “So, you’re saying I should have a Launch Angle of 26? Okay!” That’s Trea Turner at the batting cage with Rhys Hoskins and The Schwammer. No, stay away, Treat Urner! Good boy! For 2023, I’ll give Trea Turner projections of 107/22/101/.293/30 in 606 ABs. That means Treastykakes are the best food in Philly since Chase steaks! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2023 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?