You’d Think Noah Would Let The Reds Get A Pair Of Hits

One thing I want you to know about Noah Cameron is I loved him in the preseason. I wrote a Noah Cameron sleeper. That sorta love doesn’t just evaporate. I’m too invested for that. I’m like the guy who bought $5,000 worth of ButtCoin fifteen years ago, and is like, “I know, by now, it is not Bitcoin. Clearly. If it was, I’d be a billionaire. But, or rather I am holding ButtCoin because there’s some speculation it will bounce back over a penny at any moment and I can recoup five cents.” See, you get invested. So, when Noah Cameron pitched like he did last night — 7 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.22 the hairs go up on the back of my neck, reminding me I liked him once, and this could be the breakout I anticipated. Did I start him last night? In Cincy? That start? Sonavabench! That start is so good I’m willing to overlook his negative rating on Streamonator for his next start, and get back in. Now watch for the rug pull. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Lucas Erceg – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 6.45, and his 6th blown save. Royals manager Matt Quatraro bangs head against wall for three hours straight. Doctor, “Yes, he has CTE now.” Perfect, it’s time for Matt to decide who should close this game. “How about Erceg!” I’d hold Strahm and Lynch.

Andrew Abbott – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.06. His May: 1.29 ERA, 28 IP, 18 Ks, which was roughly around the time I dropped him. [turns to the mirror] Brilliant work.

Spencer Steer – 2-for-4, 3 runs and his 8th and 9th homer. Hit .304 in May with two homers and two steals and Imma Steer this towards something more interesting: two homers in a game usually leads to a hot schmotato.

Aaron Judge – Day-to-day with shoulder soreness. Got this new drinking game: Drink if your 1st round draft pick has shoulder soreness, and don’t stop drinking until he no longer has shoulder soreness.

Paul Goldschmidt – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 7th homer. Au shizz!

Cam Schlittler – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 2.00. Put that start in the Schlitter box.

Kyle Manzardo – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Call him 1-888-Milk Carton because he’s been missing all year.

Joey Cantillo – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.92. I managed to overcome my worst impulses and bench Cantillo for his two-start week because his starts looked nasty, and not nasty as in Janet.

Kade Morris – Called up by the A’s to work out of the pen. Kade Morris sounds like Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski’s child in the short-lived Saved By The Wedding Bell. Morris was a toppish prospect, and has good overall scouting grades, but hasn’t covered himself in glory in Triple-A (7.3 K/9, 3.9 BB/9). Maybe A.C. Slater could take him under his wing.

Luis Severino – Will be re-evaluated in four to six weeks. You can sever ties to Severino.

Gage Jump – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Started him in my RCL, and I’m holding him, and I hold very few starters in a 12-team mixed league.

Nick Kurtz – 1-for-3 and his 11th homer. He hasn’t even been hot yet, and he’s hitting .289. He’s going to hit .300 and 40 homers. Love him. Think he might be my favorite current player.

Davis Martin – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.61. Of course we knew regression was coming, but did the Regression Fairies have to chew up Davis Martin like a juicy peach in Call Me By Your Name.

Connor Prielipp – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.26. Woof on that ERA, but checking on him and he’s a pretty strong buy. A 54.7 LOB% is absurd.

Kyle Harrison – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 1.57. Ya know Harrison’s having a pretty good year when every time he pitches I’m like, “I already did a lede for him, I don’t want to do another.” It was only two starts ago I gave you a whole Kyle Harrison fantasy. Nothing’s changed.

Jake Bauers – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer, 2nd homer in three games. People still asking if they should pick him up. He’s nearly top 50 overall on the Player Rater.

Trevor McDonald – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.50. Old McDonald had a tough matchup, ei, ei, oh and his next one too.

Willy Adames – 2-for-3 and his 9th homer. He has five homers since May 18th — Reggie Jackson’s birthday! Someone’s clearly a fan (me).

Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 17th homer. 18 more to go!

Bryce Elder – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 hits, one walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.63. Half the battle with rostering good pitchers is drafting pitchers (or picking them up) on teams with good coaches. That’s giving away the secret sauce.

Alejandro Kirk – Starting a rehab assignment. Legit forgot he existed. Where in the galaxy has Kirk been?

Kazuma Okamoto – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, 3rd homer in a week. He also has four hits. Okamoto went through customs and became Dave Kingman. Call him Dave Hirohito.

Gleyber Torres –  1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, as he was activated from the IL. He hit 38 homers in 2019. Snort!

Wenceel Perez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 3rd homer in a week. Hot schmotato alert!

Riley Greene – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Weather is heating up and so is–Forget it, this was a dome game. I need a nap…[ten seconds later, claps hands] I’m back, snitches!

Jack Flaherty – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.31. Guy keeps doing the rope-a-dope, and apparently he thinks I’m the dope.

Steven Matz – 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.48. One tailpipe banana I’d never have any interest in.

Dustin May – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.59. Three more Quality Starts, or near-Quality Starts. That’s when I’ll pay attention. Like my shoes, I’m now Payless.

Nolan Gorman – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer, hitting .209. He’s neutrally a .205 hitter. That is not easy to do! Congrats, I guess.

Riley O’Brien – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.10. There’s zero good closers outside of Mason Miller it is so glorious I’ve stopped using punctuation except for this period.

Nathan Eovaldi – 6 IP, 4 ER, 12 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.10. Every time out he seems thisclose to putting up a great start, then one inning and the wheels fall off.

Michael Soroka – 6 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.49. Found himself trying to be too fine with it and ended up with a bee in my bonnet. Now I got a freakin’ birdhouse in my soul. Not trying to be daft, Soroka’s numbers still look fine.

Corbin Carroll – 2-for-5 and his 8th homer, hitting .289. Am I misremembering or is he the only one who had a broken hamate this year that hasn’t completely tanked?

Eric Lauer – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.74. Bring up River Ryan!

Freddie Freeman – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .274. Obviously not the player he once was, but he’s been incredibly decent, considering he’s 36.

Hunter Goodman – 2-for-4 and his 15th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, 3rd in a week. “Can’t find a better man, but found a Goodman.” That’s Eddie Vedder about his fantasy team.

TJ Rumfield – 2-for-5 and his 8th homer. That home run was a 364-foot bloop that Jo Adell smashed into with his forehead and sent the ball over the wall. Adell robbed three home runs in one game earlier this year. Last night, he became Jose Canseco. Wonder if I can get Adell on the podcast for five seconds. Does Madonna want his semen?

Grayson Rodriguez – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 10.00. Grayson, your ERA is just like Bo Derek, a perfect ten.

Jonah Tong – 3 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.60. He’s so clearly not right, that now I can only assume the Mets are in last place and looking for guidance from other last place teams and have turned to the Angels to see how to manage prospects.

Carson Benge – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer, three homers in three games. If you held him through April (.192, 1 HR), you have been rewarded. A metaphorical reward.

Julio Rodriguez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. He didn’t hit his 13th homer last year until 7/12. Okay, now we’re cooking.

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Albombso!

Coby Mayo – 1-for-4 and his 7th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. When Coby goes long, it’s mayonnaise.

Shane Baz – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.29. Last three starts: 20 IP IP, 4 ER for a 1.80 ERA. His underlying numbers are still kinda bleh, and I am trying to like him more than I think he warrants. Mostly a monocle in shallow leagues, and he’s clearly rostered in deeper ones. No great corner turn though.

Garrett Crochet – Diagnosed with low grade lat strain; can resume throwing when asymptomatic. The best matic after Illmatic.

Otto Lopez – 2-for-5, and his 5th homer. He’s hitting .335, which leads the MLB. Otto oso gooddoog.

Heriberto Hernandez – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, and 2nd and 3rd homer in two games, 3rd and 4th homer in a week. I’ve been hesitant about mentioning him, because he’s really not a full-time player and more of an NL-Only guy. Or thereibouto.

Joe Mack – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Think that’s my first post-Jeffers catcher homer in one league. Lowercase yay.

Drake Baldwin – May return in two weeks. Bald-stays-winning. That’s for you, dear Razzball reader.

Aaron Nola – 5 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 5.55 as he was activated from the paternity list. Nola’s wife gave birth to Deep-Drive-To-Left-Field Nola.

Bryce Harper – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. After the game, he demonstrated how he washes his hair: Puts shampoo in his mouth, and gargles until it’s foamy then stands on his head.

Gavin Sheets – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer. Sheets with the cheats code: Hitting vs. Nola.

Randy Vasquez – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.31. A 6.9 K/9 isn’t Streamonator worthy, it’s Snooze City, which is ironically how I feel about San Diego. (Hater!)

Josh Hader – Activated from the IL. Usually a star returns and I turn it over to Kevin from ESPN, but it doesn’t feel like Hader’s ready to return as much as, “Well, he’s not getting better at rehab so let’s see if he can fix his shizz back in the majors,” or they’re just waiting to send him for Tommy John surgery and letting him say goodbye to his buds. I would be selling Hader if I could get anything solid.

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 21st homer. Putting the Woo in Captain Cubano.

Endy Rodriguez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (1) and legs (2). We have a new Most Random Slam & Legs of the Year! Congrats! This one is going to be tough to beat (and I say this for all of them).

Oneil Cruz – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .258. Doesn’t make total sense but I like him a bit more in the six hole. Feels more appropriate to his skill set.

Jake Mangum – 4-for-5, 1 run, 2 steals (9, 10). I already know he’s going to be in this week’s Buy column — up on Patreon in a few hours — because Mangum’s hitting the cover off everything for the last few days.

Bubba Chandler – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.89 vs. Mike Burrows – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.66. This matchup’s billing was sung like Rock Me Amadeus, “Bubba/Burrows, Bubba/Burrows, Bubba/Burrows, Bubba/Burrows, Bubba/Burrows, Bubba/Burrows BUBBA BURROWS! Rock me, Bubba/Burrows.”

Carmen Mlodzinski – Activated from the restricted list. Not sure if you heard about this, but Mlodzinski threw a hissy fit about being moved to the pen, so he left the team and had to emotionally reconnect with loved ones before being able to rejoin the team. You got a two million signing bonus to play baseball. Get a grip!