Please see our player page for Matt Strahm to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

As they say in Anaheim, “If you can’t get to see the Cherry Blossoms in Japan, you should get to see the Gin Blossoms in concert at the Hard Rock or Shohei Ohtani.”  One Anaheim-born woman, Gina, was so excited about Ohtani that she got a tattoo of the Japanese symbol for strength, that she later found out was a tattoo of Calvin pissing on a Grateful Dead logo. Gina did it in honor of Ohtani, so it’s still close to her heart, though mostly because it’s covering a third nipple.  Yesterday, Ohtani became the first Japanese born player to hit for the cycle, going 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 8th homer.  The closest previous Asian cycle was Kurt Suzuki.  When Ohtani becomes Hot-tani, there’s few players that can match him for sheer excitement, though Ian Kinsler wears sheer pantyhose under his uni, if that counts.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After the worst start of his year (4+ IP, 7 ER) Matt Strahm was placed on the DL with a rib strain. This seems to be a minor injury and might just be an easy, smart way to manage his innings. The most innings he’s thrown in a single season was 102 way back in 2016. Last year he threw 61.1 innings and he’s already sitting at 60.1 this year. Ruh-roh. The Padres are only 2.5 games back in the NL Wild Card so managing the innings of Strahm, Cal Quantrill, Chris Paddack, and Dinelson Lamet is going to be key for their playoff hopes. Replacement: The award for most unlikely, unexpected and unbelievable late-career resurgence has to go to Anibal Sanchez (6.6%.) The 35-year-old, 14 year veteran inexplicably and probably accidentally had one of the best seasons of his career last year with a 2.83 ERA and 1.083 WHIP (lowest of his career!) In his first 5 starts of the season Sanchez returned to the rotten pumpkin we knew him as: 27 IP, 18 ER (6.00 ERA.) However, things have improved in his 6 most recent starts. He’s allowed only 7 ERs in 21.2 IP (2.91 ERA.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Handed down through the generations from Hammurabi to Hammurabi was a code of SAGNOF.  It read, “Yo, Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be?! Don’t pay for saves, dem shizzes are free on waivers.” It read a bit like a text message, tee bee aitch.  But that was the code as written.  Cut to 14,000 years later, and I received this code in a dream after ingesting a massive amount of peyote.  I would’ve discarded it like the iguana I also received, but there was something to this code, and from that day forward I forbade myself from paying a lot for saves.  Then March came and Craig Kimbrel was falling and I was like, “Ain’t ever gonna get a price like this again!” and drafted him, and not listening to Hamm-whaaaaaazzzzzup-be really effed me.  Thankfully, my long national nightmare is over and Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs.  Does this negate all the leagues where I have Pedro Strop?  *Lisa Simpson grumble*  Yes, appizzarently, it does. I’d imagine Kimbrel will need at least two to three weeks of minor league games to get up to snuff, but closers can get stretched quicker than starters, obvi.  I wouldn’t drop Strop until I saw a Kimbrel save, but he’s coming back.  Finally.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This weekend Jay Bruce was traded to the Phillies, because, as the front office in Philly put it, “We’re sick of our autocorrect writing Bruce Harper.  Now we write Bruce Harper and rather than backspacing we can just continue on and we’ve typed out two-thirds of our outfield.  Next we have to try to get Michael Chavis, for our issue with the autocorrect Michael Franco.”  Guys and five girl readers, the Phillies have a plan!  This move also kills two birds with one stone since now Bryce Harper will look so much better by comparison.  Before, “Man, Bryce stinks.”  After, “Man, Bruce stinks.”  Autocorrect and by comparison — done and done!  This likely puts David Herrera’s time all but done on the Phils and maybe baseball until the Astros take a chance on him.  Yes, Odubel’s real name is David, which is now what we, like the cops, call him.  As for Bruce, this is a boost up for him, due to park and lineup.  Now he’s a 30-homer hitter with a .225 average and better runs and RBIs.  Can I get a middle-case yay?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I hope everyone’s Memorial Day was filled with hot dogs, hamburgers, fireworks that were meant to be saved until July 4th but were blown off yesterday so close to your ear that you still have a ringing, and all the other red-white-blue American things one hears backstage at a Larry The Cable Guy concert.  My Memorial Day was filled with eating and burping and farting and wearing an American flag t-shirt, but that’s every Monday.  Eat a D, ISIS!  Yesterday, Gerrit Cole loved the troops more than most starters, posting a line of 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 4.02.  Woke SpongeBob, “Yo, dem high-ranked starters are da bomb dot org.”  Yo, WSB, you don’t sound so woke.  “Go f–k yourself.”  Wow, WSB, is lit!  Cole’s peripherals: 14.1 K/9, 2.3 BB/9, 2.22 xFIP and is technically the number one starter in all of baseball if his luck was neutral. Don’t love trading for a top starter, but it’s hard to find a better buy low right now, due to his ERA.  He could rattle off 120 innings of a sub-1 ERA.  That’s Murica thru & thru.  Not spelling shizz out is Murica too.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Especially in H2H, you really can never get enough starting pitching. I’m a firm believer that most of your bench spots should be utilized for having SPs. One, because it is frustrating trying to decide between what hitters to start and seeing stats sitting on your bench. And two, because I’m also a believer that the more the merrier when it comes to starts and pitching strategy in H2H. Yes, there is a greater likelihood that your ERA and WHIP can get blown up with just a couple bad starts. However, I think that giving yourself more starts and trying to win strikeouts and wins every week will pay off more times than being conservative and trying to win ERA and WHIP. Because let’s face it, even the times you try to do that it can all come crashing down with a bad start or two anyway. And then you’re at a disadvantage in strikeouts and wins too because you only used 6 or 8 starts.

Since I love chasing winning strikeouts and wins every week, I’m always trying to find guys to add to my pitching staff. Here are 4 starting pitchers that are less than 40% owned in ESPN leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m like Neo dodging bullets, only instead of bullets, it’s bad pitchers.  Bends in slo-mo and avoids Ed-Rod, twists to the right and avoids Trevor Bauer, twists left and sees Jalen Beeks…Well, I’d never own him, so…Then again, he has been pretty good as the Malcolm for the Rays.  Ya know, their Middle man.  Oh, crap, I’ve been shot!  *dies in slo-mo*  Beeeeeeeeeeks!  *clutches chest, searches for bullet wound, can’t find it* I thought I was shot.  Oh, noooooooo!!!  It’s worse than I thought!  It was my fantasy team that was shot!  You could’ve avoided this whole megillah for the last, oh, I don’t know, 12 years, minus two random years in the middle (not Malcolm) if you just owned Justin Verlander.  Yesterday, he took a no-hitter into the 7th inning, and went 8 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.24, and on our Player Rater, he is the number one starter.  Barely as good as Tim Anderson, but, ya know, those are noogs for another day.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry, but first I must purge myself of all Yu song references.  If you don’t like that, Yu Can’t Always Get What Yu Want, but, if Yu try, Yu might get what Yu need, because all Yu Need Is Love, and I Wish Yu Were Here.  Yu Give Love A Bad Name, but I’m gonna Run to Yu.  Even if Rick rolled, I’m Never Gonna Give Yu Up, and shut don’t go up, but Yu do. Yu Take My Breath Away when Yu pitch well, but Yu Never Give Me Your Money, which makes sense since Yu Don’t Know Me.  Without or Without Yu Yu (stutterer!) can put together a solid rotation, but Yu Light Up My Life when it’s the Best of Yu. Have I Told Yu Lately he needed to cut down on his walks? Yesterday, he went 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks (zero walks!), ERA at 5.14, and I Know What Yu Did Last Summer (disambiguation: song), but what about now? Don’t Yu (Forget About Me).  Did the Rangers closer, Chris Martin, Fix Yu? Remains doubtful, but no walks is Arthur’s Theme (Best Yu Can Do).  Any hoo!  Yu Darvish might’ve been dealing with a mechanics issue, and maybe now that’s fixed.  He does have a near-12 K/9, the only bugaboo is his 7+ BB/9, but if he can tame that he immediately shoots to at least a number two, and stops plopping out number twos.  Do Yu Understand (ft Tory Lanez & Gunna).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Doe, a deer, a female deer that sounds like Chaz Roe.  Ray, a drop of eleven Rays!  Me, a name I call myself while looking in the mirror to check on my hair–Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.  I was just singing a little song I call, “Julie Andrews is One Hot Cougar.”  Yesterday, Robbie Ray did the impossible.  No, not strike out 11 Rays hitters.  I mean, yes, he did that.  But that’s not what I found impossible.  I find it impossible to like him, and yesterday he made me smile a little.  Sure, this ‘impossible task’ is a bit subjective, but get out of your own head, it’s all subjective!  Life’s subjective!  Wow, I just became an angry philosopher.  Call me Socrankies.  Robbie Ray’s line yesterday 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (3 BBs), 11 Ks is almost exactly him to a T.  He is a 4.7 BB/9 guy and that was his BB/9 yesterday in under six innings.  He can’t go deep because of the walks, and his Ks are gorge, but also limit his IP.  I don’t hate him as much as it might seem.  I don’t own him, but I can understand the allure.  I “allurve” Ks.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not your Grandfathers top 100 starting pitchers…

It’s been a rough month for Grandpa-Donk. The old Donk isn’t supposed to be climbing ladders in his advanced age of 90, but the garage roof needed to be tarred and he felt he was the only donkey for such an urgent task. You guessed it, gramps fell off the garage roof, but somehow he escaped with only a broken wrist. A couple weeks later, while in a cast, G-Donk decided to use that same hoof to hammer some nails into his barn. This resulted in a second trip to the veterinarian for the stubborn old jackass.

Clayton Kershaw reminds me a little of Grandpa-Donk. I mean, minus the senility, reckless abandon, and tail. Kershaw suffers from a herniated disc in his lumbar spine (lower back). While I’m not a doctor, I have been called “Dr. Donkey” several times; and I think that’s qualification enough for me to assert that, while the symptoms may subside, a disc herniation will not heal without surgery. Mr. Kershaw has had no back surgeries.

All of this is to say, I trust Clayton Kershaw to stay healthy about as far as I can throw him. Which isn’t far, because I’m a donkey, I can’t throw anything. While Kershaw has looked very good so far this season, and I do have him ranked at #10, I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before Kershaw finds himself on the shelf for another two month stin,t or worse. If I happened to own him, I’d sell him for any arm in my top 20. You should be able to get a useful piece added on if you’re forced to settle for one of those back end top 20 names.

Please, blog, may I have some more?