Do you want to do better in the 2021 RazzSlam? I finished ranked in the 80s last year in the main even, and 40s in the qualifier. I certainly want to do better! I did a similar study to this after a dismal finish in the 2019 RazzBowl fantasy football tournament, improving my RazzBowl finish by nearly 200% and ultimately winning the DataForce Charity League against 12 of the best fantasy football minds in the business. I wrote up my findings in the 2020 RazzBowl Guidebook and my article How to Win an Industry Fantasy Football League. Last week, I showed you my methodology and findings on How to Draft Starting Pitchers in an Industry Fantasy Baseball League. This week, let’s take a look at the hitting landscape, and the strategies that succeeded for the best RazzSlam teams.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Let me set the scene: it’s March 2020. Grey’s mustache is neat and trimmed, and he’s been wearing his sun hat 24/7. “At least take the hat off when you shower,” Cougs says, and Grey looks longingly out at the ocean. “The sea is the only shower I need!” he says, with dreams of visits to sushi restaurants dancing through his head. Justin Verlander is a top 10 pitcher. Steven Strasburg is healthy. Marcus Stroman is ready to pitch for the Mets. Nolan Arenado is playing for the Rockies. Nobody has heard of Randy Arozarena or him kidnapping anybody…just Miguel Sano kidnapping people.

10 months later, and Grey still hasn’t taken that sun hat off. “It’s like a mask for my brain,” he says, holding a can of Lysol at his side. Grey loads up his 2021 rankings and hoses his laptop screen down with Lysol. “GET RID OF THE BAD TAKES!” he shouts, pointing at German Marquez. But as he loads the site, he sees something so wonderful, he puts the Lysol down on his desk next to the Bartolo Colon bobblehead. He takes his sun hat off for the first time in a year, clutching it to his chest, tears streaming down his eyes. “It’s beautiful!” he says. “It’s RazzSlam SZN. There’s hope for 2021!” he shouts, only to be interrupted by his Twitter alarm alerting of another EverywhereBlair hype piece about a Seattle Mariners pitcher.

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What is up everybody!? Welcome to 2021, which in the Chinese Zodiac is actually the Year of the RazzSlam! Now, in case you were not feeling in the fantasy spirit last year due to [waves hands around], you might not know what the RazzSlam is. Is it some kind of senior omelet at Denny’s? Is it a finishing move for a WWE superstar? Some kind of rap battle? No, my confused friend! It’s the biggest Pros-vs-Joes fantasy baseball tournament in all this land!

Ray Butler of Prospects365 won the inaugural RazzSlam, and if you’re looking for your chance to compete against the best minds in the fantasy baseball industry (somehow they included me in there…), take a look at the rules below and sign up!

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The slew of emails from every business under the sun regarding their comprehensive COVID-19 protocol continued this past week. I was on pins and needles wondering how Jiffy Lube, Bob’s Discount Furniture and Cledus’s Used Cars might handle this terrible crisis. Now I can finally rest easy. Anyway, you’re probably tired of hearing about this virus stuff that’s ruining all of our lives. So let’s shift our attention over to one of my fantasy drafts which was only slightly more interesting than that bulletin detailing how often the garbage man is washing his hands. Last week you got Grey’s RazzSlam recap aka Pete Alonso love letter. Now here’s my RazzSlam, 12-team best ball points league draft recap:

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Maybe the real-life baseball season has stopped, but that doesn’t mean fantasy baseball has to. It’s all we have these days, really. Fantasy sports while we fantasize about real sports coming back. I feel bad for my fellow fantasy hockey folks – I get the feeling it ain’t coming back, even if regular hockey does. I’m not about that fantasy basketball life (I dabbled in my younger years – Tracy McGrady anyone? Had to have him on all my teams), but I fear it’s the same fate. Only fantasy football is unscathed…so far. Wild stuff happening on that front, too. Brady to the Bucs? Da BUCS?! DAFUQ! Gurley and Newton RELEASED?! Hopkins TRADED?! Maybe Watson, too?! Madness, I say!

Anyway. This is a fantasy baseball article. Almost forgot. It’s an important year for the fine ladies and gents here at Razzball: the inaugural season of RazzSlam! Big shoutout to the NFBC peeps for hosting it. Give ’em a follow on the Twitter at @TheNFBC. I had the honor of being accepted into League 2 (of 18). Some scrub ass writer for CBS is in it. Big deal. I’m kidding, he’ll probably whoop my ass.

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The RazzSlam fan lottery odds were slimmer than Grey Albright on his twenty day juice cleanse. Please eat some food already, Grey! Anyway, hundreds of fans signed up for the 54 precious spots to compete against 162 of the top fantasy baseball industry analysts in all the land. Those spots have been filled and the 18 inaugural RazzSlam drafts are now underway. But if you didn’t get lucky in the lottery, don’t fret, there’s still time to get lucky in your mom’s basement. The 2021 RazzSlam Qualifier is now open for business. Here’s everything you need to know about the qualifier (or you can just blindly sign up for FREE thru this RazzSlam Qualifier link):

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Cans and holes, Cans and holes, Astros gotta have their cans and holes.
The Springer, the Pinto, and the former Saint Verlander,
They’ll hit the can on the bottom while we’re swinging at heaters.
Nachos, Hot Dogs on Houston’s field,
They won’t go down cuz Manfred says no.
They won around the league from port to port.
Every time they won, Kate Upton got a JV quart.

Grey joins that other Razzball podcast….for this week. As is standard, B_Don and Donkey Teeth get Grey’s thoughts on RazzSlam (sign up for free here) and talk about Grey’s NFBC Cutline experience in 2019.  The trio tackle the topic of the times in discussing the Astros and how each believes this will affect their seasons in 2020.

The guys wrap up with some discussion about the CBS AL Auction that they participated in. They talk about the auction format of Tout/LABR and these CBS auction leagues. Of the 4 Razzball participants, they each took a bit of a different route to their auction. Tune in and find out which team Grey likes the most. For more information about Grey’s draft, check out his article.

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B_Don and Donkey Teeth are Goin’ Deep with the fantasy baseball pitching guru, Eno Sarris of The Athletic.  The guys discuss the RazzSlam format and ask Eno how he may attack the draft in more of a DFS style. Yeah, it caught me by surprise as well, but listen to see what Eno means.

The Goin’ Deep duo then ask Eno about some pitchers from his rankings that don’t line up with Grey’s rankings including Noah Syndergaard, Yu Darvish, Lucas Giolito and Patrick Corbin.  He tells us which pitcher he’s comfortable with in the 1st round and educates us as to what he looks for in his pitching targets.

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When I first brought the idea of a large industry best ball competition with fan participation into Grey’s office he said, “Damnit Cougs, stop letting Donkey into the house! He’s getting mud all over my panda rug again!” Then I brought the idea to Rudy who spent the next week developing algorithms and running millions of simulations to determine if it was a worthwhile endeavor. On the seventh day the RazzSlam Bot saw it’s shadow. And so the RazzSlam came into being. What exactly is the RazzSlam? I’m glad you ask…

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Have you heard of the RazzSlam? Rhetorical question. Of course you’ve heard of the RazzSlam. It’s only the biggest thing to happen to fantasy baseball since Grey Albright interviewed Jose Canseco. Which was not only the greatest interview in the history of fantasy sports, but arguably the greatest interview in the history of the multiverse. As for the RazzSlam, there’s no shame in being the #2 fantasy baseball event in history.

Before I signed up for the RazzSlam, girls didn’t want to be near me and guys didn’t want to be me. Then I signed up for the RazzSlam—the sign-up is at the bottom of this page if you’re impatient—and everything changed. I was suddenly knee deep in chicks. Like Frank Thomas after he started taking Nugenix. Anyway, for those few poor souls who are just now discovering the RazzSlam, here’s what you’ll want to know:

Please, blog, may I have some more?