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There are always the telltale signs of spring here in the Bold North: it becomes warm enough to actually snow instead of just being a planet of ice, the War on Christmas ends as my local coffee shop switches from “Sleigh All Day” cup sleeves to “Hoppin’ Along!” cup sleeves, and Grey publishes an absolute gaggle of fantasy baseball articles. You may ask, “How does Grey have the time to write all those blurbs while also being a top tier baker and so fantastically good looking?” Well, I’m glad you asked! Now, go ask him in the comments of his articles, and then come tell me his answer. That’s the secret to quality organic engagement! 

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My nearly 500 trips through the Razzball CMS have given me a pretty keen eye for my audience: you’re middle-aged, drive a car, and prefer the affordable things in life. “That’s easy, E-Dubya-Bee,” you say, “I’m here at Razzball in January.” A-ha! But there’s more I know about you. You come to Razzball for Grey’s writings, but use Rudy’s rankings. You once joined a league with touts and were in first place through August before you ran out of healthy bodies and finished out of the running. You watch Severance and see a little bit of yourself in all the characters, but your secret is that you’re most like Ricken. You’re a beer drinker at heart, but when you go out for sushi, you draw your finger down the sake menu before inevitably settling in for a Sapporo tall boy that you paid $7.50 for and think tastes like a Miller Lite. 

But that sake list — and let’s make sure you’re pronouncing that sah-kay like a cultured Razzball reader and not rhyming with “lake” like a FantasyPros subscriber — you wonder whether today’s the day you order sake. But then you see “Hot/Cold.” And you think back to your August fantasy baseball team. Why did I stack it with Twins, you ask yourself, thinking of the inevitable September cold streak that keeps EWB’s favorite team from the playoffs. The waitstaff arrives at your table and you forget the sake and you go with the ol’ can o’ brew. 

This is you reader. I know this because sometime in the next 8 weeks, you’re going to stare at the draft board and see “Roki Sasaki” and think, “Hot or Cold”? Friends, I’m here to approach that question with a bunch of hazy answers, and we’ll see if we can’t get you a hot pitcher for a value price. 

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Folx, it’s RazzBowl time! I know it’s SEO death to start a baseball article with an advertisement for a football league, but we’re kind of in the fantasy baseball abyss and football draft season is starting. If you’re in RazzBowl with me, feel free to give a shout. If you publicly hate football (like Grey) but secretly love a team that plays on the opposite coast from you that is named after a Dolphin (like Grey), let me know who you’re cheering for in the comments. Everybody else who needs a hot add? Look below! We’ve got some useful players and familiar faces this week. 

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Folx, I hate to tell you, but there wasn’t much baseball last week. Apparently MLB called upon their own Avengers and paid them screen time to hit balls into the stratosphere as a diversion tactic to the real terrors facing the world: county fair season. Y’all have county fairs where you live? Maybe a better question is, “If you needed a spa or your driveway re-sealed or some chicken on a stick, do you know where you’d go?” Why, you’d go to the county fair! But I digress. With no meaningful stats collected in the last week, you can click my user name up above and find last week’s article with my most recent adds. Nothing really changed since then. 

This week, I’m delving into the deeper side of fantasy baseball: What to do to save your team, no matter where you are in the standings. As always, it’s your team and leagues vary — if you know your league has obscure settings that need special treatment, you do you and don’t worry about this advice. 

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It’s all-star week! That’s a good time to sit down, stare at your team’s record, cry, calculate how much you spent in buy-ins, cry some more, and then take a deep breath and figure out how you’re going to dig yourself out of 8th place. Remember — and I know this as a Twins fan — all you gotta do is make the playoffs. Once you’re in the playoffs, any kind of luck or dumb chance or Shohei Ohtani hot streak can save you. You don’t have to finish first in your league — just get into the playoffs and see if you can muster an attack strong enough to be considered the 2023 Arizona Diamondbacks. Hopefully one of the players below will help your suffering team get to the next level: 

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You know an article is going to be really, really good when there are two colons in the title. Don’t you wish you had two colons? Imagine how productive you’d be? Live every day like it’s Fiber Friday, friends. No really — apparently fiber lowers your cholesterol. You want to stick it to big pharma? Then coat that steak in Benefiber. Your cookout friends will never know! 

Now, this double-coloned article is part of a series that’s kind of new. I basically made up the idea on the spot when Razzeditor Truss was like, “Sell me the next Die Hard or we’re trading you to RotoWire for an AI bot named Frankie FastFingers.” And although that decision to keep me instead of the AI bot will likely lead to the economic collapse of Razzball, I’d like to say that my advice hasn’t been all that awful. Let’s recap some of our favorite add/drops and see how I’m doing in my new role. Also Marmos has been killing it as the new Top 100 Starters writer — that man has passion and eventually he’ll have Photoshop skills as well. 

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This year, I’ve been giving you obscure adds for your desperate teams. Loyal readers who read the whole article also find that, at the bottom, I give you a “sell” tip. Sometimes, the most effective thing we can do for our fantasy teams isn’t adding a new player, but benching your struggling high draft pick. But my confirmation bias, you shout, staring at your 2019 league winning team on Yahoo’s history page. Miguel Sano is due! Me too, bro. One day I’ll return to my 30 homer power and you’ll be drafting me in leagues again. But until then, you need to cut your dead weight and open up space for some hot second half action. Think about baseball! 

To celebrate the Fourth of July this week, I’m giving you a whole article on “sell” options — let’s get your roster ready for the next big thing! 

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It’s the run up to the 4th of July! These summer holidays are great ways to gauge your team. Pre-Memorial Day is when your veterans play. 4th of July is when you start rostering hot players on bad teams in hopes of a trade. Do we have a holiday in August? I suppose back to school is a holiday. When the kids are back in class, that’s when the cups of coffee propel your team to playoff victory. I’m not Nostradamus — I can’t see the July trade deadline moves any better than you can. But what I can do, is give you my weekly three adds and cast some shade on a player. Let’s see if we can help your team!

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It’ll be Father’s Day +1 for American readers when this gets to you. Hope you had a good one! If you had a terrible one and needed to focus on your fantasy teams a bit, then I hope your fantasy team is good. If your fantasy team sucks and your dad sucks and you’re just looking for groan-worthy humor, then you’ve come to the right place! Let’s see if we can get your week started out right: 

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What’s up Razzerinos? The fantasy baseball year has passed the Memorial Day holiday and has entered into the next phase: where you start hearing about fantasy football. Myself, I’m oddly excited about football season. It could be because my RetroBowl team is about to claim the Super Bowl, if only I could manage not to throw interceptions under pressure. It could also be because the Minnesota Vikings just gave Justin Jefferson an amount of money that feels like Gerrit Cole levels of payment. Watch your slider, Jet! ENYWHEY. Let me know if you’re also pumped for football draft season down in the comments. For everybody else, let’s check the overlooked players that might help your fantasy team: 

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What’s up, Slaminators? Did you know that the RazzSlam FAAB deadline is tomorrow? I did! I know this because I’ve had a tab open on my computer for weeks informing me that I better not miss FAAB, “or else Grey will smoosh you.” I don’t know how he’s going to smoosh me through the computer, but I dare you Grey! Come at me! 

Speaking of, how’s my RazzSlam team doing? At least good enough to get through the cutline, although my pitching has been largely decimated by injuries. Guess who my second-highest scoring pitcher is? Brady Singer. Yeesh. All of this is fine — there’s a lot of baseball left to play. Let’s see if we can find anybody to add to your team and save your fantasy dreams: 

Please, blog, may I have some more?