Do you want to do better in the 2021 RazzSlam? I finished ranked in the 80s last year in the main even, and 40s in the qualifier. I certainly want to do better! I did a similar study to this after a dismal finish in the 2019 RazzBowl fantasy football tournament, improving my RazzBowl finish by nearly 200% and ultimately winning the DataForce Charity League against 12 of the best fantasy football minds in the business. I wrote up my findings in the 2020 RazzBowl Guidebook and my article How to Win an Industry Fantasy Football League. Last week, I showed you my methodology and findings on How to Draft Starting Pitchers in an Industry Fantasy Baseball League. This week, let’s take a look at the hitting landscape, and the strategies that succeeded for the best RazzSlam teams.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re one of those people who follows the plethora of sports that Razzball covers, you would have seen my RazzBowl Guidebook on the football side this past fall. In that series, I studied the reams of data produced by the NFC to understand how roster composition and draft strategy would help my fantasy sports results. So I did some homework, used Rudy’s rankings, and had a little bit of luck. The results? I finished the 2020 Fantasy Football year as the champion of the DataForce Charity League, where I defeated 12 of the best and brightest minds on the fantasy football circuit. I wrote about that experience in this article detailing how to win an industry fantasy football league. Now, let’s do the same for the RazzSlam, and hopefully we can get you — yes, you! — your first win in an industry fantasy baseball tournament.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s happening: you got your quarantine haircut, got a couple of doses of Moderna in your arm, you’ve put on the spray tan, and are still double masking. You’re ready to emerge into the world! 2021, here you come! And to go along with the “New Year, New You!” mentality, you’re finally — finally! — going to cross that last item off your bucket list: Join a fantasy baseball league. Maybe you’ve played fantasy football or basketball before, and you are just nervous about committing to a new sport. Maybe you’re a daily player on Draft Kings or Fanduel, but you’re nervous to commit to a 162-game season. Maybe you just like having three hypotheticals before making a decision. In any case, you’re in the right place! Let’s get you ready to play fantasy baseball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I woke up the other day in a sweat from a dream where I drafted Dinelson Lamet, Chris Paddack, and Corbin Burnes as my top starters in RazzSlam. I was confused: did I do well? Did I do poorly? Would the internet validate my team or would they mock me in private chats? Could I ever show my avatar online again? I started to second guess everything about my life. “French fries should be eaten with mayo!” a voice in my head shouted. “And Mariners pitchers are smart draft choices!” My moral compass was haywire. Had I crossed the threshold from “Bold” to “Brazen?” Should I not have made sriracha Oreos? Is Zombies and Bridgerton too much for my next spec script? No! Sexy Victorian zombies are avant garde! It is the world that doesn’t understand me. Brazen is only the beginning…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brash. Bold. Brazen. Beguiling. None of these words actually apply to this game we call fantasy baseball. Except for beguiling, because that’s what Grey’s mustache does to your brain when he’s giving you a good chin wag about Fernando Tatis. Keep waggin’, Grey! Today, we’re getting ready for the fantasy baseballer (<---Grey's mom's word) season by looking at my bold predictions for pitcher performance in 2021. So, grab a Bold Canada Dry, set the radio to "Lo-Fi Hip Hop," and turn your Hue lights to purplish-yellow. We're about to get bold in here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s a fair chance that a bunch of you readers out there are sitting upon a dragon’s horde-sized pile of gold right now after the GameStop madness of the last week. So, in the spirit of taking something that people don’t consider valuable and hyping it to the moon, I’m bringing you my latest Deal or No Deal article on yet ANOTHER Seattle Mariners pitcher. Wait! Don’t unfollow us! Remember the good times when Randy Johnson and F-Her were your Mariners stars? Take that level of excitement and then tamp it down to “medium reggae” while you get ready to draft your star pitcher at pick 150: Marco Gonzales.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let me set the scene: it’s March 2020. Grey’s mustache is neat and trimmed, and he’s been wearing his sun hat 24/7. “At least take the hat off when you shower,” Cougs says, and Grey looks longingly out at the ocean. “The sea is the only shower I need!” he says, with dreams of visits to sushi restaurants dancing through his head. Justin Verlander is a top 10 pitcher. Steven Strasburg is healthy. Marcus Stroman is ready to pitch for the Mets. Nolan Arenado is playing for the Rockies. Nobody has heard of Randy Arozarena or him kidnapping anybody…just Miguel Sano kidnapping people.

10 months later, and Grey still hasn’t taken that sun hat off. “It’s like a mask for my brain,” he says, holding a can of Lysol at his side. Grey loads up his 2021 rankings and hoses his laptop screen down with Lysol. “GET RID OF THE BAD TAKES!” he shouts, pointing at German Marquez. But as he loads the site, he sees something so wonderful, he puts the Lysol down on his desk next to the Bartolo Colon bobblehead. He takes his sun hat off for the first time in a year, clutching it to his chest, tears streaming down his eyes. “It’s beautiful!” he says. “It’s RazzSlam SZN. There’s hope for 2021!” he shouts, only to be interrupted by his Twitter alarm alerting of another EverywhereBlair hype piece about a Seattle Mariners pitcher.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Monday comes around, and what do you want to read about on your favorite fantasy sports blog? Of course! It’s a pitcher who finished in the 140s on the Razzball Player Rater last year. This player won a solid 2 games in 9 starts while sporting a 5.17 ERA and is projected for a 2021 season FIP around 4.30 by every major system. Whew! Is it just me that’s getting sweaty in here, or is it the side-effect of my genetically-modified coffee? Who’s ready to get hyped about the second starter on the Seattle Mariners, Yusei Kikuchi? You are!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The New York Yankees signed two-time Cy Young award winner Corey Kluber to a one-year contract worth $11 million dollars this weekend. Immediately the fantasy sports sphere on Twitter — which is really more of a rounded mound of a shape — well, analysts went Klu-razy with the news. A big-time player on a big-time team! Hooray! Stonks up and let care fly to the wind! I’m looking through rankings from various sites on Kluber, and people are absolutely Ku-losing it (let’s see if I can get one more pun in before the jump!). Even Razzball’s 2021 Steamer Projections have Kluber as SP22 at this point in the pre-season. With some big time sites considering Kluber in the 30s for SP — in other words, your 3rd starter in a 12-team league — it’s absolutely worthwhile to see if the stats are Klean or Kluttered. Ha! Four of ’em!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What is up everybody!? It’s the pre-season reunion here at Razzball, and we’re coming back strong as ever to deliver you the hottest takes, the slippery-est snakes, and a crap-ton of Grey’s quality bakes. What? The guy likes to bake! But for cereal, if Grey ever offers to send you bear claws, don’t take him up on it! The Chinese authorities have been all over me after Grey mailed me a package of ursine talons. ENYWHEY. I’ll repeat this again when we’ve moved from January Grey into March Grey, which is not to be confused with the Greymarch for all you Elder Scrolls fans: Yours truly has taken on an editorial role across the baseball and football sides of Razzball. What does that mean? It means my deadly red cursor of editorial prowess will grace these digital articles for the foreseeable future, which is pretty foggy right now admittedly. Thanks be to Grey and Rudy and Donkey Teeth for entrusting me with the “Schedule” button, and I hope to introduce you to some solid new writers while welcoming the familiar Razzball crew that you know and love and definitely wouldn’t want to see star in Bridgerton. While we collectively wait for the start of the 2021 MLB season, let’s gather for some pre-season hype pieces and get ready for drafts.

Please, blog, may I have some more?