by: JKJ
Howdy-do, Razzgals n guys. Thanks for dropping in another depressing issue of Ambulance Chasers, where ambulance drivers are going bananas and your fantasy lineups are paying for it. Let’s just jump right in this week, since injuries are piling up faster than $DOGE-ers are piling into the bandwagon.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
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I remove my Christian Door glasses, an offshoot of Christian Dior I was told, to study the side of the colonic box. Reading the instructions, “Take two of these pills, drink sixteen cups of coffee, place yourself on top of your toilet, flush every three minutes until you no longer hear the sound of Niagara Falls.” Hmm, interesting, I ponder thoughtfully, as I’m known to do. Then I say to the pharmacist, “What if instead of streaming out my butt, I’m streaming out of my outfield?” He points towards waivers, where there’s a Kelenic. Excellent, a holistic treatment! My hippie mother will be happy to hear it! Jarred Kelenic is up…Dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot…Now? Okay, was trying to stall, but he’s coming up any day now. You need to grab him in all leagues. I see he’s at 48% rostered, and he should be at a hun’dit. He could be a top 20 outfielder this year. We’re talking a guy who could be 24/17/.280 in five months. Otherwise known as what you want from Randy Arozarena. Side note: What’s funny is I wrote the preceding, then went to look at what I wrote back in November, and here’s November Grey, “What if I were to tell you Jarred Kelenic could be next year’s Randy Arozarena? I’m kidding, it’s just funny to overhype some guy by comparing him to a guy with, like, twelve games played. But, seriously, would Randy Arozarena 2021 interest you? Still joking. Kelenic has bigger power than Randy. Blasphemy! But it’s true.” And that’s me quoting me! Get this Kelenic in your system and stop streaming. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Look, I know when you realize that this is now my second Padres post in a row, the typical reaction should be a rolling of the eyes and a sigh. I would also accept “typical” muttered underneath your breath. After all, it’s all I heard during my childhood! But no matter how much pity you feel for me and my plight, I would like to note for the record that before these past two posts, the last time I had spoken (wrote?) about a Padres player was (checks brain…) Tommy Pham… and how awesome he was going to be. Well, if you just muttered “typical” again, right you are mom reader. So as Tommy Pham’s playing time both on the Padres and your roster enters into a flux state, let’s close the loop and analyze why exactly everything I had said about has not come true but how it still could. Maybe.
by: Butters
Another week in the books. So what have we learned? We’re starting to get more clarity on playing time situations and the cream is rising to the top. The Mets can’t figure out how to stay on the field, having only logged 8 games. Unfortunately, there will continue to be Covid issues going forward which could affect any team so it’s more important than ever check your lineups daily. That leaves weekly formats out in the cold so check Monday mornings and then just hope for the best. Hopefully the situation gets better going forward but there’s really no way to be sure.
As we see guys begin to separate themselves remember that we still have many many more weeks to go. Be ready to ride a hot streak on waivers but don’t over react to your guys starting slow. Slumps happen and we’re only a couple weeks in.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
by: TroyKlauder
Usually you want to avoid starting pitchers in Coors Field, but Jacob deGrom is an exception. He’s got 21 strikeouts in 14 innings and has the highest upside of any starter on the slate no matter what planet he’s pitching on. deGrom is so dominant it’s like he’s playing a video game. If deGrom’s rostership goes down because of the ballpark he becomes an even better play, as this is one of the ugliest iterations of a Rockies lineup we have seen in years. The cold weather will also favor deGrom, so as long as there are no snow delays he can be locked in as your starting pitcher.
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Please, blog, may I have some more?
by: Grey
Yesterday, across a doubleheader, Mitch Haniger went 3-for-8, 3 RBIs and his 3rd and 4th homer. After the arduous eighteen months that Mitch Haniger went through, it’s great to see him get in touch with his inner dong. If only someone would smack him on the butt to get it to poke out again. Now, now, that must be refreshening for Haniger, like a swim in a cool pond on a warm day, something he embraces since he no longer has to worry about shrinkage. Yesterday, was the first time in 18 months Haniger’s had any luck with hangers. Haniger’s had less luck with hangers than Joan Crawford’s kids. Okay, okay, OKAY! Enough! You’re liable to get Haniger testy, in theory at least. As for fantasy, meh, who am I kidding, I just wanted an excuse to razz him. If he stays healthy, he’s a solid number three outfielder. Too bad to stay healthy, his front side needs to look like the M’s new closer. Ya know, a Kendall. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
by: Richardo
We’re less than two weeks into the season and I’d like to speak to someone’s manager, please. The injury bug has bitten me in a brutal way. In one league I have Mookie Betts, Fernando Tatis, Jr., Ketel Marte, Luke Voit, and Ke’Bryan Hayes on the IL. It’s getting a little ridiculous, but we’ll continue to persevere. Let’s take a look at the updated ROS rankings.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
by: Hobbs
What have you accomplished in the last two months? Personally, I’ve picked up roughly 350 bags of dog crap, learned how to make banana bread and endlessly yelled at Fessy on MTV’s The Challenge at the top of my lungs for being the world’s worst human being. Two major takeaways there. One: you just realized you take fantasy baseball advice from someone who quantifies time in terms of how much dog poop he has picked up. Two: none of those things are impressive. Hopefully, you’ve accomplished more the past two months, much like many of the incredible athletes currently competing in the college baseball realm have. Since the 2021 season began in mid-February, we’ve seen a lot of awesome things happen in the college game, from Jack Leiter’s ridiculous no-hit inning streak to the emergence of NC State catcher Luca Tresh as a legitimate first round MLB Draft prospect. We’ll get to both of those items in this week’s Collegiate Corner and more, as we touch base on six must-know names for this July’s draft. I’ll continue to provide a Collegiate Corner once-per-month leading up to my 2021 Complete College Top 100, which I intend to release in the weeks leading up to the MLB Draft as an all-encompassing guide to this year’s collegiate talent for all of you dedicated dynasty leaguers out there. Without further adieu, let’s get to it.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Oh my my my. I’m felling high. My voice is gone but I’m not alone. Too much “he ain’t real”. The world keeps turnin’. Oh what a day. What a day. What a day. Hits and homers manifest. With every passing game. If my belief were my wealth. Then I would be filthy rich. If I were made in his image. Then I’d be one sexy dude. Most analysts do not believe. Cuz they fear regression coming. Oh on and on and on and on. The hits keep coming like the morning dew. Whew on and on and on and on. All night until the break of dawn. I go on and on and on and on. The hits keep coming like the morning dew. Ooo on and on and on and on. God damn it. Imma sing his song.
Akil Baddoo has taken the league by storm in the early going. He’s racked up three home runs, nine RBI, and one stolen base in 21 plate appearances. There are plenty of reasons to be skeptical in terms of his staying power so should we automatically dismiss him? Or is there something here and will this Baddoo go on and on like Badu?
Baddoo is 22 years old, 6′ 1″, 210 pounds, and bats from the left side. He was drafted out of high school by the Twins in the 2016 MLB Draft. His first two seasons were spent in Rookie ball, where he improved the strikeout rate, ISO, and slash at each stop. The K% went from 28.1% to 15% then to 12.1%. The ISO went from .093 to .173 to .222. The average went from .178 to .267 to .357. Remember, that he was coming straight from high school so he was a 17-year-old kid that first year. The improvement trends are encouraging.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Burn it all down! You’ve started off 0-2, 0-20,2-18, or whatever combination it is that your league has set up. There is no way that you can come back now, considering there are only 20+ weeks left in the season.
This reminds me of a good book I once read as a child about this locomotive who had a task ahead of him. He realized the task was too challenging and just thought, “no way in hell can I do this?” and he gave up. It was an inspirational book and I have lived my life with much retrospect on that little locomotive. It would probably had been a better book if he/she had overcome the adversity and could be a beacon of hope, but what did I expect from books written in the 1930’s. The years back then sucked!
Never fret tho dear readers! I shall not let you fade into obscurity and be chastised by your league-mates. For I am here to bring you the formula for winning your week 3 matchups and becoming 1 step closer to the championship! Prepare for another H2H Cheat Sheet for Week 3!
Please, blog, may I have some more?
