Welcome to the class where we discuss the planets — Science class? I don’t know, I’m just your substitute teacher, Mr. Albright. We’re going to put aside your syllabus, and teach you how all planets revolve Vladimir Guerrero Jr.‘s planet, IncomingTripleCrownium. Yesterday, IncomingTripleCrownium went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and hit his 21st homer, as he hits .344. Does planet Daddy Vladdy revolve around IncomingTripleCrownium, and how is that possible since IncomingTripleCrownium is an offshoot of Daddy Vladdy? I don’t know, which is why I’m merely a substitute, and was told I would never be hired for a full-time position. IncomingTripleCrownium spins on its axis, without an absurd amount of spin, a totally natural spin, and that gave way to a Semien explosion not seen since a 14-year-old boy spent a little too long in the bathroom with Marcus Semien (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs), hitting his 15th homer. Hey, just had a thought, whatever happened with George Springer? Never the hoo! The next big orbital sphere outside the IncomingTripleCrownium gravitational pull was two homers from Teoscar Hernandez (3-for-6, 6 RBIs, 9th and 10th homer). I already took the L on my Teoscar schmohawk post, though, if being honest, I think I might’ve taken that L a bit prematurely. Guess we’ll see. Or we already saw. See? Saw? Get off the bench, Miguel Sano, I’m trying to get down! Next up on the flow chart of planets moving around IncomingTripleCrownium is Lourdes Gurriel Jr. (3-for-5, 2 runs and his 6th homer). Please get hot, Lou-Gu-Ju, please. Then, if we’re counting orbital rings, like the toilet in my college dorm, Bo Bichette (4-for-5, 5 runs, 3 RBIs) grabbed a slam (13) and legs (8), and is it going to be weird when I try to draft two Blue Jays hitters in the first five picks next year? Finally, two smaller planets, that many confuse for large rocks, Rowdy Tellez (1-for-1, 2 RBIs, and his 4th homer) and Cavan Biggio (2-for-4, 2 runs) hit his 5th homer. To celebrate Biggio’s return, his father Craig Biggio called him after the game to tell him, “Stick your elbow pad into a pitch or change the name on your jersey.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball: