2021 Razzball Videos

Sunday was not your typical deadline. Any time you get an elderly man from Sacramento at odds with a front office run by the richest MLB owner with the most-perfectly oval-shaped head in pro sports, things are bound to get interesting. And that’s precisely what happened on the August 1 MLB Draft-signing deadline, when two of the premier prospects in all of baseball were left without pro contracts. One went unsigned by his own choosing: Jud Fabian. The other as a result of the aforementioned scenario: Kumar Rocker. That makes the elderly man mentioned above none other than the infamous Scott Boras, who was looking about as youthful as Eustace Bagge from Courage the Cowardly Dog if you happened to catch a glimpse of him these past few weeks. Botox is like $350, just sayin’. For Rocker and Fabian, the future remains tremendously bright, albeit drastically different from the path we anticipated just one month ago. Now, we get to sift through the fallout and ramifications as it relates to both of these future stars — and while we’re at it, we’ll check in on some of the top prospects in baseball.

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The boys are back and ready to talk about the wildest trade deadline in at least a decade. We talk about the Cubs fire sale, how the new homes impact fantasy production from the top names. Players set to gain playing time based on trades, and some of the top callups over the last week. We also spend 10 minutes at the top of the show trying to figure why the Rockies didn’t trade Trevor Story and why they draw as many fans as they do. Another week, another Razzball podcast with your boys.

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Happy August!  The trade deadline has come and gone, and there’s eight weeks of baseball left.  Hopefully if you’re reading this, you’re still in the thick of things in a deep league or two, so let’s do what we like to do here and take a look at some players that may be available and/or of interest to those of us in particularly deep leagues.  Since I realized most of the players I thought I’d mention are in the AL, we’re gonna go ahead and make it a theme, keeping it strictly in the junior circuit for this week.

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Hello there, RCLers and welcome to another weekly round-up.  We’re hitting the dog days of the Razzball Commenter Leagues now, this is the time of year where teams in the bottom half of the standings check out and start drafting fantasy football teams.  But not you, good reader, you are sticking around for the long haul and grinding out those roto points.  Just a friendly reminder that our RCL trade deadline is approaching.  August 14th at midnight is your last chance to make any moves via trade.  I expect the next two weeks to be very busy with trades.  Speaking of the next two weeks, Rudy and the RCLBots are going to be out of commission for a bit.  That means today’s update and next weeks will be a bit smaller than normal with no Master Standings and no weekly stats to dig through.  However, the update on August 17th will be jam-packed with info, we’ll have three weeks of stats as well as an updated Master Standings.  A lot can happen in three weeks, so stay tuned.

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I’ll admit, I’m not really smitten with Tyler Mahle ($7,900).  He’s a player I didn’t target at all in season-long and I’ve avoided a lot in DFS.  Some of that is my own bias as the one time I used him heavily in DFS is the day he gave up seven earned in two IP vs. SF.  Today though, I’m going back to the Mahle well.  I think some of the problem with Mahle for me is it’s hard to get too excited about a 4 ERA pitcher, which is where his FIP sits and where his ROS projections have him leveling out to.  In DFS, strikeouts play and Mahle has those in bunches, rocking a 10.7 K/9.  The Twins are Josh Donaldson and a bunch of dudes right now.  They have Luis Arraez as their clean-up hitter the past two games,  Yes, that Luis Arraez with one dong on the season.  This is a choice match-up at a cheap price and I really hope Mahle doesn’t burn me again.

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Jarred Kelenic was such a terrific call-up, before he was called up. Jarren Duran was a Hall of Fame lock, before I locked him into my fantasy lineups. Vidal Brujan? A chef’s kiss that can be heard from each of the 27 local Tampa Bay Hooter’s that lands you in the hoosegow for 27 counts of unwanted advances. Wander Franco? More like a cat that’s making me have an allergic reaction, call him Dander Franco. The best rookie bats this year have been Adolis Garcia, who came with no fanfare, and Akil Baddoo, who everyone expected to fall apart due to being a Rule 5. With that MLB (Major Lowering of Bar), please welcome Jo Adell! In Triple-A, he hit 23 HRs — stupendous! Stole 8 bags — I’ll enjoy that! Hit .289 — wow, I’m moving my pants without the help of my hands! And struck out 29.2% — Um. So, he might hit .205, but there’s no leagues where I wouldn’t pick him up. There’s also a chance he might only last on my teams until Sunday. Here’s hoping he’s better than all other call-ups. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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I spent Friday afternoon calling TD Ameritrade to see if Grey had traded me to ESPN for the return of Manny Ramirez to MLB. After seeing reports on Twitter from Jeff Passan that Grey was actually at Boba Hut — the Star Wars-themed boba joint — instead of The Great Fantasy Industry Meetup, I started to relax. My eyes shut, the words Fidelio shooting through my head. Yes, I was loyal to Razzball. Grey was loyal to me. I could sleep, not worried about being traded…And then the e-mail from Boba Hut came. Its contents stated: “1 – Mandalorian Suit, Size XL. 1 – Boba Hut Face Mask (extra ventilated). 1 – Boba Hut Platinum Membership Card. Start date: August 1, 2021.” He sold me for a boba! Grey, I hope you enjoy that umami texture. As for me, I’ll be on the 4AM – 10PM shift at the Boba Hut in Pasadena, so come see me if you have a moment.

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Goodbye trade deadline, hello your team’s post-deadline decline? Did you do the thing? Did you hold onto Kendall Graveman, Ian Kennedy, Richard Rodriguez, and Savesy McSavesperson and now you have almost no source of precious saves? Well, in the words of Radiohead, “You do it to yourself, you do, and that’s what really hurts.” Of course, Thom Yorke then followed that up by looking at your middle infield options and muttering, “A pig, in a cage, on antibiotics.”

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If I wrote down exactly how I feel about or what I’d like to say to Eugenio Suarez I would certainly violate George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words. That still doesn’t lessen my urge to scream screwez youez every time Eugenio steps into the batters box. Speaking of which, he’s earning 0.35 points per plate appearance. Is that good you ask? It’s dog shitez terrible. Amongst players with at least 200 plate appearances, Vladimir Guerrero Jr. leads all hitters with a 0.93 PPPA. Only Byron Buxton, who hasn’t played since May 6th, has a better PPPA. But he only has 110 plate appearances to Vlad’s 432. Kinda apples to oranges if you ask me. If I drop the minimum number of plate appearances to 100, there are about 315 hitters ranked higher than Eugenio dipshitez.

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It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First up, we investigate the reports of a “right handed” Japanese man who almost masturbated to death. Then a Michigan lawmaker reports expenses totaling $221 at strip club. Finally, there’s new evidence that COVID could be spread through farts and Grey has something to say about those claims.

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