2021 Razzball Videos

Dodgers, Yankees and Padres should just divvy up the entire league and paper, rock, scissors the World Series.

“Paper beats rock.”
“Damn…Oh, man, did you have to bat flip your hand to rub it in? Don’t you know the unwritten rules of paper, rock, scissors?”

No matter how good the Yankees and Padres are, the Dodgers are Standard Oil. So, the full package for Max Scherzer and Trea Turner is:  Keibert Ruiz, RHPs Josiah Gray, Gerardo Carrillo; a bagel Larry King once took a bite of and put aside; fan meet ‘n greet with Rob Lowe, Hollywood Walk of Fame star of Mr. Ed; a good parking spot at Trader Joe’s, which seems impossible but whatever; a call from Tom Arnold about this “thing” and someone to intercept the call and jot down notes, and OF Donovan Casey. Let’s look at the Dodgers’ lineup once everyone is healthy:

Betts RF
T Turner 2B
Muncy 1B
J Turner 3B
Seager SS
Smith C
Bellinger CF
Pollock LF
Bench Barnes C, Pujols 1B, Taylor INF/OF, McKinstry INF/OF, McKinney OF/1B
Staff: Scherzer, Buehler, Kershaw, Urias, Price and Danny Duffy. Oh, eff off.

There’s a lot here, so let’s get on the other side of the anyway to break it down. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Last week we dug into closers who came out of the break hot. Let’s give the hitters their turn. Who’s squeezing some some speed out on the bases since the All Star break?

  • Someone must have told Gleyber Torres they were playing the 2019 Orioles all of last week because he has been a man on fire. Since the break he’s hit three bombs and swiped four bags. The talent is there. Torres just hasn’t lived up to it. Maybe he can help those rostering him to dig out of the hole they likely find themselves in.
  • Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

I really think that I will know my target audience when I start breaking out the Sanford and Son references.  With that being said, this article series parallels the television series perfectly.  As they say, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.  There was this episode of Sanford and Son where LaMont brought home this suitcase, let’s call it Sorje Joler.  It appears a little worn and not worth much anymore, despite the fact that at one point you could tell it was very nice.  Well, LaMont gets the suitcase home and Fred finds that it is stuffed with cash.  Well now it still appears to be junk to the naked eye, but when you dig a little deeper, voila!  I could continue to go on and on with my S & S references, but I think I feel the big one coming Elizabeth.  I shall bring you your Week 17 Head to Head junk heap heroes. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

Happy almost deadline day. It’s always important to watch the MLB news in case a guy is scratched with a late injury but with the trade deadline rapidly approaching it’s even more important to check in after you set your lineups in case a blockbuster trade goes down. That doesn’t stop the games from being played so let’s get on to the picks.

Lock Joe Musgrove, SP: $8,400 in right now as the best pitcher for the day. Even if you take his price out of the equation, the bot loves him. Add his price in and he’s a no-brainer. He’s posted strong numbers all season, especially in the strikeout category, and is primed to give you a strong performance 

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

On a treadmill, Billy Beane screaming at Jonah Hill, “Get me Starling Marte!” as he presses the speed faster and faster. Now, he’s at a brisk pace that could be described as, “Miguel Sano rolling downhill.” Jonah Hill, knowing he has to do as his boss says, or risk being fired, trades Jesus Luzardo for Starling Marte and that’s when…The music rises. All we see is a bandana tied around the back of a head. Tight close-up and we see a finger wave. Another close-up and we see someone putting their hand to ear to hear crowd noise. A little kid stands on a chair, and points, “Mah gawd, that’s Kim Ng’s music!” It is her, and she just fleeced Billy Beane. Yo, yo, YO YO YO, how do you trade a Starling Marte rental for Jesus Luzardo? The Marlins will show you how. Jesus Luzardo can be an ace as soon as next year and Marte? Well, who knows where he’ll be next year. Crazy value there for the Marlins. That’s how you do rebuilding and why I was giving such crap to the Pirates the other day over Adam Frazier. Though, giving crap to the Pirates is fun. They like it too, right? Pirates like anything to do with booty. As for Marte in his new home, welp, that park sucks, but it’s not like Crayola Canyon is a great park, and Marte’s more of a five-category performer than reliant on power. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

True story: I wrote the majority of my dissertation in a brewery. A Scottish brewer worked there — had even gone to college for a degree in brewing in the old country — and down the way there was a distillery that made whiskey. When the distillery was done aging whiskey in the barrels, the brewery purchased them to age their stout, creating the famed “Bourbon Barrel Aged Stout.” At 13% alcohol and with a taste profile that changed as it warmed up, it was a beautiful creation. Inspiring. So inspiring that I could write 400 pages. Type, type, type. Lesson is, I couldn’t have had that beer without barrels. Barrels cause good things to happen, but do people aspire to be coopers anymore? Nah, not really. But nowadays, the barrel masters are more commonly found in baseball, where batters connect squarely on the barrel of the bat. And, just like barrels bring you good beer, barrels in hitting bring you good batters.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

I’ve been taking my daughter to the pool to learn how to swim. Yes, your Son isn’t just a son of a Son who has a son himself. #GirlDad and proud of it! Anyways, she is so far from swimming, the same way I have no chance of replicating the feats I see while watching the Olympics. Gotta start somewhere, though. Getting into the water is no problem but dunking her head underwater or floating on her back is not on the agenda. So, the teacher just says to have her wade around in the shallow end to just get her comfortable being in the water. And wade we did and wade we do. It’s been about a week and she can now put her head underwater for a sec and float on her back a little bit with assistance. Incremental improvement which will hopefully portend for great things ahead. LaMonte Wade Jr. of the San Francisco Giants has been a sneaky source of fantasy production and has been added in 13.3% of ESPN leagues recently. Shoutout to Vlad Sedler, high-stakes guru over at Elite Fantasy who’s been on Wade for a few weeks now. Will this Wade lead to more or is it time to exit the pool and take a shower?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

Have you ever been the last person on a sinking ship? See that monster of a Carnival Cruise ship sinking off the coast of Florida? See the f*cking clown on top wearing a Cody Bellinger jersey? That’s me. Bellinger’s extreme upside kept me hanging onto the tiniest straw of hope for a turnaround down the stretch. This week, he tweaked a hamstring. He’s back in the lineup Tuesday night, but I’ve finally decided to throw in the towel. This is probably like when Rocky failed to throw in the towel and watched as Drago killed Apollo Creed….aka my teams with Bellinger are dead. The Dodgers’ slugger was easily the biggest faller of the week. But as one sun sets another Dodger rises in the west – that’s science, right? Max Muncy took a big leap into the top five. Muncy has managed to keep his walk rate above his strikeout rate all year and his Baseball Savant page is filled with the “red stats” that we want to see. Let’s dive into this week’s list and then we’ll talk about some movers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

My biggest advice for tonight and in the coming days is to pay close attention to lineup updates by beat writers. Only a couple of days left until the trade deadline and I suspect it will be a very busy one. Fantasy, especially DFS is all about opportunity and maximizing PAs. We don’t want to lose a player by “setting and forgetting” and have someone scratched right before the first pitch. Personally, I use @fantasylabsmlb and turn on notifications. They post lineups as well as updates and trades. Could save you some time if you don’t feel like stalking multiple beat writer accounts.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
 

Kendall Graveman was traded to the Astros with Rafael Montero for Abraham Toro and Joe Smith. So, I am now asking, what on earth is going on there? Is that a real trade? That trade made it seem like the Mariners’ front office wished they never made Tuesday night’s comeback. That’s a trade a last place team does with a first place team that’s in another division. Pardon the pun, but that Toro trade is fishy as hell. Unless I’m missing something, or the Mariners are like, “We need Toro, because the Padres love fatty tuna and we have to send him there for Hosmer.” Otherwise, that is just, well, bad, and hard to understand. Then the Mariners went out and got Tyler Anderson out from under the Phils’ nose, which is a long, green snout. Phillies tried to send a helmet stuffed with caramel popcorn and Pirates were like, “Hey, this guy’s getting stuck in my teeth.” So, a team with France isn’t waving the white flag? What goes on here? This is so crazy confusing! As for the Mariners’ pen, Paul Sewald, who has been great, takes over as closer. He could’ve been great with Graveman there too, though. As for Graveman? Engrave it with “RIP your fantasy value.” As for Tyler Anderson, he has a wicked cutter, and a very stable ERA of 4.30-ish, which is fine for real baseball and the Streamonator, but this trade doesn’t make him great. As for Toro, he homered last night in a pinch-hit appearance. It was almost like he knew what pitch was coming. Hmm… Well, Toro is a utility player for now, until the M’s get rid of Seager. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?