Around The Lou, Paul DeJong is colloquially known as Colonel Mustard, the Land Marshall, who is both dignified and dangerous who always rolls second. Or, uh, *counts the spots in the lineup* sixth. Yesterday, Colonel Mustard (2-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) did it with a baton on the back of a miniature horse while riding through our nation’s capital. “Onward tiny chap!” The Colonel coaxed his horsie, not a pony, many people make this mistake, around the bases not once, but twice. His fourth and fifth homer-jaunts around the bases in this too-early-to-be-called-a-season season. Will the Colonel Mustard continue to *pinkie to mouth* musquerade as an All-Star General or will his dong-ability be more of a lowly private? A tiny horse, of course, can carry him to 30 homers, and a .250 average easily, and I won’t hear any neighs. My condiments to the Colonel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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I was gonna write a big intro with fanfare and fireworks and 19 different synonyms for “Rocktoberfest” but I’m staring at a 3,000-word article and I know y’all have spring fever. I really hope it’s not Covid. ENYWHEY. Let’s forgo the comedic intro and get deep into the pitcher landscape, which is rocky and tumultuous as if a meteor landed and blew everything up. Also, I talk about Robbie Ray’s tight pants. Come, meet me after the jump!

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Hello you beautiful readers of blurbs! We’re in the thick of it now, wave after delicious wave of player blurbs slamming into us from multiple sites. We’re the pier, baby, and we are loving every last frothy slap in the swimsuit area. Speaking of swimsuit areas, let’s get hot and heavy in the hizzy and talk bias, baby!

I thought it was important to you all recognize the part biases play in fantasy baseball, and it is NEVER as simple as, “Welp, I just like this player better than this other guy.” That’s an example of the Dunning-Kruger Effect, a bias so powerful that it kills your curiosity about a subject because it feels better to be right than digging into data that proves you wrong. Any the how, I’ve listed types of biases and how they may appear in your fantasy baseball brain.

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Is it just me or does anyone else think Jazz Chisholm needs to pair up with Prince Fielder. What could Fielder be up to these days anyway? I’d say about three hundred and fifty pounds. I think the two could make some great music together. You know what else, I think it would be a cool feature if a team drops Chisholm the website shows a video of Uncle Phil tossing him out the front door.

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Welcome back everybody! I hope your week was awesome and you were able to cash a few bucks and maybe even take down a tournament or two this week. How about those lesser-owned players right? Vogelbach was huge on Sunday and was in the winning lineups on quite a few tournaments I saw, I hope you had him yesterday if you played. It’s a six-game main slate today so stacking is going to be the play. The trick is going to be getting to that lesser owned stack than everybody else is going to be on so I’ll go give my insight on that a little later.

Based on my title above you probably figured out who my target pitcher is and that’s indeed the Duffster. Danny Duffy ($8,300) will face the Rays on Monday who although their record is 8-8 and coming off a sweep against the Yankees didn’t look that special and a lot of that seemed to be on the Yankees not playing well defensively and shooting themselves in the foot rather than the Rays playing great. I think there will be a letdown in the Rays going on the road to Kansas City and having to face a hard-throwing lefty such as Duffy. Duffy is 2-0 and has only allowed 1 ER in both of his starts against the Angels and Indians respectively. Duffy is limiting hard contact as his hard hit% and barrel % look good so far and he has faced some good right-handed lineups in the Angels and Indians batting order and has shut them both down. Duffy has a four-pitch mix and commands the ball well similar to Carlos Rodon’s profile who I mentioned here last Monday (Start moved to Wed due to illness) and we saw what Rodon was able to do against the Indians. I don’t think Duffy will quite live up to Rodon’s start obviously but I do think he will be successful in limiting the Rays to weak contact hits and won’t hurt you in the BB department. I think Duffy’s floor is 6 IP 3 Hits 2 BB 7 K 1 ER which is what you need on a limited slate today.

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*counting puffs of smoke out of a chimney* “One…two…Mama mia! It’s two puffs-a smoke-a!” An Italian boy rides his bike through The Vatican, swerving around bishops, priests and nuns. Finally, the Italian boy skids to a stop, tosses his bike down and runs into a chapel. Inside, he runs up to the altar, where a priest wears a DraftKings cap. “Father, they held the Cardinals to two hits?” “Holy See……….t!” There’s about 40 top twenty starters. Does that mean there’s 40 top 20 starters? Not exactly. There’s 40 starters who could sneak into the top 20 starter conversation. Then there’s about 20 starters who could sneak into the top 10 starter conversation. Then there’s about ten starters who could be a top five starter. Finally, there’s about five starters who could be the top starter. Aaron Nola is in that last group. Yesterday, Aaron Nola went 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.19, solidifying himself as a 10+ K/9, 1-something BB/9 ace. Holy See……….t, indeed. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Week three is in the books, and yet again, pitching voodoo was conjured up, this time by the unsuspecting lefty Carlos Rodon, who came within a “toe ball” HBP of a Perfect Game. He threw a No-No and has not allowed a run this year over 2 starts, so maybe, just maybe, this is the breakout campaign we’ve long-awaited.

I would also be negligent in my duties if I did not mention the fact that on Saturday, for the second straight start Jacob deGrom struck out 14 batters while allowing 3 unearned runs. The Mets did everything in their power to provide deGrom with a loss but the baseball gods were just on that day, promptly delivering deGrom a win after he was pulled.

So to stick with the theme of the Mets and No-Hitters, Marcus Stroman is my pick to furnish the Mets with their first officially unofficial No-Hitter ( We don’t count the Johan Santana Debacle). Alright, I’m supposed to talk about 2 Start Pitchers so without further adieu…Let’s get goin!

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Well, it didn’t take long for injuries and poor play to blow up my preseason rankings.

Fernando Tatis is back in the lineup now for the Padres, but he gave every fantasy owner a heart attack when a vicious swing nearly ripped his shoulder off his body. Meanwhile, Adalberto Mondesi has yet to even get his season started while Tim Anderson was sidelined with a hamstring issue. While injuries are a nuisance, nothing frustrates a fantasy owner more than poor performance.

It seems shortstops such has Trevor Story, Gleyber Torres and Dansby Swanson have decided to enter the witness protection program instead of hit a baseball with any consistency. Story’s slow start has seen him fall 16 spots in my rankings while Torres and Swanson are nowhere to be seen in the rankings right now. Speaking of rankings, let’s get on with the show and see who ranks where – and why.

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I was a little worried about how last week would go, but I’m very pleased with the results. None of our streamers got blown up, and the two-start streamers looked brilliant in their first start of the week. We also got gems from Steven Matz and Cole Irvin, rounding out a really good week. That has me geared up and ready to go because we’re in full-on grind mode now. One thing to keep an eye on is the weather, though. Mother Nature has been cruel to my streamers articles in the past, and like most women, she’s going to continue to be persistent. The snow and rain wreaked havoc last week, so let’s pray for clear skies this week! With that in mind, let’s get into it!

Please, blog, may I have some more?