I’m Asian, so [email protected]#! Yuli Gurriel! I’m also a fantasy baseball writer, so separation of emotion from the numbers is a must. Much strength will be required in providing an objective analysis regarding Gurriel, so I’d appreciate if you click this post trillions of times so I can supersize my McyD’s and get the kids some new shoes. Thank you. Gurriel clubbed 31 homers last season and had a triple slash of .298/.343/.541. As a result, his average ADP from NFBC drafts (1/1/20-2/15/20) is the 125th overall player. [email protected]#! Yuli Gurriel?

Gurriel is 35 years old, yet has only played three and change seasons in the bigs. His rookie season consisted of 36 games and 137 plate appearances. Yes, Grey, I’m writing up another old guy. Maybe I have a thing for the olds? Should I hit up AARP to sponsor my posts? Anyways, in the past years when he played full seasons with the Astros, Gurriel never hit below .290 and never struck out more than 11% of the time. The swinging strike rate has never been in the double digits and the contact rate in the strike zone has always been above 91%. Translation: he’s a professional hitter.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Murphy’s law states that, “If something can go wrong, it will.” Murphy’s Law of Expectations (made up by me) has a similar theme: Assumptions lead to outsized expectations, which translates to disappointment. Imagine if your significant other comes home one day and says, “Honey, I’m going to get a boob job or penis enhancement procedure done.” Well, alrighty then. You get all excited and start mental masturbating over gazoongas or I___________________________________________________________________I. But what if the procedure was to reduce the size, or there was a complication with the procedure? You’d be pissed because the outcome did not correlate to all the mental masturbating sessions. That is what happened with Daniel Murphy last draft season. Even though he was coming off knee surgery and missed half of the season, signing with the Colorado Rockies had owners all over the land mental masturbating over what he could do in the confines of Coors Field. There’s no debating that hitting in Coors Field boosts hitting, but the outsized expectations led his ADP to skyrocket from 160 overall up to as high as the 36th overall player. Murphy finished the year hitting .279 with 14 homers in 478 plate appearances. As a result, he’s being selected as the 245th player in NFBC drafts according to data from 1/1/20 to 2/10/20. Does Murphy’s Law of Expectations work the other way as well?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever play Marco Polo? Marcooooo, you bellow out. Listen intently. Pooolllooooooo is the response. Move to where you think sound came from. Marcooooo, you yell out again. Listen more intently. Pooollloooooooooo. Each Marco with the subsequent Polo response should get you closer to tagging the idiot yelling Polo. For the non-swimmers chilling in the cabana poolside with the quizzical looks, the Hot and Cold game is more your speed. Get closer to the object in question, a Hot response is elicited. Mover further away and you get Cold. According to NFBC ADP data from January 1, 2020 to Februrary 3, 2020, Khris Davis is receiving the Cold response, as he is the 177th overall player being drafted on average. There is no Polo to Marco when it comes to Davis this season, but are the fantasy goodies dangling right in front of our faces? When Kross told Kris to warm it up and Kris responsed with, “I’m about to. ‘Cause that’s what I was born to do,” can we expect the same from Khris?

Please, blog, may I have some more?