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Yesterday, the Nats’ GM Rizzo put his feet up on his desk, rolled up a million dollar bill and used it to lit a cigar filled with million dollar bills, saying, “And that’s why I gave Patrick Corbin $140 million eight years after his prime.” Patrick Corbin went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 6.06. You can think to yourself, “Damn, I should’ve streamed Patrick Corbin yesterday because the Streamonator loved it,” but I’d prefer to think, “I ain’t ever starting a pitcher with a 6+ ERA.” His last three years of ERAs are…I’d ask for a drum roll, but they deserve a sad trombone…4.66, 5.82, 6.06. If we were in Bizarro World, you’d be collecting your crown from America’s Next Top Model and Patrick Corbin would be an ace. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Takes off Hello Kitty headphones, places head on the train tracks. Faintly off in the distance, I can hear the very subtle call of exuberance. A very, small yay. That’s the sound of the one fantasy baseball owner who has Isaac Paredes in their lineup for his three-homer night (3-for-3, 4 RBIs, 6th, 7th, and 8th homer). I’ll be real with you, I was sweating this one for Mark Whiten. Back in 1993, Whiten glued four baseballs to his hand back, and he ain’t trying to get a new member of the club. For those of you singing, “I love a Paredes,” I know. This would’ve been Ethel Merman’s best day in fantasy baseball. RIP, you bussin’ Queen. Any hoo! Hard to hit three homers and not be a schmotato, so I could see grabbing Paredes, but Cash is there. Cash’s favorite movie? Platoon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don’t know how Kutter Crawford‘s parents immediately knew he was going to be a pitcher, but there’s no other way to explain him being named Kutter. Unless they promised the doctor to name the baby after him, and they failed to get his name, but it was a Cesarean. Any hoo! Since Nathan Eovaldi hit the IL with back inflammation — I prefer Nathan’s hot dogs vs. Nathan’s hot back — and Whitlock hit the IL, Kutter Crawford (5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.74) could be in the rotation for the foreseeable future. Crawford had elbow issues for most of his professional career, which accounts for his low inning totals in the minors. His velocity touches 95 with two breaking pitches and appears to be an up-and-down arm, that would stick if he commands his pitches, which he seems unable to do, so he’s very risky. Guess he should be glad his parents didn’t name him, Intentionalwalk. Though, would’ve been nice if his folks just named him, Immaculateinning. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“He’s a Mormon like a wolf!” That’s me singing about Ezequiel Duran (2-for-4 and his 1st homer) as he was called up by the struggling-to-get-offense Rangers, who are only spending $500 million this year. Whatever the case, circle July 8th on your calendar as the first day we can get the long-awaited matchup of Duran/Duran. Her name is Edwin Rios and she is dancing on the sand! In the Itch’s top 25 2nd base prospects, Ezequiel got some shine, “Acquired from the Yankees in the Joey Gallo deal, Duran is a twitch factory who logged 19 HR and 19 SB in 105 games in High-A this year, slashing .267/.342/.486 between the two organizations. He also went to the fall league and slashed .278/.333/.611 with another three home runs in 16 games. I’ve been into this guy’s baseball actions since the first time I saw video of him way back in 2017. He’s a stout right handed hitter at 5’11” 185 lbs, who swings like he’s killing snakes. Grey better watch out, since he’s a snake.” Not cool! In deeper leagues, where you’re struggling for everything — wouldn’t be me! (Absolutely is me!) — I could see grabbing Duran. “Just like that river twisting through a Dusty land!” Me singing about Duran when he faces the Dusty-led Astros. Unlike the Phils’ defense, that shizz is catchy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Louie…Kah-steel-yo…Cah-still-oh…Cah-stee-low…Lou-ess Cah-sty-lo. Did I get it? Was it in there somewhere? I took thirteen years of Spanish (as detailed in my ebook Who Is Grey Albright — available in our shop!) and my Anglo tongue can’t get Luis Castillo out (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.38) but he was sure able to get out the Red Sox yesterday! (You didn’t think I’d land that sentence as well as I did; admit it.) Going into Fenway and holding the Sawx to one hit and striking out 10 is something to make Daddy stand up and take notice. Luckily, I have a standing desk so I don’t need to hunch over to type this. Castillo’s had a strange journey from borderline ace to “Do I even want to draft him in a shallower league?” His 9.5 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, 2.89 xFIP in 26 2/3 IP is still a pretty small sample size — that’s what she said derisively! — but it’s the best his numbers have looked in any capacity for years. His velocity is pretty down, and, coupled with the shoulder soreness in March, I wouldn’t necessarily bet on it continuing, but better to be here than Berrios. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When you think of comfort food, mac-n-cheese is always at or near the top of the list.  Who can resist the temptation of that four-cheese goodness your mom used to make on holidays or special occasions?  Maybe it’s the Kraft mac-n-cheese variety that comes to mind first…the one in the blue box that was a […]

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“Only thing better than three homers in a game is three World Championships in three years for three different teams.” — Joc Pederson probably. Joc Pederson is 80-grade fun. Maybe it’s the goofy paunchy body, maybe it’s the frosted hair that seems done by himself on a whim. I don’t know; he’s just so much fun. Yesterday, him and his fantasy owners had a whole lotta fun — 4-for-6, 8 RBIs and his 8th, 9th and 10th homers and his first career three-homer game. I know it’s inaccurate, but it feels like Joc Pederson hits 30 homers every year, and they’re all hit in the matter of 10 games. Think the only thing you need to know about Joc Pederson is this picture:

Joc Pederson has ice in his veins and NFTs in his crypto wallet. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?