I been up, I been down. Take my word, my way around. I ain’t askin’ for much. I said, Lord, take me downtown. I’m just lookin’ for some Tauch. I been bad, I been good. Dallas, Texas, Hollywood. I ain’t askin’ for much, I said, Lord, take me downtown. I’m just lookin’ for some Tauch. Take me back way back home. Not by myself, not alone. I ain’t askin’ for much. I said, Lord, take me downtown. I’m just lookin’ for some Tauch. In the last month Mike Tauchman has been the most profitable bat in points leagues. During that span he has eight home runs and twenty-four runs batted in. That all equates to 103 fantasy points for you points league purists. Did I mention he’s batting over .400 as well. Not that we care about batting average in points leagues, but there is certainly a correlation between a higher average and more points. Tauchman’s 1.3 points per plate appearances is the stuff studs are made of. In the words on MC Hammer, can’t Tauch this!

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Ken Griffey Jr. and Don Mattingly. Do those names ring any bells? Well Paul Goldschmidt is now two home runs shy of joining them in the record for most consecutive games with a home run. On Saturday night he made it six for six. Just when everyone had just about given up on him, he comes busting out of the gates like a three-year-old Thoroughbred at the Kentucky Derby. I toyed with the idea of writing a post entitled Paul Goldshit about a month ago, but as a long time fan and someone that’s owned him in my keep forever league since 2012, I just couldn’t turn my back on him like that. In fact, I have been telling anyone that will listen that they should buy low. Real low. How low can he go? While his early 2018 was not quite as bad as he’s started this season, last year’s naysayers are wishing they owned him in the second half.

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In his short stint with the Brewers, Keston Hiura had thirty points and a 0.447 PPPA over 17 games and 69 plate appearances. Somewhere out there Bill and Ted just rejoiced. In case you were wondering Travis Shaw has 36 points in 180 plate appearances. Mind blown. So sorry Keston, but clearly the head office in Milwaukee might be putting back a few too many Miller Lites. Since being sent down to San Antonio Hiura has gone 11 for 34 with 4 home runs, 11 RBIs and a stolen base. Factoring in seven strikeouts he’d be good for about 40 fantasy points. In case you were wondering what Travis Shaw has been up to since his return, he’s managed ten points thanks to four hits in 21 at bats. Like I said, it’s a head scratcher.

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As I was looking to figure out what to do with my teams and see if there were any trades/waiver moves that would strengthen my rosters I thought it was the right time to put together some positional rankings. Understanding a player’s value relative to another goes a long way in simplifying the process. The rankings that follow are a combination of year-to-date performance and rest of season expectations. The blend is about 70/30 YTD (in most cases). I live in the here and now and put a much heavier weight on what someone’s doing right now than I do on what they did last year or the year before that. Don’t get me wrong, it counts, but that’s where the thirty percent comes in.

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Two years ago Heath Capps, a fellow fantasy sports writer, invited me to join a daily fantasy baseball league he was running. Every Friday about twenty of us self proclaimed wannabe fantasy experts would compete against each other in MLB DFS using FanDuel’s Friends Mode. Each week the results were combined with the previous weeks’ contests as Heath maintained an overall leaderboard. The league was named DFS Wars and it was as much an experiment as it was competition. Nonetheless I was a big fan of the format and enjoyed participating.

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I really hope the O’Reilly Auto parts jingle is stuck in your head for the rest of the day like it’s been for me since I thought of the title. Damn you Austin Riley. Damn you shitty commercial. Talk about picking up right where he left off in AAA. Austin Riley has sprinted out of the gates in the race for National League Rookie of the Year. He’s got a lot of ground to make up if he’s going to catch Chris Paddack, but he’s certainly giving it the ole Major League try. In 38 plate appearances he has exactly 38 points. For those of you that don’t have a calculator nearby, that’s one point every time he steps into the batters box. And for those of you that are wondering if that’s good, well it’s better than good. As Tony the Tiger often said, it’s grrrrrreat! It’s only been 38 plate appearances, but if it’s any consolation, through 144 plate appearances in Gwinnett he tallied 156 points (1.08 PPPA). If he can come anywhere near close to keeping this up, he’s going to make Atlanta fans and fantasy owners extremely happy. Keep an eye in your rear view mirror Chris Paddack.

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Was Yordan Alvarez indeed called up? Allow me to clear things up. He’s not. At least not yet. Despite leading AAA in home runs (14) and runs batted in (44) and boasting a .398 batting average, Yordan Alvarez appears no closer to Houston than the next Astros prospect. Speaking of Astros’ prospects, there’s also the problem of Kyle Tucker, who is a more heralded prospect. Unlike Alvarez, however, Tucker is having a rather mediocre start to 2019. He has hit a fair share of homers, but that’s about it. Considering Tucker already struck out in his first taste of the Majors, I’d say Yordan has the edge should a need arise on the Astros roster. And that brings us to the real problem. The Astros roster. In order to get Alvarez on it with regular playing time they’d have to expose either Tyler White, Max Stassi or Tony Kemp to waivers and I don’t believe they are ready to do so. Couple that with the fact that the Astros offense is near the top of many categories, there just isn’t a place for Yordan Alvarez. Sadly, many (myself included) see mid to late June as a more realistic timeline for a call up. For what it’s worth, I stashed him two weeks ago. Hopefully we are all wrong and he’s up sooner.

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I’ve seen a few articles the past few days about how to replace Corey Kluber and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think they were all shit. It is absolutely not possible to replace the hole left in your roster by losing Kluber. Not with any player or players on the wire at least. The way I see it there is only one way to fill the void, and doing so will weaken your team in other areas. You’re going to have to trade a hitter for a pitcher of Kluber’s caliber. To do so you are going to have to part with a top of the line bat. As I said, this is obviously going to weaken your offensive production. Even if you have a surplus, moving a guy like Freddie Freeman, Francisco Lindor or Andrew Benintendi is going to hurt. The other option would be to sacrifice the future by including a draft pick, prospect or both if your league permits. You could also consider trading Kluber. These options would allow you to trade away a lesser bat right now, reducing the immediate impact. I’d target teams lower in the standings for a move such as this. No matter how you slice it, when that line drive hit his forearm, every one of his owners felt the pain. I heard a rumor that he was going to team up with Corey Feldman and revive the show The Two Coreys on YouTube Premium.

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The only reason Junis has the lede is because his name enabled the title. His points per start is piss poor at 10.25 points and it seems he must have eaten some stale matzah before Friday night’s start in New York because it was terrible. Here are my four questions. Why is this night different from all nights? It’s not. Jakob’s performance really put a damper on seders throughout the fantasy community. However… I am still a believer. In Junis that is. After all it has only been four starts. My preseason estimations had him at about 13 and change points per start, but I was/am optimistic that he’d outperform those numbers. I still think he gets there, but he has some work to do. In 22 innings he does have 24 strikeout. So there’s that. Like I said, it’s only been four starts. Look at Jameson Taillon, he’s averaging 8.75 points per start. Anyone ready to throw in the towel on him yet? I do realize that we are talking about pitchers of differing pedigree, but the point is four starts a season does not make. Instead of Junis, let’s take a look at a few starting pitchers that are off to an excellent start (pun intended).

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