I’m having this weird feeling. It’s not gas; I know what that feels like. It’s not anger that my neighbor planted a tree that smells like semen on my property line. It’s…I think…extreme sadness? I hate this team. I never love my AL-Only teams. Sometimes, I’m okay with them. Sometimes, I’m unhappy with them but pretend to be okay with them, like a sad clown with a painted-on smile. But hate an AL-Only team? No one good is even in the AL, so, yeah, I guess it happens. I drafted so many guys I don’t love, because Rudy’s values kept whispering in my ear, “Take this guy, Grey, he’ll be good for you. Like brushing your teeth and Brussels sprouts.” Brussels sprouts are little cabbages that I don’t like, and the draft was 4 1/2 hours long — no one should brush their teeth that long! Not even Julia Roberts! Drafting guys I hate? What’s going on with me? Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over me. My baby’s got a secret — he hates his AL-Only team, which I sing while wearing a bridal gown as I roll around on an empty stage. I also cut out each player’s name I drafted and throw them at my face like wedding rice. Is this metaphor still going, you ask yourself. Yes, it is! So, I drafted against Scott White at CBS, a bunch of Razzball guys and a lady (hey, Laura!), and a few ‘perts from other sites. This league is deep so hold onto ye olde hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Ryan Jeffers
Please see our player page for Ryan Jeffers to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
After we went over the top 10 for 2023 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2023 fantasy baseball in our (my) 2023 fantasy baseball rankings, it’s time for the meat and potatoes rankings. Something to stew about! Hop in the pressure cooker, crank it up to “Intense” and let’s rock with the top 20 catchers for 2023 fantasy baseball. […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Usually start writing these posts after the game has concluded, but for the Orioles game yesterday, I started working on the Anthony Santander lede about five hours before the game ended. The game was like: Run, run, five runs, seven runs, eleven runs, then fifteen pitcher changes. Has the game ended? I don’t know, and, at this point, it’s no longer my concern. Anthony Santander (3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 32nd and 33rd homer) is my concern. He now has four homers in the last two games; six homers in four games; 33 homers in 153 games–Wait, that becomes less impressive again. Santander becomes the 2nd player in MLB history to homer from both sides of the plate in the same game four times in a season, joining Ken Caminiti, who did it during his MVP year. Six homers in a four-game span hasn’t been done since the hottest schmotato of all-time, Luke Scott. During Luke Scott’s run, he actually went on Fallon with a schmotato that resembled him. Crazy times. Lucky the season’s gonna end soon or Anthony Santander would pass Judge in…*does quick math*…twelve days. For 2023 fantasy, I bet Santander is still underrated even though he has a 18.6% strikeout rate (excellent for a power hitter), 14.5% HR/FB (not at all obscene), and expected stats that back up just about everything he’s doing. Is he Anthony Santander or Anonymity Santander? Damn, Guy Fawkes, don’t be so Anonymous. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?As soon as you’re finished with this post, I want you to close your laptop, step outside and look at a bird in flight. Pick up a flower, breathe in its fragrance, sneeze from your allergies, wave to a neighbor and close your robe because you’re not just waving with your hand. How does that feel? Exhilarating? Then your dedication sucks! It should be a total bore. You should be more interested in whether or not I’m going to have a top 100 for the 2nd half of fantasy baseball tomorrow than what your significant other has been doing for the last three and a half months. Luckily, I will have a top 100 tomorrow, and your significant other can keep being your fantasy team. Okay, enough hubbub on the tomfoolery! Chris Sale broke his pinkie yesterday. Well, Aaron Hicks broke it, technically. If not for bad luck, Chris Sale would have no luck. I was minding my own business yesterday, watching the Yankees/Red Sox game when I heard the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life, a pubic hair commercial, then the 2nd thing worst thing was Sale’s pinkie going creeee-ack. Not sure how long this knocks him out, or how long I will be thinking about that pubic hair commercial, but they might be similar timeframes — the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)
5. Stacy’s Mom
4. Maggie May
3. Hot for Teacher
2. Mrs. Robinson
1. Me and Mrs. Nolan Jones
Runners-up: Me and Mrs. Christian Yelich, Me and Mrs. Alek Manoah, and Me and Mrs. Mike Napoli. That’s not in no particular order. That is the order. Know it, learn it, love it, all the greatest songs on Cougar Love on your dial–Sorry, I heard they were starting a new Sirius channel for Cougar songs, and I was writing up my audition script to be their deejay. The older they get, the same age I stay. Any hoo! The Guardians called up Nolan Jones this past week, and he’s got huge power, a handful of speed and possibly can’t make contact. Here’s what Itch has said about him, “Lanky corner bat whose value is driven by proximity and patience. I’ve always been down on Jones, comparatively, because I’m not sure he’s aggressive enough within the strike zone to hang against guys who just don’t give you much to hit and aren’t going to walk you if you’re not going to swing. His numbers have always been padded by poor command at the lower levels, and he’ll simply need to adjust, which he started to do after a slow start in AAA. He finished with a functional .238/.356/.431 slash line along with 13 HR and 10 SB in 99 games, which isn’t great but would be an improvement on Cleveland’s outfield production over the past few years. Speaking of slashes, put me in the same room as Grey, please.” Okay, scary. I’d grab Jones for some possible power to see if he gets some run in the Cleveland outfield. Maybe me and Mr. Nolan Jones, Mr. Nolan Jones, Mr. Nolan Jones, can get a thing going on. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?This weekend Wander Franco hit the IL, and will see a doctor on Monday for his wrist and hamate bone and I want to die. Put me in a grave, shovel dirt on my head, and say your farewells. To be less histrionic and more just that down-home Grey that you’ve come to know and love, I want my woobie! Here’s Kenneth Cashman, the man behind Rotowear, mocking me:
— Kenneth Cashman (@kenneth_cashman) July 10, 2022
Okay, Wander Franco was barely a top 250th overall player this year on the Player Rater, so, while I expected more, if you’ve survived this long with (aka without) him, you’ll be fine moving forward. I have faith in youse, my large adult sons, and five adult daughters. Taking his place will be Jonathan Aranda, who was recalled. I will say this about Rays prospects, they roll right off the fingertips. Aranadaadadadadadadada, McClanahananananananananananan…Though Lowe’s a hard stop. Aranada was tearing up Triple-A. Hey, kinda like Brujan! And Josh Lowe! And literally every Rays prospect who comes up and fizzles. Aranda is a decent power guy with a solid hit tool. Think a young France. Call him Tintin. In most leagues, you can prolly find better guys on waivers. Now, get lost while I try to cure my Wander lust. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Well, we had a rough go of DFS last Tuesday, but hopefully can right the ship today. We hit on both pitchers, but the bats were in hiding. My Orioles stack produced zero runs, and Goldy ended up getting the day off. Elsewhere around baseball we have seen some prospect call-ups finally happening with Oneil […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Joe Girardi lost his job because he lost too many games. Joe Girardi, a victim of cancel culture. Little did we know Joe Girardi was the butterfly to start Hurricane Stott. Yesterday, Bryson Stott went 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and all three have come in the last week. Could it be connected? Last week, Stott said, “I need some super easy listening music to bust this slump. Maybe some adult contemporary. Something by Rob Thomas.” But what he didn’t realize was, while he was dreamcasting his thoughts, he just accidentally brushed against a genie lamp. Shame that right after, he added, “I wish they put more cheese on my Taco Bowl, and I wish it’s all cheddar and not a mix.” Pleasantly surprised by his lunch, but not the best use of wishes. There was a reason why he was one of the hottest pickups the first week of the season. Hitting 9th stinks, but if he can keep hitting, he makes the most sense at leadoff, and he has power and speed. Hopefully, he can continue it, even out of wishes. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Jesse Winker was a .300 hitter. The Mariners made Jesse Winker a .180 hitter. The Mariners took the two best prospects in baseball and made them .175 hitters. I don’t want to overstate how good Cristian Javier looked, because he looked excellent, but I want it to be clearly stated, the Mariners have poisoned bats. Not like The Riddler plotting in Gotham after The Batman. Like literally holding noodles they think are bats, and never making contact to find out they’re actually holding dry capellini. With that said, Cristian Javier (5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.96) looks so good, man and five womans. Not as efficient as I would like (87 pitches with one out in the 6th). Pairing a 96 MPH 4-seamer with an 80 MPH slider that just breaks from righties way outside. Not as many swings and misses as one would like, but no chance for the Mariners on so many pitches. Throw out an Adam Frazier ten-pitch at-bat to start the game, and he would’ve easily made it through the 6th. Javier looks every bit like a starter for every fantasy league, and not just when facing the poisoned, capellini bats of the M’s. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?Welcome back to MLB DFS, Money Monday edition. It’s me, Cousin Timmy, and I’m here to keep your Monday nice and green. We have a six-game main slate on FanDuel tonight with first pitch set for 6:40PM ET in Miami. If you’re a Mike Trout fan or are dying to see Zack Greinke pitch 5 […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?As the month of April draws to a close this weekend, it’s a good time to take a moment and realize just how early it is in the world of fantasy baseball, especially once we remember that the season started a week late due to that pesky lockout. Earlier this week, just when I was […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Sum of All Fears with rookie pitchers is they will do things to you that you never want done. Things Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, Ben Affleck and Jim from The Office would try to stop by running and screaming through a Washington landmark, while diving for a helicopter that is lifting off. In the Ryanverse, Joe Jack Ryan and Joe Exotic should never interact, but here they are. Spies are taking shortcuts trying to get Tigers into the country from Bengal to sell them to finance a far-off arms deal with a rebel army in Latin America that is illegally trying to take down a corrupt government. Joe Jack Ryan is exactly who you want because of his command of the strike zone, and what it means to be an American. “Sell those tigers if the price is right. We’re running tigers for arms,” a corrupt CIA agent says to an actor that looks like a Latin Phil Hartman. But what they don’t know is Joe Jack Ryan is actually hiding inside of one of the Tigers, having taken them down himself in Minnesota. Any hoo! Joe Ryan went 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 1.17, as he does exactly what I was hoping when I told you in the preseason, “In the big picture/pitcher, he’s about the command, and it’s as beautiful as advertised. The zone% on his pitches would’ve been 45.9%, or 5th in the league if he qualified (in 2021). Obviously, he didn’t qualify because he only was in the league for 26 2/3 IP. By the way, in those MLB innings, he had 10.1 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 0.79 WHIP (!!!), and a 3.43 FIP. Bit too in the Zone% because he gave up a few homers, but those numbers are ace-like. I wouldn’t expect better peripherals from Shane Bieber as far as K/9 and BB/9. 10+ and 1+ absolutely works. And by “works,” I mean it f*cks. Rookie pitchers are the devil incarnate with their blowups, but Joe Ryan has the makings of a ‘safe’ rookie starter, due to his command.” And that’s me quoting me! Hopefully, Joe Jack Ryan is wearing a giant bird suit next week when he takes down the Orioles. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?