Acuña Waited Tilde End Of May To Begin His Season

Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. went 1-for-3, 4 RBIs with a slam (3) and double legs (9, 10), hitting .238. The homer was a grand slam, and his 1st home run since April 24th. Got this text yesterday from my buddy and fantasy baseball ‘pert, Mike Gianella, “One healthy year for 2021-25, his ’22 and ’24 were nothing special. Yet, he somehow avoids all the narratives some other players get tagged with. Since 2019, Corey Seager and Carlos Correa have each played more games than Acuña.” A brutal truth bomb to receive. I don’t like truth bombs. I always forget if it’s the blue or the green wires you have to clip to diffuse them. It was the 2023 year that has carried Ronald Acuna Jr.’s perception. The assumption, I imagine, is if a guy can go 149/41/106/.337/73, he’s capable of too much goodness to let fall in drafts. Even if he sniffs those numbers, he’s worth the draft spot. Well, if you make an assumption, it makes an ass out of someone with consumption. To say, he’s been struggling is the understatement of the year, just beating out, “The Michael Jackson movie left out a few things.” Here’s where he was on the Player Rater, before yesterday:

That’s hideous. His Statcast page is demoralizing. Worst exit velocity of his career. Making contact, just not great contact. He looks a lot more like a 20/25/.270 hitter than anything remotely near what he was once, unless he can turn this whole thing around, but maybe when Tildaddy tells you who he is, believe him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Michael Harris II – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 13th homer, 2nd homer in three games, hitting .301. Honestly, I’d love to hear a cogent reason to bat Megahertz sixth and Dubon 2nd. Ain’t to protect Riley, he can’t be protected, and it’s not to help the bottom of the order, there’s no helping them.

Ozzie Albies – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .276. Been a pretty miserable month fo Albies (.200-ish, 2 HRs, zero steals). Hopefully, he’s more April power showers and less May wilting flowers.

Chris Sale – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.01. An ERA over 2? What a bum!

Payton Tolle – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.61. He was lifted after 94 pitches even though he looks like he’s old enough to have four grandkids and can remember when pitchers threw 130 pitches, and not just when Dusty Baker was the manager.

Heston Kjerstad – Activated from the IL and optioned to the minors. Orioles have developed one hitter since 2000 and it’s Machado, who they let go ten years ago. Don’t worry, they haven’t developed any arms either. Don’t say Gausman, they gave him away, then he was DFA’d before he developed with the Giants.

Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 5.06. One thing I always say about Bassitt…[pulls straw out of mouth]…That dog’ll hunt.

Coby Mayo – 1-for-2 and 6th homer. How’s this for a home run call: Mayochup, the Ch is silent! Needs works, huh?

Andres Gimenez – 1-for-4 and his 6th homer. Tatis has zero! I’m dying, mother. Please someone poke Tatis in the ribs when he’s swinging so he swings with an uppercut!

Patrick Corbin – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.65. I like how crazy pitching is. Makes zero sense. Like boogie boarding on the back of a great white shark. “Man, this is fun!” Occasionally, “Oh, wow, he’s going under and going to kill me, this is not fun!”

Jared Jones – Carmen Mlodzinski is headed to the pen. Mlod begins, “Dearest Mlartha, I’ve received word that I won’t be starting anymore with the return of Jared Jones. This is upsetting to me and I have chosen to share my discontent with you, even though, being a female, you’re not supposed to be reading. You were supposed to be learning how to care for babies and care for my bruises, ego and whatnot. If you are having someone else read you this, it better not be that butter churner salesman with his leering eyes. What’s his name, Bruce? Bruce, if you’re reading this, you better not be there snogging my wife! Anyway, I sign off for now. Hopefully, I can replace Bubba Chandler in the rotation soon. Like Bruce is replacing me! That bastard!” So, LL Donkey said Jared Jones will make his season debut tonight. I would roster him in all leagues, so take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt. He had a 4.14 ERA in 121 2/3 IP in his MLB career with a 9.8 K/9, 2.9 BB/9. I keep thinking about Jared Jones being an ace already, and he has that possibility, but his projections don’t say that nor does any of his previous MLB stats. I do wish I had him though, so I bet you could sell him if you have him stashed. Sell him like Bruce sells butter churners.

Esmerlyn Valdez – Optioned to the minors. I heard this news and I began to sob uncontrollably, then I heard a little voice in my head said, “He’ll be back and he only cost you $1 in FAAB,” and I told that little voice, “It’s not about the FAAB! I really liked him!” Then the little voice said, “Really?” And I said, not that convincingly, “Yeah.”

Konnor Griffin – Day to day with a forearm strain. Hope they don’t ask him to throw too many sliders.

Paul Skenes – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.03. He’s no Patrick Corbin!

Bryan Reynolds – 2-for-3 and his 5th homer. No one is more fun to roster! Bryan “Barrel Of Ahhs” Reynolds!

Colin Rea – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.70. I promise you, it’s not always on the page, but I research every guy. Most guys who are Colin Rea-like just don’t warrant much discussion, so–

Ian Happ – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer, hitting .225, and two homers in two games. It’s my Happ’ening and it’s freaking me out!

Davis Martin – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.00. He has the 15th highest O-Swing% and the 12th lowest O-Contact%. Put it into layman’s terms, he’s getting the 15th most hitters to Chase and only 11 pitchers cause hitters to miss more pitches they’re chasing. He sits between Skenes and Gavin Williams. All 15 pitchers with that sorta Chase rate are solid. Wait, it gets better! He’s got the 15th best Swinging Strike rate, only person in those 15 that’s even close to iffy is Eury, and he’s more just a head case issue. Finally, and also excellent: Martin has the 20th lowest Contact%, but the 17th best Swing%. So, hitters are like, “Yeah, I can hit that,” and Davis is like, “No, you can’t.” All of this is to say, Davis Martin graduates (to solid number two)! Davis Martin graduates (to solid number two)!

Isaac Paredes – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. This month he has seven RBIs, and has three homers, hitting around .225. At this point, it’s me, Ethel Merman and maybe his mom for the only people who still believe in a good Paredes.

Jeremy Pena – 2-for-4 and his 2nd homer. That’s in 20 games. He’s a 16-homer hitter in 160 games. So, rough math, every ten games a home run, carry the zero, there’s no zero, where’s the stupid zero, and that’s the right pace he’s on.

Spencer Arrighetti – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.34. Putting Eovaldi should be better in one hand; Arrighetti should be worse in the other hand, and I have nothing in either hand because you can’t hold statements in hands.

Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 5 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.93. Bleh. I’ll be honest with you, I can do without the garbage starts from Eovaldi. It used to be great start or injured. Can we get back to that?

Josh Jung – 2-for-3 and his 6th homer, hitting .307. Went to the Player Rater to see where Jung was for 3rd basemen, because it’s a poor position and I figured he’d be pretty high for them, and I was wrong. It’s fine, but when you’re behind Arenado, I feel like you’re doing something wrong, unless you’re Cole Trickle drafting.

Jose Quintana – Hit the IL with an elbow strain. Brutal blow to the Rockies. The Vegas line for Rockies wins moved from 56 to 55.8.

Simeon Woods Richardson – 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.74. He replaced a late scratch Kendry Rojas (elbow soreness), and the Twins were definitely not out of the Woods.

Grayson Rodriguez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 7.53. I’m rooting for him (to get traded to a team that can help him recover to his former glory), but I wouldn’t even Streamonator him, until I saw a few more decent starts.

Wenceel Perez – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games. Won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but looks like a hot schmotato.

Kenley Jansen – Hit the IL with pelvic inflammation. I got that once doing The Worm. Grab Kyle Finnegan.

Jack Flaherty – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 5.81. Yeah, how could he shut down the Angels? Impossible task! They have Adam Frazier, Wade Meckler, Sebastian Rivero, Donovan Walton, Justin Ruggiano, okay, the last one is a lie, but you had no idea. Flaherty couldn’t lock in, if he were in an escape room.

Ryan Ward – With Teoscar hitting the IL, the Dodgers called Ryan Ward. To make this go down a little easier, I will call him Ryan Ward III. I wonder if MLB front office people, scouts or players have this reaction that I have: I look at a player being called up and see they’re 28 and say to myself, “I just wasted fifteen seconds researching this guy when I could’ve been researching new boba places in my neighborhood. I wonder if my colon is filled with 40 pounds of undigested boba. That would be so fun for an autopsy. Do other people have these thoughts?” So, Ward went 36/16/.290 last year in Triple-A, and I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating because it’s a short schedule day and I’m like a student assigned a 2,000-word essay when they haven’t studied and what I always say is: No one should look that good in the minors. No one should go 30/30, no one should get a 35/15 season and no one should be proud of that. It means the club does not think you’re really talented, but they think you’re hitting that well because you’re basically Danny Almonte. You’re against 12-year-olds when you’re a 17-year-old in Little League with a fake birth certificate.