You know how you bought that prosthetic pierced nipple in college? Then, one day, you were at a strong-in-energy kegger and everyone was screaming for you to jump in the pool, but you knew there was a 99% chance your prosthetic pierced nipple would come off and everyone would know you’re a fraud? But you jumped in anyway, and your prosthetic pierced nipple floated away, but, to your surprise, everyone liked you still, without the prosthetic pierced nipple. Lucas Giolito is your tan-lined nipple without the prosthetic piercing. He may get hit around occasionally, he might not always get Ks, but, at the end of the day, Lucas Giolito (6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.42) is a great, bare-nippled pitcher. His 11.3 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 3.35 FIP tell me next year he’s going to be a sneaky top 15 starter in 2020, who is forgotten like a prosthetic pierced nipple. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Chris Bassitt to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
The Jurickson store called and they’re out of you so please report back to your nearest Jurickson store, because the A’s called up Franklin Barreto, who was named PCL Player of the Month. I just want to see Barreto on top of a Caprese salad, and then I’m going to dream I’m in Tuscany with Diane Lane and will hang a Do Not Disturb sign from my door for three whole minutes. “Diane, did you enjoy that as much as I did?” “I’ve never been satisfied. Can I call you Hugh Jack-in-the-Box?” “I’d be honored.” Then we return from Tuscany and get bogged down in bills…stress…PTA meetings, but we’d always have three minutes in Tuscany to remember fondly. In June, Franklin Burrata collected nine homers, three lasagnas and 13 doubles, and he hit .387 with 32 RBIs. His overall minors numbers were 65/12/48/.296/13 in 277 ABs. He’s now on his 3rd call-up to the majors, and each time his Ks have skyrocketed like the fireworks that Diane saw in her eyes after our three minutes. Franklin Barreto will be the A’s regular second baseman moving forward, and Bob Melvin is excited to see what he can do. I’m with Bob! Which is what I say in every south Florida massage parlor, after explaining I want Lui-Sue to pretend she’s Diane Lane. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’re creeping closer and closer to the all-star break, so now’s the time to make a serious push in your leagues. By streaming, you can get a leg up on your competitor in a head-to-head league or boost your counting statistics in a roto league. We’re at about the halfway point in terms of fantasy […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not your Grandfathers Top 100 Starting Pitchers…
Grandpa-Donk handled a lot of wood back in his day, if you know what I’m saying. Not that kind of wood! Alright, maybe that kind of wood, it was the 60’s and from what I understand the donkey world was pretty open-minded back then. But the way G-Donk tells it, his hobby of woodworking accounted for the majority of his wood handling back in the day. The old donk enjoyed taking very rough pieces of phallic shaped lumber and smoothing them out into much less rough pieces of phallic shaped lumber. Because it was such intensive and sweaty work, he typically handled the wood shirtless with help from his completely platonic friend Jimmy.
I always think of these stories of my gramps and his very heterosexual buddy handling that rough wood together when I hear the name of my lede for this week’s top 100: Brandon Woodruff. Brandon had a rough start to his 2019 campaign himself, but has begun to mold his season into a masterpiece that would make even Grandpa-Donk and sweaty Jimmy proud. After a seemingly unlucky April, Woodruff has been silky smooth since the calendar turned to May, sporting a 1.55 ERA and a 0.92 WHIP with 29 strikeouts across 25 innings. Impressively, 11 of those innings came in his home hitter haven Miller Park against the Mets and Nationals, while the other 14 innings were tossed in scary road starts against potent Philadelphia and Atlanta squads! I don’t think he’s a sub 2.00 ERA pitcher, but this dude is smoothing out penis-shaped timber with the best of them at the moment. Woodruff has thrust himself a full 30 spots higher in my rankings this week, all the way up to #42.
Here are a few other guys who have been smoothing and thrusting lately…Please, blog, may I have some more?
MLB owners decided not signing free agents was too obvious. Everyone can see that in plain-sight. Passing around a championship belt that says you’ve spent the least on free agents? Too on the nose! So, MLB owners got together and decided en masse the best way to manipulate the market is to promote prospects and milk them for a few years at their minimum, then let someone else pay them for their services or lock them down to a big contract when they’re very young for pennies on the dollar of their actual worth. Crazy or crazy like a fox? So, Brendan Rodgers was called up yesterday at like 5 AM my time, and, then when I woke up at 7 AM, I promptly grabbed Br. Rodgers in all but one league to find out about a half of a cup of coffee later I now owned Brady Rodgers, a relief pitcher on the Astros. Anyone know what his stuff looks like? True Story Alert (after the last true story that was given without an alert)! I already had Austin Riley and Brendan Rodgers featured predominantly in my Friday Buy that’s coming later today. Planned it out on Monday of this week, figuring I could tell you to pick them up before they were called up next week. Comic book graphic of being wrapped in Reynolds Wrap as I scream, “FOILED!” On the Prospectonator, which ranks and projects all rookies, Rodgers is ranked 4th for all rookies. The 1st two are Vlad Jr. and Senzel, and the third is The Boss. With Hampson demoted, I’d guess the Rockies give Rodgers a long leash as he plays 2nd, and he might not need said leash. He could click immediately, and be a fixture on the Rockies’ infield like Story and Arenado were before him. He should be owned in every league. For what it’s Werth, Rudy thinks Rodgers could just be insurance for Trevor Story, but I think Ryan McMahon is done. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not one to toot my own horn, but TOOT, TOOT. Our picks have been killing it the last two weeks and we’re going to look to build off that momentum here. The funny thing is, I hate this group of streamers. This is probably my least favorite group all season long and I’m not ashamed to say that our hot streak may come to an end with these questionable selections. Our goal here is to stream though and dammitt, we’re gonna stream. With that in mind, let’s get to some of our two-star pitchers…Please, blog, may I have some more?
If it wasn’t bad enough that 11 of the top 30 starting pitchers drafted this year have an ERA over 4.00, now we’ve got an all-SP Ambulance Chasers. In the last two issues of Ambulance Chasers there were an additional 7 injured SPs for another grand total of 11. Hold your starting pitchers close — tell them you love them — you never know when they’ll be the next to go…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Not your Grandfathers top 100 starting pitchers…
It’s been a rough month for Grandpa-Donk. The old Donk isn’t supposed to be climbing ladders in his advanced age of 90, but the garage roof needed to be tarred and he felt he was the only donkey for such an urgent task. You guessed it, gramps fell off the garage roof, but somehow he escaped with only a broken wrist. A couple weeks later, while in a cast, G-Donk decided to use that same hoof to hammer some nails into his barn. This resulted in a second trip to the veterinarian for the stubborn old jackass.
Clayton Kershaw reminds me a little of Grandpa-Donk. I mean, minus the senility, reckless abandon, and tail. Kershaw suffers from a herniated disc in his lumbar spine (lower back). While I’m not a doctor, I have been called “Dr. Donkey” several times; and I think that’s qualification enough for me to assert that, while the symptoms may subside, a disc herniation will not heal without surgery. Mr. Kershaw has had no back surgeries.
All of this is to say, I trust Clayton Kershaw to stay healthy about as far as I can throw him. Which isn’t far, because I’m a donkey, I can’t throw anything. While Kershaw has looked very good so far this season, and I do have him ranked at #10, I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before Kershaw finds himself on the shelf for another two month stin,t or worse. If I happened to own him, I’d sell him for any arm in my top 20. You should be able to get a useful piece added on if you’re forced to settle for one of those back end top 20 names.Please, blog, may I have some more?
B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back at it, discussing various forms of sausage along with a little fantasy baseball. Journeyman Chris Bassitt is the object of Donkey’s affection this week while B_Don sifts through hours of Caleb Smith film and Coach Ditka highlights. Find out whether you should be buying or selling both of these arms in your respective league.
Subliminally, I nod my whenever Reynaldo Lopez is mentioned. It’s a disease similar to Jimmy Legs; it’s called Lo-Pez Head. Yesterday, my Lo-Pez Head nodded for all the good he was doing (6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunenrs (3 BBs), 14 Ks, ERA at 6.03). Lopez faced Murmurer’s Row of Detroit and sent them down, down, down, down–how many downs is that? 4 downs at three downs per down, that’s still only 12 downs and he had 14. Damn, that’s too many Ks for even the Alt-Right Sox. Usually Reynaldo Lopez rattles off a bag of Dick Poles. Am I now interested? Do I look *makes nutter rolly finger motion on side of head*? He was once a big-time prospect with a mid-90s MPH fastball that can hit straight-boing type levels. I see his current 11.2 K/9 and get weak in the knees, can barely speak, but his 4.9 BB/9 is his usual Pitfall Harry and his 5.47 xFIP doesn’t scream confidence like a man with 100-point font. I’d continue to view him as a streamer for now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?