Angels still have issues, but I’ve liked the changes Kurt Suzuki has made as manager, and, I wonder if he has a hand in Jose Soriano (5 IP, 0 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.24) unlocking da juice. Of course, I’m just guessing it’s Suzuki’s doing. It could’ve been a butterfly landed on a bus driver’s shoulder in Indonesia and, because he’s deathly afraid, he swerved and ran into a grandmother on a moped. She’ll be fine, but her grandson had to travel to Indonesia to look after her. It was going to be a nice reprieve for him, after toiling at a dead-end job for five years. He’d go overseas and return with a newfound purpose. Though, while he was at the airport, he was talking to someone in the TSA line about how he thinks Jose Soriano can be great but has the wrong arm angle. Someone overheard that, and they were Arte Moreno’s neighbor, and they went back and told Arte, who told Kurt to tell Jose. Or simply Kurt helped. I don’t know, but the results have been fantastic — 10.3 K/9, 3.1 BB/9, a 2.77 xFIP, and number one on the Player Rater through almost a month. Velocity has always hit 98, but command never amounted to much. Now: 1st in MLB in innings, and ERA; 2nd in strikeouts and batting average against. It’s all clicked, and he looks as good as that Indonesian grandson thought he could be. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Mike Trout – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (8) and legs (4), hitting .239. So, that ends the speculation that Mike Trout has over 400 career homers simply because of Yankees pitching. Oh, and four more homers before his 1st IL stint.
Nolan Schanuel – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .239. Another point in Kurt Suzuki’s favor. Namely, Schanuel hitting in the 6-hole and not sitting in the two-hole. Though, I guess we’ll see after Trout’s 12th homer.
Didier Fuentes – 3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners (1 BB), 7 Ks, as he was called up, and immediately sent back down. Now, JR Ritchie’s coming up. I’m the first person to be like, “Get this crappy vet out of the rotation and put in this rookie! Here’s one: Goodbye, Chris Paddack, put in Snelling!” With that said (Grey’s turning this thing around!), Ritchie has had command issues in the upper minors, and Strider’s back soon anyway. Though, if you wanna feel that rookie nookie, I won’t stand in your way.
Michael Harris II – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th and 6th homer. II legit to quit.
Drake Baldwin – 2-for-3 and his 7th homer, hitting .320. He’s on pace for a 40-homer season. I’d bet against him getting there, but just to have this opening month salvo? Got me salivating.
Matt Olson – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd in three games. 28 more to go!
Joey Wiemer – 1-for-1 and a slam (3) and legs (1), as he pinch-hit late in the game. You might remember Joey Wiemer from such films as, “The 1st Week Of The Season Natural,” and, “He’ll Never Be Bad, Right?”
Daylen Lile – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in three games, and 3rd homer in a week. A Lile bit louder now!
James Wood – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 9th homer. Wow, he didn’t hit his 9th homer last year until April 28th! Wait, that’s not that long in the future.
Yordan Alvarez – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .347. Captain Woo Cubano is my favorite and I want him back! Why didn’t I draft him? Instead I have this freakin’ Jazz schmohawk! [turns to mirror] You’re so dumb!
Peter Lambert – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.27. Peter Lambert’s got the most once-was-a-child-star name I’ve heard. The little kid from Little Big League? I think that’s Peter Lambert. So, Lambert’s been gone for a while. First in Colorado, then in Japan. He wasn’t very successful in either place, and I’d be careful outside of AL-Only.
Enyel De Los Santos – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.86 and his 3rd save. And I already moved on! Can’t go back! Can only move forward! I’m like a shark but with SAGNOF! Though, in the Church of SAGNOF in the EDLS Chapter, I can go back if my 8th place waiver claim does the trick.
Tanner Bibee – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.45. Some of the most yawnstipating peripherals under the hood for Bibee. Not ugly, but not pretty. Call him, well, quick detour: I went to a movie screening a few years back and Angelina Jolie was there. Let’s just say, not ugly, but not pretty. Call him, Tanner Jolie.
Connor Prielipp – 4 IP, 2 ER, as he was called up. If you can say his last name, without going into A Tribe Called Quest’s Oh My God lyrics a’la, “Prielipp, Prielipp, ya wind up ya hip…” You are a better or younger person than me. Mick Abel went down with elbow inflammation, and I nearly did just now. I’ll explain! In an AL-Only league, people clamored for Kendry Rojas (spent FAAB) earlier this week, because he was rumored to be called up to replace Abel, but I looked at him and Prielipp and went with Prielipp for free, because he had better stats and was older, thus closer to MLB-ready. Then I started doing a Tiger Woods fist pump like when his Uber arrives and says, “You’re drunk? Wanna drive my car?” and hence the elbow inflammation. Prielipp is still only AL-Only and deep mixed leagues, but his slider is about as good as it comes and can hit 96 on the speedball. So, monocle.
Byron Buxton – 1-for-5 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in two games. Told ya yesterday he was gonna homer today.
Devin Williams – Carlos Mendoza confirmed Devin would remain the team’s closer saying, “That’s why Luke Weaver (1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 5.40) was kept in to close the game.” I kid, he did say Williams was his closer, and had the night off. Devin will be back to blowing saves tomorrow! I did grab Weaver, just in case Mendoza comes to his senses.
Francisco Lindor – Left the game with calf tightness. Even after their win last night, the Mets seem cursed, unless…
We did it!
— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) April 22, 2026 at 6:58 PM
Juan Soto – 1-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “I went to church this weekend and, for a good hour, I thought he meant Lorde, the singer.”
Clay Holmes – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.10. Whaddup, Holmes?! Him.
J.T. Realmuto – Hit the IL with a lower back injury. Son of the actress who played Tony Soprano’s mom, Rafael Marchan, will take over and is not good with the ol’ bat.
Michael Busch – 2-for-4 and his 1st homer. “Honey, rather than tie cans to my bumper to celebrate our wedding, what if we tied my 1st baseman–Hold on! He moved! Busch is alive!”
Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd in two games. Seiya ball!
Matthew Boyd – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.79, as he was activated from the IL. He seriously couldn’t get one more out? One more?! C’mon!
Wyatt Langford – Hit the IL with a flexor strain. I go to Urgent Care basically once a week I’m so neurotic. I go so much, the doctor knows me. I think I hate Wyatt Langford because I see so much of myself in him. Get yourself a good Urgent Care doc, Wyatt, and stop missing so much time!
Josh Jung – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in a week. Gosh Jung!
Jack Leiter – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.97 vs. Braxton Ashcraft – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.43. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know if there’s any point to drafting starters before 200 overall. Great starters who are drafted after 200 are indistinguishable from starters taken in the top 200.
Oneil Cruz – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer, hitting .286. Down from .355 nine days ago, but, yeah, he’s immune to slumps.
Shohei Ohtani – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.38, 0-for-4. He’s a top two hitter in baseball and has an 0.38 ERA. Very normal stuff!
Ryan Walker – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 3rd save, 2nd save in two days, ERA at 3.27. And now he’s the closer. No question about it. Not entirely sure why Tonnato Vitello couldn’t have told us that a month ago.
Munetaka Murakami – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, 5th homer in five games. Who’s going to explain to the newly defrosted Dale Long how the internet works?
Miguel Vargas – 2-for-4, 3 runs and a slam (5) and legs (4), and 3rd homer in three games, and one of the hottest schmotatoes in the entire land.
Colson Montgomery – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, 2nd homer in two games, and 3rd homer in three games and 4th homer in four games. So, what are you telling, the White Sox hired Adam Dunn as their hitting coach?
Nolan Arenado – 4-for-4, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. I purchased on eBay the first known paper menu for Chipotle and someone wrote in pencil, “Don’t put botulism in the carnitas.” Here, I’ll show you, it’s haphazardly over by this open window–NOOOOOO!!! Torenado!!!
Ildemaro Vargas – 2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, three homers in two games. A hot schmotato, clearly, and also two Vargasses homered in the last two game, three times. Finally, a -gas that can get through the Strait of Hormuz.
Casey Mize – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.51. Sitting on 10.1 K/9, 3.1 BB/9 and both are highly encouraging. He’s also one of the few guys who can throw 170 IP, so could be a number two, potentially. Yeah, I’m a fan.
Kerry Carpenter – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .219, and now hitting in the 7-hole, between Wenceel Perez (0-for-4, .063) and Javier Baez (1-for-4, 1 run, .277), i.e., Death-Of-Fantasy Valley. Oh, and Carp’s K% is 36.4. Does he need Max Muncy’s glasses?
Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .189. He’s hitting in front of Carpenter too. Or I guess with a .189 average and one homer. “He shitting in front of Carpenter,” like some weird OnlyFans.
Brandon Williamson – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.40. On a somewhat related note, whatever happened with Lodolo? Did his blister get infected with the Gong-Gong Disease that was discovered by Chuck Barris during his time with the CIA?
Junior Caminero – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. Vroom, vroom! I go down the board game aisle!
Nick Martinez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.10. Actually, perfect Tampa Bay Rays pitcher. Affordable and he’s made a career out of getting by with lesser stuff. Call him Make-A-Dollar-Out-Of-Three-Nickels Martinez. Hmm, maybe a bit too long. Streamonator did love this one and hates his next, so there’s that.
Pete Alonso – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .213. Albombso!
Coby Mayo – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, and 2nd homer in two games. This is the one instance when a hot Mayo won’t give you diarrhea.
Chris Bassitt – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 6.75 vs. Michael Wacha – 5 1/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 2.51. Regression Fairies came for the Wacha start, stayed for the Bassitt start as they ate hot dogs in the crowd with no buns or chewing.
Vinnie Pasquantino – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .160. Oh my God, my Italian homey that eats tiramisu with mascarpone actually hitting a home run. Pasketti from heaven!
Carter Jensen – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .275. So glad I moved on from that schmohawk Yainer Diaz! (We’ll seee how I feel in another week or two.)
Cal Raleigh – 3-for-5, 2 runs and a slam (5) and legs (2), and 3rd homer in three games. But nothing? Butt something!
Logan Gilbert – 4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.36. Such a garbage start. When does this guy stop being “Wow, such pretty peripherals, but sucks to suck,” and start being “Wow, he’s actually pitching as well as his stupid peripherals.”
Andres Munoz – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 8.00 and the blown save. And he’s one of the good closers!
Nick Kurtz – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games, and three homers in a week. Kurtz so good!
Joel Kuhnel – 2/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 2.35 and the loss. Don’t worry, it’ll get worse.
Janson Junk – 5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.67. On the surface, Junk looks good. If you are having your phone read this to you and you’re in a steam room with other men in towels, I’ll pause now to explain. Not you, old, gross man with the sock-filled-with-change hanging out of your towel. Anyway, Junk’s got the underlying stats of a solid NL-Only guy, but not a ton else.
Ivan Herrera – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Somewhat unrelated, but looking at the Cards’ box score, I saw their record. That team is doing that well?! Every team in the NL Central is doing that well?! What?! Oh, I see, the entire NL East stinks, besides the Braves. It’s funny how someone can watch baseball every single day and have no idea how teams are doing.
Hunter Goodman – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer. To really capture the 1927 Rockies thing, Goodman should start talking in Yogisms like, “The only losing is the 2nd place winner,” or something.
Lucas Giolito – Signed with the Padres. San Diego is a nice city from what I hear. I’m kidding, it’s the first thing everyone says about San Diego. That and stay classy. So, is Giolito classy or assy? Does he get a passy or passy the gassy? Why am I rhyming like I just hit my head? I don’t know! Giolito’s four years removed from being excellent and could find matchups appeal for shallower leagues. Not a terrible landing place for deeper leagues if he can repeat his previous year of usability if not excellence (7.5 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 3.41 ERA). It’s very sixth fantasy starter in 15-teamers.
Max Fried – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.40. Ya know, I have a mug that says, “World’s Biggest Max Fried Fan,” but he was facing the Sawx, who seem like they forgot their bats in Florida at their Spring Training Complex.
Ranger Suarez – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.00. Incredibly bleh underlying numbers, and every team that was in the 1986 World Series is cursed. All two. Think you gotta give Ranger another start, but I understand the temptation to boot.
Triston Casas – Transferred to the 60-day IL with an ab strain. Casas never gets a week or two injury. He’s been pulling a Kotchman for the last two years. By the way, I wonder if Casey Kotchman has Google Alerts and is like, “Guys, I had mono 20 years ago from macking on a stripper who I dated twice, and now I’m married with kids, let it go.”
