Please see our player page for Kurt Suzuki to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

At least one of you is reading this with a bandaged thumb from a fireworks mishap. I had a Cousin Pete (Italian side of the family) who lost the tip of his thumb on the 4th, but rather than stop the festivities, he taped the tip of a hot dog on his thumb to act as a tourniquet for the rest of the 4th, so we could all go about our fun-having business. I suggested my Cugino make a PSA about hot dog tourniquets, but I was turned away by NBC Cares. Let us bow our heads and pray that if anyone loses a finger, may there be a proper-sized hot dog nearby.  Okay…*claps hands* Play ball!  Yesterday, Matthew Boyd went 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners (zero walks), 13 Ks, ERA at 3.87.  Flavor Flav secures his giant clock to his chest with one hand and pumps his fist with his other hand, “Yeah Boyd!”  Boyd was the 1st pitcher with less than 6 IP, zero walks and 13 or more Ks.  You kinda have to get hit around a bit to have that record, but, damn, that’s impressive.  Let’s hear it for the Boyd, let’s hear it for the…MATT!  See what I did there? No one saw that coming!  Not a soul!  Boyd is one of the few guys in the entire major leagues who is pitching better than his ERA would indicate.  I’m kidding, everyone’s ERA is crap!  But Boyd’s been very special — 11.9 K/9, 1.7 BB/9, 3.33 xFIP — and is looking like a solid number two with upside. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Trevor Story hit the IL with a thumb sprain, which is bad news (no dur), but the Rockies are saying there’s no ligament damage, so it could’ve been worse.  The good news is Brendan Rodgers was promoted.  Is this good news?  For Rodgers, I’d imagine it is.  For the Uber driver taking Rodgers to the airport?  Prolly good news for them.  The guy sitting next to Rodgers on the plane having to hear about how Rodgers is not going to sit on the bench for Pat Valaika, this time, things are gonna be different?  Doesn’t sound like good news for that guy sitting next to him. What a bore!  Okay, so I know, I know, I KNOW the Rockies have burned us all to the point where we shudder at commercials for Burn Notice reruns on USA, but there is a reason why the Rockies have burned us.  Because we all want to own all of them due to the stadium. I grabbed Rodgers for that very reason.  We shall see, but I put it at 70/30 the Rockies play Pat Valaika, and 30 is for:  Rodgers doesn’t play, is sent down and Hampson is recalled to also not play. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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NL WestNL Central | NL East | AL West | AL Central | AL East

I don’t pay much attention to Spring Training statistics.  You never know who the statistics are coming against.  Baseball-Reference did, however, have an amazing tool last year that attempted to quantify the quality of opposing pitchers or batters faced during spring training games on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being MLB talent and 1-3 being high A to low A level.  This tool is great, but it averages all the Plate Appearances or batters faced.  You would still need a deeper dive to see if your stud prospect smacked a donger off of Chris Sale or off of your kid’s future pony league baseball coach.  So what should we watch for in March when we’re starved for the crack of the bat?  Ignore “best shape of their life” stories and Spring Training statistical leaderboards.  Pay attention to injuries and lineup construction and position battles!

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Hello, darkness, my old friend.  But replace ‘darkness’ with ‘catchers’ and ‘my old friend’ with ‘we have to get through this to get further into our 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.’  Hmm…Then replace ‘our 2019 fantasy baseball rankings’ with ‘my 2019 fantasy baseball rankings,’ then replace ‘with’ with ‘wit’ to millennialify it, then replace every third ‘replace’ with ‘in place of’ to diversify word choice because my 3rd grade teacher, Ms. Pinatauro, said we shouldn’t repeat words–Actually, she can eat it!  After going over the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2019 fantasy baseball (clickbait!), we are now in the positional rankings, and all 2019 fantasy baseball rankings can be found there.  Here’s Steamer’s 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2019 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers.  The projections noted in the post are my own, and I mention where tiers start and stop.  I also mention a bunch of hullabaloo, so let’s get to it.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2019 fantasy baseball:

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Have you heard?  The Mariners are rebuilding.  Cool, but haven’t they been rebuilding for the last fifteen years?  Also, is it the wisest decision to tell other teams you’re throwing in the towel in November?  Is that like when you’re a girl and you make a vision board that says you’re going to get a boyfriend and you do?  Or is it more like a guy who throws a PBR into a fountain and makes a wish to get laid?  A girl can find a boyfriend if she’s available.  A guy needs more than optimism, otherwise he’s going home with his hand.  Guess what I’m saying is the Mariners are a bunch of jerkoffs.  With that said, they traded James Paxton to the Yankees for Justus Sheffield and some other prospects.  I will get to the prospects on the other side of the ‘Anyway,’ for now it’s Paxton, who I do love, but how surprising is it that he’s 30 years old already?  Surprising, right?  Last year was the first time he threw more than 160 innings in a year.  Walter Johnson, you are not.  You’re not even Josh Johnson.  His numbers, as always, were spectacular — 11.7 K/9 (4th in majors), 2.4 BB/9, 3.02 xFIP (4th).  By the by, in his best career year for innings, he didn’t even qualify for those stats in the leaderboard.  I had to sort down to 160 IP.  Meh, 150 insanely good innings is better than 200 innings from an Orioles starter.  Speedball guys don’t age great, but his velocity was still 95 MPH on average last year, which has been his norm, and he had the third best cutter in the majors (8.2), and the top 5 don’t have anywhere near his fastball.  Corey Kluber, for unstints, had 16 wins above average on his cutter, and had a -7 fastball.  Paxton had a 11.6 on his fastball.  We’re talking elite stuff, obviously.  The move to Yankee Stadium and AL East will deflate him a bit, but he can pitch anywhere.  For 2019, I’ll give James Paxton the projections of 14-7/3.64/1.12/206 in 179 IP.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2019 fantasy baseball:

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It feels like just the other day the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in July, you screamed out, “Give it to me, Giancarlo!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2018. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2018. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

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Jeff McNeil sounds Irish, but, to me, he’s Polish’d.  He’s old, for sure — or fer sure, if you’re a millennial — and seems to have received a bad rep because he’s older.  As a Cougar Hunter, I can attest that, like wine and women who attend bingo competitions at churches, prospects aren’t done at the age of 26.  Sure, we’d prefer players hitting 20 homers at the age of 19 like Sexy Dr. Pepper or doing the breakdancing worm on top of their N’s like Acuña, but all prospects are not the same.  You have to subtract at least two years from McNeil’s age just because he’s on the Mets and they spent that time trying to figure out how to sell tickets to a Jose Reyes/David Wright reunion on the left side of the diamond.  The Reyes/Wright reunion is like if ABC reunited a sitcom and everyone loved the super sweet dad, who they thought was dead, let’s call him David Goodman, but reunited him with a piece of garbage, let’s call him Jose Roseanne.  The Wright part is fine, there’s fond memories, but the Reyes’ part they can leave in the dumpster.  So, McNeil took longer to tap his power, so what?  He can still have four to six years of productivity, because he looks ready to go now.  I’m pumped for him in 2019, but this is about this year, and I’d absolutely grab him.  Dude’s got so much Polish about to call him Jeff McNeilski.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Francisco Mejia is quick to the ball, boy, oh, boy.  I watched his 1st career home run at-bat yesterday because there was only four games last night for the MLB because they went about the start of the fantasy football season like this:  Picture the scene in Braveheart when they moon the other side, then charge at them.  Okay, picturing Mel Gibson’s anti-semitic ass?  Good, now after the mooning, imagine instead of charging, they high-tailed it the eff out of there.  That was MLB last night.  “We ain’t even got time for a white flag, we’re going home to watch football!”  By the way, one more Braveheart note, was mooning really common of William Wallace and in the 1300s?  *Googles first known mooning in history*  Wow, Wikipedia says, “In 80 AD, Flavius Josephus recorded the first known incident of mooning.”  Yo, yo, yo, it’s Flava Flavius!  And I’m here to show you my big white ass!  Any hoo!  Francisco Mejia is going to be all over my cheap catcher radar in 2019.  Really hoping Austin Hedges gets traded, because time shares suck — except when they’re giving out $20 in free casino chips to just look at one! — and I don’t want Hedges muckety-mucking up my Mejia mmm muah!  (Say that fast 117 times!)  Yesterday, Mejia hit his 1st career homer, then, in his next at-bat, hit his 2nd career homer, going 2-for-4 with 4 RBIs.  He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, and, for this year, he’s in a platoon, but you know my cyclops has got that monocle.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Billy Ray Butler isn’t nicknamed “Country Breakfast” because he likes to eat his early morning meal outdoors. Currently a free agent, the 2012 All-Star is perhaps coming to the realization that his professional career might be over. “Moving onward” said Butler in a recent interview with designatedeaters.com when discussing his newest business venture that is literally beginning to explode. Approaching three bills on the scale, Billy knew he had to make some changes. But change is never easy, especially when said change interferes with one’s daily responsibility of stuffing one’s face. “But why eat less when you don’t have to. What if you could still eat as much as you want and still lose weight,” remarked Butler who was indeed looking like he was down to about two fifty. Billy’s latest craze, known as Fartio, promotes eating as much as you can. It stresses foods loaded with beans. Mexican meals are an excellent example. Other flatulence inducing foods such as chicken with broccoli, corned beef and cabbage and sausage and peppers are near the top of the list. The objective of Fartio is to head directly to one of Billy’s studios and jump on the treadmill, spin bike or elliptical and fart off those calories. “The place smells like the men’s room at Yankee Stadium during the seventh inning stretch, but it’s worth it,” said Matt Albers whose eating spiraled out of control after losing the closing gig in Milwaukee when Knebel went down earlier this season. All machines are equipped with barf bags for those overcome by the stench of rotting intestines. Pablo Sandoval credits his weight loss to Fartio. Many thought Butler’s venture would lay an egg, but instead his brand is being franchised across the country by ex-ballplayers such as Prince Fielder and Mo Vaughn. Rich Garces has taken the idea one step further and has an onsite Venezuelan restaurant run by his family. Needless to day, Billy Butler is blasting his way to a better body one fart at a time. If you struggle with weight gain perhaps Fartio can work for you too. To give it a try, call 888-4-FARTIO. And don’t forget Billy’s mantra “you can’t outrun a fart on a treadmill”…

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I was feeling reflective yesterday, so I turned to the mirror and said, I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste–Mirror, “Please don’t sing that song.”–Pajamas, a hairbrush–“Please stop, please.”–New shoes, and a case!  I said to my reflection, where in my rankings did Jose Ramirez place?!–“NO MORE!”  I’d figured you’d like that song.  “No.”  You’ve heard it before?  “Shut up.”  Whoa, grumpy mirror.  Yet another great day from Jose Ramirez (1-for-2, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and a slam (22) and legs (10), hitting .291) is what brought about my reflection.  Through a 75-second detour through that website that puts everyone’s rankings together, I found out the person who ranked Jose Ramirez the highest last year ranked him 13th overall.  Then I looked at where I ranked him — jackpot in my ass! — I ranked him 13th overall.  I was the highest on Jo-Ram.  By the by, someone ranked Jo-Ram around 130th overall.  That person should quit this fake business.  Bonus if it’s Clara Bell.  In my rankings, I even said I wanted to rank Ramirez 12th, but wanted to separate Lindor and him.  Sadly, I didn’t draft Jo-Ram anywhere, because I drafted Lindor everywhere, and, by the time the draft came back to me, Jo-Ram was gone.  This was a fun trip down memory lane.  Unlike when Memory Lane intersects with Cody Bellinger.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?