After we went over the top 10 for 2022 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2022 fantasy baseball in our (my) 2022 fantasy baseball rankings, it’s time for the meat and potatoes rankings. Something to stew about! Hop in the pressure cooker, crank it up to “Intense” and let’s rock with the top 20 catchers for 2022 fantasy baseball. Am I at all selling you on the top 20 catchers being good? No? Good, don’t want to give you the wrong impression. Here’s Steamer’s 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. The projections noted in this post are my own, and I mention where tiers start and stop. Subscriptions are up and running, and you can already get Rudy’s Draft War Room. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2022 fantasy baseball:
NOTE: All 2022 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games, due to the CBA. Also, I’m going on the assumption the NL is getting the DH.
NOTE II: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.
NOTE III: Free agents are listed as just that and not yet projected. Once a guy signs, I will write out their blurb and add in projections, or remove them, if they sign in an unfavorable place. They are ranked currently where I think they might be if they sign on for a full-time job.
1. Salvador Perez – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “The tallest mental midget.” In a land of giant brains, everyone is a mental midget, which is not only the lesson learned from Gulliver’s Travels and the Will Ferrell-starrer, Semi-Pro, but it’s also what I think when someone drafts a high catcher. “Geez, what a mental midget.” That’s what my brain sees. Yes, my brain sees. See, literally, my eyes think. My mouth hears. My nose has a wise-ass mouth. It’s all confusing stuff in my head! What’s not confusing is why people are drafting Salvador Perez in the top 25 overall. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I think they’re the ones using their eyes to think. Or maybe it’s that they’re using their ears to think and should be using their eyes like me. Or they’re mouth thinkers. I hate mouth thinkers! Whatever the case, I don’t agree with what they’re doing by drafting Perez that high, but it doesn’t surprise me at all. There’s a lot of easy money to be taken. A guy has a great season and people draft him high like he’s just going to repeat. Why is this? From my eyes to your mouth, I don’t know. People don’t want to think about what a guy will do, so they just assume the player is going to repeat. I mean, that makes no sense, but we can’t all be smart eye thinkers. I wouldn’t even put money on Perez being the best catcher this year. I think it could be anyone in the top four. Or at least, I’d put 1 to 1 odds on that happening. Or maybe that’s 1 in 4 odds. I don’t know. I’m thinking with my eyes! All I’m saying is if you were a time traveler and you returned to tell me Will Smith was the best catcher in 2022, I’d say A) All the stuff you could tell me about the future and you return with some stupid catcher info? B) That’s not surprising at all. C) There’s no C. As for when would I draft a catcher? Not now. More on this in the next blurb. 2022 Projections: 82/33/97/.269/1 in 571 ABs
2. Will Smith – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Grandal. I call this tier, “Fruit of the poisonous tree.” As I’ve said in past years, and will now say again, catchers are tainted as a position, so this tier is fruit of the poisonous tree. It is tainted because they are catchers. That’s according to Marcia Clark’s How Attorneys May Motion or Express References or as it’s known in the law community, MC HAMMER. In MC HAMMER, it clearly explains how if you grab a catcher after I tell you, ‘U Can’t Touch This,’ you will receive nothing but scorn and smack on the wrist as I slide-dance my feet over to you in very baggy pants.
Position scarcity doesn’t exist. It was made up by someone who had a clever name for something, and shoved their strategy into it. It’s a classic case of the tail wagging the dog. Two dozen years ago, someone who thought they were much smarter than they were said, “If I draft a top catcher, and everyone else has a weak catcher, I will do well. I will call this position scarcity. Wow, I am so clever I deserve a cupcake with ‘Clever’ written in frosting.” Then, Mr. Clever perpetuated position scarcity for decades, and others heard about and thought it was too clever to ignore. Like it’s some kind of get out of jail free card. Speaking of which, “position scarcity” is similar to, “A cop has to tell you they are a cop.” According to movies, maybe, but cops don’t have to tell you shizz. Any hoo! At no point did anyone stop in the last 25 years and think, when people made this position scarcity strategy up, it was Mike Piazza hitting 40 homers and .360. Catchers were good when they were plugging their butts with syringes filled with The Juice.
I would hope if the guy, who came up with position scarcity, were to see the top catchers now he would’ve never mentioned position scarcity. Grandal, a strong bet for a 24-homer, .240 season, is drastically different from, say, Carson Kelly, who is free in every draft? Kelly hit 18 homers and .245 two seasons ago, and 18 homers in the past two years combined, which was in 426 ABs. They’re about as different as one hot week from most hitters. So, you could draft Carson Kelly and randomly grab a hot schmotato, and it would be the same as someone who drafts Yasmani. Salvador Perez was the exception to the rule last year. He was good for a hitter, not just a catcher, and he was the first one to do it in 25 years, and it was still just him. Finally, as I said in Perez’s blurb, I wouldn’t trust him to do it again. Catching is just too demanding, even with the DH helping to rest them. So, even if you want to argue position scarcity made Sal P. that much more valuable, okay, but it’s not position scarcity, if it’s one guy. That’s Salvador Perez scarcity.
As for Will Smith, we’re living in an age of three Will Smiths and we’re not taking advantage. Proposal: Before each game, three Will Smiths are put into a large hat (closer Will Smith, catcher Will Smith and Jiggy Will Smith), and an official pulls out one Will Smith, and, whichever Will Smith it is, must start that game. Think how fun it would be for The Pursuit of Happyness’s Will Smith try to catch Ian Anderson or closer Will Smith to try to explain to Jada Pinkett that he’s now her husband. I’m a Will Smith pioneer. When I’m dead and gone, they will say, “That guy really had some novel ideas about how to utilize Will Smiths.” Also, I go over Will Smith in the video at the top of the page. 2022 Projections: 73/26/75/.271/2 in 424 ABs
3. J.T. Realmuto – As mentioned in the note above Salvy Perez’s blurb, I’m assuming the DH will be in the NL. Assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming the Merciless. First off, screw that Ming the Merciless guy! I mention this now, and will prolly in every positional recap, because DH at-bats in the NL will help a few catchers to get some more at-bats. The better the bat, the more likely the catcher stays in the lineup to DH. The DH hasn’t helped all AL catchers be great all these years, so I don’t think it’s a cure-all, but it might add on average 30 ABs over the season with an extra 5/1/5/1. If that gives you an erection for longer than four hours, you might want to seek medical attention. As for Jerry Tomato, he looks like he’s entering that stage of his career where he needs to get lucky to hit .270. If you were to ask me if he’s still good, I’d nod and shrug. Very exciting, I know. A nod and shrug for a catcher being good gets you top five catcher numbers and roughly around top 12 1st baseman. It’s good? Nod and shrug. 2022 Projections: 71/19/76/.258/9 in 461 ABs
4. Yasmani Grandal – His walk rate last year was 23.2%, which led to a .420 OBP, and a guest spot on Snoop Dogg’s podcast. Grandal aka OBPwulf is following the career path of other great plate discipline guys like Pujols, where his BABIP is barely .250, as he hits the occasional homer and walks a lot. Only Grandal is, like, 30 years younger than Pujols. If you’re thinking of drafting Yasmani and Manny Pina in a two-catcher league just to name your team “Yes, Manis” then I like how you’re thinking. 2022 Projections: 71/24/74/.232 in 405 ABs
5. Daulton Varsho – This is a new tier. This tier goes until Zunino. I call this tier, “*confused face, looks at feet* Why are my feet dancing?” This tier is not only when I’d start drafting catchers, I’m also excited about these guys, and, brucely, it has me very confused. I’m dancing about catchers? What has the world come to? This is. Dot dot dot. Not right. As for Varsho, I absolutely will draft this guy — Varsho! So, take what I’m about to say with a grain of flaky salt. Varsho looks like a guy that gets a lot of helium when the Big Brained look at his 11/6 in 284 ABs, and start prorating that out to him having an everyday outfield job. The Diamondbacks have more than an abbreviation in common with a dumbass’s dumbass abbreviation. See, a dumbass would abbreviate dumbasses as DB vs. DA. Is it better after I explain it? No? Cool. The Arizona DumBasses could’ve started Varsho last year for 500+ ABs, why didn’t they? Because they’re the Dumbacks! But, if Varsho does start in the outfield for 140+ games, there is a chance here he’s a top three catcher. 2022 Projections: 78/18/72/.251/15 in 434 ABs
6. Willson Contreras – Borrowing from the Varsho blurb, “There is a chance here he’s a top three catcher.” That’s kinda this whole tier. Will they or Willson’t they? No one knows. It doesn’t matter, quite honestly. They’re still catchers. I like these guys though. Contreras has 20+ homers in three of the past four full seasons, and his career average is .259. If he gets into a streak, and goes 25/.270 with some extra at-bats away from the catching slot, he might be the steal of the catchers, and not just allowing others to steal. More to come when we see where Contreras is traded to before the season, though I doubt he moves much in his ranking or projections. 2022 Projections: 67/22/76/.241/3 in 434 ABs
7. Tyler Stephenson – I’m so excited about drafting Stephenson; I nearly wrote a sleeper post for him. Of course, I’m not reaching before 200 overall for any catcher, but if Robert Tyler Stephenson is there at pick 200-ish, it’s a treasure. His roto numbers don’t jump off the page — 10 HRs last year, 11 HRs in High-A was his minor league high — but his walk rate (10.2%); strikeout rate (18.7%); line drive rate (25.4%), .346 wOBA and 24.5% O-Swing are super interesting. If he were in a terrible stadium or a shituation where he wasn’t going to get full-time at-bats, I’d be less pumped, but he could conceivably get 18 HRs and .280+. Hey, it’s not Vlad Jr.’s upside but he’s a catcher. 18/.280 puts him about as valuable as Realmuto with the right number of runs and RBIs. 2022 Projections: 57/16/67/.276/1 in 389 ABs
8. Keibert Ruiz – Here’s what Prospect Itch said this offseason, “Keibert Ruiz has never struck out much but added power in 2021 and posted a drool-inducing .310/.377/.616 slash line and 21 HR along with 30/33 BB/K clip across 101 AAA games. Washington is a cozy place to hit, and Ruiz holds the key to igniting this rebuild. He’s not a piece I’d be trading for in dynasty because I just don’t feel that kind of way about young catchers, especially high priced catchers, but I am interested in Ruiz at the right price in redraft. Also, Grey’s dumb.” Okay, not cool. I feel similarly affectionate towards Keibert, and not just because his first name reminds me of Q-Bert. The truly exciting thing and why my feet are footloose and fancy-free is these catchers have upside. Wait, don’t be too footloose and fancy-free, Keibert. We watch as he falls off side of a pyramid and screams, “!^&*#%&!” For more Q-Bert references, I go over Keibert in the video at the top of the page. 2022 Projections: 56/17/66/.274/1 in 381 ABs
9. Sean Murphy – From early ADP reports, which I devour like it’s a new Tom Clancy novel, call it The Hunt for A Fantasy Baseball Championship in October, Murphy seems to be underrated. Last year, he had a 14.8% HR/FB with 17 homers, and a .216 average with a .257 BABIP. He won’t be a 25% HR/FB guy or one that hits a .300 BABIP, but 16+% HR/FB and .270 BABIP are within reach, and that would put him around 20 HRs and a .240 average. He just needs to avoid all the bad luck, that’s Murphy’s Law. Did I invent that? 2022 Projections: 53/20/61/.238 in 387 ABs
10. Elias Diaz – Elias Sports Bureau said, “Our son, Elias Diaz, was the brightest spot on the Rockies since Matt Holliday’s bald head.” 2022 Projections: 49/17/54/.252 in 349 ABs
11. Mike Zunino – If I do my overall rankings correctly, Zunino should be the last catcher in the “drafted in a 12 team mixed league” range. That’s roughly around pick 275 overall. If I could get a catcher who just hit 33 homers at pick 275, I’d be more than happy. Until he hits .171 through four months and I want to go catcher-less. 2022 Projections: 52/27/65/.208 in 341 ABs
12. Christian Vazquez – This is a new tier. This tier goes until Sanchez. I call this tier, “Penguins.” Penguins have two feet, but this isn’t Happy Feet like the last tier. Though, this is Happy Feet if you’re in a catcher league where you roster as many catchers as penguins have feet. Two! C’mon, high-five me for landing that wonky-ass comparison. No? Okay. As for Vazquez, how do you feel about a catcher being great for the 1st two weeks of the season? Then, boy, do I have a guy for you! 2022 Projections: 54/8/61/.262/6 in 444 ABs
13. Max Stassi – Full disclosure purposes aka a caveat from the emperor (that’s the saying, right?), I moved Stassi all around the rankings, before landing on him here. I also want you to keep in mind that I am a huge fan of his. Yeah, a half-Jew siding with Stassi, the German secret police. You heard of Uncle Tom? I’m Uncle Moishe. This is the 2nd year in a row where I find myself saying, if he had a full season, he would’ve been a top 12 catcher. Also, I go over Max Stassi in the video at the top of the page. 2022 Projections: 53/16/57/.231 in 382 ABs
14. Mitch Garver – He was good at one point, I’m told. He was Austin Nola back in 2019, as alluded to in the Haase blurb. UPDATE: Garver goes to the Rangers, because they’re strung-out for moves and their only fix will be more moves. Mitch in Texas is an equally terrible park, but a better lineup and he has a worse catcher behind him. Still wonder about stamina, but Garver moved up in the rankings and projections. 2022 Projections: 54/18/58/.261/1 in 379 ABs
15. Omar Narvaez – Don’t need to squint that hard to see a .270-ish catcher like Never Nervous Narvaez becoming the go-to three-hole hitter in Milwaukee, and taking some of those juicy DH at-bats. Though, there’s always Keston Hiura. Ow, eye roll headache. 2022 Projections: 48/10/51/.270 in 378 ABs
16. Travis d’Arnaud – The French Terminator is getting by on good vibes and bad farts, which sounds like a Frenchman’s cologne. If you peruse his career statlines, he’s never been good, and I’m not being facetious. He had a few passable years, and, in a two-catcher league, to use France’s national animal, it’s not all Pepe Le Pew. 2022 Projections: 41/13/51/.224 in 344 ABs
17. Adley Rutschman – Already gave you my Adley Rutschman fantasy. It was written while calling a periodontist a “perio-dentist.” UPDATE: Triceps injury. 2022 Projections: 41/13/53/.274/1 in 304 ABs
18. Carson Kelly – Just as Carsonio hurt Daulton last year, Daulton hurt Carsonio. Will the Dumbacks figure out they should start Kelly for 120 games and Daulton for 120 games, but at different positions? Let me answer that with a question: Were they dumb enough to hire Dave Stewart to be their GM and let him trade away Dansby Swanson for Shelby Miller? 2022 Projections: 47/17/49/.241 in 320 ABs
19. Eric Haase – Every year there seems to be a guy that comes out of nowhere, has a great year for a catcher, then disappears just as quickly. Do I need to remind you how excited people were to draft Austin Nola going into last year? How about Mitch Garver? 2022 Projections: 39/15/48/.217/1 in 317 ABs
20. Alejandro Kirk – This feels like a trap. Like the Rowdy Tellez trap last year, and many traps previously laid for fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!). I like Kirk; feels like an easy bet for 15/.280 with upside, but the Jays also have Danny Jansen and Reese McGuire, so not really sure how Kirk gets the at-bats he needs. Sorry, don’t mean to be hedging, which is different than Reese McGuire, who is edging. 2022 Projections: 39/15/42/.277 in 276 ABs
21. Gary Sanchez – He’s coming off a solid bounce back season, where he hit 23 HRs and .204 and I will now cackle for three hours. Have to imagine the Yankees know it’s not super terrific a guy hits everything in the air exactly 181 feet from home plate, which brings me to my pregunta: Why don’t they try to fix Sanchez’s shizz? They’re doing him dirty. UPDATE: Traded to the Twins. A catcher who is the nut-flush, Gary Sanchez. Not nut-flush as in the poker term, but as in he gets hit in the nuts, and his face goes flush. He’s very in touch with his Twins, so Gary will fit right in on his new team. If there’s one guy who can’t seemingly get any worse who could get worse, it’s Gary Sanchez. “Is there any bottom there?” Is a question that comes to mind with Sanchez. Maybe outside of the lights of New York he’ll thrive. I have my doubts. 2022 Projections: 51/20/55/.202 in 393 ABs
22. Yan Gomes – This is a new tier. This tier starts here until Barnhart. This tier is called, “Wearing sweatpants at your wedding.” This tier signifies you’ve given up on life. Hey, it’s all good. We all get there at some point. You get five seasons into a rewatch of NCIS and you remember you didn’t even like it the first time. “Mark Harmon? Where’s the guy with the sunglasses,” you think, then realize you meant to watch a CSI show three months ago, but you’re too lazy to stop watching the wrong show. Also, this tier is fine for two-catcher leagues too, but they’re still yawnstipating. As for Gomes, signed with the Cubs. The Cubs signing Yan Gomes before trading away Willson Contreras reminds me of when Alex P. Keaton had two dates to the prom.
“Hey, so you wanna catch for us?”
Runs across the room, quickly changes tie, “I’d love for you to be our catcher.”
2022 Projections: 46/14/49/.256/1 in 382 ABs
23. James McCann – Half of me considered moving McCann way up because of the chance for DH at-bats, and the chance he re-finds himself into a well-oiled machine. Then my smarter half decided those other thoughts were best left in McCann. 2022 Projections: 41/11/45/.238/2 in 361 ABs
24. Kyle Higashioka – Jorge Posada had a solid career, but, with each passing year and who the Yanks roll out at catcher, the better Posada’s Hall of Fame case appears. UPDATE: Since he’s currently the Yankees’ #1 catcher, I’ve moved him up, but the Yankees might make more deals. I am looking forward to the Dodgers/Yanks World Series just for Will Smith and Gettin’ Higgy Wit It. 2022 Projections: 51/15/57/.231 in 381 ABs
25. Joey Bart – Everyone thinks Giants are moving from Posey to Bart. It makes sense, and not simply because if anyone’s going to get moving in San Fran, they’d use the BART. My only problem with conventional wisdom is it seems conventional until it’s not. Am I suggesting the Giants would actually start the Psycho Killer, Curt Casali, at catcher instead of Bart? A team that started Wilmer Flores, Darin Ruf and seven other never-weres to the best record? No way! 2022 Projections: 44/10/50/.212 in 301 ABs
26. Yadier Molina – The year is 2082. The earth is a fiery hellscape filled with thousands of Mark Zuckerbergs. After it was revealed Meta was actually a cloning sweatshop, where 12-year-olds were forced labor into dressing and caring for new Zuckerbergs without even a bathroom break. One man rose up to stop the Zuckerbergs by posting on social media a copy and paste message that started with, “If you and 1000 of your friends copy and paste this onto your profile, you will stop the Zuckerbergs.” That man? Adam Wainwright. He had retired the previous year and had nothing to do, and Yadier Molina, at the age of 100, was still playing. 2022 Projections: 43/9/48/.246/2 in 418 ABs
27. Danny Jansen – Every year there’s someone who is supposed to take Danny Jansen’s starting catcher job in Toronto and every year no one does, leaving us scratching our heads, because I have dandruff, and someone should take his job. Maybe someone can give Reese McGuire a hand at getting the job. 2022 Projections: 34/13/36/.212 in 279 ABs
28. Tucker Barnhart – Here’s what I said this offseason for Barnhart, “Traded to the Tigers for Nick Quintana. Tigers really liked how Barnhart worked with the arm barn. I kid, I don’t care about *ucker Barnhart, but this is fantastic news for Tyler Stephenson, who I was already a little in love with.” And that’s me quoting me! 2022 Projections: 43/8/48/.239 in 312 ABs
29. Austin Nola – This is a new tier. This tier goes until Hedges. I call this tier, “Are you sure they’re not in a platoon?” Tier name is self-explanatory. Also, if these guys were in a platoon, it would be a blehtoon and they wouldn’t be much better or worse. As for Nola, key up the Bachman-Turner Overdrive, because you ain’t seen nothing yet when it comes to terrible lines from last year! In 56 games, Nola went 15/2/29/.272/0. Honestly, I had to double check that his brother, Aaron, hadn’t hit for a better line. Austin Nola’s season statline would’ve been a bad month from most hitters in the league, who aren’t catchers. If someone as bad as, say, Kevin Kiermaier produced that statline in a month, it would’ve been bad! 2022 Projections: 37/8/42/.280/1 in 308 ABs
30. Tom Murphy – Remember when we were all like, “C’mon, Bud Black, give Tom Murphy at-bats in Coors, the dude can mollywhop!” Well, it wasn’t Coors, but he hit 11 HRs in 277 ABs last year, and, if he were in Coors, his expected home run output would’ve been eight homers. When you’re making Bud Black look smart, you’re terrible, and, if the best you can do is terrible, that’s Murphy’s Law. Did I invent that? 2022 Projections: 31/13/41/.207/1 in 281 ABs
31. Luis Torrens – This illegal download software, Torrens, actually might not be “Are you sure they’re not in a platoon?” and might actually be in a platoon. Luis, thanks for joining us. Please sit down and fill out this questionnaire. “There’s only one question on your questionnaire. ‘Are you in a platoon?'” Yes, answer that. If Torrens can shake the guy in front of him — is there a guy in front of him? — he could be top 12 catcher value. Oh, and who’s the catcher in front of him? Dur, look! 2022 Projections: 37/14/42/.236 in 320 ABs
32. Jacob Stallings – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Traded to the Marlins for Zach Thompson. Pirates with a last ditch effort to show how broken the CBA is. Pirates looked at Jacob Stallings’ potential to make $20 million over 4 years in 2025, and were like, “What, are we a big market team now?” This is disgraceful. The Pirates search for booty is endless. I know most catchers are the epitome of garbage. Like all the dirty diapers in the world stacked to the moon is Jacob Stallings, but for s’s and g’s, I looked at Stallings’s Statcast page and I had a nice chuckle. If a baseball was a barn, he couldn’t hit the broadside of one. And his framing isn’t very good either! Meh, still prolly better than Jorge Alfaro.” And that’s me quoting me! 2022 Projections: 41/8/47/.243 in 381 ABs
32. Jonah Heim – He sounds like he was named by Corey Feldman. “I want to honor my great friend, Corey Haim, and I want to name him Jonah, because I really like Superbad and would like to work with Jonah Hill some day.” Then he spells Haim wrong. What does this have to do with Jonah Heim? Nothing, kinda like what he can give you in fantasy. UPDATE: With trade for Garver, the Rangers asked Why Him? of Jonah Heim after they had a Sausage Party with too many catchers, and realized Jonah was Superbad. 2022 Projections: 32/12/39/.203/2 in 303 ABs
33. Austin Hedges – Some of the guys in this tier are so bad I looked at their team depth charts like three times, then checked out the free agents available a few times to see if I’m missing someone, incredulous that some of these guys could be starters. 2022 Projections: 41/14/46/.192/1 in 331 ABs
34. Francisco Mejia – This is a new tier. This tier goes until the end of the list. I call this tier, “*shaking your shoulders* Hey, man, I think you fell asleep.” So, this tier is all guys who might get playing time if the guy in front of them gets hurt, and you fell asleep in your draft and absolutely screwed the pooch on the catcher position. As for Meija, much like Dave Roberts manages to find 600-something at-bats every year for Chris Taylor, Kevin Cash manages to find a random 200 at-bats for every living soul on his bench. 2022 Projections: 28/9/31/.266 in 202 ABs
35. Manny Pina – As I said this offseason, “Signed with the Braves. Apparently, the Braves weren’t done celebrating their World Series championship. After the champagne, they moved onto Manny Pina’s. For a long time, I liked Pina, rostering him multiple times. If only there was another word for multiple…Manny…Manny…Manny. Damn, guess there’s nothing. If The French Terminator, d’Arnaud misses time, as he always seems to, Pina could sneak into solid 2nd catcher value.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! 2022 Projections: 29/11/32/.221 in 234 ABs
36. Ryan Jeffers – Oh, it’s on! You hear that, Jeffers? It’s on! Jeffers! On! Beans don’t burn in the griddle, man! UPDATE: With Garver trade, I moved Jeffers up, and changed his projections, then with Gary Sanchez, I moved Jeffers back down. Confused? Same. 2022 Projections: 31/13/41/.205 in 281 ABs
37. Pedro Severino – As I said this offseason, “Signed with the Brewers. In years past, Severino’s won the Cilantro In Guac Award for being awful while continuing to get work. Now that Severino has Narvaez in front of him, well, he’ll prolly be the Cilantro in the Guac once again, or he’ll at least platoon with pomegranate seeds. Hey, if you wanna crack my tooth, at least do it on hard candy and not unnecessary, without-any-flavor pomegranate seeds.” And that’s me quoting me! UPDATE: Suspended for 80 games, due to taking fertility drugs that were on the banned list. This is why the only fertility drugs Cougs and I use is “holding up a magazine cut-out face of John Stamos” over mine. As far as I know, it’s MLB-approved. 2022 Projections: 27/8/32/.244 in 279 ABs
38. Victor Caratini – What did the horse drink? A Caratini. Take it, Highlights! It’s yours! 2022 Projections: 28/6/31/.237/2 in 254 ABs
39. Martin Maldonado – Sometimes you get 5,000 words into talking about catchers and you’re like, “Well, at least I don’t have to come up with something to say for Martin Maldonado,” then you see Martin Maldonado’s name and the gut punch hits. 2022 Projections: 42/13/46/.183 in 368 ABs
40. Reese McGuire – I see a lot of people still giving McGuire a hard time for him being caught jerking off in a parking lot, and I think a hard time is exactly what he wanted. Seriously, if you want to extract some kind of pound of flesh, then at least do it at home. UPDATE: Traded to the White Sox. This won’t be the first time Reese McGuire’s been covering himself in White Sox in public. 2022 Projections: 22/5/27/.267/1 in 204 ABs
41. Dom Nunez – There’s a chance that Bud Black looks at Elias Diaz and Dom Nunez and ultimately forgets which one he used as his starter last year and Dom Nunez gets 400+ ABs and hits 25 homers. 2022 Projections: 26/10/30/.182 in 203 ABs
42. Roberto Perez – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Pirates. He’s coming off a 7-homer, .149 season, i.e., if you think you can rely on Ro-Pe, you’re gonna be hung out to dry.” And that’s me quoting me! 2022 Projections: 37/16/41/.173/1 in 381 ABs
43. Andrew Knizner – If you were a backup catcher to Yadier Molina and you never played, did you ever really exist? I call that Schrödinger’s Catcher. 2022 Projections: 22/5/27/.251 in 169 ABs
Omitted but considered: Brett Cumberland, William Contreras, Michael Perez, Jaime Ritchie, Jorge Alfaro, Seby Zavala, Austin Barnes, Curt Casali, Cal Raleigh, MJ Melendez, Luis Campusano (Louniversity), Sam Huff, Zack Collins, Nick Fortes, Wilson Ramos (free agent), Jason Castro, Matt Thaiss, Alex Jackson, Riley Adams