Yanks Reid Det And Weep

Yesterday, Reid Detmers (7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.18) pitched a gem vs. the Yanks. One small aside. One tiny note on that. One teensy, weensy assist that he received from Aaron Boone betting against the Yankees on Polymarket. I mean, I can only guess, since he benched Jazz, Rice, and Cody and played Goldy, McMahon and Amed, who he hit third! Repeating for emphasis: Amed Rosario was his three-hole hitter. Can marbles bounce too hard in the brain and cause CTE? Send Boone for a CAT scan, just in case. So, it’s still early, but Detmers’s stats do give some hope — 10.3 K/9, 2.4 BB/9, 3.45 xFIP — and I know we make fun of the Angels for not being able to develop pitchers (or hitters, if being honest), but could their new manager, Kurt Suzuki, be good at working with pitchers? It’s possible, and I like Detmers more today than I did a few weeks ago. Also, in this game, Mike Trout (1-for-5) hit his 5th homer, and his 2nd homer in two games. You can kinda see a 40-year Trout playing outfield for the Yankees, can’t ya? Yeah, it’s a sad sight, but then he finally makes the playoffs. Next, Jo Adell (2-for-5) hit his 2nd homer. Angels’ lineup actually looked better than the Yanks’ because of Boone, but not because of Yoan Moncada (2-for-4, 3 RBIs), who even got into the act, hitting his 2nd homer. Next up, Oswald Peraza (3-for-3) hit his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in his last two games. As the homer sailed out of the stadium, Yankees fans could be heard saying, “When we had him, we should’ve traded him for Detmers, Adell and Trout, then we’d be winning this.” Finally, Jorge Soler (1-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 5th homer, and 3rd homer since he punched Reynaldo Lopez last week. After Lopez’s start last night, I understand the desire to punch him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Ryan Weathers – 5 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 4.29. Got burned by the home run ball. Just don’t become Aaron Nola, and we good.

Colton Gordon – 3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, as he was called up. As soon as he entered the Astros’ vortex of cursed pitching, he was sucked into a parallel dimension where his cutter didn’t cut, his splitter split for the hills, and his fastball slowed. Wait, that’s just normally how his pitches look. Sorry, not interested in The Commish, the pitcher or the TV show.

Spencer Arrighetti – Announced he will start today or tomorrow vs. the Rockies. This is not just a great matchup, according to the Streamonator, but it’s a good first start to see what we have here. He could be a starter worth rostering in all leagues — 10+ K/9 — but he also might be hard to swallow in even AL-Only leagues if his command is as bad as it can be — 5+ BB/9. SP. Arrighetti is worth trying to swallow, unless you’re doing anti-Italian discrimination.

Tatsuya Imai – Said the reason for his arm fatigue is “not being able to adjust to the American lifestyle…outside of baseball.” Is he saying American women are loose? Hey, only we’re able to say that! I’m just playing, five lady readers, you know I love you. Emoji with a wink and a kiss blown.

Bryan King – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.13, and they wanted to give him the save opportunity, but they got the innings mixed up. I suppose. I don’t think the Astros have a closer until Hader returns. That’s my final word on it, which I will change again tomorrow.

Christian Walker – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .313. Onward Christian Walker!

Hunter Goodman – 2-for-5 and his 3rd and 4th homer. Come at the 1927 Rockies and you’re gonna get burned!

Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (8). JoJoRam won’t ever stop, can’t ever stop. He’s a superstar, who’s 33 (!), so he can relax. He has no reason to have eight steals by April 14th.

Joey Cantillo – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.61. I love Cantillo. 10.5 K/9, under-4 BB/9, not an ace, but a damn good backend starter.

JJ Wetherholt – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer. It’s admittedly funny to me how awful Konnor Griffin’s been vs. other rookies. He’ll come around, baseball is a tough game, he said sounding downright mature.

Ivan Herrera – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Who do you think you are, Jordan Walker?

Bryan Woo – 7 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.16 vs. Michael King – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.278. This matchup was billed as Ric Flair starring in a staged adaption of Midnight Cowboy, because his famous line is, “I’m Woo/King over here.”

Nolan McLean – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.28. In the toughest matchup in baseball, McLean reigned supreme. I don’t mean he did it with sour cream.

Francisco Lindor – 2-for-4 and a slam (1) and legs (2). “If you open up the door over a bridge, we can just push the body–Hold on! He moved! Lindor’s alive!”

Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.10. Thought he’d have more of a hangover from last season’s deep playoff run, and nope. Call him Yamayoyo, because he bounced right back.

MacKenzie Gore – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners (6 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.00. Oh no, he usually waits for the 2nd half for that. Not the 2nd half of April.

Jeffrey Springs – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.46. Now it’s gonna be like musical chairs, trying to avoid regression from him.

Noah Schultz – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks as he was called up. Gave you my Noah Schultz fantasy the other day. Now that I’ve seen him I’ll amend what I said, he’s more of a work in progress than I thought he might be. He did settle down a bit after his first inning (understandable!), but he also has more moving parts than a centipede. He’s roughly eight feet tall. If they played this game in the Trop, his head would’ve been ruled a foul ball. He has no idea where the ball is going, and, I’ll do what everyone else prolly has ever did after they see him and compare him to a young Randy Johnson, and say that Randy didn’t find control for five years.

Everson Pereira – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, as he was activated from the IL. Everson is a weird way to spell Sam Antonacci. I think the Shite Sox wanted Schultz to get his own debut day, and Antonacci will be called up later this week. Or not. I don’t know.

Munetaka Murakami – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .167. Does he have a non-homer hit? I’m not sure.

Shane McClanahan – 5 IP, 2ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 3.95. It feels like he’s going to have a 3-3 record in 20 games started. I was very low on McClanahanananananan in the preseason, and nothing is telling me to regret that.

Bryan Baker – 1/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.26, and his 3rd save, but to say he’s barely holding onto the closer job is overstating things. I don’t even think he has the closer job. I think he just happened to be used as the pitcher for the last out.

Byron Buxton – 4-for-5, 4 runs and his 2nd and 3rd homer, and three homers in two games, and when he gets hot, there’s few that get as smoking. If you have him, hopefully he stays , well, you know.

Mick Abel – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.98. His peripherals are moving towards being positives, but they’re not there yet. He still seems slightly less than a 12-team mixes league guy, but another start like this and he’ll be on that radar. Then he gets radar love.

Brooks Lee – 1-for-4 and his 3rd homer, and 3rd homer in five games. He’ll be in this week’s Buy column, which will be up on the Patreon in a few hours, and I know this because Lee is a hot schmotato.

Sonny Gray – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.43. Maybe the Red Sox are hoping for an early lockout.

Christian Yelich – Hit the IL and out until “mid-to-late May.” That’ll be June 8th. Gary Sanchez (1-for-5, 2 runs and his 5th homer) getting another six weeks of DH time and he’s gonna find himself as a top 12 catcher this year, isn’t he? (Unlikely, but good for now.)

Jacob Misiorowski – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.32. The thing I look at with every IO Update: How many walks did he throw? Yesterday: Zero.

Trevor Megill – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 14.40, and the blown save. Okay, now I’m worried. Going in his favor is Uribe hasn’t been much better. Lowercase yay! Still think the Brewers want Megill to be the man so they can trade him in July, but he could make that impossible. If he’s reading, that’s not a challenge.

Jake Bauers – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, 3rd homer in four games. And third time in four games I thought, “Where the hell is Vinnie Pasketti?! WTF?!”

Daulton Varsho – 2-for-5 and his 3rd homer, 3rd homer in four games. That’s preseason sleeper, Daulton Varsho.

Andres Gimenez – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. The brain is a funny thing, because, yes, I’m still thinking about how Gimenez is out-homering my Italian Royals. Holy King Umberto, they suck!

Mitch Keller – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 2.86. Thanks a lot, Regression Fairies! What did I ever do to you? Say ABBA sucks?

Brandon Lowe – 1-for-2, 2 runs, and his 7th homer, and 4th homer, in three games. Don Kelly pinch-hit for him because a lefty came in and I’m convinced managers don’t understand anything to do with analytics but they can understand seeing a lefty pitching and a lefty hitting. That’s it.

CJ Abrams – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Corange Juice for NL MVP!

Gus Varland – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.50, and his 2nd save, and used for the save for the last two Nats’ opportunities, but the time before that it was Clayton Beeter, who worked the 8th last night. So. Dot dot dot. I don’t know. I guess Varland.

Zack Wheeler – Sounded like he had a better rehab start 9 Ks, and (only) three earned in 5 2/3 IP, but most importantly his velocity was supposedly better. Still sounds to me like a lot of risk. Good board game, not great for pitching.

Sean Murphy – Began a rehab assignment. Wait until he returns to the Braves and sees the equipment manager spelled his last name, Pipp.

Reynaldo Lopez – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.18. Come here, I’m gonna punch you!

Pete Fairbanks – 1 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 10.80, and blown save. Can’t be time for his bi-annual IL stint already, can it?

Robbie Ray – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.42. He had that nail-bitingly stressful stuff yesterday. That can’t find the box stuff. That “maybe you need looser pants” stuff.

Willy Adames – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer. Just had a thought, Adames in Cincy would be a glorious 35-homer, .270 hitter. Well, he only has, what, seven years longer on his contract?

Brady Singer – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 1 K, ERA at 5.60. Streamonator has him going to the Twins next, and I want no part of that team after what they did to Crochet. Give me a week to let the Twins cool off.

Emilio Pagan – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 5th save, but is headed for tests on his hamstring. Is it tender? Does it hold up well to sauce? Grab Tony Santilian.

Spencer Steer – 1-for-3 and his 3rd homer. I look at the Reds’ lineup and all I see is Rece Hinds (0-for-3) playing, when Noelvi got no chance. I’m seeing Red all right! Guess I should say that I don’t trust Rece to play, because Noelvi never played. Are the Reds just going to bench Myers, Steer, Friedl and Benson indefinitely? So, only good if you’re an ass man, because Rece be Hinds a lot of players.

Sal Stewart – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer. Looks like the guy who we thought Konnor Griffin was gonna be.

Cole Ragans – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (4 BBs), 1 K, ERA at 3.78. One K? Blink once if you’ve been kidnapped by Kyle Hendricks.

Framber Valdez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.75. Thank you from saving me from, “What do we do with Framber, Grey? I love your hair and handsome face, but Framber is killing me.”

Brandon Pfaadt – Headed to the bullpen with the return of Merrill Kelly. So, Merrilly, Merrilly, Merrilly, for everyone but Pfaadt.

Ildemaro Vargas – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .381, and has hit in every game he’s played (11). Hot schmotato alert, sure, but he also doesn’t play every day. Call him, Joe Day-to-DayMaggio.

Merrill Kelly – 5 1/3, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Did you know Young Sheldon was a spinoff, but not of something called Old Sheldon?”

Samuel Basallo – 2-for-3 and his 3rd homer. He’s got real Sal Perez energy. Maybe it’s because he looks like a giant manchild.

Jackson Holliday – Shut down a few days because of wrist soreness. The Fantasy Baseball Overlord shuts the door on one Jackson and opens the door for another, Jeremiah. By the by, I heard the funniest shizz the other day. I was reading about Jaafar Jackson, the kid playing Michael in that new movie, who also happens to be his nephew. His father is Jermaine. Still with me? Okay, you’re about to be knocked off your seat. Jermaine’s other son’s name? Jermajesty! I’m sorry, I’m dead. Jermajesty! That shizz went like this, “Honey, I know what I want to name my boy. Jermajesty.” The Mom to be, “Uh, you know I love you, baby, but that sounds like Her Majesty.” “It’s cool, baby, it’s like Jermaine.” The Mom’s inner monologue, “I did the hard part, now I just have to let him name this kid, Jermajesty, and I’ll be set for life.” So, if I start calling Jeremiah Jackson, Jermajesty Jackson, you know why.