I should probably listen to the last three months of our Cards & Categories podcast with Jeremy and Mike and their Noah Schultz content to get a better handle here. [does just that] Wow, I should’ve paused at some point, I really have to pee. So, the boys loved Noah Schultz a lot. This is why I always contended the most educated people on a player are fans of that player’s team. Okay, sometimes hometown fans have clouded, warped judgment on their players. Ask a Yankees fan about Jasson Dominguez and they’ll say they love him, but they should ship him for Paul Skenes. So, White Sox fans love Schultz, let’s see what Itch said, “At 6’10” 240 pounds with a low-three-quarters release point, Schultz brings a unique look that allowed him to dominate early in minor league career. With anyone that big, the delivery can become a problem, and that’s what happened to Schultz in 2025. He walked 45 batters in 73 total innings across two levels and got particularly exposed in five Triple-A starts, allowing a 9.37 ERA and nine walks in 16.1 innings. Here’s a little snippet from last year’s write-up on Schultz: “Despite the dominant outcomes (0.98 WHIP in 88.1 innings across two levels), his changeup has work to do, and his fastball could use some tweaking to play better up in the zone, but I suspect, given his delivery and release, a cutter and sinker will be auditioned at some point, so his fastball could be separated into a few different pitches (4-seam, sinker, cutter) across time, at which point he’d be a nightmare matchup for just about anybody.” That dream of becoming a nightmare is still alive, and this organization has shown some aptitude with fastball shapes. Might be a decent time to buy if he looks good early. Speaking of early, I need to get some rest, I’ve been up since 7 AM, sitting in a tree outside Grey’s window with a bow and arrow.” What? That Schultz blurb from Itch was in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects. He looks ridiculous in the minors so far — 12.2 K/9, 1.3 BB/9, 1.29 ERA — and could be a difference maker for all leagues. Or he could yank the rookie nookie football out from under us. What’s to be from Schultz is not yet written. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Sam Antonacci – Also being called up by the White Sox. Guess they figured Tristan Peters, Derek Hill and Dustin Harris weren’t cutting it anymore. Now, you have to decide which of those three names I made up, if any. Seriously, if that question was posed to you and your life was on the line, would you be able to answer it? I’d bet my life no. This has been sponsored by Grey’s Predictive Market. We bet your life for you. Last year, Antonacci went 5/48/.291 in the minors with a 14.1 K%. He seems like a poor man’s Caleb Durbin. Call him Caleb Barginbin.
Tanner Murray – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. Tanner Murray isn’t just the place you agreed to go to for dance lessons for your wedding. He’s the guy who hit 18 homers last year in Triple-A, and can play a lot of positions. More of an AL-Only flyer. Or if you want to learn salsa.
Colson Montgomery – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .200. Not to rain on a good day, but his strikeouts seem to finally caught up to him.
Michael Wacha – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 0.43. I cannot tell a lie. I didn’t even check Streamonator for Wacha. I saw he was facing the Shite Sox and streamed him.
Noah Cameron – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.94. Shame he didn’t have as good a matchup as Wacha [quickly runs out of the room before the tomatoes are thrown].
Vinnie Pasquantino – 0-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting .153. Has he tried doing an espresso shot before at-bats?
Gabriel Moreno – Hit the IL with back pain. Likely a two week injury, and Adrian Del Castillo should get the majority of the at-bats in the mean’s while. Picking him up in deep leagues is as easy as ADC.
Merrill Kelly – Will be activated on Tuesday. That also explains where Chris Elliott’s been.
Trea Turner – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .254. So far this year Treat Urner looks like he has no new-trick-learning aptitude.
Andrew Painter – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.77, as he followed the onomatopoeia, Zach Pop (2 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.68). Feels too cute by half, but Painter’s underlying numbers still look good, and I’d continue to hold.
Fernando Tatis Jr. – 2-for-5 as he played 2nd base on Saturday and Sunday (8 more for my league!). Padres manager Craig Stammen must roster Tatis in his fantasy league.
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, as he hit leadoff. Might be the only thing going right for my RCL team so far. Was very excited for the Royals to move their fences in so I have three of them. Are we sure the Royals didn’t do that and add five humidors?
Jackson Merrill – 2-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (3). He hit that homer 425 feet. “Did someone say feet?” That’s Tarantino.
Nick Pivetta – Left the game with elbow stiffness. If they call Dr. Keith Meister, then trouble. He’s like the roast beef carver at formal functions but with elbows.
Griffin Conine – Will undergo hamstring tendon surgery and will miss two months-ish. In the last seven months of baseball that’s been played, Conine’s missed just under seven months (shoulder injury last year). Would clamor for The Dentist but there’s one caveat: Stowers will return in the next few days.
Janson Junk – 5 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.32. Hmm, bit too much in the zone, i.e., throw more junk, Junk.
Sandy Alcantara – 6 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 2.67. A lotta guys would’ve been out of the game before the final three earned in the 6th. The pitfalls of being able to throw 100 pitches.
Otto Lopez – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .327. Otto seems to be the only guy not moving around the Marlins’ lineup. For whatever reason, XEd (1-for-4) is hitting .350 and moved to the 7-hole and Jakob Marsee (1-for-4, 1 run) hit third yesterday and is hitting .145. Conspiracy Theory Alert! Marlins’ manager is actually one of those carpool mannequins. I will call him, Clayton Mannequin.
Casey Mize – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.94. A start by Mize to make Tyra Banks smize.
Kerry Carpenter – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Also, in this game, Dillon Dingler (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer too. “A Dingler and Carpenter went deep” sounds like stuff that goes on in the storage closet at a trade school.
Kevin McGonigle – 3-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st career homer, hitting .322. The happiest police captain, “McGonigle!”
Tommy Pham – Being called up by the Mets. Ah, finally a guy to make the clubhouse gel.
Kodai Senga – 2 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.07. I take no pleasure from telling you not to draft Senga. [crawls under bed, covers head with blankets, screams in joyful schadenfreude]
Nick Kurtz – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. “Hey, I don’t have a step ladder but if you want, you can just step on that dead body–Hold up! He’s moving! Kurtz’s alive!”
Aaron Civale – 5 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 1.72. Streamonator loves his next one, and I could see it.
Braxton Ashcraft – 5 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.12. Ashcraft has had about as good a first 17 innings to his season as possible. Off top of head, only one better has been Jack Leiter. Ya know, for guys you might not expect.
Oneil Cruz – 1-for-4 and a slam (5) and legs (6), hitting .339. First NL player with five homers and five steals in 15 games since Larry Walker and Ray Langford both in 1997. Wild how good Jordan Walker and Wyatt Langford’s fathers were.
Brandon Lowe – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 4th and 5th homer, hitting .245. Lowe’s best days are usually just for affordable patio furniture.
Edward Cabrera – 5 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.62. Not gonna find a guy with worse peripherals early on. Under EdCab’s hood is a hamster wearing sunglasses and carrying a cane, walking on a wheel trying to make EdCab move.
Dansby Swanson – 1-for-2, 3 runs and his 2nd homer. Also, in this game, Moises Ballesteros (2-for-3) hit his 2nd. Is it me or did it seem like there were no homers through the first 13 games, then Rob Manfred summoned the bouncy ball this weekend? (It’s not me.)
Cody Bolton – 1 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 5.40, and issued four walks before leaving with a trainer. Astros’ pitching is cursed! Tent the clubhouse and fumigate the whole thing. With Imai’s dead arm and Bolton’s DOA pitching, they might look at Ryan Weiss and AJ Blubaugh. Not sure you should outside of AL-Only.
Yainer Diaz – 1-for-3 and his 1st homer. Wonder if he can send an email to Agustin Ramirez that the season has begun.
Logan Gilbert – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.18. 20 straight starts like that one would be nice.
Andrew Abbott – 3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.85. Regression Fairies can’t do regression from last year to this year. It doesn’t work like that!
Elly De La Cruz – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .281. Wild on E! because he’s good.
Jose Soriano – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (3 BBs), 10 Ks, ERA at 0.33. Bad news is you didn’t draft Soriano in the top 20 overall. The good news is, if you did, your leaguemates would’ve burned you at a stake for being a witch. Numbers under the hood are getting progressively better with each start. If he can keep his walks near-3 BB/9 and above 10 K/9, then giddy the eff up.
Wyatt Langford – Dealing with a small quad strain that happened on a home run trot. “Could happen to anyone.” That’s Kendrys Morales.
Jack Leiter – 3 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.91. Awful matchup, and he has some of the best underlying numbers you’re going to find. Don’t you dare drop. If anything, buy.
Evan Carter – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer. And made it around the bases without injuring himself!
Emmet Sheehan – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 6.60. [the world’s longest exhale] Velocity was better and he was getting whiffs. Nimmo was literally the only one to hit him. Things are good, I’m seeing colors again and not just red.
Shohei Ohtani – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, and leadoff homers in back-to-back games. Not bad, never heard of him before. Will do some research!
Roki Sasaki – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 6.23. Right now, he has the worst BB/9 since 1943 (6.9). When I was researching that, I saw Bob Feller had a 6.7 BB/9 in 1938 with only a 4.08 ERA, so there’s hope for Roki!
Martin Perez – Designated for assignment. That’s a real shame–So, Didier Fuentes is being called up?
Tanner Bibee – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 6.38. Aw, shucks. That stinks. Too bad. Anyway.
Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.02. Wish this was more encouraging. It was in St. Louis. I want to see him put an AL East team flat on its ass in Fenway. Then I’ll be impressed, Rahn-her.
Willson Contreras – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. It feels like whomever made the Red Sox’s April schedule, saw Contreras and thought they were looking at a guy on an NL team. They’ve played the Reds, Padres, Brewers and Cards. ¿En serio, porque?
Brayan Bello – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 6.14. Bello is a no way, Jose. Not even with Streamonator consenting.
Jordan Walker – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .327. In 111 games last year, six homers. This year, he has seven in 15 games. Is Walker a first ballot Hall of Famer? It’s time to weigh in!
Max Fried – 8 IP, 3 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 1.93. It’s nice being a lifelong fan of Fried. Weird people, those that never like him.
Aaron Judge – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Check out this guy pretending to be Jordan Walker. A cheap imitation!
Drew Rasmussen – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.13. The new father Rasmussen pitched a gem. May I suggest he only get two hours of sleep before every start from now on?
Joe Boyle – Hit the IL with a elbow strain. Rays are pound-for-pound the worst team for pitcher’s health. They just don’t seem to care. Must have a good HMO.
Parker Messick – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 0.51. Jack Leiter’s 4.91 ERA has better peripherals than Messick’s 0.51. I’m merely pointing out how early it is still.
Foster Griffin – 5 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 3 BBs, 1 K, ERA at 1.76. Imai wasn’t the import of note, apparently. Though, I’m not that impressed looking at Foster’s numbers, 7 K/9, 3.5 BB/9, 25.4 fluid ounces.
James Wood – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (5) and legs (2), hitting .274. You know I’m happy with Wood–[Cancel Police break down my door, dragging me away]–I was going to say but I’m still not sure about how he’ll be in the 2nd half!
Brice Turang – 3-for-4, 3 runs, and his 2nd and 3rd homer, hitting .298. Wonder if he can phone the Royals’ Italians and give them some pointers for lifting the ball. “Ay, yo, get under it, wouldyaplease?”
Jake Bauers – 2-for-4 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!
Brandon Woodruff – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.32. Had a sudden coronary from the ticker shock of seeing the Nats scored eight runs.
Christian Yelich – Left with a hamstring injury and the Brewers said they expect bad news, so start making arrangements for Yelich’s 1st IL stint of the year. But not last!
Adley Rutschman – Hit the IL with ankle inflammation. Samuel Basallo (1-for-3, 2 RBIs, 2nd homer) takes over full-time catching with Maverick Handley backing him up. Maverick Handley sounds like a name a married man makes up for his Tinder profile. She’s gonna find out, bro. You’re not the backup Orioles catcher, you’re a two-timing cheat!
Tyler O’Neill – Hit the IL with a concussion. He got the concussion when someone said to him, “Wow, you haven’t been on the IL yet,” and he smacked his head with his hand and said, “I totally forgot!” Johnathan Rodriguez was recalled, and that’s where the favorable stuff ends.
Cade Povich – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.19. This came on his 26th birthday, so we also know what he used his wish on.
Gunnar Henderson – 1-for-5, 1 run, 3rd steal, hitting .242. 4th player in AL history, age 25 or younger, to have at least six homers and three steals, along with Bobby Murcer and Reggie Jackson, both in 1969, and Wyatt Langford last year.
Ryan Mountcastle – Fractured bone in his foot. How it happened is a case for BBC’s favorite detective, Mountcastle. “I stumbled and I am humbled,” he said sipping tea.
Joe Ryan – 7 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.80. The War Room just did a Tiger Woods fist pump. A move made when one makes a good putt or makes bail.
Taj Bradley – 5 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, ERA at 1.25. Easy on the walks, Taj Mah-ace. The 12.1 K/9 is still sweet, but can only do so much lifting.
Tristan Gray – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. I’m almost sure this is one of the Twins’ failed prospects returning to the majors, after changing their name to the character from Fifty Shades of Grey. Alex Kirilloff, is that you?
Kody Clemens – 1-for-5 and his 2nd homer, hitting .143, as he hits leadoff. And the Twins have a better record than the Jays!
Max Scherzer – 2 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 9.58. Only uncontested strike for Scherzer yesterday was a strike against “all you need is grit and determination.”
Eric Lauer – 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 7.82. He has a 6.4 BB/9. The character Charlie Sheen played in Major League had a better walk rate.
George Springer – Hit the IL with a fractured toe. Not to worry, Eloy Jimenez was recalled from the minors. When I heard that, I brought out the vacuum so I wouldn’t get dust bunnies on my velvet tracksuit, then, once I knew the floor was clean, I got on the floor and rolled around laughing. ELOY! Wait, hold up…[finger to earbud]…I’m hearing Eloy strained his hamstring hearing he was called up, then turned and stepped on a rake that gave him a concussion, then, when he woke from that, he strained his oblique sitting up. Not to worry, Eloy should be fine after his 60-day IL.
