I wonder what Keith Law aka Harvard[email protected] thinks about Yordan Alvarez. *searches through transcripts of Klaw chats, which he calls a Koffee Klawtch* Hmm, that’s weird. He didn’t rank Yordan in his preseason top 100. Prospect Mike had him at 27 overall in the top 50 for fantasy baseball prospects. “Hello, Mr. Skywriter? Yes, can I pay you to fly above [email protected]’s home with the message, ‘Oops.’ Where does he live? Hmm, I’ve been training my dog to sniff out bad takes, so I just need a few hours and a box of Milkbones.” On our Prospectonator, Yordan is ranked in the top 5. Again, with some stank, [email protected] didn’t even rank him in the top 100. I get it; he’s doing real baseball vs. fantasy. The problem is real baseball has become fantasy. Do people even care about defense anymore? The Orioles top pick overall is a catcher who is already in talks about moving off that position. Just one more time — he didn’t rank Yordan Alvarez in his preseason top 100! Are we even comprehending how crumby with cracker crumbs this is? Any hoo! Heir Yordan had 23 homers and a .343 average in 56 games of Triple-A. I will now laugh myself into coughing fit. Yo, Yordan, you Babe Ruth? I know what you’re thinking, how long has he been in Triple-A, is he old? He’s 21 years old. No idea of the Astros’ plans for him, and, if by some stroke of the malocchio, he doesn’t hit, I guess he could get sent down. However, I think Tyler White’s done and Yuli Guli sounds like an anime character who can’t hit, so even when George Springer, Jose Altuve, Carlos Correa — damn, you wrestling gators in hopes of passing the Yanks for most injured players? — return, I think Yordan is here to stay, and, yesterday, his 1-for-3 with his 1st homer is just the start. Get him accordingly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Nick Pivetta to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
The Donk and Don are back talking sausage and baseball again this week. Off the top they discuss the fresh signing of Craig Kimbrel with the Chubbies along with B_Don’s recent trade of Kimbrel for Noah Syndergaard in the RCL Perts League. How much risk is there with Kimbrel after missing the first 10 weeks of the season? The guys also discuss whether there’s reason for concern with Chris Paddack and Trevor Bauer moving forward.
Not your Grandfathers Top 100 Starting Pitchers…
These baseballs are juicy. Juicier than Grandpa-Donk’s drawers the first time he visited Méjico. The juicy balls are causing some major volatility among our starting pitcher ranks this year. Few pitchers are exempt from the pitcherocalypse. Carlos Carrasco has suffered from severe constipation each of his last three outings, Tyler Bauer ate some questionable China-Buffet during May, and Patrick Corbin’s Gatorade was spiked with laxatives in Cincinnati this past Friday. Even the mythical Yusei “The Kooch” Kikuchi has required adult diapers for his two recent explosions.
As the driver of the Kikuchi Razzwagon, I do apologize for crashing us into a Porta-John these past two weeks. There’s been talk of The Kooch tipping his pitches; I like the narrative, it makes me feel a little better, but I’m not sure it’s true. His command was flat out awful in those two blow ups, as hitters teed off on his hanging off speed pitches. It was also his third time facing the A’s and second time facing the Angels; his funk may suffer from the law of diminishing fantasy returns once teams have gotten a good look.
Regardless, I can’t blame anyone for moving on in 10-12 teamers, but I might give a reach around thru this buy-window in deeper leagues. Is that a buy-window or a guillotine? Just leave me alone random italicized voice! The Kooch is a crafty veteran who will benefit from some extra rest this week, a trip to the laundromat, and a heavy dose of prune juice. Don’t be surprised if there’s another dominant run in store as we get the Kikuchi Razzwagon back up running, and deodorized, this summer.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I love this Brendan Rodgers guy! Woo-hoo, Cavan Biggio (3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer)! How about that Kevin Cron?! Can I fit Yordan Alvarez on my team? I need some of that good shizz! What’s Kyle Tucker doing on my opponent’s team? Nuh-uh-uh, I just traded Scherzer for him! What’s your thoughts on Oscar Mercado? Because I just dropped Trout for him! Rookie call-up after call-up is, uh, called up. Rooks flashing before your eyes. You grab every one of them because you need that sweet taste of upside. “Due to a water ski accident, I can only taste tart and upside.” That’s you talking to your mouse hand as you pick up rookies. Lourdes Gurriel Jr. is promoted, and… *hand to ear, listening*….what’s the absence of sound? I can hear thoughts in my head wondering why parts of the ear are all former wrestlers…The Hammer, The Anvil, The Body…. Then Lourdes Gurriel Jr. hits a home run on Friday, another on Saturday and goes 4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs on Sunday with his third homer in three games. So, are you interested now in Lourdes Gurriel Jr.? You think about it, then, “What do you think of Mitch Keller? Better than Ryu?” Grab that Gurriel! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Arodys Vizcaino is out for the year. Backdate that to spring training when he was having arm issues. He needed to have his labrum fixed worse than an overworked gymnast. Filling in for him is the dumpster fire that is A.J. Minter. I’ve got a wild idea, hey, Braves, how about you sign Craig Kimbrel with the money you robbed from Albies? Here’s Albies agent before the signing, “Albies, sure you want to take this deal?” Albies replied, “Why are you asking, Al B. Sure?” Then they stared at each other for five minutes until Albies had enough and signed. The Braves’ bullpen is such a disarray of WUT, I don’t even know who their setup man is. I guess it’s the guy working the docks in The Wire, but it could be the guy whose name was Riddle, but, due to poor penmanship, became Biddle. A millennial just broke down my door and said, “It’s penpersonship.” My bad! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“After Chris Davis raved about it, I had to check it out.” said James Paxton, as he sipped maple syrup. He continued, “It was my favorite show since the last time I saw Rush.” The Canadian then put on moose antlers, an orange vest and grabbed his shotgun. Before he exited the press conference, he smiled, adding, “Eh.” So, James Paxton busted that slumped like Chris Davis before him and like every team that faces the Sawx. Crazy when you have Mookie Betts hitting near-.200 and Benintendi out of the lineup, what a massive hole the Red Sox become, or a Mass-hole for short. Yesterday, James Paxton went 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.91, putting to doubt some concerns that he would be eaten alive by the New York lights. Paxton laughed, “It’s just like downtown Saskatchewan.” All the New Yorkers grinned, Paxton was already growing a tough, sarcastic sense of humor indicative of New York, when Paxton added, “Seriously, eh, there’s nothing finer than Regina.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Saint Nicholas, the inspiration for Santa Claus, was a pious and kind man who gave away all his wealth to help the poor and the sick. Nick Pivetta, on the other hand, has been kind…to opposing batters and made those who invested draft capital in him vomit-inducing sick. As a result, his ownership in ESPN leagues has decreased 11.1% to 61.7% owned. Trash or treasure?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Tyler Glasnow like an Afrikaan miner threw a gem — 6 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 0.53. Hey, I wrote a Tyler Glasnow sleeper this year, so I’m down with TG-AF — that’s Tyler Glasnow as f**k! Yes, I’d love to mock the Pirates for trading him away. However, I’m not sure how much we can’t discount how Ray Searage preaches contact and is a wet blanket on Ks-slash-some pitchers, i.e., Glasnow may never have been this pitcher on the Pirates. Then throw-in Meadows into the trade, though? I mean, what were the Pirates thinking? “Argh, we’re dumb.” Pirates should be cursing themselves, which would sound like, “Plankety plank plank!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, Rudy says to me, “You should get into a Best-Ball league?” And I replied, “Is that a fantasy league where everyone drafts in blue Polos like you work at Best Buy?” Then I saw those three little dots like he was typing something, then they disappeared. Then I saw the three dots again, and, alas, they disappeared again. Finally, he responded, “You don’t think that do you?” After googling what Best-Ball was, I replied, “No, jokes, man, jokes!” So, I got myself in my first Best-Ball league. Everyone likely knows what it is, but, if you don’t, it’s when you draft a team and the computer manages it for you by choosing who are the best players, and you get those stats. It’s basically one fantasy league removed from the robots taking over and killing us all. Drafting with me in my league was Elon Musk, Issac Asimov–Okay, I keed. Anyway, here’s my NFBC Best-Ball, Points League, 10 team draft recap:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Do you like roast pork with provolone and broccoli rabe? Do you find John Kruk both devilishly handsome and well spoken? Can you recite from memory Michael Jack Schmidt’s retirement speech, including the exact moment he breaks down in tears? Do you know what jawn means? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re a Phillies fan. This jawn is for yous.Please, blog, may I have some more?