Please see our player page for Sandy Alcantara to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Going from a powerhouse system like the Braves to this Marlins farm is going to feel a little disappointing. But give Miami credit for making a couple of moves this offseason to quickly add some Top 100 talent. Not only did they sign Victor Victor Mesa out of Cuba, but also made the swap for Sixto Sanchez (and Alfaro to boot). I genuinely like following real teams during a rebuild. Unlike us dynasty owners, they have to worry about other stuff like putting butts in the seats and all that. I mean, I can only speak for myself. Maybe some of you charge admission for people to watch your live scoring feed while drinking an $8.00 Bud Light.

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While Grey was off gallivanting in Jackson’s Hole sipping hot toddies and drafting his AL-Only team from heated chair lifts, I spent my day at a shady Illinois car dealership drafting my AL-Only team in that same league while getting fleeced on a used car. After I spent $35 on The Messiah, Adalberto Mondesi, Grey cracked, “I hope you get a better deal on that car than you got on Mondesi!” Oh real funny, Grey! That’s rich coming from the guy who spent $10 on Bryce Harper in an AL-Only league!

Nevertheless, my AL team took a turn for the worse when the car dealer tried to tack a $399 “Dealer Inventory Fee” onto the negotiated sale price. And that’s the story of how I spent $3 on Daniel Mengden and $1 on Chad Pinder in the all-important late stages of an AL-Only auction with the titans of the industry. Fortunately, our friend Scott White of CBS gave ya boy Donkey Teeth one more shot at the glory-hole in the NL-Only version of the same league. And this time, I wouldn’t be preoccupied disputing undisclosed dealer inventory fees while being stuck with auto-nominated Chad Pinders. Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and the tale of how I left Grey lusting after my Wong, again:

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NL WestNL Central | NL East | AL West | AL Central | AL East

I don’t pay much attention to Spring Training Statistics.  You never know who the statistics are coming against.  Baseball-Reference did, however, have an amazing tool last year that attempted to quantify the quality of opposing pitchers or batters faced during spring training games on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being MLB talent and 1-3 being high A to low A level.  This tool is great, but it averages all the Plate Appearances or batters faced.  You would still need a deeper dive to see if your stud prospect smacked a donger off of Chris Sale or off of your kid’s future pony league baseball coach.  So what should we watch for in March when we’re starved for the crack of the bat?  Ignore “best shape of their life” stories and Spring Training statistical leaderboards.  Pay attention to injuries and lineup construction and position battles!  Also pay attention to where Bryce Harper and Manny Machado sign… Note that those two signings can instantly eliminate some of the position battles detailed herein.

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Do you remember the last time you swung and missed?

Maybe it happened at your beer league softball game? Or maybe it was during last week’s company-wide meeting when you thought you’d tell that funny story about the peanut butter thing but screwed up the beginning, and nobody laughed—not even Amber from accounting who giggles at everything—so you sat down all hot faced, feeling stupid all day?

Or maybe you’re thinking of that day you finally asked out Amber from Accounting, and that time she did laugh?

Nobody likes to swing and miss, is all I’m saying. And nobody likes that awkward what-what of trying to save a story from a bad opening line. Here’s some baseball-related proof:

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Why do I keep hearing in my head Deniece Williams?   “Let’s hear it for the boy!  Let’s give that ball a hand!”  Am I the only one hearing that?  Recently, Jameson Taillon mentioned that he always smells the ball before playing catch.  What is with guys smelling balls?  Don’t pretend I’m the only one!  Is that a carryover from our gorilla days?  I’m like John Scopes with a monocle!  Speaking of evolution, I was recently thinking about how we’ve managed to stand upright, but thousands of years and we’re not using our feet as hands yet?  Like you wouldn’t take three hands and hop on one leg all day, please.  Any hoo!  Jameson Taillon threw a gem yesterday — 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 3.24.  I’m going to like him in 2019, as I’ve liked him for the last few years, but I can’t say I’m as excited about his 8 .4 K/0, 2.2 BB/9 and 3.56 xFIP as I wish I were.  His fastball velocity of 95 MPH should be producing a tad more.  I think there’s a 10 K/9 in there somewhere, but since he’s basically repeated his previous year’s stats, it’s hard to expect that much more in 2019.  Still, have to give the ball a hand!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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In the biz, we call this post, In Appreciation. It’s like In Memoriam, but Jennifer Hudson isn’t singing a song and no one died.  What did you just ask?  Is your childhodd guinea pig alive again because I just said, ‘No one died?’  Doode, I’m saying no one died in general.  No, that doesn’t mean General Tsao is alive again!  Shut up!  Yesterday, Javier Baez went 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs with his 31st homer, hitting .295.  That day?  For this year?  As the pimp told his lady of the night, ho-hum.  But, five ladies and gentlemen, Javier Baez is your NL MVP if only Cubs fans vote!  By the by, Baez has more 100 RBI seasons in his career than Bryce Harper.  I will now drop a 140 WUT.  How about we make every post the rest of the year about how much Bryce sucks?  Worst 35-homer hitter in the history of baseball ever?  Okay, that’s prolly Adam Dunn, but Bryce is real close for useless.  When the Nats need a big hit, he Ks or walks.  When the game is out of reach and no one is on?  Harper’s you’re man.  Okay, this is becoming about Harper instead of Baez.  On the year, Baez has 31 HRs, 21 SBs, .295 and 90/100 on the runs/RBIs.  On our Player Rater, he is teetering between 5th and 6th overall.  For 2019, I’m having a hard time envisioning me ranking him any lower than 10th overall, and likely much closer to top five.  Now, about that sucker Harper…  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Everyone is so sad at the Shohei Ohtani news that he needs Tommy John surgery.  People being sad at this has me gobsmacked.  He had elbow problems when he signed with the Angels, then a Grade 1 sprain of his UCL became a partial tear in June.  He threw a whopping 25 IP the previous year.  Were people really ostrich’ing their heads into the sand to the point where they didn’t see the writing on the wall?  Of course, he needs Tommy John surgery.  How is this awful news?  It was awful news for Angels fans when we first heard of the elbow issues.  It’s not awful news now.  It’s actually great news because he has a chance to be healthy again in 2020, instead of becoming Garrett Richards, Tyler Skaggs, Matt Shoemaker and every other pitcher the Angels shoved towards PRP injections rather than getting them healthy.  Did people really think pitching a guy was the answer to a torn UCL?  Seriously, people thought this?  Sad news that people are surprised by the least surprising thing since finding out taco diarrhea burns.  This would be like a memo coming out of Nike headquarters that says something like, “This Kaepernick thing is great for business, who cares about the politics?”  You mean a company is trying to sell products?  Get out of here!  You want seriously sad news?  Ohtani and the Angels haven’t decided he will have Tommy John surgery yet.  That’s sad!  Maybe they’ll just let him be a hitter as he was yesterday (4-for-4, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and a double slam (17, 18) and legs (7) and mouth-to-mouth’d a baby chick back to life).  A torn UCL hasn’t looked that good since LiAngelo Ball tried to get paid twice from selling one ripped jersey in China.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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When you’re hot for two straight weeks, you’re talking in sexy whispers on my earlobes.   If Avisail Garcia and Mike Trout are filming a body-switch movie, I never want it to end.  For years I’ve remarked — I’m a remarker, yo! — that Avisail looks like Mini Miggy, now he’s actually hitting like him.  “Miggy, that is the first time in two years we’ve made love without you screaming your back hurts,”  Mrs. Miggy rolls over.  Avisail Garcia smiles wickedly at the camera.  Yesterday, he homered two more times (3-for-6, 3 runs, 6th and 7th homers), and now has six homers in the last week, and he hit .330 last year.  Sure, we can pee in the electrical blanket by talking about his BABIP last year, but there is no excuse for Garcia being on waivers.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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To paraphrase DJ Khaled, “We got a Minor key alert!  Another one.”  To paraphrase the cops that arrested Principal Rooney, “This is because of the Minors.”  *Donald Trump looking at the Rangers’ rotation*  “Glad to see Cole/Minor’s jobs are secure.”  Over Mike Minor‘s last four starts, he has a 2.06 ERA, 18 Ks, 5 BBs and 15 hits in 26 innings, after his sparkling one last night when he threw 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 5 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.64.  I know what you’re thinking, it was vs. the Padres.  Right, one of those starts was, the other ones were the Astros, Twins and Rockies.  So, it’s not all smoke and Minors.  Minor’s peripherals are nothing to write home about (unless his family lives in the Appalachian Trail, then they might like to hear from a Minor) — 7.4 K/9, 2 BB/9, 4.50 xFIP.  So, it’s been a good run (not Niko), but I can’t say I trust him in the big picture, unless it’s about Cole/Minor’s daughter, Loretta Lynn, played with spunk by Sissy Spacek (Spunky Spacek?  Sissy Spunkit?  Spunky Spunkit?).  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Does anybody else remember the Adventures of the Gummi Bears? It was on the Disney Channel back in the day and it was THE Saturday Morning jam. Medieval, personified bears, that bounce like kangaroos. Where do I sign up, right? In one of the sloppiest and more unconnected openings in Razzball history, starting pitchers are nothing like Gummi Bears. No, they are not my Saturday Morning jam. They’re my Saturday Morning job, digging into numerous deep dives, for hours on end, trying to figure out which players are trending where. The results of these Saturday Morning exercises are below. As a reminder these rankings are for 5×5 roto with value focused on rest of season value for 2018. So, a player like Michael Kopech is ranked for his value over the entirety of the 2018 season. Not just the next month. In previous seasons, this post was a weekly ranking with a pitching profile included. This year we will continue the weekly pitching profile, but once a month we will update the rankings. Because honestly, how much can happen in a week? One or two starts? So there’s changes coming for 2018, but they’re slight, and you’ll still get the same quality profiles, notes, and ranks. You might also get a cupcake or a venereal disease, but no telling which one. The expiration dates will just be a little longer. On the rankings not on the cupcakes or your fresh batch of herpes.

Here’s my Top 100 Starting Pitchers for 2018 Fantasy Baseball.

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