Plenty Of Sleeping Room For Angels’ Bats In California King

Mike’s fine in most cases, but you know Michael King (5 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 BBs, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.28) was like, “It’s Mike.” Then he paused for five seconds for the person to know when he started again it was going to be his last name. Finally, he continued, “King.” Then the hostess at Buffalo Wild Wings said, “Party of two for Micking?” “Mike!” Pause for twenty seconds. “King!” “Hmm, I think I have it. Mic’ing. Like when I’m a karaoke DJ on the weekend and people are like, ‘Do you have Orleans Still the One?’ and I’m like, ‘Yes, but I ain’t mic’ing you up if you’re singing that.'” “It’s Michael King!” He can be Mike, Michael or Mikey and I’m struggling with his peripherals. For full disclosure, I didn’t like him in the preseason, and I’m fine taking a mea culpa. I actually wanted to, so I didn’t feel like I was doing confirmation bias or some other Psych 101 term. His fastball is working fine; his sinker and change are not; his location is a mess and his overall pitching is ugly. Something here is off. Since his velocity is fine, maybe it’s mechanics and he fixes things, but his 8.5 K/9, 4.6 BB/9 is so bad, that ‘bad’ is asking to be replaced by miserable. I wouldn’t do a Mike drop, but this Mike check, 1, 2, what is this? Isn’t coming back with positives. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Mason Miller – 1 IP, 0 ER, 2 Ks, ERA at 0.00. His xFIP is -0.75, so he’s been a little bit better than his 0.00 ERA.

Walbert Urena – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.35, as he took over Klassen’s rotation spot, for now at least. Gotta lean into that name and stylize it, Wal-Bert. Then you hire a 82-year-old to stand right next to you to greet people. Urena had a 4.3 BB/9 in the minors this year, and 4.7 BB/9 last year, and I don’t know why he’s in the majors. Oh, it’s the Angels, that’s why. They just be promotin’ people. Good fastball though (99 MPH). Seems like a solid candidate for a roofie.

Caleb Thielbar – 1 IP, 0 ER,  and his 1st save on Saturday, and, 1 IP, 0 ER, and the win on Sunday, ERA at 2.25, but most importantly, the first post-Palencia save, so grab Thielbar. Post-Palenica is also treatable with a hot compress and magnesium. Sorry, was watching The Pitt.

Jameson Taillon – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.97. Well, yeah, he was facing the Mets. Ya know, it would be nice if the Mets would invest some money in their players…[intern whispers in ear]…I see, interesting. This isn’t a case of Hindsight Fever with the King of Hindsight, Grey. I told you this shizz back when they traded for/signed Polanco and Semien. They let Pete Alonso walk to get Jorge Polanco? Nimmo was much better with the bat too.

Jorge Polanco – Hit the IL with a wrist contusion. I know no one wants to hear me say it, but Mark Vientos (0-for-4 on Sunday, but homered on Saturday) is a good hitter. It’s his defense no one likes, but he will get at-bats for the foreseeable future.

Cole Ragans – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners (8 BBs), 6 Ks, ERA at 6.00. That’s eight walks! I couldn’t have been more out on this guy in the preseason, but I’d be lying if I thought it would be this bad. He can’t locate and now his velocity is off. My guess is he’s not 100%. He might not be 20%. About to start calling him Co, because that’s 20% of Cole Ragans.

Will Warren – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.49. Him and Schlittler have some of the best peripherals in baseball. This early in the year a start with 11 Ks and zero walks can make underlying stats look better than the pitcher might be, but Judge, Warren are holding court, supremely and without sour cream.

Ryan Weathers – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.18. His peripherals aren’t much worse than Warren or Schlittler. Already gave you my Ryan Weathers fantasy.

Ben Rice – 1-for-3, 2 runs, and his 8th homer. Don’t tell Boone, but it was another homer off a lefty. His third. I’d say it’s gonna be hard to take him out of the lineup now, but Boone’s got Marble CTE and needs to get Goldschmidt at-bats for a reason that we’ll learn in a future episode.

Aaron Judge – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .232. Also, in this game, Trent Grisham (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 3rd homer. Grisham’s also a lefty, who is hitting .167. To add more screaming fire in the Theater of Razzball about Ragans.

MacKenzie Gore – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.15. Briefly thought when the season started, I did a pooch screwing by not drafting Gore, but my pooch is pure as the driven snow!

Randy Arozarena – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. The Rice Bowl rises! Uh, A Rise Bowl! Wait, that’s Luis.

Bryan Woo – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.25. Woo!

Garrett Crochet – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 7.88. Final ADP was 12 overall. I promise you next year there will be people drafting starters in the top 20 again.

Willson Contreras – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer. Red Sox hitting has been Wilyer, Willson and Won’t They.

Dillon Dingler – 4-for-5, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer. Dropped Yainer for Dingler in my RCL league. Woohoo! Dot dot dot. And dropped Dingler the other day for Jensen. You know things are bad when I’m picking my catcher scab.

Framber Valdez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.30. Beat by Willson, but not by Wilyer or Won’t They.

Sandy Alcantara – 5 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners (6 BBs), 1 K, ERA at 3.06. I told you not to draft him! [tomato whizzes past head] What? Okay, so I said not to draft him, then backtracked on that and said he looked like he was going to start the All-Star Game this year. But I didn’t say which All-Star Game, could be the Triple-A All-Star–[tomato whizzes by head again]

Kyle Stowers – 2-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Sorry, I’m late for the meeting, I was trying to play a dozen staplers like an xylophone.”

Eury Perez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Only one walk yesterday helps lower his walk rate, which has been his biggest issue Eury on. You just sounded drunk.

Mike Burrows – 4 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 6.75. His name is Burrows because if you drafted him, he dug you a hole.

Yordan Alvarez – 1-for-5 and his 10th homer. The year when I don’t have him is the year Captain Woo Cubano finally gets to 50 homers, huh? Perfect. No notes.

Matthew Liberatore – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.67. I’d say that I wouldn’t trust him even if the Streamonator liked him, but it’s moot, it’ll never like him.

Andrew Abbott – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 5.84. Throwing to non-stop contact seems to have finally caught up to him. I have Abbott in multiple leagues and I am either moving on (where possible) or benching until further notice.

Taj Bradley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.63. Taj Ma-ace!

Bailey Ober – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 10 Ks, ERA at 4.15. Hope you bet the *pinkie to mouth* Ober! [turns to the mirror] Still got it! As for what Ober’s got? His peripherals are yawnstipating at best. About the most 4.15 ERA a pitcher has ever been. By the way, I googled yawnstipating to see if anyone is using it in the wild. And hell yeah:

I agree, The Last Jedi was yawnstipating.

Roki Sasaki – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 6.11. The good news, if you started Roki at Coors, is he wasn’t awful. The bad news is there’s people waiting in a van outside your house to involuntarily commit you.

Edwin Diaz – 0 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 10.50. Should’ve known something was up when, instead of trumpets, he entered to sad trombones. He had a knee issue, and I’d guess he still does. Roster Alex Vesia, and I’m interested in Will Klein in deeper leagues.

Kyle Karros – 2-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer, hitting .211. It’s fitting he homered vs. the Dodgers, where his dad made a name for himself. I have special love for the Karros family, because Eric was the 2nd best person born in Hackensack, New Jersey with great hair. Me being 1st. And don’t think about offing me to become the number one — the title is alive or dead, and I got the mantle! He does have good hair though.

Mickey Moniak – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. That’s in 16 games played.

Gavin Williams – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners (1 BB), 11 Ks, ERA at 2.12. Wasn’t a fan of Gavin coming into this season, thought of him as a Streamonator call who was being treated as a top 50 starter. Oops! He looks great, maybe not quite as good as his current ERA, but a 12.1 K/9 plays even with his wonky walk rate (5.2 BB/9).

Jose Ramirez – 2-for-4 and his 5th and 6th homer. Watched 28 Days Later recently. It’s one of those post-apocalyptic films. Any hoo! What was weird is the world was gone, everyone was zombies (I think, I was half-watching), and the zombies were watching on TV a baseball game where Jose Ramirez was homering and stealing bags even after the apocalypse. Most realistic part of the movie. Nothing can stop him!

Joey Cantillo – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.20. Not gonna do the whole diatribe again, but it is total BS they give the Win to the guy who pitches a third of an inning, instead of the starter, simply because he leaves with two outs in the 5th. It’s utter nonsense.

Taylor Ward – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer, hitting .293. Have him in a few leagues, and the nicest thing I can say is I didn’t even realize he hadn’t homered. Thought he had been valuable, but just searched for him on the Player Rater, and he had me fooled.

Trevor Rogers – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.08. Just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out if Rogers started throwing a cutter this year, and why since it had a BAA of .500, but no one identifies pitches the same, so it’s might be a slider, sweeper or cutter. Whatever the case, his Ks are down, walks are up but has also been unlucky. Was hoping for a clearcut Buy, but couldn’t come away saying that. His 4-seamer is lagging and it might come around. Doesn’t feel foregone.

Ryan Walker – 2 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.00, and entered for the save on Saturday, and immediately blew it. Classic, Walker. I still roster Caleb Kilian, but he could be the first one off my team if I need room.

Robbie Ray – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.86. A Quality Start for Robbie–Start, I said, start. That’s dirt on the backside of his pants.

Curtis Mead – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer, hitting .205. Fun fact! You get a Curtisy Mead if you’re in good with the Ren-Faire wench.

Munetaka Murakami – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 3rd homer in as many games. If you love hitting Bing Bongs, you will love hitting in SacTown, his translator told him. And he said, “I think I might need a new translator.” Also, in this game, Colson Montgomery (1-for-3) hit his 5th homer; Miguel Vargas (2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) hit his 3rd and Derek Hill (1-for-4) hit his 1st. This was a symptom of Bing Bong more than anything.

Noah Schultz – 5 IP, 1 ER, 2 baserunners (1 BB), 6 Ks, ERA at 3.86. Take my FAAB money! This was an easy matchup, but, if he can control the walks, his stuff will play against anyone.

Jeffrey Springs – 5 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 3.34. Springs has sprung.

Jhoan Duran – Hit the IL with an oblique strain. Did he see Palencia and was like, “Whatever you do, I can do better?” Obliques are not meant to be a competition! Brad Keller seems to be in the driver’s seat to get the closer role in his stead. Jose Alvarado and Orion Kerkering are also there, in that order.

Felix Reyes – Hit his 1st MLB homer on Saturday, after he was called up. I saw F. Reyes in the lineup, and I was like, “Franmil! You big hunk of vending machine steak!” Alas, it’s not Franmil. It’s someone better! (Not hard since Franmil couldn’t even stay in the majors.) Felix hit .333 with six homers in 18 games in 81 ABs in the minors this year, and looks like he will get starts vs. lefties, because, as it turns out, Justin Crawford can’t hit.

Raisel Iglesias – 1 IP, 0 ER, and his 5th save, ERA at 0.00. Was unavailable on Saturday because he slept on his shoulder wrong. Weird, he just got a new mattress from the Dr. Keith Meister collection, it’s a Meister Mattress. Robert Suarez is his clearcut backup, but doesn’t sound like a major issue with Raisel, as he could go on Sunday.

Michael Harris II – 3-for-3, 2 runs and his 4th homer, hitting .290. Hitting 9th as the “2nd leadoff” is so stupid. There’s no 2nd leadoff. If he hit 2nd behind Acuña, he’d get an extra 75 ABs a year. That’s the 2nd leadoff!

Didier Fuentes – Supposedly an option this week for the Braves, as he was a healthy scratch on Sunday. About to start calling him Fuentease.

Lourdes Gurriel Jr. – 1-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi was what I was trying to play on the staplers.”

Ryne Nelson – 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 6.97. [dons a potato sack, wanders into the freeway] Don’t brake for me!

Kevin Gausman – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.54. Jays jumped out to a huge early lead and Gausman coasted out to the Ivictory Coast for a free night at the W.

Kazuma Okamoto – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. What’s a little odd with Okamoto is he was supposed to be the high contact import. So far, Temu would’ve even label this guy high contact, and they know you can’t return anything.

Junior Caminero – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. Saw he homered off Wilber Dotel and it reminded me of Octavio. RIP.

Shane McClanahan – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 5.00. Reminds me of that old joke. “Went to a restaurant and the food was terrible, and the portions were so small!” That’s McClanahan this year.

Mitch Keller – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 2.79. At some point, the peripherals are going to catch up to Keller. Streamonator seems to think it might be next time, and it’s as good a time as any.

Paul Skenes – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.27, and out at only 64 pitches. Woof, real loser crap. Not looking up why he only threw 64 pitches. Leaving it to my imagination. Moving on! [a chimpanzee who relays the news to me, opens an umbrella while his friend pees on top of the umbrella] I don’t know what that means, Mr. Chimp. He was pulled because of a pee-pee accident? [Mr. Chimp jumps up and down and points to a rain cloud on his weather app] He had to leave to develop a new phone app?