It’s America’s birthday! That means baseball, fireworks, and processed meat products. It’s been a rocky week for many closers. The Star Spangled Banner plays in my head as I recap the bombs these folks gave up.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Jose Alvarado to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
Yesterday, Sonny Gray went 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.59 vs. the Brewers. *unloads pockets, eggplant emjois fall to the ground* I’m gonna need all of those. “Sonny came home” hasn’t had such a pleasant ring since Shawn Colvin opened an Art of Shaving booth at a Lilith Fair that only did armpit hair massages, and each payment was followed by a very pleasant, cash register ring. A Sonny hasn’t shone this bright since the last climate change summit that was held in Hellsunki on Urth, which is a planet that looks just like this one, but is 13,000 miles away and is exactly Earth but 25 years in the future, and they have some weird spelling. “I just got back from Hellsunki, and boy are my arms tired, because we don’t have planes on Urth, we fly with our arms.” Sonny Gray’s peripherals are surprising in a good way — 10.3 K/9, 3.3 BB/9, 3.46 xFIP. For those not up on the hoo-de-ha, that xFIP would be about 12th in the league and the K/9 and walk rates would firmly put him in the top 20 starters overall. In other words, everyone who owned him last year died for the sins of his current year’s owners. In other other words, he’s throwing fire like pitchers in Hellsunki. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Absolutely brutal news about Tyler Skaggs. Makes you remember how silly this fantasy baseball thing is in the grand scheme of things. Counterpoint: everything is serious — politics, work, sickness, and, yes, death — so maybe the silliness of fantasy baseball is the point. Perhaps Skaggs’s passing can bring some perspective. Remember, it’s not the end of the world if you drafted Giancarlo and you trail in all power categories. It’s enjoying the ride, because it’s often much quicker than anyone expects. Now, I’m just going to leave some white space as a moment of silence.
Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Roto-Wan is recovering from the toddler flu. I’m his semi-conscious fantasy lobe here to deliver you the best closer rankings I can with the limited blood sugar I’ve been able to hoard. Tiers will be sick day daytime TV-themed.Please, blog, may I have some more?
“After Chris Davis raved about it, I had to check it out.” said James Paxton, as he sipped maple syrup. He continued, “It was my favorite show since the last time I saw Rush.” The Canadian then put on moose antlers, an orange vest and grabbed his shotgun. Before he exited the press conference, he smiled, adding, “Eh.” So, James Paxton busted that slumped like Chris Davis before him and like every team that faces the Sawx. Crazy when you have Mookie Betts hitting near-.200 and Benintendi out of the lineup, what a massive hole the Red Sox become, or a Mass-hole for short. Yesterday, James Paxton went 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.91, putting to doubt some concerns that he would be eaten alive by the New York lights. Paxton laughed, “It’s just like downtown Saskatchewan.” All the New Yorkers grinned, Paxton was already growing a tough, sarcastic sense of humor indicative of New York, when Paxton added, “Seriously, eh, there’s nothing finer than Regina.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave. A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’ A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.” Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft. This slow draft took about eighteen days, 3 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds. Not almost 18 days of straight drafting, mind you. I don’t need to ice my clicky finger. It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting. It does allow you to second-guess your picks. Actually, more like triple-guess. (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers. Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, Rudy says to me, “You should get into a Best-Ball league?” And I replied, “Is that a fantasy league where everyone drafts in blue Polos like you work at Best Buy?” Then I saw those three little dots like he was typing something, then they disappeared. Then I saw the three dots again, and, alas, they disappeared again. Finally, he responded, “You don’t think that do you?” After googling what Best-Ball was, I replied, “No, jokes, man, jokes!” So, I got myself in my first Best-Ball league. Everyone likely knows what it is, but, if you don’t, it’s when you draft a team and the computer manages it for you by choosing who are the best players, and you get those stats. It’s basically one fantasy league removed from the robots taking over and killing us all. Drafting with me in my league was Elon Musk, Issac Asimov–Okay, I keed. Anyway, here’s my NFBC Best-Ball, Points League, 10 team draft recap:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This preseason is weird. Games have started, but not really. Due to the unlikely nature of the preseason, I’ve decided to delve into the wholly unlikely with some bold predictions. I’m not sure if I’ve ever done a bold predictions post before, because, it is a very stupid post. Do you say things like, “Cameron Maybin will hit 175 homers?” Which is bold, but absurd. Or do you say Daniel Palka will be a top 40 outfielder, which, I guess is bold, but I’ve already written a Daniel Palka sleeper post, so, while bold, I think it’s more realistic. In other words, whose definition of bold are we using? Some pussyfooters strutting around like they’ve got Brad Peacock’s plummage and saying Bryce Harper will be a top 10 outfielder or some legit peacocks who are brushing back their feathered hair in their El Dorados saying Ronald Guzman will hit 30 homers? I honestly don’t know. This is also why when people go back in October and say, “So, um *clears throat* I had three of my ten bold predictions come true. The first one was Realmuto won’t be the number one catcher. Yadda blabba bloo!” *farts into hand* It’s total nonsense. Realmuto won’t be the number one catcher has like a 90% chance of happening and is not bold. I’m gonna go crazy bold! Let’s get ready to grumble! Anyway, here’s some 2019 fantasy baseball bold predictions:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The best 2019 fantasy baseball team is a misnomer. Thankfully, none of us know what misnomer means. Sounds to me like someone tentatively wants to date the Travelocity Gnome’s daughter, “Miss Gnome, er, you wanna grab some boba and chill?” Miss Gnome brushes back her hair and bats her eyelashes that are almost as long as her two-and-half foot body, “I’d love to,” but her voice is high-pitched, which is a turn-off, so you cancel plans with her repeatedly until she gets the hint. Sorry, Miss Gnome, I like my women’s voices low like their stature. Any hoo! So the title is a bit of a superlative. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing; I have faith in you. This is the best 2019 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2019 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2019 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific… Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Adalberto Mondesi in the 2nd round, everything after would change. If I took Javier Baez in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2019 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings. For this exercise, I’m taking Trea Turner first, because, well, people complain I always did this post by taking Mike Trout first, so I’m switching it up, like when you combover right instead of left. Until pick 100, I’m taking one guy somewhere in every fifteen picks. It would be nice if I was in a league where someone drafted Scherzer and deGrom in the first two rounds and I was able to take Bryce Harper in the 2nd round (which is very likely), but since Treat Urner and him are in my first 14 picks, according to the rules I’ve set up for myself, I can’t take them both. Then, as we all know, once you get into the 100s, there’s wide gaps between ADP and where players are actually taken. People tend to look at team need over value. So for this exercise, once I get to pick #101, I’m going to pick two players every twenty picks. Finally, because there is so much latitude in the last 300, I gave myself free reign to fill up my team. Throughout the draft, I also gave myself the ability to reach to a lower draft pick, but not reach forward. Or reach around, if you’re feeling frisky. It should still be my ideal team… Or not. Let’s see, shall we? Bee tee dubya, this team is a 12-team, 5×5, one catcher, 5 OFs, MI, CI, 1 UT, 9 P, 3 bench, just like the Razzball Commenter Leagues (go sign up). Anyway, here’s the best 2019 fantasy baseball team:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The intro for Yahoo’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings reminds of a Dear John letter written by your ex-wife. Only your name is Kevin and she accidentally writes “John,” and doesn’t have a chance to proofread it because she’s bedding down your best friend. Read for yourself:
Sure, guys and five girl readers, “You’ll find your familiar Trouts’, the Betts’, the Martinez’, but questions remain.”
Yeah, I have questions that, uh, remain. How many Trouts have they ranked? The Betts’? Did they rank his entire family? The Martinez’? Is that like World War Z, but instead it’s, “An Apostrophe Z?”
“When should the first pitcher go off the board, and should there be more than one?”
Said like Ron Burgundy, “That’s not English.” Should there be more than one? Are Yahoo leagues this year one-pitcher leagues? I’m so confused. Did 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters, who only read Bleacher Report, write up this intro?
“Enough talk though. Let’s jump into the rankings!”
Ha! Was there enough talk? I’ve written more in this intro than they wrote. With that level of effort, they don’t even deserve this evisceration, but… *sharpens nails that look like the 108-year-old Asian man in the Guinness Book of World Records* …here goes nothing. For this post, I will be looking at the consensus Yahoo 2019 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.Please, blog, may I have some more?