Please see our player page for Brad Keller to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Not your Grandfather’s Top 100 Starting Pitchers…

You’re at the local grocer staring at a shelf in the cereal aisle, wishing you were watching baseball and/or Naked and Afraid. Perched next to each other on the shelf are a $4.00 box of Cocoa Puffs and a $2.00 box of Choco Spheres. Do you choose the known quantity name brand or take a gamble on those mysterious spheres at half price? It was always an easy choice for frugal old Grandpa-Donk, he didn’t build his fortune of Donkey-units by purchasing the luxury orbs of chocolate. To this day Gramps would poop himself if we ever brought home a box of Depend’s Diapers. It’s Señor Crapper’s or nothing for the old timer.

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The Orioles are on pace to give up 1,776 home runs, because they’re close to our nation’s capital, and that is a great figure, a historic number.  A cannot be imitated — help me out here, Captain Lou Albano — never duplicated number.  Scratch that, they’re now on pace to give up 1777 home runs because of the Battle of the Assunpink Creek. That was also the title of the Pink concert when her stretch pants were a little too skimpy in the back.  “I see your Assupink Creek 2017.”  Great show, the aerobatics alone.  So, I try to avoid making every lede about hitters in Coors or facing the Orioles, but here goes, because Gleyber Torres has 14 homers against the O’s in five games and 12 homers on the year.  There’s math involved in that number.  He went 2-for-5 with his 11th and 12th homers.  Next up, literally, Brett Gardner (3-for-4, 1 run) hit more doubles than the sketchy guy at the craps table who kept betting the horn and looking over his shoulder.  DJ LeMahieu (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, HR) was on the ones and twos, but mostly on the ones, since he hit leadoff and his 4th homer.  Gary Sanchez (2-for-4) hit his 15th long ball and don’t mention hitting balls around Gary, he crosses his legs.  Then there’s Thairo (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, HR), who should be on the Iron Throne, but that’s a hot internet take, and I’m here for cold ones, but he even has three homers because Our Commissioner Manfred sticks Capri Sun straws into balls and juices them up.  If you learn nothing else from this post, and you might not, stream all hitters vs. the Orioles.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Not your Grandfathers top 100 starting pitchers…

It’s been a rough month for Grandpa-Donk. The old Donk isn’t supposed to be climbing ladders in his advanced age of 90, but the garage roof needed to be tarred and he felt he was the only donkey for such an urgent task. You guessed it, gramps fell off the garage roof, but somehow he escaped with only a broken wrist. A couple weeks later, while in a cast, G-Donk decided to use that same hoof to hammer some nails into his barn. This resulted in a second trip to the veterinarian for the stubborn old jackass.

Clayton Kershaw reminds me a little of Grandpa-Donk. I mean, minus the senility, reckless abandon, and tail. Kershaw suffers from a herniated disc in his lumbar spine (lower back). While I’m not a doctor, I have been called “Dr. Donkey” several times; and I think that’s qualification enough for me to assert that, while the symptoms may subside, a disc herniation will not heal without surgery. Mr. Kershaw has had no back surgeries.

All of this is to say, I trust Clayton Kershaw to stay healthy about as far as I can throw him. Which isn’t far, because I’m a donkey, I can’t throw anything. While Kershaw has looked very good so far this season, and I do have him ranked at #10, I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before Kershaw finds himself on the shelf for another two month stin,t or worse. If I happened to own him, I’d sell him for any arm in my top 20. You should be able to get a useful piece added on if you’re forced to settle for one of those back end top 20 names.

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The Rays called up their 1st base prospect, Nate Lowe, to go with Ji-Man Choi, Yandy Diaz and Daniel Robertson, which brings me to the real question of the day:  How can Tampa have so many corners on their roster and no bodegas?  The Rays have more cornermen than Avon Barksdale.  My 9th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Corbello, would tell you, if you have two sides of a diamond and four corners, then you’re looking at a clusterfudgeogram.  The clusterfudgeogram generates little playing time and lots of headaches for those making heads or tails of it.  The real question might be:  Would the Rays be as daft to call up one of their top prospects to ride the bench?  That seems unlikely, but since he’s a lefty and this is Kevin Cash, and Cash Ruins Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. get the funny way to set your lineup, ya big dummy.  We care because Lowe’s got some lumber.  His projections are at the Prospectonator, and they’re not too shabby, like the quarter piece of Harrison Ford’s Jewishness.  Prospect Mike ranked Nathaniel Lowe (Why so serious, Nate?) in his top 100 fantasy baseball prospects and said this elsewhere, “Lowe is a big left-handed bat who can hit for both average and power. In 2018, he popped 27 homers and hit .330/.416/.568 across three levels. He’ll be ready when the Rays need him, unlike how no one needs Grey.”  Okay, not cool!  I tried to add Nathaniel Lowe and Nate Lowe everywhere; I believe they’re the same person and they were both gone.  However, I didn’t contract any FOMO.  Finding a bat corner bat with some pop is as easy as going down to the corner store, grabbing a burner Moreland-type and avoiding the clusterfudgeogram.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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This is easily my favorite week of streamers so far and I’m going to be pedaling harder than ever right down the stream. What I really love is all of the two-start pitchers available. We actually have five two-start streamers that we’re going to recommend, which is a new record for this article! I’m pedaling so furiously that there’s going to be a hole in my kayak!  

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No Doubt

Name Team Opponent 1 Opponent 2
Trevor Bauer CLE @MIA SEA
Blake Snell TB @KC @BAL
Justin Verlander HOU @MIN @LAA
Luis Castillo CIN @NYM SF
German Marquez COL @MIL ARZ
Patrick Corbin WSH STL @PHI

Rich Hill getting injured; Khris Davis hitting .247; topping my 3 wood after waiting for a long time on a par 5 approach shot; these guys on the list in your starting lineup. Well Alex, what are things that you have no doubt about? Wager: Suck It Trebek!

Not to be confused with Luis Mendoza (the speedster duck), you can bet that nobody that owns Castillo will be yelling for him to stop any time soon. I don’t expect it to happen this week with a visit to the Mets and home for what is more a gentle Giant(s) lineup than a Thanos, world killer Giant(s) lineup. No, there’s not a spoiler there. I haven’t seen it yet anyway.

If you’re curious about how good Luis Castillo has been, he’s only given up 2 barrels on the season (2nd best among pitchers, min. 50 batted ball events), 31% hard hit rate is 13th best, 85.1 mph avg. exit velocity is 15th best, and the best swinging strike rate of his career so far on this young season at 14% along with his lowest contact percentage allowed as well.

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Arodys Vizcaino is out for the year.  Backdate that to spring training when he was having arm issues.  He needed to have his labrum fixed worse than an overworked gymnast.  Filling in for him is the dumpster fire that is A.J. Minter.  I’ve got a wild idea, hey, Braves, how about you sign Craig Kimbrel with the money you robbed from Albies?  Here’s Albies agent before the signing, “Albies, sure you want to take this deal?”  Albies replied, “Why are you asking, Al B. Sure?”  Then they stared at each other for five minutes until Albies had enough and signed.  The Braves’ bullpen is such a disarray of WUT, I don’t even know who their setup man is.  I guess it’s the guy working the docks in The Wire, but it could be the guy whose name was Riddle, but, due to poor penmanship, became Biddle.  A millennial just broke down my door and said, “It’s penpersonship.”  My bad!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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If he wanted to, Eloy Jimenez could’ve hit home runs in any of the White Sox first 11 games. He chose to delay the gratification for one reason: he’s a diva. Eloy waited patiently as the team traveled from Kansas City, to Cleveland, to Chicago, where he played in front of dozens of fans in each city. Finally, on April 12th, 2019, the White Sox arrived in New York City. The stage had been set and Mount Eloy would wait no longer; he erupted with a monstrous 3-for-4 night including 3 RBIs and his 1st AND 2nd career home runs bringing his average up to .319.

There were people asking about dropping Eloy in the comments this week (I assume these were all bots). The answer was always: DO NOT DROP ELOY!! I had Eloy ranked 40th overall in the preseason and he slotted in as my #15 outfielder, I’m standing by those rankings.Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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What’s up, everybody? Happy Friday and welcome to the first full slate Friday. FanDuel has us set up for a 12 game slate and there’s a lot to like. Overall, I’m not a big batter vs pitcher historical data guy. Don’t get me wrong, I still skim the data to see if anything jumps off the page, but usually, the sample size is too small to take anything away. However, I’m throwing all that out the window on Friday and jumping on the Freddie Freeman ($4,600) train because of what he’s done against Zack Wheeler. In 30 plate appearances versus Wheeler, Freeman is 10/19, with 3 doubles, 2 homers, and 10 walks for a triple slash of .526/.667/1.000. I really liked Zack Wheeler coming into the year, but so far the fastball command that I fell in love with in 2018 has disappeared. The walk rate on his fastball is up to 17.9% from 7.9% in 2018, albeit in a small sample. Let’s take a look at the rest of FanDuel’s Friday slate.

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