People will tell you with a straight face that pitching is predictable. Is it though? A pause so distant that the person pausing stops to watch the entire coastline recede and homes being forced to move back 500 feet off the shoreline. I say pitching is unpredictable. I don’t say you don’t need top pitching. I merely say it’s unpredictable. This seemingly understandable statement gets push back. Shrugs, I don’t know what to tell ya. Tarik Skubal is having elbow surgery to remove loose bodies, and his timeline is unclear. I’d guess August/September. Sorry to be so matter of fact, we see some version of this every year. We have Gerrit Cole coming back in a month or so, and he was a top starter before that surgery. Spencer Strider was a top pitcher, and now people aren’t sure if they can start him. Did I screw up Kyle Bradish as a cheap number one? Yes, clearly, but at least you drafted a top hitter in the 1st round, instead of Skubal. Oh, you drafted Tatis? Oops. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dillon Dingler – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs, hitting .257. Just wanted to say he hit third yesterday. That’s a three-hole Dingler! Repeat! We have a three-hole Dingler! We are so close to the greatest lineup decision ever by a manager — the two-hole Dingler!
Payton Tolle – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.04. Can’t believe he shut down the three-hole Dingler. The three-hole Dingler? There’s no way, man. How? The bottom of the Tigers’ lineup by the way: Keith, Short. Clearly, someone’s forgotten the greatest R&B singer ever. It’s Keith Sweat, my good man! Tolle is good, in case you didn’t know. I told you he’s a pickup everywhere. Ain’t repeating shizz, I’m inventing new nonsense to say!
Roman Anthony – Hurt his wrist on a swing, and left the game. X-rays were clean of fractures, but will have further imaging today. Hopefully, Roman doesn’t need to be 49’d.
Jarren Duran – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (6), and third homer since someone asked if they should drop him for, like, Brooks Lee.
Chris Paddack – Sounds headed to the IL with who cares. Is Robby Snelling being called up? Is that what The Rock is Snelling? Maybe it’s Braxton Garrett? Does The Rock smell Braxton’s cooking? Either of those two called up would be interesting for mixed leagues, but Snelling will be huge interesting. Big interesting. Braxton will be interesting, but lightweight interesting.
Janson Junk – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.82. Saw John King followed him in this game, making the box score read Junk/King, and I called into the Protest Department at Columbia University to see if I could get the game shut down, because the correct term is Picker or Scavenger. They didn’t answer; left a message. So, Junk is not an ace, and he’s not even a safe number five, but he’s exactly kind of backend starter you want in deep leagues, and pretty Streamonatory in shallower.
Bryce Harper – 3-for-4 and his 7th homer, hitting .271. That’s seven homers vs. his 12 recorded TikToks. Catching up!
Aaron Nola – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.06. If it’s any consolation, if you started him, he would’ve went 5 IP, 6 ER.
Brad Keller – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.30, and a save. Finally, I picked up the right replacement–Oh, Jhoan Duran’s returning today. Forget it.
Nick Martinez – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.71. Was gonna say Streamonator, but a sub-2 ERA in May from a pitcher who’s been in majors all season should be an auto-start until further notice.
Bobby Witt Jr. – 1-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (3) and legs (11). Please go on one of those 10-homer in 12-game streaks. Please, I’m begging over here on my hands and knees.
Jac Caglianone – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in four games, hitting .257. This was on his bobblehead night, or as they call it in Italy, bobblehead-a night. Jac hasn’t exactly knocked the cover off the ball, but what’s it gonna take for Sal Perez (1-for-4,1 run, 1 RBI, hitting .207) to get moved out of the cleanup spot? It’s time, guys.
Michael Wacha – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Looked at his peripherals yesterday, due to a commenter question, and, wow, he looks hideous under the hood.
Tanner Bibee – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 4.58. Not much better than Wacha, if being honest, and — eff it — I’m gonna be honest!
David Fry – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in two games, i.e., two Fry flies. You would not believe your eyes, if ten million Fry flies…That would be a schmotato, though.
Yoshinobu Yamamoto – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.09. Mentioned this briefly yesterday, but Yamamoto is a Sell. No one is saying sell him for Janson Junk. (Though, Junk looks fine. That Junk, not junk junk.) Yoshi looks like a 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, every start out, which isn’t bad. He just wasn’t a top five starter as he was drafted.
Kyle Tucker – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .242. This home run came in Houston, where Tucker first came up and now as he fades out his career–Wait, he’s only 29? He reminds me of Cody Bellinger. Tucker’s fading career numbers look like he’s a 34-year-old George Springer. Not a 35-year-old or 36-year-old George Springer though. (That’s a good joke if you’re a nerd.)
Zach Cole – 1-for-4 and his 1st homer. I remember distinctly battling with myself whether I wanted Cole or Jake Meyers higher in the rankings. Boy, that mattered!
JJ Bleday – 1-for-5 and his 3rd homer, 2nd homer in three games. Hot schmotato alert!
Ke’Bryan Hayes – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Ke’Bryan should be one of those guys, who if they hit a home run off you, a trap door opens and the pitcher is sent back to the minors.
Edward Cabrera – 6 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.27. It’s crazy how quickly pitcher’s stats stabilize and, as for EdCab, not in the best of ways.
Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. Seiya ball!
Michael Conforto – 1-for-1 and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Conforto retired three years ago.
Logan Gilbert – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.30. Heaven forbid one of my M’s starters throws a lights-out game.
J.P. Crawford – 1-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, and his 2nd homer in a week, and a little schmotato action for Just Peachy.
Sean Murphy – 0-for-3 as he was activated from the IL. Sean didn’t follow much Braves news while away for the last year, preferring to just focus on getting back on the field. First thing he said upon arrival was, “Who is Drake Baldwin?” Drake Baldwin (1-for-4) hit his 9th homer. Murphy said, “Wow, gonna suck to bench him, huh?” After a ten-minute pause, where no one said anything, he said, “Right?”
JR Ritchie – 5 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners (6 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 3.63. If my beautiful boy Didier had six walks, he would’ve gave up 7 ER. But, no, not this Ritchie guy!
Austin Riley – 2-for-4 and his 5th homer, hitting .213. Not as bad as that .213, maybe, but he’s not hitting the ball anywhere near how he once did. He looks very much like the 20-23-homer, .250 hitter he’s been the last few years, and not the Tiptoeing in my Jawdins to near-40 homers guy.
Ozzie Albies – 1-for-4 and his 8th homer. Also, in this game, Matt Olson (1-for-3) hit his 12th homer. 23 more! And let say that for Albies too! LFG!
Jose Soriano – 4 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 1.74. Mess with the Shite Sox and you get crapped on!
Munetaka Murakami – 3-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer. Actually, I roster Murakami in lots of leagues, so I’m being sincere when I say, I like how teams can’t figure out a way to get him out and don’t seem like they want to try.
Miguel Vargas – 2-for-5 and his 7th homer, hitting .228. He’s near a top five 3rd baseman on the Player Rater. Yes, 3rd base is the worst position. Oh, easily worse than catchers.
Davis Martin – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.64. His ERA is below Soriano’s. Fantasy Baseball, a game you can master if you got no marbles left, and think you can master it. Martin’s perfs — 8.8 K/9, 1.6 BB/9 — are totally fine, but far from an ace. Well, I wouldn’t mind if that’s how Woo’s looked. Not to be confused with Woos-Look, which sounds like a made-up place in a sitcom where teens go to make-out.
Jackson Merrill -2-for-4 and his 4th homer. One of those guys who people seem to want to sell low, so I could see buying low.
Ramon Laureano – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. As the ball sailed out of the stadium, Tatis said, “Is that allowed?”
Randy Vasquez – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 3.20. He’s slowly finding his level, which is a 3.80 ERA pitcher with meh Ks.
Casey Schmitt – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer. He is the team’s hottest hitter (worth grabbing too), so I didn’t really understand how Bryce Eldridge would play (because Schmitt is their DH). Turns out they decided to bench Chapman. Hahahahaha, okay. Yo, Posey and Vitello are dumb, huh? What is this galaxy braining they’re doing? Chapman’s arguably the league’s best defensive 3rd baseman, which why they signed him, and now they’re benching him? Stop making me laugh.
Trevor McDonald – 7 IP, 1 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, as he was called up, but sounds like a spot start, and, if it’s not, his ERA in Triple-A last year was 5.31, so open the weather app for a raincheck.
Caleb Kilian – 1 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 1.13, and his 1st save. Love when a team gets a new closer every week. Very cool stuff. Not all frustrating. Kilian’s been good, but just you wait until he starts closing games and sucks. Would I grab him? SAGNOF, my beloved.
Jordan Westburg – Shut down from throwing. Turns out torn UCLs don’t magically heal for position players either.
Shane Baz – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.99. In the tenses of Baz, Baz’ing, Bazung, he’s Bazung badly.
Anthony Volpe – Activated from the IL, and optioned to Triple-A. Missed this on Sunday, but good on the Yanks for making the right move.
Aaron Judge – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer. AND HE HITS IT TO DEEP LEFT! …. HEEP GOES BACK!….. IT IS GONE!.. HOLY COW!!!… OH MY GOODNESS!!!… I DON’T BELIEVE IT!… I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!!…. RICK CAMP!… RICK CAMP!!! RIP John Sterling.
Cam Schlittler – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.52. If we were redrafting, Cam’s inside the top five starters.
Kyle Leahy – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 4.93. Didn’t think much of it when McGreevy was pitching well, or Pallante, but now, holy crap, it’s the Ghost of Dave Duncan!
Brice Turang – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .304. Brice should pay a social media intern to Photoshop his face on B. Rice’s rice ads. I should be paid for smart ideas like this one.
Jackson Chourio – 4-for-4, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department said, “Sorry to hear Joe in HR passed away. He owed me $35.”
Andrew Vaughn – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the IL. Kevin continued, “If you could relay that to Joe’s family, but tell them, I wouldn’t dream of collecting interest.”
Hi Grey,
1. Would you drop Foster Griffin to pick up Aaron Nola?
2. Would you try and trade Kyle Stowers to pick up Jason Dominguez?
3. Would you try and trade Stowers to pick up Jac Caglianone?
Thank you!
I’m going to be laughing about the Laureano and Murphy blurbs all evening…