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I’ll get to Jose Altuve, but, damn, the Astros were like, “Oh, yeah, Rangers, you’re going to challenge us for the division? That’s what you’re going to do?” Mean’s while, Mariners are like, “Hey, what about us?” Okay, now the lede: Jose Altuve did what? Three homers in three innings? Finishing with: 3-for-5, and his 13th, 14th, and 15th homer, which he hit in the 1st, 2nd and 3rd inning. Mark Whiten must’ve been sweating! I know this is about fantasy, but he’s a first ballot Hall of Famer. I’m not a denier of the Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang Scandal. I am not an ostrich. But cmon. Has he been cheating every year of his career? Fine, wanna dock him one year for cheating? Do whatever you want, but he’s a Hall of Famer. I’m not just saying this because we’re the same height. Fine! It is that reason! Us Short Kings get one guy every 20 years, let us have Altuve! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Julio Rodriguez is effervescent. Julio Rodriguez is a can of seltzer that is baseball-flavored. Like Home Depot, he’s got electric tools. Figured go with the dad metaphor vs. like a raver with a glow stick down their pants, he’s got electric tools. It stinks he’s behind the West Coast PST iron curtain. Everyone sees the East Coast games, and West Coast games are only usually seen by the West Coast, as most are asleep on the East Coast. Don’t even get me started with the PST bias. “Hey, are you around at 9 AM for a call?” “Sure.” Then invariably you get woken at 6 AM. “Oh, I figured you knew it was EST.” EST was a cult showcased in The Americans, and is a cult for everyone who thinks there’s only one time zone. Screw your time zones! Wow, that went far afield of Julio Rodriguez. Okay, bringing it back: He went 5-for-5 with 5 RBIs and his 20th homer. He’s hitting .269, and he was a triple short of the cycle. Speaking of short, it was a short schedule yesterday: Julio Rodriguez for 2024 fantasy? Where does he go? He won’t go as high again as this year, and that will make him a steal wherever it is. Speaking of steals, he was caught for the ninth time yesterday and picked off. Usually I ignore that, but I wonder if the Mariners might curb his enthusiasm. Either way, he’s pretttttttay, pretttttttay good. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I made a funny mistake in last week’s article by misspelling Clarke Schmidt’s name. The reason I wrote Cole Schmidt is because that’s someone I went to high school with. I actually played baseball with Cole until I was 15 years old, and a few of my friends were talking about just how bad Cole […]

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Joe Ryan (4 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 4.43) got cooked faster than an instant pot, if an instant pot actually cooked things in an instant. I’d be lyin’ on Ryan (poet and aware of it) if I said I trusted him right now, even if I am a believer long-term for 2024 fantasy and beyond. Everyone seems to have caught up to his four-seamer and now it’s Dong City, population every hitter facing him. He’s a two-pitch pitcher, and hitters figured out the ‘good’ one, which is not good. There’s two months left, and, in shallower leagues, it’s time to move on. Getting him for homers (everyone, like I said), Jordan Walker (2-for-3) hit his 10th homer. Jordan Walker is my father, please respect our family time together. Tyler O’Neill (1-for-4) hit his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Tyler O’Neill has 35-homer power. Might take a miracle for him to even get to 15 this year, but there would be stranger things than him going off for two months. Like Dustin. He’s Stranger Things. Also, getting into the act, Lars Nootbaar (2-for-4, 2 RBIs) hit his 11th homer, and 4th homer in the last week. Snack baars open, baby! Finally, Alec Burleson (1-for-3, 3 RBIs) went ding-dong for his 7th homer. In previous seasons, the Cards would’ve traded Burleson for a middle reliever and watched Burleson become an All-Star on another team, but now he will remain in St. Louis as a 4th outfielder. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“What a day for a game! We have Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander squaring off today to decide who goes to the World Series for the American League, and–hold on, clear the room! Mr. Met, no! Don’t do it!–*tv channel goes to static*” Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but the Mets did well at the deadline. It’s not how they would’ve imagined it in the preseason, but unloading two fossils for prospects, and they can just buy again this offseason. Of course, they’ll likely take the prospects they just got and trade them for, like, George Springer, but it’s a strategy. Now, due to their luxury tax implications, it’s imperative they lose as many games as possible, which brings me to: You too can be a Mets starter! Just head down to Metco and line up! Auditions start at 2 PM on Thursday. So, Justin Verlander returns to the Astros…*yawns* If the biggest move during the Trade Deadline is Justin Verlander returning to Houston, then what a snooze. Let’s go Yankees, do a move no one likes! Let’s go Dodgers, grab another player no one wants! C’mon, Rays, grab another forgotten starter and make him an ace! A guy Verlander’s age doesn’t change suddenly. He can be great for ratios, and give IP, but his Ks have gone bye-bye and he’s not locating as well. He goes to a tougher park, but an easier division, though the Astros face a bunch of AL East teams in August. I’ll say it’s lateral, and you should know what you’re getting. Well…You could be getting a one-day contract to pitch for the Mets! Just head down to the stadium!

As it turned out, all of that Verlander business was a preamble for a historical event that was about to happen that night. Was it Lance Lynn’s first crotch grab on his new team, the Dodgers? Well, that did happen, but no-no. Framber Valdez threw a no-hitter with one walk and 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.07. So, The Framchise threw the Astros’ first lefty no-hitter on a day they brought back a guy with three of them. It’s pretty inspiring. Maybe you’re next for the Mets! Seriously, they need arms, head down to Metco this Thursday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

How’s it going Razzfaithful? The outfield board is updated again and here’s a rundown of current trades and expected trades in the coming days: Randal Grichuk – Traded to Angels. Essentially replaces Taylor Ward who is now out for the season after getting Manoah’d. And he was just getting hot again too, ugh. Grichuk, fortunately, […]

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We had an outstanding showing in our first week back from the All-Star break. Reid Detmers, Seth Lugo, Kyle Hendricks, and Michael Lorenzen all pitched well, and it’s not like Ranger Suarez killed our lineups! We feel like we have a great read on how these rotations are playing out right now, but this week […]

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This post will be an extended mea culpa. I didn’t believe Andrew Abbott (8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, two walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.10) when he was called up. Didn’t believe him after his first eight starts! Didn’t believe him when he had solid prospect pedigree. Didn’t believe him when he came to my house and said, “Why don’t you believe me? You’re hurting my feelings!” I didn’t believe him when he showed up at my favorite boba place to tell me he had a 9.2 K/9, 2.9 BB/9. Didn’t believe him when he showed up at my health club in a towel and sat in the sauna with me and walked me through how he had a .212 xBAA, an xERA of 3.62 and a .103 BAA on his sweeper, which he throws 16.1% of the time. I didn’t believe him when he walked next to my car, while I was in traffic, and told me his fly balls were crazy high, but literally, so they won’t leave the park. I didn’t believe him when he shook me awake in the middle of the night and told me to not trust his 4.59 xFIP. I didn’t believe him through all that, and I regret it. Sadly, I still don’t believe him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Christian Walker (3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) as he had a double slam (19, 20) and legs (7). On Christian solder! *blowtorches a piece of metal*

“Anything you can do I can do better,
I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.” Sang Austin Riley (3-for-5, 3 runs, 7 RBIs) as he hit hit his 17th and 18th homer.

“You’re supposed to wait for me to reply ‘Yes, I can’ after you say ‘No, you can’t.”

“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Sang Orlando Arcia (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs) who hit his 8th homer. Next year, Christian Walker will once again be underrated, as he’s currently above Vlad Jr., Riley and others on the Player Rater, and others who went way before him, and I imagine will again in 2024. “No, they won’t.” Yes, they will! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?