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Please see our player page for Max Scherzer to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

The Dodgers have spent more than $1.1 billion this winter with the signings of Yoshinobu Yamamoto, Shohei Ohtani and Tyler Glasnow. Eight teams haven’t spent a million. Is this [watches a butterfly flap out of one’s hand] competitive balance? So, the Mets’ owner Steve Cohen flew to Japan, took him out to dinner and Yamamoto went home with the Dodgers. [searching PornHub for cuckold, seeing a video of Steve Cohen paying the check for Yamamoto’s dinner] Damn, that’s brutal. Yamamoto was also rumored to possibly be on the Giants’ radar, but Yoshinobu saw a news report of a smash and grab at a vape shop in The Castro, and decided against San Francisco. Ouch. As I believe I said before, how about rather than the Dodgers buying free agents, they just get all the free agents and tell us which ones they don’t want. Might be easier that way. 

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We’ve gone over the final 2023 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters and the top 20 starters. This is different than Final Fantasy rankings where you rank Final Fantasy 1 thru Final Fantasy 15. That’s hardcore nerd shizz! This is simply fantasy baseball — we’re softcore nerds like Emmanuelle is to porn. So, there’s no more of these godforsaken recap posts left. You’re welcome. I, my over-the-internet friend, will be talking next about 2024 rookies. Let’s boogie to the next year, boogiers! Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

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Wow, has it already been a week since the first installment of the 2024 Top Keepers was unveiled? Time flies when the baseball playoffs are in full swing.

Last week I looked at the top relievers to keep (2024 Top Keepers – Relievers). This week the focus is on starting pitchers.

Like relievers, starting pitchers can be a little inconsistent from year to year, making it tough to nail down the top keepers. I went pretty deep this year with a list of 85, allowing for a nice mix of veteran pitchers and young up-and-comers.

That said, I’m sure I missed some pitchers you probably like more and listed players higher than you think they deserve to be.

However, I like the list I have put together and I hope you find it useful as you build your fantasy staff.

Now let’s get on with the rankings!

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In the world of fantasy baseball, and “real” baseball for that matter, SPs serve as the tip of the spear, bearing the weight of our team’s aspirations on their shoulders every time they take the mound.  We count on them to set the tone for our pitching staffs, starting with W or QS, then loading […]

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Hello? Is it me you’re looking for? I see you caressing a butter sculpture of my face. It’s not weird, just a little…out of place. I mean, I thought our relationship was me being the whiffonator, and you being a feasting fantasy baseballer who can’t get enough whiffs. Supply and demand. Basic economics. 

Which is the long way of saying: we’re down to, like, 14ish games left in the season. From a writer’s standpoint, we are in meaningless territory. A player slumps, and it’s nothing more than variance. Unpredictable downtime. A player surges, and how can we tell whether it’s playoff adrenaline or they’re just flipping the coin lucky-side first? For the most part, we can’t. 

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This is George Kirby’s fault. He has polluted the minds of Major League Baseball, far and wide. George Kirby has pricked everyone’s brain and seeped his early curfew pitch count into their brain custard. It is so prevalent, Dusty Baker, the guy who once threw Aaron Harang, The Harangutan, for 178 pitches in a 9-1 game just to see if he could get his arm to fall off. Dusty Baker who once said to Mark Prior, “I don’t know if you ‘need’ an elbow.” That Dusty Baker pulled Hunter Brown with a no-hitter after 78 pitches in the 5th inning, having struck out 7 guys (and walking two)! Dusty Baker did that? What’s next, David Ross not batting Mike Tauchman leadoff? Don’t even get cute! So, Hunter Brown has some of the prettiest peripherals I’ve seen, and am tempted to say he could be a number two next year with a chance to be an ace. He has thrown too many innings though, so glad Dusty pulled him. *dodges tomato* What? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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The Braves/Phils is America. It’s just excess on top of excess. It’s beautiful. It’s like a blooming onion on top of poutine. Sure, one of those things is Australian and one is from Montreal, but that’s exactly right. America co-ops your excess and makes it more excessive in the rebrand. That’s the Braves/Phils. Excessive in its rebrand of baseball. Plus, no pitching. The star last night (for fantasy, at least) is the same star of the last two months since the standing ovation — Trea Turner going 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and a slam (26) and legs (27). When you think about it, Treat Urner started playing well after he received positive reenforcement, like every other Treat Urner I know. Next up in this game was two Braves hitters who have been doing this all year: Matt Olson going 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 51st homer. Praying to Allahson for nine more! Then, we had Ronald Acuña Jr. going 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 37th homer. Tildaddy said you can help him take off his shoes! Then Marcell Ozuna went 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 34th homer. Hey, if the Braves are hitting, I look at the pitcher facing them and think, “If he dies, he dies.” Enter: Zack Wheeler going 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.70. Sadly, he ran into the Braves-saw. Then, not to be outdone for the Phils, Nick Castellanos went 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 23rd homer. The wind was blowing southwest off the Greek God of Hard Contact’s mother’s mustache and the ball sailed out for everyone. Finally, Bryce Harper went 2-for-3 and his 17th homer. On one side of my brain, I’m like, “No two players are the same.” On my other side, I’m like, “Ohtani and Dominguez are going to take two months to hit for power even after they return to games.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Was listening to Fleetwood Mac’s Everywhere (Remastered) when I saw the news that Jordan Lawlar was being promoted, and the wind chimes playing in the background were perfectly timed as I spun out, arms outstretched, seeing stars because my equilibrium isn’t that good. Then Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac starting playing and all I heard was, “Tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little young player guys,” and now I don’t know what the Mac is trying to tell me. Do not confuse me, Mac!

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