Struggling Sawx And Mets Pray And Pay Young Arms Help

Christian Scott will be called up to start on Thursday, as the Mets moved on from a man D. Peterson. Welp, can’t buy me love. I’d like a refresher cocktail, if you don’t mind. I said when he was called up for the first time on May 2nd, 2024, “Mets are promoting Christian Scott to the majors this weekend–[presses finger to ear] ‘Yes, I can hear you? What happened? As soon as they gave him the news he was promoted he injured his UCL.'” Then his final mention was a few months later, where I said, “(Christian Scott) will have internal brace procedure. That’s the pitchers’ equivalent to a shit and shave.” And that’s me’s quoting me’s! Wish I could say I have some sorta Oracle-like ability, but it’s really true that I joked about him being on the Mets and how that was going to doom his UCL and, guess what happened. Well, here’s what Itch said about Christian Scott prior to his call-up in 2024, “Rather than chase the big names, I tend to pick my spots with rookie pitchers, and this is one of them. At 6’4” 215 lbs, Scott has been adding velocity since being selected in the 5th round of the 2021 draft. He was mostly a reliever as a collegian because Florida had plenty of high-end rotation options while Scott was there. His command has come together in a full-time starting role, and a slider he added from watching video of Max Scherzer is producing dynamite results. In 62 innings with Double-A Binghamton, Scott posted a 0.84 WHIP with 77 strikeouts and a 2.47 ERA. I think he’ll be starting in New York sooner than later. Debatable if it happens before I attack Grey in his sleep.” What on earth? Then, Scott disappeared to this year, when he returned with an 11.2 K/9, 1.3 BB/9 in 13 2/3 Triple-A innings. Good to have him back. Well, until that next season-ending injury. I’d grab him in all leagues, where you need help, and who doesn’t need help.

Also, in the pitchers about to be called up news, Payton Tolle is supposedly getting the call. Itch ranked him in his top 75 fantasy baseball prospects, saying, “At 6’6” 250 pounds with high-nineties velocity from a three-quarter release, Tolle makes for an intimidating at bat. He’ll be even tougher to hit if he can deepen his arsenal a bit, but for now the fastball is enough to make him a big leaguer. And I have a full arsenal if I ever find Grey’s home.” Okay, I’m scared. About to go back and forth through a toll booth with my woo-woo whistle muffler! As I said yesterday, he’s gone 11.4 K/9, 2.4 BB/9 this year in three starts and went 13.1 K/9, 2.3 BB/9 last year in 91 2/3 IP. He’s also a pickup in every league, and since people will ask. As the Bed and Breakfast Maiden rhyme says, Tolle before Scott, you paid to sit on our pot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Nolan McLean – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.67. He deserves better than the Mets, but fate isn’t what’s chosen. Damn, homey, I got wisdom!

Francisco Lindor – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 2nd homer. Miserable to start the year — buy low! — and still better than Bobby Shitt Jr.

Devin Williams – 0 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 9.95. I expect nonsense from the Mets, but everyone who was drafting Devin in the preseason like the last year with the Yanks didn’t happen? I didn’t understand it.

Byron Buxton – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Can I put $5 on him hitting another home run today? He’s the most “he hit one homer so he will hit another homer the next day” player of all-time. (Okay, after Ty Wigginton, if you know, you know.)

Connelly Early – 5 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.88. Watched a lot of this start (because I couldn’t bear watching Reynaldo) and Early looked better than the line. Giancarlo was the only one to hit him hard.

Giancarlo Stanton – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. That homer is for the mannequin I have in the passenger seat of my car in the Yankees jersey who I call Ginacarla. We ride in the car pool lane together and get Blizzards.

Luis Gil – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (3 BBs), 2 Ks, ERA at 4.11. Quite frankly, the Sawx looked worse than Gil looked great. Rodon and Cole are also due back relatively soon, and I have to guess Gil is one of the guys losing his rotation spot. Rather than look at the Streamonator for Gil, I’d look to see who’s facing the Red Sox.

Adley Rutschman – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs as he was activated from the IL and returns to prospblock Basallo. Trade Adley for an arm, you idiots! Not you, I mean the O’s. Unless you can trade him for an arm.

Coby Mayo – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. Now, Mayo, that’s how you emulsify!

Shane Baz – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.08. That was vs. the Peasant Royals. Against a real team, that would be 4 IP, 12 ER.

Vinnie Pasquantino – 0-for-4, 1 RBI, hitting .180. I wonder if the Royals moved the fences in, then put up a Sound of Music-like painted backdrop right behind the infield, and everything is being knocked down off Julie Andrews’s legs and into the 2nd baseman’s mitt.

Kris Bubic – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.08. I mean, okay, I guess, but Julie Andrews is swatting down line drives.

Zack Wheeler – Will make his season debut on Saturday. That’s when the Wheeler’s turn.

Jesus Luzardo – 4 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners (4 BBs), 3 Ks, ERA at 6.91. Saw someone say Luzardo was a buy low, and, boy, did I cackle at that one. Sure, if you’re looking to take the pain away from a root canal? Yeah, then Luzardo is your man!

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .217. Schwarbomb’s over Chirac! (Spike Lee would appreciate that.)

Bryce Harper – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .274. Harper’s actually been decent, says a guy with expectations severely damaged by Vinnie Pasquantino.

Shota Imanaga – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.17. As terrible as every starter is, I can’t rightfully complain about Shota. One K? It’s better than everyone else who pitched for me!

Nico Hoerner – 2-for-5, 2 runs and his 4th homer. I have a good voicemail greeting for Nico, if someone can get this to him, “Ah, me so Hoerner, me so Hoerner, ah, me so Hoerner, me love you long time, and sorry I missed your call.”

Seiya Suzuki – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 1st homer. “Um, hey, Nico, I was calling to see if you wanted to go to Dave and Buster’s and, uh, that voicemail’s really gotta go.”

Blake Snell – Scheduled for a rehab start today. Snell ya later!

Daniel Susac – Hit the IL with a elbow ulnar neuritis, and expected to miss two to three weeks. Likely an injury that had been lingering for a while, so Patrick Bailey was being out-hit by someone with one arm, according to Dr. Richard Kimble.

Landen Roupp – 5 IP, 1 ER, 1 hit, 5 walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.28. “The Dodgers can’t hit the ball if I don’t throw within three feet of the plate.” That’s Roupp game-planning.

Ryan Walker – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.60, as he recorded his 2nd save. So, now it’s clear as day it’s Walker’s job? Why couldn’t that have been cleared up on day one of the freakin’ season? (As soon as I say this, Kilian will get the next save.)

Kumar Rocker – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunner, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.48. His name is Kumaaaaaaaaaaaaar Rocker! His underlying stats look better than I expected (8.3 K/9, 3.5 BB/9), but still kinda Streamonator-ish for mixed leagues.

Carmen Mlodzinski – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.28. Good news for me is once a guy is unusable for most leagues, I stop having to write him up and spell his name. A few more like this!

Chase Dollander – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.88. He looks as good as any Rockies pitcher who I can remember. Maybe Jeff Francis that one random year? I never tell anyone to pick up Rockies pitchers, but his stats look like ace stuff. Top pitchers right now: Schlittler, Sanchez, Gausman, Weathers, Skubal, and Dollander. That’s just strictly stats, and not talking track record, etc. The only thing that is scary is his home park, but that hasn’t been a problem at all. Can’t see any reason to not pick up Dollander everywhere.

Randy Vasquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 1.88. Yes, the duel of aces that we all expected Randy Vasquez and Chase Dollander. Again, you draft top pitchers, because: Dot dot dot?

Cal Raleigh – 2-for-3 and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Ass or grass, no one rides for free–Oh, yeah, you’re good, Cal.

Luis Castillo – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.01. One of the easiest tests for a pitcher is the A’s in Seattle and Castillo barely passed. Just Olmos he could Stand and Deliver.

Shea Langeliers – 1-for-3 and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. Thank you, Mr. Bangeliers, may I have another?

Miguel Vargas – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 4th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and third homer in a week. Hot schmotato alert!

Munetaka Murakami – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 9th homer, and 4th straight game with a homer. Too early to put Dale Long on defrost, maybe move him to the fridge, just in case we have to bring him out to celebrate his homer in consecutive game streak record being broken.

Sam Antonacci – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 1st career MLB homer. At least we know one Italian can hit homers!

Sean Burke – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.10 vs. Merrill Kelly – 4 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 9.31. This matchup was billed as, “Burke/Kelly, a spa day at the W on the Ivictory Coast, as they kayaked out on the S.S. Merrill.”

Colson Montgomery – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. You know that old joke, why don’t they just make the whole plane out of whatever the black box is made of? The White Sox made an entire team out of Adam Dunn’s.

Louis Varland – 2/3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 0.00 as he got his 1st save, and Jeff Hoffman (1/3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 7.59) started the 9th and tried to blow the game in a way that he has so many times before this season that I’m starting to wonder if Emmanuel Clase is his bookie. Hoffman is the type who won’t be replaced as much as the Jays will say something like, “Yeah, he has an arm…uh…problem. He needs an IL stint for it, uh, whatever we just said it was.”

Enyel De Los Santos – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.50. Two days prior, “I won my FAAB bid for Enyell!” Yesterday, “And yell! That’s what I’m doing! And yelling!” There’s a closerpocalypse out there and no one is safe. It’s basically Mason Miller, and everyone else. So, in the Astros’ pen, there’s also Bryan King–I’m kidding! He went 2/3 IP, 3 ER yesterday. We’re all screwed.

Angel Martinez – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 3rd homer. I made him a batty call last night, and now I’m waking up in love thinking about streaming Angel on Spotify like I’m Steven Tyler trying to earn .00000000001% of a penny.

Parker Messick – 5 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 1.76. He’s the only good starter. Five innings and three earned is “good?” Yes, and don’t put douche quotes around it.

Chase Burns – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.57. Fine! There’s two good pitchers! Geez! Messick does have a better ERA than Burns, though. What, your league doesn’t use ERA? Ooh, newfangled!

Spencer Steer – 1-for-3 and his 4th homer. If I traded Bobby Witt Jr. for Spencer Steer right after my draft, my leaguemates would’ve kicked me out of the league. But who’d they be kicking now?! (Still me, prolly.)

Elly De La Cruz – 3-for-6, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and a double slam(7, 8) and legs (6). 2025 – 5 HR in 199 ABs; 2026 – 5 HR in 28 ABs. It would be so nice if Bobby Shitt Jr. effortlessly had seven homers. Alas, I’m in my feelings.

Ke’Bryan Hayes – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Been one of the worst players in the entire major leagues on the year. Rece Hinds (0-for-3, 1 run, hitting .125)? Awful since call-up and playing every single game. Noelvi Marte? Still sent down!

Dane Myers – 1-for-3, 4 runs and his 1st homer. I’d take Noelvi over him too! Okay, I’m being a baby now.

Jonathan Aranda – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. Jonny Arrondissement brie’ing on!

Keider Montero – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.68. Kinda starter you hold your nose and start in an AL-Only league, and don’t have the grip strength to hold one’s nose for shallower mixed leagues.

Nathan Church – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam (2) and legs (3). Began researching the Buy column for this week (will be up on Patreon in a few hours — uh, a few hours after I wake on Wednesday), and Church has been a hot schmotato.

Jakob Marsee – 3-for-4, and his 1st homer. Sorry if it’s getting stuffy in here, but we have to close the Buy Low window soon too.

Curtis Mead – 1-for-2, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. He’s out-slugging my 1st round pick, and he doesn’t even start. All he does is hit pinch-hit homers. He’s basically Rusty Staub. Call him Crusty Staub.

James Wood – 1-for-2, 3 runs and his 8th homer, hitting .242. Member when y’all were nervous about his Ks? Well, he had a good first half last year too. Weren’t expecting me to say that, were you?

Foster Griffin – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.38. I don’t know this for a fact, actually it might not even make any sense, but I wonder if the pitching coaches in Japan teach pitchers to hone their command, and efficiency because their hitters are more patient. There’s nothing better for deep leagues than a guy like Griffin who has good command. He might’ve had the command before he even went overseas, to be honest.

Eli White – 1-for-2 and his 1st homer. Fun fact! Eli White played the dentist in the Dustin Hoffman-classic, Marathon Man.

Drake Baldwin – 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 6th homer. Meh, whatever Dalton Rushing’s done that in 12 at-bats.

Reynaldo Lopez – 1 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, ERA at 3.74. What did Jorge Soler do to this guy? Did he punch the mechanics out of him? Did he knock the regression out of him? Hit him back to last FIPping year?

Raisel Iglesias – Hit the IL after sleeping on his shoulder wrong. “Everyone complaining about messy closer situations? Haha, you should’ve drafted Raisel Iglesias!” That’s someone who slept right but about a day too long. Ya know, it makes no sense this would happen to Raisel after sleeping wrong. He just bought a brand-new mattress from the Dr. Keith Meister Collection. Dr. Keith said it was tempur-pedic, designed with layers upon layers of foam for the most rejuvenating sleep just like when you’re put under to have arm surgery. That’s the Dr. Keith guarantee! These mattresses make you feel like you’ve just had three Tommy John surgeries all at once! Robert Suarez is the clear replacement. Hopefully he just sleeps on his pull-out.