Going forward in order to lighten up this depressing article, I’ll be adding gifs that correspond to each player and their injury! That’s gif with the hardest G in the world. That G needs to start deep in your throat and then explode with force. Pause. Sorry for being so GGGGraphic!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Brandon Nimmo to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
The Orioles are on pace to give up 1,776 home runs, because they’re close to our nation’s capital, and that is a great figure, a historic number. A cannot be imitated — help me out here, Captain Lou Albano — never duplicated number. Scratch that, they’re now on pace to give up 1777 home runs because of the Battle of the Assunpink Creek. That was also the title of the Pink concert when her stretch pants were a little too skimpy in the back. “I see your Assupink Creek 2017.” Great show, the aerobatics alone. So, I try to avoid making every lede about hitters in Coors or facing the Orioles, but here goes, because Gleyber Torres has 14 homers against the O’s in five games and 12 homers on the year. There’s math involved in that number. He went 2-for-5 with his 11th and 12th homers. Next up, literally, Brett Gardner (3-for-4, 1 run) hit more doubles than the sketchy guy at the craps table who kept betting the horn and looking over his shoulder. DJ LeMahieu (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, HR) was on the ones and twos, but mostly on the ones, since he hit leadoff and his 4th homer. Gary Sanchez (2-for-4) hit his 15th long ball and don’t mention hitting balls around Gary, he crosses his legs. Then there’s Thairo (2-for-4, 2 RBIs, HR), who should be on the Iron Throne, but that’s a hot internet take, and I’m here for cold ones, but he even has three homers because Our Commissioner Manfred sticks Capri Sun straws into balls and juices them up. If you learn nothing else from this post, and you might not, stream all hitters vs. the Orioles. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“After Chris Davis raved about it, I had to check it out.” said James Paxton, as he sipped maple syrup. He continued, “It was my favorite show since the last time I saw Rush.” The Canadian then put on moose antlers, an orange vest and grabbed his shotgun. Before he exited the press conference, he smiled, adding, “Eh.” So, James Paxton busted that slumped like Chris Davis before him and like every team that faces the Sawx. Crazy when you have Mookie Betts hitting near-.200 and Benintendi out of the lineup, what a massive hole the Red Sox become, or a Mass-hole for short. Yesterday, James Paxton went 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.91, putting to doubt some concerns that he would be eaten alive by the New York lights. Paxton laughed, “It’s just like downtown Saskatchewan.” All the New Yorkers grinned, Paxton was already growing a tough, sarcastic sense of humor indicative of New York, when Paxton added, “Seriously, eh, there’s nothing finer than Regina.” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Christian Yelich hit his 6th homer and his…wait for it….here it comes…where’d it go…did I leave it in the car…no, it’s right here under my ass…and his 7th homer and his…crap, this one is in the car, isn’t it…nope, under the other cheek…and his 8th homer! Add in 7 RBIs and he’s hitting a zillion. Can we just crown him with back-to-back MVPs and sneak him into Ariana Grande’s room already? After he wins his 2nd straight MVP, there will still (!!!) be someone next March who is saying something like, “Grey, you are wildly handsome, but I just don’t trust Yelich. Can you talk me into him?” Which they will say right after I’ve written 1,200 words on Yelich. Doode is a beast who powers the Milwakuee’s Best. Don’t funk up my jam! Which is what Mr. Smuckers says to his wife when she messes up his DVR recordings of The Voice. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If he wanted to, Eloy Jimenez could’ve hit home runs in any of the White Sox first 11 games. He chose to delay the gratification for one reason: he’s a diva. Eloy waited patiently as the team traveled from Kansas City, to Cleveland, to Chicago, where he played in front of dozens of fans in each city. Finally, on April 12th, 2019, the White Sox arrived in New York City. The stage had been set and Mount Eloy would wait no longer; he erupted with a monstrous 3-for-4 night including 3 RBIs and his 1st AND 2nd career home runs bringing his average up to .319.
Eloy Jimenez 1st career home run! pic.twitter.com/cR7hCLCi5z
— DonkeyTeeth (@DonkeyTeeth87) April 13, 2019
There were people asking about dropping Eloy in the comments this week (I assume these were all bots). The answer was always: DO NOT DROP ELOY!! I had Eloy ranked 40th overall in the preseason and he slotted in as my #15 outfielder, I’m standing by those rankings.Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Trea Turner broke his finger when he squared around to bunt. He hit two homers in his last game, including a walk-off homer, so of course he’s bunting. I mean, OF COURSE. Why wouldn’t he be bunting? You gonna let (fill-in name) just be the best bunter in Major League history? (Fill-in name of a bunter that no one’s ever heard of because no one cares about bunting) is not gonna go down in history as the greatest bunter without a freakin’ fight from Trea Turner? Is he? I mean, IS HE?! What in the holy eff bombs!? Don’t bunt! Turner will likely be out for a month and everything that is wonderful can’t be mine. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t pay much attention to Spring Training Statistics. You never know who the statistics are coming against. Baseball-Reference did, however, have an amazing tool last year that attempted to quantify the quality of opposing pitchers or batters faced during spring training games on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being MLB talent and 1-3 being high A to low A level. This tool is great, but it averages all the Plate Appearances or batters faced. You would still need a deeper dive to see if your stud prospect smacked a donger off of Chris Sale or off of your kid’s future pony league baseball coach. So what should we watch for in March when we’re starved for the crack of the bat? Ignore “best shape of their life” stories and Spring Training statistical leaderboards. Pay attention to injuries and lineup construction and position battles! Also pay attention to where Bryce Harper and Manny Machado sign… Note that those two signings can instantly eliminate some of the position battles detailed herein.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome to part two of my four-part #2EarlyMocks draft series. If you’re looking for part one you can find it here: 2EarlyMock Draft Part 1. In part one, we covered the sexy rounds — one through seven. Not too many risks or reaches in those rounds, you grab your studs and stars and reap the rewards. But in rounds eight through 14 is where owners are starting to take risks and grab their sleepers, rookies and potential bounce back players. I’ll be comparing the draft position of these players during this draft to their cumulative ADP on Fantasy Pros. This cumulative ADP includes the 288 players from ESPN’s ADP, the 999 players from Fantrax’s ADP plus data from CBS, Yahoo, RT Sports and NFBC draft results. Let’s get right into it:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Christian Yelich hit for the cycle, going 6-for-6, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 26th homer, hitting .319. Yelich has been sexier than that random porn that was released of him. Speaking of porn (always a great intro to a sentence), you know you have a cougar problem when…True story, I woke up yesterday morning and Googled to see if there ever was a movie made called, Call Me By Your Ma’am with Kimothee ChalaMILF. That feels like too much information, but I trust you with everything, except any identifying details about me in real life. Any hoo! Yelich! Are you kidding me? Keyword is kidding, because he looks like he’s 12. Yo, you super pre-teen? You in Stranger Things? We’re at the point now when I’m starting to think about 2019, and Yelich, well, is there any way he’s not top 20? Yelich or Springer? Gotta be Yelich, right? Yelich or Bregman? Okay, tough call, but damn close. He’s definitely better than Kimothee ChalaMILF! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Don Mattingly and Ken Griffey Jr. sit in the airport, waiting for their flight out to Toronto, trying to make small talk, “How has post-Hall of Fame life been?” “Good, good, how has post, uh, mustache life been?” “Fine, yeah, fine.” Finally, a Cooperstown employee approaches, “Where do you want Dale Long’s sarcophagus?” “Are you not staying with it?” “I was just told to deliver it. Now, if Kendrys Morales breaks the home run record, you press this button on the side of the sarcophagus.” Ken and Don look at each other and decide to try the button. Dale’s sarcophagus opens and what resembles a crypt keeper says, “Wow, I can’t believe he broke our record. That’s outta sight!” And Dale’s mummified eyes spin like a slot machine. This is reenactment of what Mattingly and Griffey are going through as they join Kendrys for the chase of their home runs in eight straight games record. Yesterday, Morales homered in his 7th straight game, going 1-for-3, 2 RBIs, and that was his 21st homer. I actually just picked up Kendrys Morales in my RCL league, after I picked up my jaw from surprise that he was still available. He’s so smooth right now, they call him Kendrys Alba. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?