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Please see our player page for Brady Singer to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)

“Please welcome to the stage, De La Cruz, the Spanish-language De La Soul cover band, and their smash hit, “Sábados.” De La Cruz sings, “Sábados es a Sábados, Sábados es a Sábados, Sábados es a Sábados, Sábados es a Sábados…” A kid squints, unsure if he’s in the right place. He asks the kid next to him in Spanglish, “Hola, amigo, I thought es concerto was about Elly De La Cruz?” The kids says back, “Sorry, I only English and Spanish, separately.” So, Elly De La Cruz and Oneil Cruz don’t just share a last name. They look like the zygote split at exactly six foot, five inches. They are the Big John Studd and Hulk Hogan locked-up, forehead-to-forehead, throwing 107 MPH bullets to first and hitting 120 MPH lasers into the bleachers. Elly De La Cruz and Oneil Cruz are both 40/40 threats with contact issues. If Elly De La Cruz is called-up within a few weeks, they’ll likely both be drafted within a round of each other next year. They are the Wonder Twin Powers. Regarding Elly De La Cruz and when he’ll be called up, I figured later this year, but I could be wrong (would be the first time), and I don’t want all of you to miss out. My figuring had a lot to do with Christian Encarnacion-Strand is much older and should be promoted first, then De La Cruz would be called up, but it doesn’t need happen to like that. They’re both ready, and De La Cruz might be younger, but is actually better. De La Cruz could be a top 50 overall player the rest of the way, and absolutely should be stashed. He’s definitely ready for his walkup music: Meany, meany, meany, meany (Decir que?), Meany, meany, meany, meany (Decir que?) Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Astros’ lineup has some 80’s WWF vibes to it. Julks-Dubon being led by Captain Woo Cubano. Can’t forget, Jose Abreu (2-for-5, 2 run) at the plate as threatening as Cyndi Lauper when she’s beating on Captain Lou’s chest in the Girls Just Wanna Fun video. Or The Fabulous Martin Maldonado went 2-for-3, 2 runs with his 3rd homer. All they needed was Manaea to come through with Afa and Sika. By the way, what’s less pro wrestling than losing your acronym, WWF, to the World Wildlife Federation. First up, Mauricio Dubon went 1-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st homer. Altuve owners are Stan Gable yelling, “Hey, that’s my pie!” Then Corey Julks went 3-for-5, 3 RBIs, hitting his 3rd homer. But, leading the way, was Yordan Alvarez. Captain Woo Cubano went 3-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer, hitting .305. Woo has no speed and doesn’t seem like he’s been hot at any moment this year, and is still around a top 15 hitter on the year on the Player Rater. Truly one of the best and gets nowhere near enough acclaim. Or as Rowdy Tellez would say acc’laim. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s nearly freaking Memorial Day, folx! I finally relented on No Mow May today and sheered about 8 million dandelions from my backyard. Do you know the meaning of “deadhead”? Other than being one of the greatest Devin Townsend songs. Oh, and that other band with Jerry Garcia. Oh, and the trucker slang. That’s right — the fourth guess did the trick! It’s when you pop the head off a dandelion. I suppose you could do this maliciously while cackling, but I do it with a lawnmower that dates to the 1980s. Have I succeeded in giving you a feeling that my life is ultra-exciting like Grey’s? 

And now, much like Grey, let’s see if we can save your fantasy baseball team as it heads into the 1/3 mark of the season. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week was full of mixed results. That will sometimes happen, but we were pleased with the bats. What’s funny is that we’re seeing all of the regression monsters bite back on these teams. The Cardinals and Cubs were two of the biggest surprises through the opening months, but the inevitable flip-flop has hit these […]

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Domingo German was coasting once again, had the line 3 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.75, when he was ejected for sticky substance. Oh, Domingoo, you giant freakin’ moron. What’s the German word for hearing the Jays talk about the Yankees cheating and thinking, “Hey, that’s a good idea?” Fadenfraud. Also, this whole “touching a guy’s hand” to see if there’s anything on it is so hilariously stupid. Like touching a guy’s hand is scientific. The Handump’s Tale, a dystopian story of how one umpire touched things and was able to discern what on earth was on someone’s hand. “That’s chewing gum and the adhesive from a baby’s diaper.” Umps touching pitchers’ hands is like Name That Tune, but with touching. Domingo German, though, this guy’s a real bumbling idiot:

He’s like the kid who has ice cream all over his shirt then says, “I didn’t eat ice cream.” You’re covered in it, you absolute ding dong! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You sign enough 30+ injury-prone right-handers from former Northeast clubs and one’s gotta work out, right? To make sure that joke made sense I went to look at Nathan Eovaldi‘s player page to see if he would be considered injury-prone. He has 1300-ish IP in his career in 11-ish years. That’s 118-ish innings per year. Is that ish good or ish bad? I haven’t the ishiest. We’ve reached the point where I don’t even know if 118 IP per year is a lot or a little innings. What’s a healthy amount per year? 150? So, only 30 less innings than a healthy amount? Okay, this is likely pedantic, and last thing I wanna be known as is a peda. *intern whispers in ear* No, I didn’t say that. I said peda. With an “a.” It’s totally fine. So, Nathan Eovaldi (8 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.70) is a top 15 starter this year. Real or not real? We shall explore! 9.5 K/9, 1.2 BB/9, and 2.89 xFIP. His homers are crazy suppressed but what is clearly helping is being out of Fenway and its BABIP-rich environs. By the way, don’t ever say “environs” out loud or someone will have the right to punch you. Eovaldi looks like he’s capable of a 3.50 ERA in 120-ish innings. That ish ain’t bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As many of you know, I was in Mexico City this weekend. The funny thing (is this funny?), I was in Mexico City for a cousin’s wedding. Not until maybe three days before did I realize it was the same weekend as the Padres and Giants playing in Coors South, which I guess is Corona. Around the city, they had these player statues, and, boy, were they awful:

I look more like Manny Machado than that statue! Any hoo! I’m being told this is not Travel & Leisure dot com. Too bad, I had some great tips for Gavin Stone about how to get to Los Angeles. El eff gee! That’s right, the Dodgers are calling him up to start on Wednesday. I have Stone stashed since March in multiple leagues; I just gave you a Gavin Stone fantasy two weeks ago. I am absolutely all-in. As Bob Dylan would say, everybody must get Stone. Seriously, don’t leave any Gavin Stone unturned. All those Dodgers’ babies from last week are going to have Gavin as their birth Stone. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I say something on this week’s podcast like, “Tanner Bibee is coming up any day now,” it’s quotes like that why the Pulitzer for Podcasts said, “Can we make a special award just for you?” Sure, their special award was called, “The Pulitzer for Saying Something While Saying Nothing.” So, the Guards are supposedly calling up Tanner Bibee to start today, and they don’t play around with their pitchers, which is something I should remember for next year when I’m between drafting a guy like Gavin Stone and a Guardians’ pitching prospect. So, Bibee has a 95 MPH fastball with four pitches. The fastball and 84 MPH slider are the swing-and-miss’ers. His slider was 56% swing-and-miss, which is nuts. His change is kinda bleh and the curve doesn’t do much, but setup. He has excellent command, and could be the rookie pitcher prospect call-up of the year. Another Pulitzer award, presumably. Here’s what Itch’s said, “Bibee’s currently my favorite of Cleveland’s pitching prospects for dynasty purposes in terms of cost vs. value. He’s coming off 73.2 innings in Double-A with a 0.88 WHIP. He allowed just four home runs there and wound up with a 1.83 ERA. He’s good enough to the naked eye that I think he’ll make waves this spring. His 122.2 innings pitched last year sets him up perfectly to step in whenever the Guardians need help. People still seem to be underrating his physical gifts. At 6’2” 205 lb, Bibee can sit comfortably in the mid-90’s deep into games and has that Cleveland specialty skill of commanding his off-speed pitches. In case you can’t tell from the blurb, I want him everywhere I can get him. And I want to punch Grey everywhere I can.” That’s not cool! Bibee is worth grabbing in every league. Yes, even in your league. Will he stay up? Hard to say, but worth the flyer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Max Scherzer was cruising, as is often the case with Max Scherzer — had a line of 3 IP, 0 ER — when he was ejected for having (what the umpires believed to be) a foreign substance on his glove. Scherzer was screaming, “It’s rosin!” It seemed like the Pitchcom tape inside his glove because he calls his own game. It better — again, with some stank — IT BETTER check out as a foreign substance or all of those umpires should be suspended without pay for thirty games. Umps are power-mad idiots. You throw out a first ballot Hall of Famer for what you believe is something sticky? That’s absurd. You taint his legacy with some utter nonsense? Are you completely daft? Now, MLB instituted an automatic 10-game suspension for the offender, so Scherzer might miss another two starts due to this? Oh, this is some serious BS.

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Friends and family and enemies who read this for the schadenfreude — we’re 10% into the 2023 MLB season! The Twins and the Rays are the best teams in baseball, and Kyle Freeland is your Cy Young frontrunner. Let’s Freeland GO! 

For longtime Razzball readers, you know the motto is still: Don’t Panic. Three games started. 10% of the season. How many of y’all quit one episode into a Netflix series? Maybe that’s why the icon for Squid Game is that robot girl. Or maybe Netflix thinks the prime demographic for the show are fans of cybernetic giantess fantasies. It’s probably both, to be fair. I, for one, would love to see The Terminator throw 120 MPH with his right arm while simultaneously blasting T-1000s with a gun in his left hand. But until we see Ahnold blasting his way to the mound, we’ve got our human pitchers and they’ve got their flaws. 10% of the season is still a drop of non-GMO motor oil in the sea.

Please, blog, may I have some more?