The Butler Did It Thrice Twice

Yesterday, Lawrence Butler (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit three homers (17th, 18th, 19th) for the second time this year. The first and only other time an A’ss hitter has done that since Geronimo Berroa, named because his mother birthed him while skydiving. Butler has three straight games with homers, five homers in that time. Also, in this game, JJ Bleday (5-for-5, 3 runs) with his 19th homer, and a spectacular catch to temporarily save the game for the A’ss, though they ended up losing. Not to be a total A’ss homer for A’ss homers, but the thing that really stands out with all these A’sses is they all feel like they’re not only doing well, but have upside. I’m an A’ss man. Who would’ve thunk it? Could the A’ss hitters acksually be overrated next year? I say it’s gonna be like this: In leagues where it’s just some buddies getting together with no prep, they’ll be barely drafted. In leagues with sharks, they’re gonna be drafted too early. The classic: Watch how smart I am by drafting a guy way too early. Well, whatever the case, going to put on Fat Bottomed Girls and dream about the A’ss. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Will Benson – 1-for-2 and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in two games. I ignored his Wednesday homer, because he doesn’t play every day, so hard to give you a schmotato call, but two games with a homer could be something (now watch as he’s benched by Dumb Bell).

Alexis Diaz – 0 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.86, and 4th blown save. I benched Diaz to start Shit-The-Bednar, so Alexis was just trying to make me feel better.

Tyler Stephenson – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 18th homer. Has a legit chance of being more valuable than Will Smith this year. Could we get someone to smack the latter?

Derek Hill – 3-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 6th and 7th homer, and his 2nd and 3rd homer in two games. Damn, I picked him up in one league, but not all leagues like I did with Connor Norby. How did I know to pick up Hill? Am I psychic? Am I friends with Dionne Warwick? Answering in order: He was in Coors, no and I wish. Will Hill (poet?) be in this afternoon’s Buy column? No, he leaves Coors. If you wanna take a flyer that he keeps his Coors heater going, then by all means.

Brendan Rodgers – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer. Went to look at the 30-day Player Rater to see how Rodgers was doing, and it was okay, nothing amazing. One thing I did notice is Willi Castro is a top 10 2nd basemen on the year.

David Peterson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 2.83. Was going to say how I’ve loved Peterson for a while, and how I even wrote a sleeper post for him, but just went to look at his peripherals, and he is not pitching well at all outside of ERA. His WHIP is even on the wrong side of 1.30.

Francisco Lindor – 1-for-4 and his 28th homer. People point out how he’s beating Ohtani in WAR, but I don’t see anyone talking about how this makes WAR broken. Not to sound like a bleeding heart lib, but WAR is so flawed.

Pete Alonso – 1-for-4 and his 29th homer. Albombso!

Ryne Nelson – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.22 as he replaced Jordan Montgomery in the rotation. Worth giving him a little How’s your father under the hood. He has pinpoint command, which pays and/plays. Under 2 BB/9 is butter. The Ks are flaccid like you on prom night, but chucking the ball in at 95 MPH on average makes me think more might be here. Still a fantasy number six, at best, but I’m monocle’ing.

Randal Grichuk – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and a home run. How many? Go ahead! Guess! He’s played in 84 games. Guesses? Yeah, it was his 5th homer. Okay!

Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 24th and 25th homer, and four homers in the last week. The team with Yordan and Olson in your league is doing a dance, it’s called the Dead Cat Bounce.

Charlie Morton – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.26. Looked good early, but unraveled quickly later on. Feels like the story of his season.

Taijuan Walker – Being removed from the rotation. After that last start, he’s lucky that’s all that’s happening.

Cristopher Sanchez – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER (2 more unearned), 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.49. Walks on stage, Bobby Brown microphone around head, starting my Ted Talk, “A well-timed error to turn earned runs into unearned is the difference between an ulcer and a bleeding ulcer.”

Nick Castellanos – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, 3rd homer in the last five games. The Greek God of Hard Contact’s got on his toga and he’s taking that ball to-go!

Brandon Marsh – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 2nd homer in four game. Nothing gonna harsh Marsh!

David Hamilton – Likely out for the year with a fractured finger, after a botched bunt attempt. Nothing good has ever come from bunting. Sorry, John Smoltz.

Bowden Francis – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 0 walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.66. Okay, is Bowden Francis the reincarnation of Cy Young? Since the start of August, Bowden Francis started blood transfusions with Superman. He is now 85% Super. For reals, this is a wild run he’s on. Hope he keeps it going until the end of the season, and, while I was worried about last night’s start, he’s now a start everywhere until further notice. Mah gawd, man. The splitter changed his life.

Kutter Crawford – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 4.12. Imma let you talk about Kutter, but have you seen Bowden Francis?!

Rich Hill – 1 1/3 IP, 0 ER, as he was called up. Who’s this fresh-faced young call-up? Says here he appeared in his 20th MLB season. Didja know he debuted by relieving Greg Maddux in 2005? It’s true. Then Maddux debuted for manager, Gene Michael in 1985. His nickname was Stick, and sticks are found on dirt, which is how old Rich Hill is. Nature is healing.

Brady Singer – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, 1 walk, 6 Ks, ERA at 3.36 vs. Hunter Brown – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.55. This matchup was called, “Brown/Singer–The Cancel Police charge through the door and drag me away in cuffs.”

Lucas Erceg – 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.40, and 5th blown save. It’s the closerpocalypse and no one is safe!

Bobby Miller – 5 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.25. He’s pitching like a 40-grade prospect call-up. Not to be harsh, but this line from him is replaceable in almost any league by guys off waivers.

Colton Cowser – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer. For every 20th comment asking to drop Cowser, he hits one home run.

Jackson Merrill – 1-for-2 and a slam (20) and legs (16). If you’re wondering (because I was), he is in front of Zach Neto on the Player Rater, but not as big a gap as you might think.

Michael King – 4 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.05. Michael King Of Throwing 100+ Pitches In Under 5 IP. It’s a constitutional monarchy.

Masyn Winn – 2-for-5 and his 12th homer, has four games in a row with multiple hits, so might be a little schmotato, but won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I don’t know if his ownership is under 50%.

Sonny Gray – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.96. Super disappointing season-long ERA, but his Ks this year are rocket ship emoji: 10.9 K/9.

Garrett Mitchell – 2-for-3 and a slam (3) and legs (5), hitting .252. They should call him Shampoo. Can we get this started? [doing meditation, levitates off ground, chants] Make Shampoo happen. Make Shampoo happen. Make Shampoo happen.

Aaron Civale – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 4.59. Dug in on Civale, so you didn’t have to. My takeaway is his peripherals aren’t saying he should be much better, but those same perfs are better than what David Peterson is doing who has a sub-3 ERA, so, ya know, Pitching B. Flukey.

Nathan Eovaldi – 7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 2 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.60. A) If you’re not starting everyone vs. the White Sox, I don’t think you’re trying hard enough. B) White Sox might not just lose more games than any other team, they may never win another game. C) There’s no C. Streamonator likes his next one too, for what it’s Wuertz.

Corey Seager – 1-for-4 and his 30th homer, hitting .277. Following him in the order is Josh H. Smith (2-for-3), and following them is Adolis Garcia (0-for-4) who said, “Wow, what do you call that stuff they’re doing? Hitting the ball? To get on base? Is that legal?”

Nick Nastrini – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 7.04. Fun fact! Nick Nastrini was the full name of that character in the 1984 movie, Bachelor Party.

Andrew Benintendi – 1-for-3 and his 15th homer, hitting .214. Wonder if he gets any MVP votes. What? Without him, the White Sox would’ve lost every game. Benintendi’s been worth 31 wins!

Keider Montero – 5 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 5.17. Damn it, Streamonator! [sees Streamonator predicted a 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks start] Yeah, well, a 1/3 IP and one more run and baserunner! Do better!

Samuel Aldegheri – Being called up by the Angels. He is the first pitcher ever born and raised in Italy. He said to the media, “Ay yo, thissa my big-a chance! I like-a to thank, ay yo, my cousins, Mario and Luigi. I hope-a the umps don’t do a gotcha on me for the sticky stuff. That’s-a from the spumoni!” I do believe he is the first paisan named Samuel. Is he a pizza bagel like yours truly? Because I can vibe on that. So, Aldegheri was acquired for Carlos Estevez, will start on Friday and averages four innings a start in Double-A with a 5.19 ERA with hideous command. He does seem like a big arm with Ks (13 K/9), though, so I’m intrigued, if being honest. Not for mixed leagues yet. Sorry, that’s anti-Italian discrimination.

Caden Dana – Another Angels’ pitching prospect being called up. Weird ways to spell Christian Moore here. Dana’s pronouns are she/her, is 20 and coming out of Double-A, i.e., watch and wait.

Jack Kochanowicz – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.96. No relation to your Uncle Jack who says Gochanosewicz.

Zach Neto – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, as he became the Angels’ first infielder with a 20/20 season. They paused the game, as he was awarded a Kia Soul by Bobby Grich, then, after some confusion, Neto realized it was Grich’s Kia Soul, and had to return the keys. But he can borrow it any time!