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The end of the world. No, I’m not talking about WWIII, the continued collapse of the US Dollar/economy, or the next predicted apocalypse conspiracy. I recently spent the weekend in Montauk, celebrating a dear friend’s wedding. Montauk is colloquially known by Long Island residents as the “End of the World” because it is the easternmost […]

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“He’s a Mormon like a wolf!” That’s me singing about Ezequiel Duran (2-for-4 and his 1st homer) as he was called up by the struggling-to-get-offense Rangers, who are only spending $500 million this year. Whatever the case, circle July 8th on your calendar as the first day we can get the long-awaited matchup of Duran/Duran. Her name is Edwin Rios and she is dancing on the sand! In the Itch’s top 25 2nd base prospects, Ezequiel got some shine, “Acquired from the Yankees in the Joey Gallo deal, Duran is a twitch factory who logged 19 HR and 19 SB in 105 games in High-A this year, slashing .267/.342/.486 between the two organizations. He also went to the fall league and slashed .278/.333/.611 with another three home runs in 16 games. I’ve been into this guy’s baseball actions since the first time I saw video of him way back in 2017. He’s a stout right handed hitter at 5’11” 185 lbs, who swings like he’s killing snakes. Grey better watch out, since he’s a snake.” Not cool! In deeper leagues, where you’re struggling for everything — wouldn’t be me! (Absolutely is me!) — I could see grabbing Duran. “Just like that river twisting through a Dusty land!” Me singing about Duran when he faces the Dusty-led Astros. Unlike the Phils’ defense, that shizz is catchy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Rockies aren’t good at home anymore and it’s so funny. Like, that’s the joke. The Rockies. Excuse me, the Jokies. Is that a thing? It is now! Bud Black is a joke, the entire organization is a joke. From top to bottom, just jokey joke jokes. The Jokies’ owner, Dick Monfort says, “Can’t believe we’ve got Kris Bryant locked up until he’s 37. We are so smart,” as Monfort pushes on a door that says pull. Also, and I know I joke a lot about the Jokies, so I have to tell you this is absolutely true, Dick Monfort appointed one of the majors’ youngest scouting directors. Who is this overachiever? His son! He appointed his son the scouting director. What’s his qualifications? I just told you! He’s his son! Any hoo! Edward Cabrera (6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 4 walks, 9 Ks) threw a gem in Coors, in his first start up with the team. The command is pretty worrisome here. In Triple-A, he had a 4.6 BB/9 with a 4.56 ERA. I’m actually surprised he was promoted. The stuff is electric, but he could have some absolute roofies. Outside of NL-Only, I’d be concerned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

Who knew the most emblematic song about MJ would’ve been Smooth Criminal? Or going from Pretty Young Thing to Beat It. Or Bad. Jeez, now that I think about it, a lot of Michael Jackson songs become Creep City. Would’ve been hilarious if he named Neverland, “Creep City.” Not haha funny, but more like, “Hey, lots of red flags here, guys, maybe we should investigate?” Speaking of investigating, MJ Melendez (how about that segue?) sounds like a 90s tabloid reporter who would’ve been invited to Neverland to “take a look around” while the help hide children in closets, waiting for Michael. Speaking of segues, I took a Segway tour through Beverly Hills and we stopped at the former Menendez Brothers’ house and the people who now live there just looked at us with disgust. Was pretty cool. Any hoo! Sal Perez is the type to play through all kinds of shizz, so that he was IL’d means he must’ve truly been hurt. MJ Melendez was also up with the club even before the Sal P. IL stint, so the Royals seem committed to him. We don’t care about catchers usually, but Melendez could be a 17-homer, .250 catcher this year with even some steals thrown in. Him or Adley? If both were up, I don’t think Adley’s necessarily the better choice for this year. The guy who is up right now is the easy call. A-B-C, as easy as 1-2-3, for the King of Pop Times. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Minnesota rookie shortstop slash prospect slash phenom slash heartthrob Royce Lewis finally broke out Friday night going 2-for-4 with his first career home run, a mammoth 105.1 mph grand salami! I don’t have to tell you that having your first big league home run be a grand slam foreshadows grandiose things for your future career. […]

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Secretly, what no one could know, before yesterday’s game in Milwaukee, Christian Yelich hired a hitman. Did he want something done to a person? Heavens no! His fine eh eff mother raised that boy well! No, what Yelich wanted done he whispered into the ear of the hitman he hired off of Craigslist. Thanks to scouts Razzball hired, we know what was said, and by ‘scouts,’ I mean eavesdroppers. Yelich whispered, “Take this baseball bat that does me no good, and beat the shi*t out of the humidor until it no longer functions.” Yelich said the only way they’d know definitively that the humidor is busted is if Keston Hiura (1-for-4, 2nd homer) could hit it out. Job well done, Humidor Hitman! Yelich also benefited from his own mafia ties (3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (3). The humidor hit was especially nice for me since two benefactors were two of my sleepers, Luis Urias (1-for-4, and his 1st homer, hitting leadoff), and the big star of the game, Willy Adames (2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 7th and 8th homer, as he hits third. That sleeper of mine makes up for my Jarred Kelenic sleeper post! *dodges tomato* It doesn’t make up for it? *dodges another tomato* Okay! Geez! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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