The year is 2045. All the years after 2038 have been a blur because, seven years prior, I was hit by a flying car, and now my frozen head is in a jar, and the visibility is very poor through formaldehyde. Something no one talks about! “Hey, Charlie, how well can you see in that glass jar your head is in?” That’s what you don’t hear! But guess what, it’s not great! Don’t fret; I’m way ahead of Ted Williams in line to get another body, because it’s alphabetical. Haha, eat a D, Ted! Taking a summer vacation this year for the 1st time in forty years as my 100-something-year-old Cougar drives my head to see Juan Soto get inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, which she keeps saying in its entirety and I keep gurgling into the formaldehyde jar, “You can just say, ‘Hall of Fame.’ You don’t have to say ‘Baseball Hall of Fame,’ we know where we’re going.” On the trip, I begin to recount all of Juan Soto’s achievements — his 600+ homers, his .295 career average, his .415 career OBP, which tied fellow inductee, Jordan Walker, who became a huge star the year after I stopped drafting him in every league. A head trip better than any Dennis Hopper ever went on.
So, the Mets signing Juan Soto now means we can sit back and see if the Mets can curse one of the best players in baseball. This truly will be a test. My money’s on Sexy Dr. Pepper, but I’m not counting the Mets out. There’s at least a 20% chance the Mets turn Soto into Bobby Bonilla, part two. Call him Mo’nilla. Actually, don’t, do not put that on him. So, the power and average are easy, and the counting stats won’t suffer more than, say, his year in San Diego when he had 97 runs and 109 RBIs. The one bugaboo in his game? 12 steals is his top mark. So, 95/35/110/.290/12? Sounds like Gunnar Henderson minus 10 steals. Look at these numbers: 9, 6, 12, 7. Juan Soto’s bank password? No, his steal totals over the last four years. Though, could that be his bank password too? I suppose, which is why I’m glad he didn’t defer any of his $765 million. ‘Member when we thought he would be a 600 million-dollar man? Haha, silly us.
Sorry, you got outbid
— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) December 8, 2024 at 7:21 PM
Actually, what’s really hilarious? The Six-Million Dollar Man TV show. Six million? What’s he a catcher for the Rays? For 2025, I’ll give Juan Soto projections of 93/37/111/.288/11 in 564 ABs. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2025 fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! I’m rolling out my 2025 fantasy baseball rankings on the Patreon. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out next month. Anyway II, the roundup:
Willy Adames – The Giants McCovet A Willy, that was the title you missed out on when Juan Soto signed late Sunday. The lede you didn’t miss out on:
Mark Twain said the coldest winter he ever spent was a San Francisco summer, so I assume the opposite is true, therefore the Giants queued up this hot and humid November to pay their respects to their iconic shortstop, Brandon Crawford, who was retiring. Much like when fans lined up to pay their respects at the casket of Elvis or Michael Jackson or Princess Di, they left memorabilia that reminded them of Brandon Crawford. A World Series program, a hat, a shirt, one leather-pantsed fan placed what appeared to be a police nightstick but it was very floppy and it had Brandon’s face drawn on it. This fan called this his Brandong. With the bright sun and lovely summer-like November conditions in San Fran, this Brandong sprouted in the earth, like a beanstalk, but instead of growing into a larger Brandong it grew into a Willy, and they called it Willy Adames–[intern whispers in ear]–Oh, I see. Turns out Willy Adames signed with the Giants for $167 million, as Posey, Buster’d his cherry as Giants’ President of Baseball Operations. Buster Posey just shrugging and having the attitude, “It ain’t my money,” all offseason would be pretty amazing. It is also not my money, so more power to him. You know that old saying, if you don’t know who the sucker at the table is, it’s you? Why do I get the sense that’s Buster Posey? Willy Adames just came off a career year and it’s hard not to see that being a pinnacle vs. the beginning of many similar years as he enters his age 29 season. His .297 BABIP doesn’t sound high, but it appears it was for him. I had a premonition about his BABIP, so I dug in a little and he had the 61st highest fly ball rate since 2000 (49.8%) and only two of those 61 had a .300+ BABIP. Brandon Moss at .301 in 2013 and Jonny Gomes in 2010 (there’s a throwback name). Gomes hit .266 that year and Moss hit .256. They are not all the same players, but they’re not completely dissimilar either. You cannot have a 50% fly ball rate and a good average. Adames hit .251 last year, that was good for him! Spending time on the average, because the rest looks fairly repeatable. He would’ve hit 31 homers in San Fran last year; he hit 32. He stole 21 bags, and the Giants, besides Matt Chapman don’t run, though he could. On further inspection, maybe they did just grow a slightly bigger Brandong. For 2025, I’ll give Willy Adames projections of 81/27/92/.238/12 in 581 ABs.
Blake Snell – Signed with the Dodgers. His deal is for one dollar this year, two dollars next year, three dollars the following year, then $149,999,994 the day after he passes away. Everyone wins. Boras gets to say he made a great deal; Dodgers get a great starter, and Snell’s next of kin get a chance to plot a murder, and become a star of a future true crime podcast voiced by Keith Morrison. Chills. Blake Snell now has only the Rockies and DBags left for the NL West teams to play for. Honestly, with that hot tub, I would’ve went to Arizona first. Maybe he still can go there first if that hot tub is a time machine. Thoughts, I got ’em. So, Blake Snell is the most volatile starter from start to start, month to month, year to year. He has had more reliability the last three years with a Cy sandwiched in the middle. Last year he went 12.55 K/9, 3.8 BB/9, 3.12 ERA in 104 IP, and this is gonna sound odd maybe, because I’ve never liked him, but this is perfect for fantasy and real baseball. Dodgers will be in a six-man rotation (when they have six healthy arms) and no one gets 200 IP anymore. If you can get 120 IP of Cy stats, that’s basically Paul Skenes last year. Since Snell only had five wins, he only ranked 197th overall on the Player Rater and barely within the top 60 starters. If he only won 11 games, he would’ve zoomed up about 20 spots. But, a top 40 starter plus what you’re filling in off waivers for his missing 80 IP? I can get behind Snell, more so than I have in past years. Will I be in on his ADP? Well, gonna have to Snell ya later on that. For 2025, I’ll give Blake Snell projections of 11-5/3.34/1.11/166 in 124 IP
Michael Conforto – Signed with the Dodgers. Welp, they’re not all good signings. I kid, I kid. Take it easy — oh, c’mon, Dude, no more Eagles! So, Conforto hits 20-ish homers and nothing else. He’s going to fit right in with the Dodgers because Conforto also likes to get one shoulder surgery a year. 2025 Projections: 51/21/58/.231 in 405 ABs
Gavin Stone – Will miss next year after undergoing shoulder surgery. Gonna start calling shoulder surgery “Dodgers’ pitcher surgery.”
Shohei Ohtani – Underwent shoulder surgery on November 5th, which was the only big news from November 5th. He suffered a labrum tear when the Dodgers said he dislocated his shoulder and they lied like a bunch of liars. Leave it to those Commies in Commiefornia to lie! Dodgers said Ohtani will be ready for Opening Day, which I believe even though they just lied to me.
Matthew Boyd – Signed with the Cubs. Yes, I am also intrigued. To not be intrigued, you have to be null and void of emotions. A spider caught in its own web that just shrugs and withers away. Last year, he went 10.4 K/9, 3 BB/9 and a 2.72 ERA, and Wrigley’s been playing very pitcher heavy of late. It feels like a no-brainer and it’s not not a no-brainer, triple negatives aside, but he’s thrown 124 IP total going back three seasons. You average 40-ish IP a year, and I can only get so excited. Not to mention, his most innings thrown was in 2023 when he had a 5.45 ERA. There’s glimmers here, but he is a flyer. 2025 Projections: 6-5/3.83/1.24/98 in 95 IP
Colton Cowser – Fractured his hand in the playoffs, but he should be fine for Spring Training. Give the boy a hand. Literally.
Tyler O’Neill – Signed with the Orioles. The O’s spend seven years building up a farm system they never give an opportunity. Heston Kjerstad, get ready to learn Miami, buddy, because you’re gonna be traded for a pitcher in July. Too bad, Heston Kjerstad was my favorite player who sounded like an Ikea couch. Though, I guess O’Neill might get hurt in March and Kjerstad is bjerstack! So, not sure if you’ve heard but two teams became jealous of the A’s finding a new stadium and the Rays and O’s are also playing in new-ish parks. Rays are headed to Big Stein Stadium, where the PA announcer sounds a lot like Larry David; A’s are headed to a minor league park, SacPark, and O’s just brought in their fences to pre-moving-their-fences-out distance. Rays’ lefties get a boost, but Rays’ lefties get benched by Cash half the time; A’s hitters will get a boost in BABIP with less foul territory, and the O’s righties are back, baby, according to BBC’s number detective, Mountcastle. O’Neill could likely hit it out of any stadium, but the new fences won’t hurt and you know I love him, as long as he’s actually playing, which he does about 120 times a year. 2025 Projections: 77/33/83/.236/6 in 464 ABs
Gary Sanchez – Signed with the O’s. That moves Adley Rutschman to the bench–Kidding! Take it easy. Gary will move Cowser to the bench as he learns right field. I’m joking! I hope I am.
Jorge Soler – Traded to the Angels. Jorge Soler can’t play outfield and the Angels need to play Mike Trout at DH, so, yeah, the Angels wasted no time becoming a laughingstock for the new 2025 season. [takes a long sniff] “You smell that? It’s an Angels’ terrible move!” A Good Moves hand reaches out to shake the Angels’ hand and it has a buzzer in their hand so the mouth attached to the Good Moves hand screams, “Ow! Make it stop! I’m sorry, I won’t try to make any Good Moves anymore with the Angels!” This moves Trout to the outfield, pushes Moniak to the bench, a guy who should be getting ABs, and just clogs the middle of their order. Thanks, I hate it. For 2025, I’ll give Jorge Soler projections of 71/27/74/.234/2 in 481 ABs.
Scott Kingery – Acquired by the Angels. Kingery should trigger some kind of door hatch and cause the Angels’ GM to fall from whatever room he’s in. Angels also grabbed Ryan Noda, who will somehow get 400+ ABs for the Angels. I don’t understand “doing taxes” and “write-offs” or anything related to that, but I somehow know the Angels are a tax shelter for Arte Moreno.
Travis d’Arnaud – Signed with the Angels. The Angels have a type. That type is ‘How do we block our better option?’ Travis d’Arnaud projections: 36/12/39/.231/1 in 288 ABs
Kyle Hendricks – Signed with the Angels. Angels are absolutely a tax shelter disguised as a baseball team. I don’t care what you say.
Kevin Newman – Signed with the Angels. Guy wearing Angels hat next October, “Damn, really thought Kevin Newman would’ve put us over the top.”
Yusei Kikuchi – Signed with the Angels. Astros coach-up their pitchers; Angels coach-down theirs, but Yusei also is a vet who you’d think could ignore the Angels’ reverse devil magic. Either way, Yusei Kikuchi will be an interesting case study. Can he stay good, like on the Astros, or will he revert? For a reminder, he has a 4.57 ERA in his 809 2/3 career innings. That’s not good. He had literally one decent full season. You trusting that to ignore the Angels? You’re braver than me. For 2025, I’ll give Yusei Kikuchi projections of 9-10/4.13/1.22/186 in 167 IP.
Jonathan India – Traded to the Royals. This is better news for the openings it makes on the Reds. Somehow, one guy moving opens CES, McLain and Noelvi. As for India, former podcast host and current writer at Baseball America, Geoff texted me and was like Rays should trade for India because of their newly-acquired short porch, and I was like who are they trading India for? Spices? And he blocked my number. Instead of the Rays, India went to the Royals, which is Gandhi erasure. It also is “India’s got upside in a decent park” erasure. India’s numbers look so similar to Willi Castro, that’s why I’m just gonna call them collectively Curry Catsup. 2025 Projections: 86/16/56/.251/13 in 554 ABs
Brady Singer – Traded to the Reds. You thought India going to KC hurt his value? Well, I ain’t Singer’ing a happy tune for Brady. Because they were in the news around the same time, I was surprised that Singer’s had a better career (for ratios) than Yusei. I wouldn’t have guessed that. Singer’s 4.28 ERA in 685 1/3 IP isn’t awful, but Cincy and his homer-proneness isn’t great. Not bad for a deep league, where you need IP, but Singer is a streamer in shallower. For 2025, Brady Singer projections 8-10/4.18/1.29/162 in 171 IP.
Aroldis Chapman – Signed with the Red Sox. Finally, they got their star closer to back up their star closer, Liam Hendriks! Or maybe they co-star-co-close or maybe they just go to Star Market and wait for it to close. I think it’s 24-hour market though. I’ll project Aroldis in February if he appears to be headed for saves, but for now I’m holding off.
Luis Severino – Signed with the A’s. Luis Severino becomes a test case to see if the Mets have ‘We can fix you like Chris Martin sang he’d fix Gwyneth’ powers or if it’s just Chris Martin singing he’d fix Gwyneth, but instead causing her to start Goop and sell a bunch of new-agey crap and now I have a candle that smells of her vajayjay. 2025 Projections: 8-11/4.24/1.28/151 in 171 IP
Danny Jansen – Signed with the Rays. Excited to see what Danny Jansen can do in middle relief. 2025 Projections: 43/15/49/.217 in 324 ABs
Brendan Rodgers – Non-tendered by the Rockies. Not totally a fantasy story, but Rockies refuse to trade Brendan Rodgers at the deadline because he’s a piece they want to build around. Four months later, they non-tender him and sign Kyle Farmer. Never change, Rockies
Kyle Farmer – Signed with the Rockies. There’s a chance Bud Black accidentally reads his name as Kyle Framer, and he starts him behind the plate for 120 games. That could be huge value with his other position eligibility! Then again, Bud Black might not have heard of catcher framing and might use him to hang pictures in his office. 2025 Projections: 53/9/55/.228/8 in 413 ABs
Ronald Acuña Jr. – Alex Anthopoulos says it does not seem like Acuña and Spencer Strider will be ready for Opening Day. If you’re in line to say “woof,” stay in line.
Jose Siri – Traded to the Mets. Honestly, not sure how I feel about this move. If only I had an AI assistant on my phone to help me formulate my opinion. Siri is 4th outfielder with or without Soto. “Looking for 4th outfielders in your area and found myself.” Don’t be cute, Siri, it’s uncanny valley creepy. 2025 Projections: 34/14/37/.204/12 in 305 ABs.
Frankie Montas – Signed with the Mets. Irrelevant for us, but he’s making $17 million per year, after throwing 150 2/3 IP with a 4.84 ERA. If a time traveler is reading this, go back and tell Baby Grey to become a MLB starter, and I will give you 20% of my earnings. 20% of earnings for doing nothing but time traveling and whispering shizz to a baby? Dude, that’s a good deal! Ya know what’s not a good deal? Signing Frankie Montas. Unless you’re also getting Frankie Muniz, then I can be convinced otherwise. Any hoo! Mets have a nice track record of taking meh and making it decent, and his peripherals read more like a low-4 ERA pitcher than an unusable one. 2025 Projections: 10-12/4.17/1.33/164 in 168 IP.
Clay Holmes – Signed with the Mets to start, which could work. I’m not sure there’s any way of telling for sure right now. He looks like he’s lacking another pitch to be successful, so it’s likely an uphill climb. I’d guess there’s as much a chance as they say he’s starting and we get to March, they sign someone else and Holmes is backing up Edwin Diaz. So, as a last round flyer in a 15-teamer? Sure. Anything else, you’re likely being too generous until we see something. 2025 Projections: 7-9/4.12/1.34/134 in 131 IP, assuming he starts.
Nico Hoerner – Underwent flexor tendon surgery. Latest timetable is “no timetable.” Not helpful.
Willson Contreras – Will be moving to first base. Great for 2025, and then bye-bye eligibility, which is a terrible musical.
David Fry – Will miss the start of the season after elbow surgery. Six to eight months until he can DH, and 12 months until he can play the field, which puts him at a late-April to June return. I’m like a groundhog for Davids.
Josh Jung – Underwent wrist surgery. He’ll be fine for Spring Training. Just in time for his next injury.
Jorge Polanco – Underwent surgery on his patellar tendon. I went to school with a Patellar. A lovely Bangladeshi boy.
Joe Musgrove – Underwent Tommy John surgery. That means 2025 is Joe Musgrover. I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s needed it going back a year or two.
Alex Kirilloff – The 26-year-old retired from baseball. That sucks. Good news is it opens an IL spot for Bdon.
