Please see our player page for Ronald Acuna Jr. to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Ian Anderson (2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.31) pitches like Jethro Tull singing, “Hello, darkness, my old friend.” Uh-oh, we’re being visited by Comatose Since March Man. This is gonna be brutal. Hey, Comatose Since March Man, how ya feeling? “Great, man! You ever sleep for four months? That’s what I feel like! Anyway, let’s talk about my fantasy baseball team! Ian Anderson is building on his 2021 season and is now an ace, right? Right?! Why are you tiptoeing backwards?” Seriously, though, how long until the Braves put Ian Anderson out to pasture with Touki, Ynoa and every other pitcher who they have that’s good for one season? Soon! Okay, the highlights, not the lowlights:  Nick Castellanos (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 8th homer. “Hey, we could just put the car in neutral and roll it off a cliff with him in the driver’s seat–Whoa! Hold on! He moved! Castellanos is alive!” This was Castellanos’s first, and only as it turned out, homer in June, and he was hitting .212 entering yesterday’s game with five runs. Apizzarently, he’s become the Greek God of Hardly Any Contact. Then, Kyle Schwarber (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) said farewell to June with his 23rd homer. Someone please Back to the Future Schwarber with a Walkman in the middle of the night and tell him June is another 60 days long. Next up, or I should say nextus is Rhysus, the Philly savior, (1-for-3, 2 runs) hit his 15th and 2nd in as many games. Finally, the one true DH on a team filled with them, Darick Hall (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) got his 1st and 2nd homer on his first and second hits. When the Philly and Yacht Rock legend, Darick Hall, hits a homer, they better be playing She’s Gone. He will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, and he’s solid for power, but I’m not sure how much else. Sorry, Charlie, for the imposition… Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bryan Reynolds came upon a boy with a banjo on the porch of a rickety-old shack. The boy with the banjo looked like a 14-year-old version of the former MLB player, Johnny Dickshot, who was nicknamed Ugly, because if they called him by his last name, they’d be arrested in the 1930’s. Since this wasn’t Johnny Dickshot, but a smaller version of him, B. Reynolds called him Tiny Dickshot, and he played this song:

Just looking into Tiny Dickshot’s one good eye was said to curse a person, and Tiny Dickshot did curse B. Reynolds but, since he played for the Pirates, which is a curse in itself, it worked as a reverse jinx, and two negatives made it a positive for Bryan Reynolds (3-for-5, 6 RBIs) as he hit his 13th, 14th and 15th homer. After getting off to a very slow start, Reynolds is on pace for having his best power and speed season. Average (.258) is still below where you want it with him, but…I feel weird…What is this…Am I…liking Bryan Reynolds? I think I am. Yikes, maybe I’ve been cursed by Tiny Dickshot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Yesterday, the Nats’ GM Rizzo put his feet up on his desk, rolled up a million dollar bill and used it to lit a cigar filled with million dollar bills, saying, “And that’s why I gave Patrick Corbin $140 million eight years after his prime.” Patrick Corbin went 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 6.06. You can think to yourself, “Damn, I should’ve streamed Patrick Corbin yesterday because the Streamonator loved it,” but I’d prefer to think, “I ain’t ever starting a pitcher with a 6+ ERA.” His last three years of ERAs are…I’d ask for a drum roll, but they deserve a sad trombone…4.66, 5.82, 6.06. If we were in Bizarro World, you’d be collecting your crown from America’s Next Top Model and Patrick Corbin would be an ace. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Takes off Hello Kitty headphones, places head on the train tracks. Faintly off in the distance, I can hear the very subtle call of exuberance. A very, small yay. That’s the sound of the one fantasy baseball owner who has Isaac Paredes in their lineup for his three-homer night (3-for-3, 4 RBIs, 6th, 7th, and 8th homer). I’ll be real with you, I was sweating this one for Mark Whiten. Back in 1993, Whiten glued four baseballs to his hand back, and he ain’t trying to get a new member of the club. For those of you singing, “I love a Paredes,” I know. This would’ve been Ethel Merman’s best day in fantasy baseball. RIP, you bussin’ Queen. Any hoo! Hard to hit three homers and not be a schmotato, so I could see grabbing Paredes, but Cash is there. Cash’s favorite movie? Platoon. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Joe Musgrove (FD $10,900/DK $10,500) is Streamonator’s top choice on the mound tonight. He’s got Colorado outside of Coors, where the Rockies have the 3rd-worst SLG% and the 4th-worst OPS in the majors. Those reasons are enough to roll with Joe tonight, but I’m going to dive a little deeper into this one. Earlier this […]

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To try to appeal more to teenage boys, the Rangers should install a giant lotion bottle in center field, and each time Marcus Semien homers, it explodes with lotion onto the fans in the bleachers. Yesterday, there would be a lot of facials from Semien, as he went 7-for-8, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and a triple slam (4, 5, 6) and double legs (9, 10). Halleberrylujah. That might actually be the single greatest day ever. Could Semien be coming out of his early-season funk like Jason Biggs once came out of a tube sock? Okay, those other words were likely avoidable. Is Semien about to explode? Again, avoidable! Is Semien about to explode in a good way in all his glory, whole and pulsating. Okay, more very avoidable words! Here’s what I thought on our Youtube channel. Click that and click subscribe so I can feed my children (Ted, a dog).

Before you say, this rooster, Grey, is caca-cuckoo crazy. Entering yesterday’s games, he had an expected batting average of .201, and one of the worst exit velocities in the major. Everything across the board on his page is saying he really was this bad. Not unlucky. Could he turn it all around? Does Marcus Semien sound like a bath towel that you tell your mom you got paste on? Yes and yes! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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“He’s a Mormon like a wolf!” That’s me singing about Ezequiel Duran (2-for-4 and his 1st homer) as he was called up by the struggling-to-get-offense Rangers, who are only spending $500 million this year. Whatever the case, circle July 8th on your calendar as the first day we can get the long-awaited matchup of Duran/Duran. Her name is Edwin Rios and she is dancing on the sand! In the Itch’s top 25 2nd base prospects, Ezequiel got some shine, “Acquired from the Yankees in the Joey Gallo deal, Duran is a twitch factory who logged 19 HR and 19 SB in 105 games in High-A this year, slashing .267/.342/.486 between the two organizations. He also went to the fall league and slashed .278/.333/.611 with another three home runs in 16 games. I’ve been into this guy’s baseball actions since the first time I saw video of him way back in 2017. He’s a stout right handed hitter at 5’11” 185 lbs, who swings like he’s killing snakes. Grey better watch out, since he’s a snake.” Not cool! In deeper leagues, where you’re struggling for everything — wouldn’t be me! (Absolutely is me!) — I could see grabbing Duran. “Just like that river twisting through a Dusty land!” Me singing about Duran when he faces the Dusty-led Astros. Unlike the Phils’ defense, that shizz is catchy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Welcome to the first weekend in June, Razzenfants! The months of May and June are always interesting to baseball. The significance and rate of injuries seem to slow or plateau. The players finally seem stretched out and warmed up. You let your guard down, and then BOOM! Two guys on your team need Tommy John […]

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Bert Blyleven allowed a major league record 50 homers in 1986. It was in 271 innings. Hunter Greene (5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 5.89) might beat the record in 100 innings. There’s an old adage (I don’t know what an adage is but it sounds good) and it goes that starters are better at home. Just in general. Of course, there’s exceptions. Or I should say “of Coors.” Any hoo! Greene is the type that could throw a 15-K shutout vs. the Dodgers or give up five homers to the Marlins with Miguel Rojas leading the charge. His opponent or environs don’t matter, so it’s hard to roster a guy like that. Also, don’t ever say “environs” in real life, person you’re with has ever right to punch you. The offensive star of the game for the Reds was Kyle Farmer (4-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 2nd and 3rd homer). Was his first game back from being out with general soreness. Lucky he didn’t run into Major Setback. Also, in this game, Nick Senzel (4-for-4, 3 runs, 1 RBI) did what we expected of him in 2019, and 2020, and 2021, and, well, you get the picture, as he hit leadoff. Was this a sign of things to come or just going against a terrible pitcher? Well, Justin Steele (2 IP, 7 ER, ERA at 5.40) did not look good. Maybe it wasnt the best idea to pitch the Man of Steele against a guy the color of Kryptonite. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?