Please see our player page for Matthew Boyd to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Engine revs. It’s the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile. Only instead of a Oscar Mayer hat on its front hood, it’s wearing a Padres cap. It’s staring down a lonely country road. Directly, a mile down, aimed right at it is the Dodgers’ team bus. The Dodgers’ team bus revs.

A half mile in front of each of them, at the midpoint is “1st place in the NL West.” What we have here is a game a chicken. Who will get there first? Behind the Dodgers’ team bus wheel is Magic Johnson. Behind the Padres’ pimped-out Weinermobile is the San Diego Chicken. “You’re going mano a chicken? With the Chicken?! This is not a game you want to play, Magic?” That’s the actor who played Magic in the Showtime series on HBO shouting at Magic. “A Showtime series on HBO? Are you talking riddles, Albright?!” That’s the voice inside my head. Back to the white hot asphalt! The San Diego Chicken guns it towards the Dodgers’ team bus! Magic slams down the gas!

Careening down the road, the Chicken bawks, “They need to lose some extra weight!” To get up to speed, the Padres throw out MacKenzie Gore, C.J. Abrams, Robert Hassell III, James Wood and Jarlin Susana. For Magic to get the Dodgers to increase speed, he throws out an anecdote about him hugging Isiah Thomas at half court. “You need more speed, Magic!” The actor who played Magic in the Showtime HBO series screams. Magic says, “Have you heard about the one of me and Clyde the Glide?” It’s not enough! The San Diego Chicken is the type that drives right towards a big trade and waits for the other team to swerve. It ain’t afraid — it accepts that Gore is sometimes necessary.

So, Juan Soto goes to the Padres. They have Manny Machado, Fernando Tatis Jr. and Sexy Dr. Pepper? Um…

Seriously…

Like seriously seriously…

Fun the Jewels, Macho Manny and Sexy Dr. Pepper. Guys and five lady readers, I am doing a horny. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At the same time the Red Sox signed Trevor Story, the Yankees signed Marwin Gonzalez. The oneupmanship between these two teams is just so hard to keep up with! Will cover Marwin in a few, but in some ways the Yankees replaced Luke Voit and Gary Sanchez all in one full swoop. Ya know, a guy who doesn’t play like Voit, while also being a guy not one fan is happy with like Sanchez. Mean’s while, the Red Sox went out and added Trevor Story to play 2nd base, and my mouth fell open and I started drooling when I saw the Expected Homers by Story if he called Fenway his home park last year. This stat is in general an absolute goof that you shouldn’t pay too much attention to, but I’ve never seen someone with such a huge difference before between actual and expected homers. He had 19 expected homers in Coors last year (actually hit 24) and his expected homers in Fenway was 38 homers. That is comical. Last year, Story hit 35.5% to center and 27.3% to right. That’s a decent amount the other way (32nd in the majors) and little above average to center. In Fenway, you want to badonkadonk off the wall as many times as you can. Not so you can scare people on Lansdowne, or at least not only that reason. You wanna hit doodie shots off the wall for the doodie doubles. Like a PETA-sanctioned vet, Story has pulled more balls previously, so maybe he returns to that, but he’s been getting beat by fastballs, not exactly turning on them. Why does this sound negative? Because I think people’s first reaction is to think Story just got much better, but as Rudy’s hitter projections show, this was a pretty neutral move from Coors. Not bad, but things didn’t get much better. That extra eligibility doesn’t hurt though. Well, it doesn’t hurt Story. Where my Jarren Duran truthers at? You need a hug? Updated were my shortstops rankingstop 100 for 2022 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2022 fantasy baseball. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this preseason for 2022 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Okay, let me get this straight so I can fully understand. Robbie Ray puts on some gotchies that are three sizes too small so you can see homeboy’s birth marks on his asscheeks and then he becomes elite? Fine, then I’m gonna try and write wearing jeans shorts, jorts if you will, that are too small. Ready? Here we go! Robbie…The button is digging into my FUPA! The pockets are chafing my upper thighs! Ugh, I can’t get them off! Oh my God, I’m calling 911! I can’t feel my knees! Help me! “Hello, can you spare Chris Sale? I need him to cut something off me. Hello?! Help!” So, Robbie Ray went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 2.72. On the Player Rater, he’s around a top ten starter. Can Robbie Ray do that in 2022 fantasy? In short, yes. In long, yeeeeeeeeeeees. He has a 11.3 K/9 and 2.3 BB/9. That’s an ace. Can he repeat the command? That’s the real trick, but as soon as someone shows a skill, I’m not going to take it from them. It’s not like this is a 20 IP sample. He’s done this for 150+ IP. Yes, Robbie Ray appears to be legit. As long as he never lets out his inseam. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Shane Bieber is headed to the IL with a shoulder strain. Turns out his shoulder was being held in its socket with Spider Tack. Shane Bieber being touched up by the Mariners now makes more sense. Still not great to hear. I’m sure his owners would take a bad outing vs. an unknown-length-of-time IL stint. These injuries rarely just fix themselves, and most times they’re never themselves, until an offseason rest sesh. By the way, is anyone ever says “sesh” in any context in real life, you’re allowed to punch them. Those are the rules. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Robbie Ray is using Spider Tack, but not to make the baseball sticky. He’s using it to apply his pants. Robbie Ray’s pants are so young, they haven’t even been born yet. Robbie Ray doesn’t dress in the morning, he paints. Don’t know what I’m talking about?

So, Robbie Ray had another great outing last night — 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.36. Amazing that Robbie Ray fixed himself by just throwing strikes, but that’s exactly what has happened. Feels way longer than most guys who suddenly become strike throwers — Max Scherzer and Randy Johnson come to mind. Randy was obviously much closer to Ray’s transformation; Max’s command wasn’t that bad. Good that someone finally got through to Ray, because his stuff was so good all he needed to do was pump it into the zone and let hitters try to hit it. They haven’t, and Ray’s extraneous balls have disappeared. Um, ya know what I mean. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m not a conspiracy theory guy. Sure, I think Big Onion made onion rings circular rather than like French fries because they want you to use more onions with each fried treat, but other than that, and maybe 1,500 other conspiracies, I am pretty grounded in reality. Okay, I also expect to see Kate Winslet jumping on a trampoline at a Sixers’ halftime dressed as Mare of Easttown, but reality. It’s where I am, except I truly believe Great American Ballpark is somehow stuck in 2019. Balls are still flying out there. Maybe it’s the one park where they didn’t secretly instill a humidor. Either way, yesterday was bomb-ass Philly over spaghetti in Cincy. Andrew McCutchen (2-for-3, 4 RBIs, hitting .209) hit his 8th and 9th homer, and finally moved out of the leadoff spot. Great Awakenings, literally with Joe Girardi. Next up, Odubel Herrera (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs, 3rd and 4th homer) was moved to the top of the order, and should now move on even the shallowest league’s radar. Then, Rhys Hoskins (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 12th homer, and he’s filling in for Bryce quite nicely as the three-hole hitter — Rhys is Brycely? Hmm, not bad. Even Ronald Torreyes (2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, 1st homer) got into the act. And I thought Torreyes were just in a sunken place. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Maybe I’m just a guy that puts feety pajamas on over his head. Maybe I walk into a Subway and ask a sandwich artist, “Do you smell onions?” Maybe I stare at people playing Jenga and try to move the pieces with telekinesis. Maybe I pronounce the D in Django. Maybe I call diner waitresses “Sweetheart” and old guys “Sonny.” Maybe I could be wrong, but Austin Riley (2-for-4, 5 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer, hitting .320) feels like he’s headed to be a top 25 player drafted next year. In December of last year, I wrote an Austin Riley sleeper. I have hand eyes like in Pan’s Labyrinth, and those hands are pressed up against Statcast. I said in that sleeper that Riley was a guy who could be drafted after 250 and have top 50 overall value. It was December and I wrote that in November, so while I was very fortune tellery to foresee Austin Riley, his ADP was 202th overall in NFBC, not 250. Still huge value if the top 50 value comes to fruition. As I mentioned last week, he flattened his swing a lot, becoming more of a .280 hitter, than the .240 one he was coming into the year. The only question mark now is with a flatter swing, can he still homer? This week’s six homers does a good job of saying flatter does not make the ironing bored. Pun…and a miss! Anyway, here’s what I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Explain to me how you had to draft a top ten starter and Freddy Peralta (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.77) wasn’t going to be good enough. Explain it to me like I’m a five-year-old. A well-read five-year-old, of course. Like I’ve read some of the classics, like that caterpillar turning into the butterfly book and the Berenstain Bears (eat that, Mandela Effect!). Explain how a guy with a 14+ K/9 and 2.92 FIP isn’t exactly what you want in every league and is worse than who? Who’s he worse than?! I’m all charged up because I ate some candy. I’ll calm down by the third blurb of the post. Explain to me how Freddy Peralta with an .130 xBA on all pitches, which is the top 1% in the league, and a top 5% in the league xSLG, and a top 3% strikeout rate in the league is not an ace? Explain how an expected ERA of 2.21 isn’t an ace. I’ll wait! (After the third blurb, I’m still running on sugar.) Explain how a guy with a .115 xBA on his fastball isn’t an ace. Explain it! Okay, I’m not even going to make it to the third blurb, I need a nap. Freddy Peralta is an ace, aside from his walks. If he can lower his walk rate, he’s a top five starter. Right now, he’s roughly a top 15 starter. Get on board or explain to me why not! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hello again, dear readers!

Thank you for once again braving this barren wasteland of fantasy baseball injuries with me. It’s not all bad news this week, but of course, there’s still plenty of bad to go around. Let’s jump on in, shall we?

Note: The writers cover injuries throughout the week, so if you’re looking for an update on a player not mentioned here, slap their name into the ol’ search bar and give it a look-see. I’m just here to give you the latest injury buzz for the week, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll be mentioning everyone you care about each time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Cleveland Starting Pitcher Factory (housed in a former The Old Spaghetti Factory) made its mark by producing low-priced alternatives that reduced meatball consumption. You might remember the host, Giuseppe, from the Dominican Republic, always mentioned his father loved “The Godfather.” Well, there’s another low-priced starter conveyor belt spitting out alternatives with nasty stuff, The Tampa Bay Rays Starting Pitcher Factory, which is in the back alley behind one of the 29 local-area Hooter’s ristorantes. The workers/coaches all wear hosiery, and manage to produce one fine-ass starter after another. Today’s starter was Shane McClanahan (4 IP, 2 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks), and excuse me while I put my eyes back in my head. His 92 MPH slider alone was like, “I’ll have some cheese, and the check please.” He partnered that pitch with a 101 MPH fastball, and I looked to grab him in every league. Honestly, I hadn’t seen stuff like that in some time from a prospect. I’d think of him like Michael Kopech. Solid handful of innings, who is rosterable in all leagues, but don’t drop anyone too valuable. The big concern for McClanahan is sometimes he losses the feel and the plate, so he could be prone to roofies, but I don’t put on hosiery and walk into a back alley of a Hooter’s asking for a factory tour for nothing. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Congrats to Madison Bumgarner on his no-hitter (7 IP, 0 ER, 0 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 6.31) that isn’t counted by MLB because MLB doesn’t think 7-inning games are real things after making 7-inning games a real thing. MLB where logic goes to die, then Rob Manfred comes along, picks up logic, and chucks it into the garbage. The real story yesterday might have been the Braves who managed one hit in 14 innings. Yo, can I get a woof? In the 1st game daffy’ing the Braves was Zac Gallen (7 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.16) as he threw a complete game shutout, which I guess gets an asterisk, too. MLB, embarrassing asterisks since 1961. Gallen should get a hairline fracture in his forearm more often. Maybe shave his other arm’s hair into a hairline too. Can you have too many hairlines? Can he shave hairlines into his legs too? What order on a waxing menu is “shaving a hairline into one’s leg?” A Brazilian nut? A Nice, but pronounced like the city in France, so it sounds like knees? Does the waxing menu have legs options? Someone who grooms their legs, let me know. Gallen is doing exactly what he does every year — 10.5-ish K/9, goofy command, and a 2-ish ERA. Pretty impressive how a hairline fracture in his arm didn’t slow him one bit, but it’s sidelining Cody Bellinger for weeks. Cool, fun stuff that isn’t causing me to have an ulcer at all. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?