Please see our player page for Randal Grichuk to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Secretly, what no one could know, before yesterday’s game in Milwaukee, Christian Yelich hired a hitman. Did he want something done to a person? Heavens no! His fine eh eff mother raised that boy well! No, what Yelich wanted done he whispered into the ear of the hitman he hired off of Craigslist. Thanks to scouts Razzball hired, we know what was said, and by ‘scouts,’ I mean eavesdroppers. Yelich whispered, “Take this baseball bat that does me no good, and beat the shi*t out of the humidor until it no longer functions.” Yelich said the only way they’d know definitively that the humidor is busted is if Keston Hiura (1-for-4, 2nd homer) could hit it out. Job well done, Humidor Hitman! Yelich also benefited from his own mafia ties (3-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (4) and legs (3). The humidor hit was especially nice for me since two benefactors were two of my sleepers, Luis Urias (1-for-4, and his 1st homer, hitting leadoff), and the big star of the game, Willy Adames (2-for-4, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 7th and 8th homer, as he hits third. That sleeper of mine makes up for my Jarred Kelenic sleeper post! *dodges tomato* It doesn’t make up for it? *dodges another tomato* Okay! Geez! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wish I could say Kevin Gausman‘s success this year will end forever, “(Pitcher’s name) is going to AL East, now you better be scared, right, Grey? Grey, tell me you’re supposed to be scared. Say that now. I beg of you! Tell me (pitcher’s name) going to the AL East is bad for him!” Grabs Aquanet hairspray and a Zippo lighter, threatening, “Tell me, Grey, or I will burn down your house.” Even with the NL getting the DH, something about a pitcher going to the AL East frightens guys more than hearing Amber Heard just ate Raisin Bran. Yesterday, Kevin Gausman went 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.27. That’s now 41 Ks and zero walks to start the year. That’s the third most Ks to start the year without a walk since 1900 (only behind 2021 Corbin Burnes and 2017 Kenley Jansen). It doesn’t matter if a pitcher has two pitches, if one is unhittable like Gausman’s splitter, and it doesn’t matter what division a pitcher is in if he’s unhittable. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At one point, the Brewers’ color man, Bill Schroeder said, “Looks effortless, doesn’t it?” And no truer thing has been said. The next closest truest thing is when I said, “It would almost be worth being on death row for a crime you didn’t commit, just to have your life VO’d by Dateline’s Keith Morrison.” Brewers’ pitching coaches make everyone better — they turned Eric Lauer into 1986 Roger Clemens — but when they have something to work with, like Corbin Burnes (6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.75)? Well, then the entire enterprise is firing on all cylinders. Just an absolute joy to watch. Sure, I don’t draft top starters, but I appreciate them just the same. 26 swings and misses, best of the season. Unfair cutters? Oh, he had some of those. Filthy curves? He threw some of those too. Elevated 97 MPH fastballs? Yeah, there were those too. Didn’t really understand in the preseason when people were drafting starters high, but even more confounding were the people drafting starters before Burnes. He is the best starter in baseball. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In November, White Sox front office contacts Eloy Jimenez to discuss his offseason conditioning, and he’s like, “Conditioning? Yeah, of course, I’m doing offseason conditioning,” then he looks in the mirror in his shower and smiles, hair filled with conditioner. Eloy Jimenez gets himself ready for each game with a very special pregame warm-up. He warms up and opens a button on his shirt. Warms up more, and opens another button. I was curious why Statcast said Eloy Jimenez’s exit velocity was “one to three weeks into each season,” but now I see what they meant. Seriously, though, what is going on?! Last year, he jumped for a home run ball that was 75 feet past his reach, and knocked himself out for months, and this weekend he strains his hamstring by running like an absolute madman through 1st base. Someone needs to pull him aside and be like, “Yo, my main man, you’re here to swing hard and hit homers. You can’t run fast, you don’t have Inspector Gadget arms to catch home runs. Just swing hard. That’s it.” I love this guy so much and he causes me so much pain. Almost as much pain as he causes himself. So, he will be out for six to eight weeks, and Tony La Russa will still find reasons to bench Andrew Vaughn! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last week was fantastic. All five of our pitching streamers did well, and it has me excited to keep rolling here. One thing that you need to know about me is that I play in about 30 fantasy leagues (Yes, I’m a degenerate). That means I use these streamers and gamble on these guys regularly […]

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While it’s nice to get off to a good start with the matchups to exploit and some early SAGNOF, there is no reason to get a big head about things.  For every Jurickson Profar, there is a David Peralta waiting in the shadows to kick you in the nuts during your victory lap.  The lesson to be learned in stay humble and stay the course.  With this weeks’ assortment of delicious treats, we will follow the same method of taking all 200+ games and condensing the “need to know” items into one tangible morsel.  So grab a Beer, and lets Gio with Week 3!

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Five ladies and gentlemen, it’s…HELIO STUDWAGON!

And I can’t fight this rookie nookie anymore,
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for (which stinks because we’re roughly 72 hours into the season),
It’s time to bring this shizz into the shore and onto my team,
And throw away the either/or’s forever.

Baby, I can’t hold Steven Matz anymore, but how about this Heliot Ramos fella!
He looks great, or as they say in San Fran “hella,”
I need him on my team, er,
His projections are insane from Steamer!

So, Heliot Ramos (2-for-3, 1 RBI) was called up. Prospect Itch said, “Ramos didn’t graduate AA so much as he aged into AAA, where he was still 5.7 years younger than the average player. Across the full season (116 games), he slashed .254/.323/.416 with 14 HR and 15 SB. Not bad. Not ideal. The hope is that he settles in at AAA and soaks up some coaching, applies that across his opportunities and takes the slow road to becoming a fantasy factor. I doubt the club will rush him to the majors in any needs-based scenario. This is good news for Ramos and us, as it gives the 6’1” 188 lb, 2017 first-rounder time to grow into his skillset, and I’d like to hit Grey with a skillet.” Not cool. So, the Giants seemed to disagree with how much time Ramos needed in the minors. His projections at the Prospectonator are fire under a helium balloon. Some of the best projections I’ve seen for a rookie. Oh, just your mundane, ho-hum 20+ HRs and 10 steals. Will the Giants still start guys like Steven Duggar over him? Oh, absolutely. Have you not been paying attention to the Giants for the last year-plus? Still, I’d grab Heliot Ramos in all leagues where I need an injection of sexy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m Back! It’s been a long offseason with millionaires fighting with billionaires while us poor people twiddle our thumbs, but we finally have some baseball to dissect! The opening weekend was absolutely astounding, and I can’t wait to get back into the fantasy groove. If you’ve been reading my article for the past few years, […]

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(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

I’m somewhere in the Jilin Province of China, with nothing but a tattered map and some take-out food chopsticks still wrapped in their paper, in case I want to snack. I’m here on a lead. Someone told me they saw the Buy/Sell column. Back in September of last year, we parted ways. When the season ends, we usually go our separate ways for a few months, but, disenchanted by the lockout, the Buy/Sell said it was going to walk the earth. I said why not walk the earth in your general vicinity in Bergen County, New Jersey. That fell on deaf ears and it embarked on its journey, which brings me to the outer Qian Mountains.

I come up on a man with a wispy mustache, “Have you seen this article series?” I hold up a Buy/Sell from last year where it said to buy Akil Baddoo. The man points his long-fingernailed index finger up the hill to a grass hut.

I knock on the thatched door. “Hey, Buy/Sell column, hey, are you in here!” My scream echoes, and reverbs back to me with not a sound more. No indication it’s here.
Suddenly, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell column rises like the WWE wrestler, The Undertaker, from a cucumber garden and holds a flashlight to its face for great effect, “What do you want?”
“We need you for another year of fantasy baseball Buy/Sell columns.”
“Okay, I was bored just laying here under an inch of dirt.”

Please, blog, may I have some more?