Miz Fastballs, Miss Bats

Ten pitches: 102, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103, 103 and 104 mph. And that was just the first inning! OK,I rounded up a little, don’t be that guy. Speaking of that guy, Milwaukee Brewers phenom slash heartthrob slash genetic freak slash alien from another planet Jacob Misiorowski made his Yankee Stadium debut Friday night and showed the world who he is. To start, the velocity, his fastball averaging 103 mph, and he threw five of the fastest pitches recorded by a starting pitcher in history Friday night, all in the first inning. He only threw fastballs in the first and barely missed the immaculate inning (damn you Aaron Judge and your impeccable plate discipline). Overall, he threw 41 pitches over 100 mph in six innings. Is this real life? Or is it The Show? Cheat codes? He’s got to be using aim bot. Last week I said, “BuT hE’s sOo sKiNnY. HiS aRm wIlL fAlL oFf.” Just like that, all annoying and nasally and everything. I’m so sorry. I’m very obviously an idiot. Allowing just two hits, two walks, and striking out 11 (ELEVEN) Yankees, Jacob notched his third win of the year. The 11 Ks were a season high, and he’s now got a 14.32 K/9 with a ridiculous 70/17 K/BB. Sweet sassy molassy! Most of what we seen from the Miz to date looks like a pitcher made in a lab that has stuff so extraordinary and untamable he has no idea where its going most of the time. This is what it looks like when he can harness it. It’s the 98 mph slider for me, though. MisioWOWski is more like it! After a hamstring scare last week this was encouraging to see, and to dominate like this on the biggest stage in baseball, Misiorowski could be in for a special 2026. To recap, when the Miz bring his rizz to NY Ciz, he’s standing on biz as his fastballs whiz and poor Yankees fizz and can’t hit shizz.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Spencer Jones – 0-for-2, BB, 2 K. He was a BUY. How fun is it that the first MLB pitcher rookie Spencer Jones and his 32.4 K% faces in his debut is Jacob Misiorowski and his 104 mph fastball. Welcome to the bigs, kid.

Max Fried – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 5 K, 2nd win. One bad inning and Fried got cooked.

Yordan Alvarez – 2-for-4. HR (13), 2 RBI, 1.079 OPS. This Yordinger was one of four the Astros hit in their 10-0 drumming of the Reds. Note 19 degree launch angle, and the 115.9 mph exit velocity which is a career high for our boy. It’s hard for me to believe no one wants this guy in a trade, but it is only May, and I’m just saying the Dodgers have the opportunity to do the funniest thing here.

Andrew Vaughn – 1-for-3, 2 runs. I don’t hate Milwaukee’s new CityConnect’s as much as I probably should (I like da colors) but I’ve spent some time in the area and have never in my life heard anyone call it Wisco so I’m happy most people hate them.

Christian Vazquez – 1-for-4, HR (3). He’s the new everyday catcher for Houston, and while he’s not hitting as well as when he was the part-time catcher, he is a good Christian and desperate times we put our faith in those giving the signs.

Mike Burrows – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 30 ER, BB, 6 K, 2nd win. Is this why they want to trade their best player? Cause Burrow’s actually been pretty decent, three straight starts with 3 ER or fewer and–*peeks at ratios, checks on Hunter Brown’s timeline* oh, um, yeah on second thought you should probably cash in while you can.

Nick Lodolo – 5.1 IP, 5 hits 4 ER, BB, 2 K, L. That must have bee some blister! What he miss? 45 days!? Well, if you Yolo’d Lodolo in his first start back from IL it could have been a lot worse considering that box score. The cascade of boos from Great American Ball Park isn’t a great sign but Nick’s velo was up! Take those small victories with a side of spaghetti chili.

Tony Santillan – 0.0 IP, 4 ER. BUY. Tony heard the boos at GABP and said, “Hold my beer, I’ll give them something to boo.” And you thought you were slick scooping him from waivers before the Emilio Pagan owner noticed? This rarely works out for any of us. Karma is your H2H opponent in fantasy. Graham Ashcraft who may have been a BUY could get a shot at the closer gig before Tony after this disaster, but if you can I might wait until the dust settles to grab either.

Connelly Early – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, BB, 8 K, 3rd win. Connie was almost your lede, but then the Miz broke every radar gun in tri-state area and here we are you’ll have to settle for reading my headline in this blurb:  Connelly Sends Rays Hitters to an Early Grave. Too dark? I know it would have killed. Think of the clicks! This kid can pitch, internet friends! Establishing the fastball earlier, locating his pitches, keeping hitters constantly behind in the count forcing them to make weak contact. I hate being cliche but not everyone needs to be Skenes to be effective, some guys just know how to pitch. Dude looks like a seasoned vet up there in a rookies body! It’s Freaky Friday at Fenway!

Wilyer Abreu – 1-for-2, HR (6). Wilyer or won’tyer! Golfed it like Rory! I’ve been starving for something to root for out of Fenway for weeks so you better believe I’m gonna milk this win. This was actually the Rays first defeat against a division opponent this year if you can believe that!

Ceddanne Rafaela – 2-for-4, HR (3). Man, those Fenway Greenies hit different. Ceddanne boy’s hitting .321 with two homers and two steals in the past week. Most pundits says the Red Sox wouldn’t have a 20 homer hitter this year and they may have been right! But this is still a whole lot more fun to watch than whatever they were doing last month.

Kyle Bradish – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, BB, 10 K, 5th L. Kyle finally looked Bradish-ish in this one. 35% CSW versus a scary A’s line up, season high in whiffs. Defense let him down. Gunnar can’t hit a grapefruit off a tee. I don’t think Kyle is fixed but this is step in right direction. Also, the CityConnects, for every style I love there are five I absolutely hate hate hate. Just fire everyone involved.

Adley Rutschman – 2-for-3, HR (5), RBI. Pete Alonso also homered (8). He’s slashing .325/.385/.602 with a 1.026 OPS since coming off the IL. He’s also leads all Orioles slugging .602. Take a look at this one! Did he steal Gunnar’s muchness? I basically blame Gunnar for all my problems. He’s listed in my divorce filing.

Dylan Cease – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 0 BB, 10 K, 3rd win. As bad as the BJays have been, Dylan Cease has looked fairly filthy all season long. Good filthy, unlike my bathroom. He now holds the Blue Jays record for strikeouts through first eight starts with a team (66, yep better than Rocket), and has 17 strikeouts to one walk over his past two starts (14 IP). Now if everyone else on the Blue Jays could just do something close to what they did last year we’d be getting somewhere.

Jesus Luzardo – 3.0 IP, 6 hits, 6 ER, 3, 6 K. It’s kind of hilarious at this point. Well, not to owners, you’re probably fuming. Don’t hate me I’m one of you! He is alternating Ace-like and ratio-burying starts at the moment. It’s a Russian Roulette to guess which it will be. If he’s not safe to start versus the Rockies on the road, I don’t know what to tell you? The ratios are horrendous but the 57/12 K/BB and 11.75 K/9 is *pinched fingers chefs kiss* He’s got a .386 BABIP so some of this is luck. Is it crazy to say buy low? Lol yeah kinda. Crazy enough to twerk!

Reid Detmers – 3.2 IP, 2 hits, 2 ER, 6 BB, 3 K, 3rd L. I’d rather have Jesus Luzardo.

Connor Prielipp – 5.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 1st L, ERA at 3.32. Doesn’t seem to be a lot of love for this rookie, but I really like Prielipp actually, and Detmers is a decent comp tbh to be honest, if Detmers were any good. Prielipp’s ceiling is everything we want Detmers to be. Large repertoire of pitches he can locate, better fastball, and filthy slider that he throws constantly. He got sort of screwed in this one on a bad interference call that led to an error that led to all them runs. He did give up a home run and its so funny to me that it’s somehow “unearned” so as unlucky as he was, he was just as lucky to not be charged with a two-run bomb. Still, Prielipp is somehow flying under the radar for rookie pitchers despite looking better than a lot of them through three starts. He gets the Marlins next week and I could see considering the prospect of maybe thinking about mulling over the possibility of contemplating whether or not I should review the option of potentially picking him up. I still don’t know for sure, though!

Parker Messick – 5.2 IP, 7 hits, ER, BB, 7 K, 4th win. Things started to get Messick-y in the sixth where he gave up five hits but four wins and those ratios 2.30 ERA and a 0.98 WHIP. If this Guards fan can forgive her husband for this treachery, I can let a few hits slide.

Travis Bazzana – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (1), 2 SB (6). That’s a big ol’ on like donkey kong Bazzana home run. Gwen Stefani would call it a Hollaback Girl, cause that hit was Bazzana’s: B-A-Z-Z-A-N-A-S. He’s actually been a lot better for fantasy than most thought, and the six steals in the past week (!) has a lot to do with that.

Foster Griffin – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, BB, 9 K, 4th win. Speaking of Bazzanas, Bazzanas Foster is one of my favs, but that’s mostly because I like to eat alcohol for dessert. Speaking of dessert, Griffin has got to be one of the most delicious surprises of the year! Four wins and a 2.12 ERA? Yum! That’s tops for a lefty–in the league! Yes, better than Sale. He also set a career high for whiffs on Friday and has allowed just one run over his past 19 IP. If it looks like an Ace. I’m thinking more players should take that Japan trip. Learn the ways of the far East. Really life-altering travel experience. Some team is gonna happily overpay for this guy at the deadline.

Robby Snelling – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 4 BB, 2 K, L. I got my Snelling salts ready and the much anticipated debut is here and he immediately K’s James Wood. The three-pitch strikeout would be the primary highlight of the day Robby, unfortunately. After the K he gave up a double and a 2-run homer but that would be the extent of the damage allowed by Snelling. He settled down after that to pitch four more scoreless innings. He also made a pulchritudinous play on a bunt in the fourth to save a hit. The kid is a gamer for sure! We’ll chalk the first inning up to jitters, he gets the Twinks next and he’s an add everywhere he’s available.

Tyler Phillips – 2.1 IP, 1 hit, BB, 2 K. BUY. Yeah, I just flexed mad vocab in that last blurb there, no big deal. S/O Gary Cohen for that gem. Phillips may not be the “official” closer but he does look like one of the best relivers in the league right now.

Xavier Edwards – 1-for-3, HR (3), slashing .329/.420/.471. The new Awesome X!

Lucas Erceg – 1.0, 1 hit, BB, 3rd win. Not only do I not think Carlos Estevez is coming back. I’m pretty sure two and a half men ended years ago, meanwhile Erceg hasn’t allowed a run in weeks and is running away with this job.

Emerson Hancock – 6.0 IP, 5 hits, 5 ER, 3 BB, 4 K, 3rd win. When I signed up for Hancock ownership, with the biggest signature I could possibly muster, I figured there’d be starts like this between 14 K masterpieces. I didn’t figure I’d get wins out of them though! Thanks Emmy! You da best! Sign on the X!

Josh Naylor – 2-for-5, 3 runs, HR (5), 3 RBI. Julio Rodriguez also homered (6). Naylor!? I prefer to take it slow, I think I really like this corner infielder. Like more than a friend. Seven game hitting streak for Josh and he’s hitting .400 in that stretch with the homer and three steals! I thought Naylor’s draft value was infalted by some fluky steals, but he’s got six in the past two weeks! Maybe not so fluky!

Luke Raley – 2-for-5, 2 HR (8), 7 RBI, .890 OPS. The Luke Raley game as it will be remembered and it has come to pass. I own him in my 18 team five OF league and let me tell y’all he’s been feeding families. Families that are nourished by my fantasy success. First the grand salami in the third to break this one wide open. Yes OK! But wait, the White Sox would not quit and come roaring back so Luke said how about another, you lush! SEVEN RBI! No one is Luke’s father. Luke is your daddy.

Munetaka Murakami – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (15). One for the Mune! We call this Muneball, fat Jonah Hill. I don’t care about his K% or whiff rate when he’s got a .948 OPS on pace for 60 home runs. The 15 dongs in 38 games make him the fastest White Sock to hit that mark in ever. He has also homered in the opening game of eight consecutive series’. Is that not like all of them? What month is it? His day/night game splits are also interesting if you want to nerd out with me. Moon shots are a real thing for him apparently. Mune shots! He leads the league in homers tied with some guy named Judge who no one in Japan has ever heard of. It’s either you got Mune or you’re broke.

Randal Grichuk – 1-for-1, pinch hit HR (1). Take that Boone!

Sam Antonacci – 2-for-4, run, RBI. He was a BUY and I just want in on all the fun that this White Sox team seems to be having right now.

Chase Dollander – 5.2 IP, 3 hits, 2 ER, 5 BB, 5 K. His bullpen couldn’t protect a five run lead entering the eighth inning which is so Rockies-coded. No wonder they were insisting on using Chase in bulk relief for so long. I suppose its less upsetting to fans if you blow the game in the first, than if give the game away in dramatic fashion like this. He should be better in Pittsburgh next week, I’m still not starting him at Coors.

Tyler Freeman – 2-for-6, HR (2), SV (4). The slam & legs in Philly is served covered in whiz, which yes is supposed to be that color, and yes, that taste. It comes with side of water ice, not to be confused with iced water, which you will probably need based on how much sodium is in the whiz.

Hunter Goodman – 4-for-5, HR (10), 2 RBI. He’s a Goodman! Look at this absolute tank. Now that you’re a big shot top three catcher, I’m sad I’ll never own you again but we’ll always have 2025 when no one knew who you were and I only drafted you because you were the Rockies catcher.

Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-6, HR (13). Kyle sees your moonshot Hunter and raises you a Schwarbomb. I know he has not been clutch, but I can tell he can tell June is coming.

Trea Turner – 0-for-6. I mean, I can let Schwarbs slide with the .214 batting average but this is your MO Trea. You gotta be better, or start hitting 400 foot Schwarbombs.

Justin Crawford – 3-for-4, HR (1). JC ding dong! You drafted him for his speed though and he’s not really doing that at all, but homer’s nice! If I’m Mr. Manager Mattingly I’d tell him his dad would have had at least 12 steals by now. I think that might work?

Michael McGreevy – 6.0 IP, 1 hit, 0 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, 3rd win. Michael McGravy with another QS, and that’s now three straight six inning gems and back to back wins for McGreevy and we should probably start paying attention here. The nine strikeouts were a career high as were the 17 whiffs, and the knock on McGreeves is probably that low K%, as the ratios have been excellent (2.18 ERA, 0.86 WHIP). The WHIP is good for third in the league. He’s basically been unhittable, but no one cares cause he throws 92 mph. The change up has been untouchable as have most of his breaking pitches. The underlying stats 5.09 xERA, and 36.8 HardHit% could mean regression fairies be looming, but the low strikeouts suggest these numbers are always gonna suck. Let Michael McGravy train keep chugging, and I’d suggest you keep riding it until it hopefully doesn’t disastrously derail off the tracks.

Nolan McLean – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, BB, 6 K. Speaking of low K%, McLean is the opposite, and the contrast of his metrics are noticeable. 2.34 xERA, 2.55 xFIP all heightened by the 32.6 K% basically all say NoMac is an Ace in waiting. The nerds dig the strikeouts, y’all I don’t know what to tell ya!

Ryne Nelson – 6.2 IP, 2 hits, ER, BB, 7 K. You’re telling me he’s not a 6+ ERA pitcher? Two terrible starts have inflated his ratios to chopped levels. He gets the Rangers next and now’s the time to jump back in the Ryne river. If I’m lying I’m Ryne!

Mark Vientos – 2-for-4, HR (5), 2 RBI. Three homers in the past week including this guy. Remember when you wanted him DFA’d? Now he’s like your second best hitter!

Robbie Ray – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, ER, 4 BB, 7 K, 3rd win. He’s got his tight pants on! Do you really need the belt? Circulating blood is for losers anyway!

Caleb Kilian – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, ER, 2 BB. BUY. Based on the usage he could be the closer, but he certainly didn’t very comfortable there.

Rafael Devers – 2-for-4, HR (4). Rafel De’livers!  That’s two homers in the past week, with a 1.141 OPS. Wait, so he’s not the worst hitter in the league? He’s a notoriously slow starter, out of shape slugger who’s skills are declining and went from one of the best hitters parks in the league to the worst. The average is up, the Ks are down, he will be fine. He’s also kind of surly with a attitude problem and hates the media and when the team’s losing its a bad look. When they’re winning no one cares. He’s basically Manny. Manny was only “being Manny” when they were winning. Otherwise he was a “problem.”

Emmet Sheehan – 4.2 IP, 6 hits, ER, BB, 7 K. The velocity was down, he was also facing a tough Braves line up. All I hear is blah blah blah blah 43/10 K/BB. Call me crazy but I’m buying!

Chris Sale – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 7 K. Some of those ABs versus Ohtani were must-see watch TV. IMHO (<— the H stands for “hella cool guy”)! Still 99 on the gun at 39 years young. Look at this dot! We should call him Picasso with that kind of paint!

Pete Crow-Armstrong – 2-for-4, RBI, SB (9). After a slow start he’s reached base safely in 12 straight, hitting .320 with a homer and three steals in the past week along with a six game hitting streak. Did you see that little kid from Ohio who’s dream was to go to Wrigley and see his favorite player PCA? He finally got to go to his first Wrigley game on May 6th and PCA hit a game-tying bomb late and the Cubs ended up walking it off. That little kid will never forget that night. I’m not crying I just really liked Pete’s his parents in heroes! I’d say buy low but Pete is probably way to popular to ever buy low, if anything you’re selling. I still kind of want him on my teams though.

Seiya Suzuki – 1-for-3, HR (7), 2 RBI. Seiya later, baseball! Suzuki’s .995 OPS is top three in all of baseball and the Cubs just keep winning, their second (second!) 10 game streak of the year. How many 10 game winning streaks does your team have this year? All this with two of their top starters out. The bullpen has also suffered some major blows. PCA had a slow start. Busch has struggled. Dansby kind of sucks. Seiya was hurt. Boyd freak injury. EdCab is mid. Still. They’re 20-3 in their past 23 games. Three walk offs in the past week. Wrigley is absolutely bussing. The no excuses Cubbies. And I will not mince words when I Seiya this, the Cubs are very much a wagon, y’all!

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!