Greetings, Razzfam! I mostly play a doctor on tv, but occasionally, I stretch a pair of latex gloves down and over my hands, letting them slap with a satisfying pop across my wrists. Open up wide because today is one of those days! When I read that Jhoulys Chacin has a condition formally known as […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
Please see our player page for Chris Sale to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.
It’s second-half baseball! Nothing more exciting than watching the race for the bottom. [thinks of headline to submit to TMZ] ENYWHEY. Enough about the Athletics. We’ve got one of these great years for the AL Central. The Minnesota Twins would be in 4th place in the AL East, but are somehow atop the leaderboard in the flyover division. The Twins wouldn’t be in first place in any other division in baseball except for our beloved AL Central, home to the Kansas City Royals and Detroit Tigers. Remember when those teams were threats, and Miggy and Beltran and Greinke and Scherzer and Verlander were all just little spuds waiting to be big potatoes? No you don’t remember them because you were born in this century and only stumbled upon my article because some TikTok star made fun of it? Welcome, junior! Let’s win you a fantasy league.
It’s the second half of the MLB season, so much like like our pants after seconds at the 4th of July picnic, we need to adjust.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It took six picks for a college prospect to come off the board at the 2022 MLB Draft in Los Angeles, but a string of eight-consecutive players from the collegiate realm followed — including seven straight position players to cap off the streak. Just like when you’re waiting the better part of an hour for your luggage to appear at baggage claim, then all of a sudden your suitcase, snowboard, pogo stick, camping gear, ninja swords, guitar, mechanical crossbow, and cat all appear on the conveyer belt in a row, one after the other. This has happened to me twice but is incredibly rare. In total, 21 of the 39 players selected in the first round came from the college ranks (including Round 1C and Round CB-A). As always, there’s a lot to unpack with these picks and the subsequent rounds beyond, as 616 total players had their names called across the 20-round, three-day event. I’ll begin by breaking down some of the biggest storylines from the draft and conclude with ranking a handful of sleepers and overhyped players that you should target more or less heavily than their draft position might otherwise indicate. The MLB Draft doesn’t work the same way as it does in many other professional sports leagues. Taking the top player available is quite often not the focus, as bonus pool allocation strategy is frequently at the forefront. Never, ever, ever copy and paste a list of the draftees in order and use that to directly dictate your first-year player draft rankings. Feel free to use it as a frame of reference, then apply your own opinion and the information provided by myself and The Itch to develop your own big board.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As soon as you’re finished with this post, I want you to close your laptop, step outside and look at a bird in flight. Pick up a flower, breathe in its fragrance, sneeze from your allergies, wave to a neighbor and close your robe because you’re not just waving with your hand. How does that feel? Exhilarating? Then your dedication sucks! It should be a total bore. You should be more interested in whether or not I’m going to have a top 100 for the 2nd half of fantasy baseball tomorrow than what your significant other has been doing for the last three and a half months. Luckily, I will have a top 100 tomorrow, and your significant other can keep being your fantasy team. Okay, enough hubbub on the tomfoolery! Chris Sale broke his pinkie yesterday. Well, Aaron Hicks broke it, technically. If not for bad luck, Chris Sale would have no luck. I was minding my own business yesterday, watching the Yankees/Red Sox game when I heard the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life, a pubic hair commercial, then the 2nd thing worst thing was Sale’s pinkie going creeee-ack. Not sure how long this knocks him out, or how long I will be thinking about that pubic hair commercial, but they might be similar timeframes — the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Is it just me (it’s not just me) or do you also think a guy who isn’t great in the majors, then goes to Triple-A and tears it up is a Quad-A player? I can’t help, but think that. It’s almost like I’d prefer a guy struggle a bit in the minors so I can just think of them as bad vs. Quad-A. That label, the Quad-A label, is the kiss of death. Like being on a boat with Robert Wagner or a marriage with OJ. You ain’t getting out of that. That doesn’t mean Akil Baddoo (2-for-4, 1 RBI) is Quad-A. Yabba Dabba Baddoo tore up the minors this year, and was recalled. That can be all that was. He was not as good as he was last year, which is why I told you to avoid him in the preseason, but he’s also not as baddoo as he was this year. How about something in the middle? That would be nice. Can’t be worse than what the Tigers were getting in the outfield. That’s just Grossman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The most popular song in the universe right now is Running Up That Hill by art-pop super queen Kate Bush. The most common comment about that song I see on the ‘net is “Hey, have you heard the Placebo cover?” Yeah, I own that on CD. The second most common question: “Would Max from Stranger Things actually be listening to Kate Bush?” See, I thought the big “plan falls apart for the gang” moment would be when Max’s Walkman — truly, the uncredited hero of the series — ran out of batteries for the 98th time, or the cassette unraveled or warped or got put too close to a refrigerator magnet. I didn’t think the final boss interloper would be Alex from Stardew Valley doing Varsity Captain America and, you know, physically stepping on the Walkman.Please, blog, may I have some more?
You ever go into Spencer’s Gifts and ask where the whoopie cushions are then, when shown, say, “No, the ones with the really wet farts?” Ah, I guess we’re built different. I did used to keep myself up at night wondering about the people in Taiwan who would work at the fake vomit factory all day, then go home and tell their loved ones, “No dinner tonight, I lost my appetite.” Just brutally sad. Where’s those peoples’ documentary on Netflix?! Huh?! Any hoo! Spencer Strider (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.60) is fantastic, and I’m not just talking about his mustache. Well, I am, but it’s more than that. His last three starts: 18 IP, 8 hits, 1 run, 3 walks, 30 Ks and a beautiful mustache! How long do we have to wait until this guy turns into Touki Toussaint?! The truly remarkable thing, his peripherals are even purdier than his surface numbers — 14 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, 2.42 xFIP. He’s got a 2.60 ERA, and he’s being unlucky! Mah gawd, Mr. Man Stache! And they say you have to draft starters early. Sure thing, clean-shaven faces. Whatever you say. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bryce Harper (1-for-4, 2 runs) and Kyle Schwarber (2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 17th and 18th homer), stand behind home plate watching Harper’s dad throw batting practice. Schwarber walks out and stops Harp’s dad, “Thanks, but I think I’m gonna use the other guy for the Home Run Derby.” Schwarber points to Patrick Corbin. What’s the opposite of June gloom? Kyle Schwarber’s got that. Kyle Schwarber is the first Phillies hitter with 18 homers in the team’s first 64 games since Domonic Brown in 2013. Shoutout to Tehol! By the by, if you weren’t around last November during the offseason, our writer (?) Tehol was on the Bachelorette. I’m not joking:
One of our Razzball writers is on this season of The Bachelorette — which guy? The one not wearing pants pic.twitter.com/I8COMDuE2z
— Razzball (@Razzball) October 19, 2021
Any hoo! Anyone that can remember Schwarber’s last June knows he loves hitting in June and in Nationals Park. He had 16 homers last June, then burned out almost as quickly. Someone remind me to trade for Schwarber on May 31st and trade him away on July 1st. Yo, Schwarber save some for after the summer solstice. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
First, let’s stop to address our five female readers. Google analytics says there’s two mothers, and one is my mom — hi Mom! — and the other mother is one of our frequent commenter’s moms making sure I don’t use any naughty words. I’ll let you decide which commenter it is. Happy Mother’s Day to you, our lone mother unrelated to me. Hopefully your son was as filthy, in a good way, to you as George Kirby. So, this is what it’s like being in a league with Prospect Itch. Rookie is called up, I go to the waiver wire, Itch already has said rookie player and I grumble like Lisa Simpson. Rinse and repeat. This weekend’s grumbles were accompanied by me looking for Royce Lewis, Jarren Duran and George Kirby. In Friday’s Buy column, I went over Duran and Lewis (great comedy duo, by the way), but I was too optimistic on both, since Duran’s already been sent down and Lewis might not be far behind. That brings us back to George Kirby (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks). His stuff: a triple-digit speedball that sits 102. Weird, I sit 101, but I’m talking traffic and on a freeway. Here’s Itch’s breakdown of Kirby, “His off-speed stuff is less impressive, but his double-plus command makes everything play up and turns the fastball into multiple pitches. If you know you can hit the inside corner or the outside corner to hitters from both sides of the plate, that soon factors into your thinking as two different pitches, strategically speaking. He’s 6’4” 215 lbs and puts it together in a smooth, athletic delivery that should help him stay healthy, in theory. His outcomes have been stellar at every stop so far. And here’s hoping Grey gets punched in the head.” What? C’mon, man! So, I tried to grab Kirby in every league. The command should help the avoidance of roofies, and the upside is real and it’s spectacular. Yesterday’s start made a patient team look dumb. Even the Prospectonator (projections for every rookie) is optimistic, and it’s never optimistic. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Welcome back, Razzitos! It is time for your weekly fantasy baseball injury report here at Razzball. This is the last preseaon edition of Ambulance Chasers, and I hope you will use what you have learned here to go forth and conquer. Saddle up and/or strap in, friends! What are the latest injury updates? Jacob deGrom […]Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s the second-best week of the year behind Shark Week: Fantasy Baseball Draft Week! Brought to you by Manscaped and DraftKings. All those senior citizens who hear the word fantasy baseball and then start saying “I started on Usenet and then upgraded to the newspaper haw haw haw” are assuredly proud that the next generation of the game’s elite will be sponsored by shorn man parts and venture capital. Wait, am I elite? Where’s my venture capital? Fine, I’ll settle for the Venture Bros. Me, Edgar Allen Poe, and Me from Ten Minutes Ago are going in! Where are we going? To Draft Week!
All right, whatever. Weeks. All my home leagues are drafting this week, and I know the Grey/Rudy/Donkey Teeth annual meetup is happening in Vegas for the Main Event, and you’re probably looking at a draft for yourself. If you’ve been around since the start of the year, you’ve seen the best players I have to offer. For draft week though, all the ADPs have been established, and we’re running into ADP inefficiency 2.0. 1.0 happened during the Usenet era. Hah! Let’s see if I can get on Google Trends for the ubiquitous use of Usenet. But for real: even with literally every site in the world providing their fantasy baseball opinion right now, you can still find deals on pitchers. Let’s get you set up with the best starters to target for 2022:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzkinder, it is time for pain in earnest! The lockout is over. Spring training has begun. More importantly, there have been quite a few surprises this week. When I say “surprises”, I mean the kind where you are walking through a dark hall and step in something wet and chunky. Let’s go ahead and rip […]Please, blog, may I have some more?