Please see our player page for Chris Sale to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Commissioner Rob Manfred was recently seen at a yard sale looking at the stitching on a crocheted dress when he remarked, “The stitching seems kinda loose.”  From there, he picked up his grandkids and they asked if they could watch Lilo & Stitch and Manfred wrinkled his nose and said, “Stitch is a genetic experiment who escaped from an alien planet, which is a loose contrivance. Wouldn’t you like to see something with tight stitches? Like 12 homers in one game?” Later in his evening, Manfred tossed and turned in his bed, asking Womanfred, “I can count with my back all 500 threads in this linen. We need tighter stitching!” So, with Manfred on a quest for the tightest stitching possible, we also have more dongs than the Houston 500. First, Matt Adams went 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 19th homer. Mean’s while, Ryan Zimmerman has a Chia pet growing on his foot. Next, Victor Robles (2-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 16th homer, hitting over .500 in the last week. This was only his third homer since the break, and hitting .260-ish in that time. Would’ve loved to see him get a legit shot at the two hole — hey now! — but he hasn’t truly earned it. Next next, Juan Soto (2-for-5) popped two tops of Sexy Dr. Pepper (27, 28) and he’s 20 years old. In 2020, he’ll be 21 and will be a 70-homer hitter by the time he’s 27. You can hold me to that, assuming you forget. Next next next, Brian Dozier (3-for-4, 4 RBIs) hit his 18th and 19th homers, and he doesn’t even start every game. Just your average 2019 part-time middle infidel who gets 25 homers. Next next next next, Anthony Rendon (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 27th homer and he’s three RBIs from 100. Feels like RBIs are down this year. Maybe because no one’s on base and everyone’s just hitting home runs. That reason feels galaxy brain-ish. Next next next next next, Adam Eaton (2-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th. What’s Eaton eating? Tightly-wound baseballs. Just ask Womanfred, she’s sick of hearing it. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For a long time in his career, Jose Quintana seemed to be underrated in some fantasy circles and, if those people didn’t recognize Quintana’s genius, I’d call them jerks, so they were circle jerks. Early in his career, even his radar blips would end up being a tugboat filled with pandas rather a real scare. Then, later in his career, we boarded the tugboat and they were feral pandas. “Ling-Ling thinks my arm is bamboo!” Jose Quintana was no longer safe like the circle jerk Quintana, but became more of the feral panda Quintana. Recently, however, Quintana’s been a good blip again and the feral pandas are satiated with boba, greeting us with Panda Express menus. Yesterday, he went 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 4.11, and in three August starts:  1.89 ERA, 26 Ks and only one walk. He looks fixed, and I’m willing to give him more rope, but if I see one more gee-dee feral panda, all bets are off. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So you started the season with a monstrous keeper squad of Jose Ramirez, Giancarlo Stanton, Corey Kluber, Carlos Carrasco, and Luis Severino? Now you’re sitting in a bathtub, crying like Grey as he watches Travis Shaw and Jose Peraza bag his sack of Whole Foods groceries in the year 2021. Peraza holds the bag while Shaw inserts the various packages of beyond meats. The toaster is already plugged in and heating up next to your bath; Johnny Cash’s rendition of “Hurt” is blaring on your old school boombox as you shovel Hagen-Daas into your face. Suddenly everything goes black! Did the toaster slip into the tub? Nope, you blew a fuse!

Now you have a choice. Either go flip the breaker, crank The Man in Black back up, and finish the job; or wipe those tears away and send out a flurry of fantasy baseball trade offers before your deadline passes. In an effort to save a life, here are my top 20 starting pitchers for 2020:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ruth/Gehrig, Mantle/Maris, Gio/Tauchman. Ya know, en bee dee, oh em gee, tee em eye, tee bee aitch, bee tee dubs, what the eff. It’s an all-New York week here at Razzball HQ. Yesterday, Gio Urshela (3-for-5, 3 runs, 4 RBIs) went and hit his 15th and 16th homer, and has five homers in his last 13 at-bats. Last year, he hit three homers, and two came in Triple-A! I’d cackle-snort, but who would hear me with this pillow over my mouth as I scream about not picking up Urshela last week? Of course, Urshela will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but, in any self-respecting league, he shouldn’t be available anymore. By the way, the Yankees became the 1st team in Major League history to hit 19 HRs in a four-game span. Our Commissioner Manfred just shipped in a new crate of baseballs, and they’re wrapped tighter than a hamster’s balloon knot. Let’s get some homers! Gulp, gulp up those juiced balls! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A reporter, ducked behind chairs, yells at Aaron Sanchez at his no-hitter, post-game press conference. All we hear is the reporter’s disembodied voice, “Isn’t it true your four-seam spin rate went from 2,300 rpm to 2,565 rpm overnight?” Some reporters move out of the way for the reporter, who is crouched behind the chairs. One reporter recognizes him, asking, “Trevor Bauer, is that you?” What are the Astros feeding their pitchers? Pine tar and they’re being told to eat with their hands. Aaron Sanchez (6 IP, 0 ER, 0 hits, 2 walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 5.76) had a 6.07 ERA before this game! I get it, it was the Mariners, but this is crazy. Sanchez wasn’t usable at all in Toronto.  The Astros’ coaching vs. cheating argument:  Sanchez did kibosh his sinker, which was by far his worst pitch. Could it have been that easy?  How could the Jays not figure this out?  I could’ve figured this out!  I guess Sanchez’s worth the flier. If he’s fixed, he’s too valuable to ignore. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There are lots of options to choose from at starting pitcher tonight, but most guys are fairly pricy and are going to cost you. Braves starter Dallas Keuchel is an exception, though, as he comes in at just $7,200, despite a 3.58 ERA through six starts. Keuchel hasn’t been racking up many strikeouts, but he should be counted on for a strong outing against a Royals lineup that has just a .295 wOBA versus lefties this year, ranking them as a bottom-five offense. On a night where many owners will be spending up on their pitchers, rolling with Keuchel as a contrarian value pick seems like it could hit.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, Alex Verdugo went 1-for-4 and his 12th homer.  Were there guys who had better games yesterday? It’s not a rhetorical question. I want a typewritten response, notarized at my doorstep by 5 o’clock today. Reminds me of a joke. Father interrogating a suitor, “So, my daughter says you’re Irish. That’s important to us.” A little panicked, not really Irish, but lying through teeth, the young man says, “Yes, that’s right.”  The father quickly snaps, “What’s your last name?”  “Uh… O…clock.” Any hoo! Check out Little Daddy Smooth, Alex Verdugo’s last 30 days stats from the 30-day Player Rater:

That’s good for approximately top 25 overall for the last month. He’s owned in almost 100% of RCL leagues, as you see photo op, but he’s owned in less than 50% of ESPN leagues, which is why he’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but, if he’s out there in your league, no one said you can’t grab him now. *listens for a moment* Okay, nope, no one said it. Was double checking. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Not your Grandfather’s Top 100 Starting Pitchers…

Grandpa-Donk: World traveler, meteorologist, woodworker, Señor Crappers spokesperson, and wise elder. One fact you may not know about Gramps is that his favorite movie is King Arthur. The old Donk and his friend Sweaty Jimmy have a thing not only for handling wood together, but also for the Knights of the Round Table. After a long day of working with each other’s sweat moistened wood, it’s not uncommon to see G-Donk and Jimmy together watching Sir Lancelot’s feats of courage while spooning ice cream into one another’s mouths like very normal heterosexual men.

Speaking of Sir Lancelot, have you noticed what Lance Lynn has been up to? If Lynn had pitched in that crazy London Series there’s a decent chance he would’ve been knighted. Fun fact: Granddaddy-Donk was knighted back in the 60’s; all it took to be knighted back then was some good smoke and semi-straight teeth.

As for Lynn, the 32 year old has compiled 14 consecutive starts of 6+ innings and he’s thrown 7+ innings in 9 of those outings. Since May 10th, Lynn has gone 8-2 with a 2.66 ERA, 1.03 WHIP, and 98 strikeouts in only 81 1/3 innings pitched. He hasn’t required Señor Crappers since that fart (which wasn’t just a fart) back on April 23rd.

Back in Week 12 I said, “The Lance Lynn brand has never been a best seller, but prior to last season Lynn had posted 3 straight seasons of 175+ IP with a sub-3.50 ERA. He’s added a half MPH to his average fastball velocity and he’s throwing a lot more sliders this year, leading to a career high K-rate through 86 innings. In 51 1/3 IP since May 1st, Lynn boasts a 3.63 ERA and 1.23 WHIP with 60 strike outs, and the FIP fairies are whispering that he’s actually been even better than that. Anyone care for a bowl of Lance Strasburg? Mmmmm salty beard!” I sound pretty smart, for a Donkey.

So, can we call it square for the whole Kikuchi debacle yet? Speaking of The Kooch, he’s been looking a little better of late. Watching him pitch no longer makes me want to slam my junk in a car door. I may have to see if the the ole Kooch Razzwagon will fire back up. Fair warning: The Koochwagon only has three tires and no steering wheel, but the acid spiked punch never runs out!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The last month the Gurriel father & son team, Yu-Lou-Gu, have been having is absolutely crazy. It’s the best father & son month since August 1984 with Yogi and Dale Berra. Only Yogi  and Dale’s great month wasn’t due to on-field play, but Yogi making a drug-sniffing dog’s handler laugh while Dale snuck an eight ball of coke through security at a Def Leppard concert. “If this leopard is deaf, what kind of singer is he gonna be?”  Oh, Yogi, you card!  Yesterday, Yuli Gurriel went 3-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .281, as he continues his torrid pre-All-Star break pace.  He’s hitting close to .380 in July with eight homers.  That’s in 38 at-bats.  He has 11 homers in his last fifteen games.  Only one near as hot is his son, Lourdes. Hopefully, both Gurriels keep it going, knowing it ain’t over ’til the encore of Pour Some Sugar on Me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Grey Albrillie is the illest! THE ILLEST! That mustachioed maven of ranking is back in the building, and his new list slaps, bangs, pushes, and strips you of all inhibitions. We go through the whole rack and hit you with some game for the second half of the two dot one-nina. It’s the Top 100!!! I tried to write this intro in Quavo’s voice. How’d I do? Ralph Honcho out!

Please, blog, may I have some more?