Tanner Shuts Down Tiger Bibats But Can’t Bibee Them

This is going to be the most Drew Anderson-coded Tanner Bibee post, as the kids say. Drew Anderson went 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.98, as he started a game for the 1st time since 2021. You remember 2021. That was the year you told your friend he was crazy for buying crypto. You know the friend — the one who then bought a yacht, then had to sell the yacht, who then bought the yacht back, then sold it again and now lives in his Subaru. His name was also Drew. Weird, right? So, Drew Anderson was a KBO import, after being a MLB export. In the KBO, he wiped the floor with hitters (12.8 K/9, 2.25 ERA), but he was supposed to. In the majors, it hasn’t been bad either — 10.8 K/9, 4 BB/9, 3.29 xFIP, and found an extra three miles per hour from 2021 (up to 95 MPH on the fastball). But really! Tanner Bibee out-pitched him! He went 8 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.75. Bibee’s perfs are 7.8 K/9, 3.2 BB/9, 4.15 xFIP, and, ugh, those are number five starter numbers at best, and I kinda like Drew more. Drew’s the lede, while Tanner actually pitched better? No, I can’t. I won’t! You’ll sue me for my Sportsflic 3D Danny Tartabull card! Bibee is safer and rosterable, obviously, but I do like Drew (not Drew yacht-slash-sans yacht Drew). Though, when Tarik returns, Anderson could be out of the rotation, so, yes, I like him but tentatively. Like it’s 2021 and you’re getting into crypto. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Victor Caratini – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 2nd homer. Just needed that bum Jeffers to get out of his way!

Ryan Kreidler – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 3rd homer. Kriedler, Kriedler, Kriedler, he came out to play!

Joe Ryan – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.02. Ryan got into a little trouble with Dezenzo and Christian Vasquez, but worked out of it. Now, you have to decide if that’s true and, if true, who Dezenzo is.

Andrew Morris – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 4.29, and his 1st save. It feels like we’ve collectively given up on trying to figure out the Twins’ closer, and I like that.

Zach Thornton – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, as he was called up by the Mets. He’s never been mentioned before on Razzball, which makes this a Razzwhack (if you know what I’m talking about, you are the 1%). So, with Clay Holmes being dusted by a fibula injury, we get Thornton. He’s a 24-year-old lefty, who had 9.7 K/9, 2.9 BB/9, 3.16 ERA in 37 IP in Double and Triple-A, and he supposedly features great command, but we haven’t seen it this year. (Did have it in previous seasons.) Due to the promise of good command, I could see looking at him in deeper mixed leagues, and Streamonator in shallower, if we see something better than yesterday.

Jonah Tong – Might be called up this weekend, but he’s had a rough year, being done in by listening to the Mets coaches. Tong currently has a 5.7 BB/9 in Triple-A, and does not seem at all ready for a call-up.

Juan Soto – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homer, 2nd and 3rd homer in two games, five homers in the last week, while hitting over-.400. Seems antithetical to being a good Soto, but it’s nice to see Sexy Dr. Pepper get hot.

CJ Abrams – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 10th homer. Is it good that he’s my top power guy on my teams? Say it’s good. Is it better if I say I drafted him for speed? Say it’s better. Please.

Jacob Young – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, 3rd homer in four games. Might be the hottest schmotato in the land, but Gavin Sheets is giving him a run.

Zack Littell – 5 IP, 2ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 3 Ks, ERA at 5.83. He has a 4.5 K/9. Mason Miller has that per batter (okay, that makes zero sense but you get the picture).

Austin Riley – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 8th homer, and 2nd homer in four games. Riley’s fall-off is gonna be studied for years. Not this year, I don’t have time.

Dominic Smith – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 5th homer. Dom Smith is hitting .327, Austin Riley is hitting .213. Dom Smith per game is around $18; Riley is around $5 (roughly, these update overnight).

Chris Sale – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.89. Chris Sale or Paul Skenes, which is higher on the Player Rater? Okay, you trust Skenes more though, right? Wow, you trust a starting pitcher to not get injured? Okay, guess we’ll see.

Janson Junk – 5 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 5.07. Junk, indeed.

Edward Cabrera – 3 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 4.00, and left with a blister. Don’t call Lodolo’s doctor!

Kyle Harrison – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 1.77. People are still asking if they should roster Harrison. His stats are 11.6 K/9, 2.8 BB/9 and a 1.77 ERA. Hey, we all have different size leagues, but that’s not rosterable?

Salvador Perez – 3-for-4 and his 8th homer, 2nd homer in four games, and his batted ball profile is not that different than Riley’s, though, well, you ever hear the ketchup comes out of the Heinz bottle at 0.028 MPH? That’s also Perez’s sprint speed.

Michael Wacha – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 2.70. Wacha’s the brain losing to the heart. The brain says I should roster Wacha, the heart sees random rookie nookie get called up and I want to drop Wacha.

Connelly Early – 6 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.3333333333333333323. Keep looking at Early and expecting better, and left with a gnawing meh in the pit of my stomach.

Jarren Duran – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, and 2nd homer in two games, and 5th homer this month. Please bring your arms and legs inside, the Buy Low window is closing.

Ezequiel Duran – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, and 3rd homer this month, as he hits .295 on the year. From Duran to Duran, welcome to the Hungry Like A Wolf section of the roundup. Just imagined I had Duran and Casey Schmitt instead of Lindor and Vlad Jr. and I was thinking how much better I am at fantasy baseball, when the fantasy stands for just making up scenarios in my head.

Jake Burger – 2-for-5 and his 9th homer, hitting .243. This came at Coors. Everyone knows Burger and Coors is the best when the weather gets warm. I just said that while wearing a cowboy hat. Yeehaw.

Jacob Latz – 2 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 1.90, and the win. Maybe reports of his demise were premature.

Brandon Nimmo – Was lifted with hamstring tightness. He seemed fine, and was arguing to stay in the game. So, hamstring more or less okay; arguing skills pretty poor.

Jorge Soler – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. In this game, Jo Adell (2-for-4) hit his 7th homer. I lump them together because they’re on the same team. Dur. Also, they both are the type to get scalding hot. Scald, baby, scald.

Shohei Ohtani – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 0.73, and his 8th homer. Has a sub-1 ERA and homered, while leading off. And you think this is normal! Run-of-the-mill! Complaining about him not being as good this year with the bat! Take a sit with your feelings and think about telling your expectations to chill.

Teoscar Hernandez – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, hitting .265, as he hits 8th. Wow, that sucks. Again, with some stank, he’s hitting 8th!

Randy Vasquez – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 2.96. June feels like a good cut-off, where if a pitcher has a sub-3 ERA, they should be 100% rostered. So, you have ten days for him to suck or to drop him.

Jackson Merrill – Left the game with the trainer. Maybe they were going to play a competitive Yahtzee game. …Right? No? Okay.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 1-for-3. Can we send Tatis and Machado to Driveline for a week and just IL them?

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .228. Albombso!

Samuel Basallo – 2-for-4 and his 7th homer. Adults should go by John, not Johnny. They should be Bill or William, not Billy. They’re Joe, not Joey. With that said, no one should ever be Samuel. It’s always Sammy. This has been another segment of Grey Fixes Things Out Of His Control.

Steven Matz – 4 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.70 as he was activated from the IL. That’s Long Island’s very own, Steven Matz! That reminds me, whatever happened with Marcus Stroman? Crazy how guys play for ten years then just disappear. We should get a proper sendoff for players who have played ten years. They get a day of remembrance. We can talk about how Stroman’s dad can lift a Mack truck and how Marcus was five-four. Any hoo! I don’t love Matz, but I guess Streamonator if you must.

Hunter Feduccia – 2-for-3 and his 1st career homer. As your fantasy advisor, it’s my Feduccia responsibility to recommend you not pick him up, outside of AL-Only.

Emerson Hancock – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 3.07. He actually pitched fine, and, having watched him, I can say definitively he pitched even better than his line. Like a forefather autograph collector, I am a fan of Hancock.

Jhonny Pereda – 1-for-2 and his 1st major league homer. The Silent H!

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-2, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (5) and double legs (13, 14). The Rice Bowl hit the first homer off Jordan Hicks all year. Oh, Hicks hadn’t been good this year, was just his first homer allowed. Giving you facts, Chief! I say Chief now.

Alimber Santa – Astros called up this middle reliever to keep him away from kissing mommy, Chief! Okay, I don’t say Chief anymore. Got played out fast.

Michael McGreevy – 5 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 2.40. Don’t have anything personally against the McGravy, but I’m also Jesse in Breaking Bad each time he pitches, screaming, “He can’t keep getting away with this!” Eleven baserunners and only three earned?! Unless that’s only one baserunner, who happens to be Millie Bobby Brown.

Carmen Mlodzinski – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 1 K, ERA at 3.96. This was the McGreevy start, and Elias Spurts Bureau said this was the 1st time two starters ever went five innings and only got one strikeout each, and they added, “Did I mean to call Elias Sports Bureau, because this is Elias Spurts Bureau?”

Spencer Horwitz – 1-for-5 and his 4th homer. Seeing your CPA in May is like running into your favorite Macy’s holiday gift wrapper in January. What do you talk about?

Konnor Griffin – 4-for-5, 3 runs, hitting .278. He did a bat switch with JJ Wetherholt (2-for-4) before the game. JJ might want to switch back. Or is that he wants to switch to Konnor’s? Damn, this is like three card monte with bats.

Cam Schlittler – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 1.50 vs. Trey Yesavage – 6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 1.07. This matchup was billed as, “Yesavage/Cam for $9.99 on OnlyFans, sign up today! It’s better than Grey’s Patreon!”

Merrill Kelly – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 5.71. I swear I gave him half of a chance by looking at his stats, and, yeah, he’s incredibly yawnstipating.

Ketel Marte – 3-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 7th homer, which comes a day after his huge walk-off homer. He must really be loving life. You could say, Ketel is drunk on himself.

Casey Schmitt – 1-for-4 and his 9th homer, 3rd homer since Saturday. You know what kind of year he’s having? The kind that has you saying next year, “I’m not drafting a 1st baseman high, I’m gonna wait and take Schmitt later. I’m so smart!” Then Schmitt falls back to earth next year and you’re wondering why you drafted Vlad Jr. in 2026 and not in 2027, when he’s good again.

Andrew Abbott – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.97. He’s one of those guys who has pitched better since I dropped him three starts ago, and he still pitches so boringly when going well, I can’t even be mad at myself. And I’m always mad at myself!

Sal Stewart – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 12th homer. Sal Guinea-T Stewart with a WOP of the ball. Don’t do anti-Italian discrimination. My people have suffered enough.

Alec Bohm – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer, 2nd homer in three games., and an 11-game hitting streak, hitting over-.400 in that time with four homers. This is also the second time in three days that his mom donned a Richard Nixon mask like from Point Break and broke into Bohm’s house and stole his watch.

Aaron Nola – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 hits, zero walks, 5 Ks, ERA at 6.04. I wanted a chuckle. I good guffaw. So, I went to look at how much Nola was rostered in CBS leagues. I was expecting 5% for a nice laugh. Instead, I was met with 72% rostered and it depressed me so much I shut the lights, lit a candle and prayed for those souls.