Yesterday, Ronald Acuña Jr. (5-for-8, 5 runs, 5 RBIs) hit a leadoff homer in both games of the doubleheader, and became the youngest to homer in four straight games in the live-ball era. Wistful sigh, member those good ol’ zombie dead-ball era stars? Acuña now has 17 homers and 8 steals in 66 games. Oh, I’m sorry, you my daddy? It’s hard to understand how a 20-year-old can be my daddy, but I think you my daddy. When that family that raised me told me to put mime makeup on every morning, I didn’t put it together, but now I know the one true thing in this world that only 23andMe and a gut feeling can tell me, Acuña is my daddy. I’m going to start calling him Tildaddy. Not as in ‘until I find my true daddy, you will be my daddy.’ Not Tildaddy as in what a teenager who works a cashier at a Waffle House makes his co-workers call him. Tildaddy as in sloppily jamming tilde and daddy together. You’re my Tildaddy! People keep asking in the comments where I think Tildaddy (my fetch) will be drafted next year. If you prorate his numbers out, he’d have 35 homers and 20 steals as a 20-year-old. I’m sorry, you Machado’s Tildaddy too? You Goldschmidt’s Tildaddy? ARE YOU MIKE TROUT’S TILDADDY?! He is at least a top 25 pick in 2019 and I might shock the world and shove Tildaddy in my top 15. Un…Til…Daddy shows me different. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
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I’m going to do something a little different this week. I wanted to do a fun little experiment to show how tricky it can be to rank 100 hitters every week. It can be tough to decide which statistic is more valuable in standard 5×5 leagues while also taking into account: age, injury history, lineup, previous performance, home stadium, position eligibility, splits, etc.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Clearly, there’s a major issue here. The issue revolves around a few Buys this week. They are Mark Trumbo, Tim Beckham, Jonathan Villar and Trey Mancini. Any guesses their connection? No, they don’t all wear a bear costume during the offseason for bachelorette parties. I mean, they could, but no. I don’t think so. Their connection and the issue can be summed in this question, is the entire Orioles lineup really hot or have they just faced garbage pitching for the last week? I’d give you the answer, but I’d have to kill you, and I don’t know your address. I guess I have your IP, but is it roaming? VPN? Am I really traveling around to kill you when I could just not tell you the answer? That is the other choice here, right? Such a dilemma! Let me sleep on it. *pulls Murphy bed out of wall, lies down, Murphy bed flies up and traps me* Muffled screams, “Mark Trumbo has been the hottest hitter in the league! If you need power, I’d grab him in all leagues! Also, can you pull down this freakin’ bed?!” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Lance Lynn had to shave his beard to play for the Yankees, because the Yankees are fascists. I wish Giancarlo would grow a mustache as giant FU. What, are they going to bench him until he shaves? Actually, Giancarlo should carve an F and a U in both of his sideburns. That would be such a 1970’s move. You could see Willie Stargell, high as a kite, being like, “Carve, ‘Down with Whitey’ in my sideburns.” Little did we know a clean-shaven Lynn would be an all-new pitcher, throwing 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, ERA at 4.58. Prior to the trade, here’s the Twins pitching coach talking to the bullpen catcher, “Do you think Lynn might be dragging his right side a little bit because of all that facial hair?” “I don’t know, but Sasquatches have been deemed the new sexy ‘It Thing,’ so who’s to argue?” Yesterday, we saw more of Lynn (literally and figuratively) of what made him a solid starter in St. Louis for many years. His season numbers are still garbage but, if nothing else, the Stream-o-Nator loves his next start. If he can command his pitches, he could have a solid final seven weeks. It’s all about The Art of Shaving two walks off his rate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Carpenter (up 36 spots): In his first 186 ABs: 23 runs, 7 HR, 21 RBI, .215 AVG. In his next 183 ABs: 47 runs, 19 HRs, 36 RBI, .339 AVG. End paragraph.
There’s a few guys every week who I’m keeping a close eye on who are on the cusp of making the Top 100 Hitters list. This week the guys on the bubble are: Mallex Smith, Kole Calhoun and Ian Kinsler. Smith is looking like everything we want Billy Hamilton to be. Like Hamilton, Smith had an eye-popping stolen base season in the minors (92 in 2014!) But Mallex is actually getting on base at a great rate (.357) this year, something Hamilton has sworn against. Mallex has all the speed of Hamilton and with opportunity could put together an amazing full season next year. I’m sure you already realized this, but Kole Calhoun was just the worst until the end of May. .162 batting average. That’s worse than some pitchers! Maybe — I don’t know. I’m pro-NL-DH. Haters gonna hate! Well Kole world got demoted and found the ghost of Babe Ruth while hitting for the Salt Lake Bees. (Beads?!) Since his return to The Los Angeles Trouts he’s hitting .302 with 27 runs, 13 HRs, 30 RBI and has even stolen 2 bases just for fun. If this pace keeps up, he’ll be rocketing up this list. Finally, Ian Kinsler has a pretty nice 20 game hot streak. He’s got 15 runs, 2 HRs, 10 RBI, 2 SBs, and a .347 AVG in that span. Now, put those numbers batting 6th behind Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi, J.D. Martinez, Xander Bogaerts and friends. His value just got a nice shot in the arm.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Know why Steve Pearce went off yesterday for three homers (3-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 6th, 7th and 8th homer)? Because he’s only owned in 3% of fantasy leagues. That’s spiteful, Steve Pearce. Spite is one of the seven deadliest sins. Right after that soup the fat guy ate in Se7en. Not to be confused with Goop, which is Paltrow’s career after she stopped being harassed by Harvey Weinstein. Allow a gross, sweaty producer to rub his genitals against you in unwanted advances, win an Oscar. Sleep with that guy from Coldplay, do movies with Huey Lewis. Speaking of Coldplay, Pearce has been terrible for the last few weeks, but the Sawx have committed to Pearce in a favorable lineup spot, at least against lefties, which he’s rewarded them with solid production (hitting near-.360 vs. lefties). He’s not quite at a Goop-level bounce back, but he is above starring with Huey Lewis and/or Chris Martin. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Draft day is by far my favorite day of the fantasy baseball season. Even more so when the draft is an auction. All of the preparation and anticipation leading up to the day culminates into my version of Christmas. I don’t believe in all the hocus pocus of religion, so draft is where it’s at for me. Fantasy football draft day falls just a bit shy of baseball. There’s just so much more that goes into constructing a well balanced baseball roster that makes it that much more interesting than football. While I do look forward to actually playing the game throughout the season, what I find more interesting than playing is negotiating trades.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I watch all trading deadline deals like I’m watching Hereditary. Hands firmly pressed over my eyes, occasionally I’ll peek out. See a Jon Heyman tweet coming and prepare to scream. Then a long exhale. “Ah, thank God, it’s not a player I own nor does it affect any of my other guys.” Then, out of nowhere, Brian Dozier gets traded to the Dodgers and my head goes into a tailspin like it’s a WHOMP on the old Batman TV show. “But what about Max Muncy? Can Chris Taylor still play? What about Kiké?! Please tell me Kiké’s still in PLAY!” Then I take 150 milligrams of Percocet and go to the park to watch pre-teens and all of their innocence. In my head, I scream to them, “You’ll never know my pain!” And smile lopsidedly until another adult asks me to leave. So, the Dodgers are now fielding the NL All-Star team from now until October. Dozier will likely slot into the two or three hole and I still like him for a huge 2nd half. Max Muncy and Chris Taylor are not likely going to be as fortunate, as I have no idea where the Dodgers can play all of these guys. If you’ve been burned by the trade deadline, I will smile lopsidedly and creep out someone for you. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When I left Jose Martinez off my Top 100 Hitter rankings earlier in the season people were calling for Grey to take my head. Well maybe this is why I was hesitant: Martinez hasn’t homered since June 30th. Oh wait, let me make that even more shocking — he hasn’t scored a run since June 30th. He also only has 1 XBH since June 30th. I like JMart, really I do. But we all need to pump our brakes on him. If he keeps up this “pace” — he’ll find himself just like Eric Hosmer off my Top 100 list and onto Chris Jericho’s list.
Cody Bellinger was enjoying a fine season until the end of June too. He had 49 runs, 16 HRs, 40 RBI and even 5 stolen bases with a .832 OPS. Like Martinez, Bellinger’s power has disappeared in this past month. He only has 1 HR and 4 RBI in 90 ABs.
You have to wonder if Max Muncy absorbed Bellinger’s power in some Space Jam Monstar style scheme. Bellinger and Martinez owners have to hope that Mike Trout beats the Monstars in Space Slam and gets Bellinger’s powers back. Or would it be Bryce Harper? Mike Trout apparently doesn’t use his personal marketing department enough.Please, blog, may I have some more?
True confession: I can’t cope with trade deadline season. I find it a terrifying time to be 1) a baseball fan (of a team that is in sell mode [cough Blue Jays cough]) and 2) a baseball writer: 1) Because favorite players can be suddenly whisked off to dreaded rivals (I’m looking at you, brand-new-Yankee JA Happ) and 2) because things turn on a dime. For example, when I first started putting this post together, I was all “start Astro X against Cole Hamels!” Now…nope. So when you’re assembling your lineup for FantasyDraft today, I’ll give you the same caveat I give for weather: double-check your lineups before they lock. Anyway! Let’s talk about things that are hopefully more predictable: it’s a Coors day, so hitters gonna hit! (Right? Dear God, please give me something to hold on to in this crazy world.) Of course you’ll pay up for Rockies (Nolan Arenado, $10,400; Charlie Blackmon, $9,900; Trevor Story, $10,300) and A’s bats (Khris Davis, $11,100; Marcus Semien, $9,300), but it may be worth it. Also, Atlanta, second best in the league versus LHP, are seeing lefty Alex Wood today. Pitching options are tougher, but let’s see what we can do with them, after the jump.
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