I’m having this weird feeling. It’s not gas; I know what that feels like. It’s not anger that my neighbor planted a tree that smells like semen on my property line. It’s…I think…happiness? I love this team. I never love my AL-Only teams. Sometimes, I’m okay with them. Sometimes, I’m unhappy with them but pretend to be okay with them, like a sad clown with a painted-on smile. But love an AL-Only team? No one good is even in the AL. What’s going on with me? Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over me. My baby’s got a secret — he loves his AL-Only team, which I sing while wearing a bridal gown as I roll around on an empty stage. I also cut out each player’s name I drafted and throw them at my face like wedding rice. Is this metaphor still going, you ask yourself. Yes, it is! Can’t I be happy? So, I drafted against Scott White at CBS, a bunch of Razzball guys and a few ‘perts from other sites. This league is deep so hold onto ye olde hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:
C: Chance Sisco $2
C: Kurt Suzuki $3
1B: Miguel Sano $17
2B: David Fletcher $14
3B: Rafael Devers $30
SS: Jorge Polanco $17
CI: Rowdy Tellez $9
MI: Nick Madrigal $18
OF: Ryan Mountcastle $17
OF: Josh Naylor $3
OF: Hunter Renfroe $9
OF: Myles Straw $7
OF: Alex Verdugo $22
UTIL: Franmil Reyes $16
P: Griffin Canning $11
P: Dane Dunning $11
P: Nathan Eovaldi $9
P: Andrew Heaney $15
P: Mike Minor $6
P: Jose Quintana $4
P: Garrett Crochet $2
P: Rafael Montero $$10
P: Taylor Rogers $8
Bench: We’re doing a slow draft so it’s still yet TBD, but in a league this deep it’s all gonna be extreme flyers, so you’re not missing any info to judge the excellence that is before you.
YOU WANT TO GIVE ME YOUR WAR ROOM TOTALS SO LET’S JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.
Thanks, Mr. Al Caps. Here’s what Rudy’s War Room says about my team:
You can see I’m higher than Tommy Chong in a Colorado dispensary in most hitting categories, and my pitching is competitive. Speaking of pitching (terrible segue alert!), if you subscribe to the tools, you get this War Room so you know what categories you need help in. Rudy and I use Rudy’s War Room in all our leagues. To repeat for the back of the room: We use it in all of our leagues. Leagues that we win. It’s so simple to use, and I cannot imagine drafting without it, and I imagined up a scenario where I was Madonna rolling on stage with cut-out players’ names being thrown at me. Anyway, back to that hitting. Yummers!
YEAH, I’LL GIVE YOU THAT, YOU HANDSOME LUNATIC, YOUR HITTING IS STACKED LIKE PHONE BOOKS UNDER ALTUVE’S ASS WHILE HE’S DRIVING.
Dudes and five non-dudes, this shizz is incredible. I’ve never seen runs and AVG categories so high before in the War Room, and that’s with Hunter Renfroe and Miguel Sano! I’m taking on two guys who could hit 30+ HRs and .240 and still telling you I will win this league’s AVG category in a walk. Let the Madrigal sing! Average is my game and I ain’t got no shame… That’s Nick Madrigal singing. And he’s only one of, like, four guys who will hit .300 on my team. Fletcher, Verdugo, Devers, Mountcastle, Polanco, Tellez, Naylor…*begins cackling like a loon*…It’s amazing!!! Seriously, find a better hitting team in an AL-Only team. I’ll wait (I’m not waiting).
DID YOU MEAN TO NOT DRAFT ANY SUPERSTARS OR ARE YOU A SOCIALIST?
Since this league is AL-only, I use AL-Only rankings and I follow them pretty closely. If you really want a guy, go an extra dollar or two, which will likely be made up on the other end when you get a guy or two for cheaper than you have him listed. Also, why was Devers only $30? This league is not frugal when spending for top guys. Jose Ramirez went for $43; Bieber went for $48; Vlad, the Mini Impaler went for $30; shoot (not you, deranged white man), Jose Berrios went for $36! Can argue if you want whether Devers is really the third best player in the AL, as our rankings say, but can’t argue Kenta Maeda, who went for $31, is more valuable than Devers. Well, I guess you could argue it, but it’s not in the range of what makes an argument cogent. Also, male Siamese Twins are now being called Cogents. Please use their new terminology.
WAIT A SECOND, YOU DIDN’T LIKE JOSE QUINTANA. SAID YOU WEREN’T DRAFTING HIM. OH MY GOD, YOU SAID THE SAME FOR MIKE MINOR. DID YOU GET HORNY MID-DRAFT AND FORGET EVERYTHING YOU TOLD US. OR ARE YOU A…LIAR?! THE ‘LIAR’ ENDING WOULD’VE STUNG HARDER IF THE PRECEDING WASN’T ALL IN CAPS TOO.
This is AL-Only, and my top 500 is geared more towards 15-team or shallower mixed leagues, and even in the top 100 starters and my pitchers’ pairing tool posts I repeatedly say that if you’re in a deeper league, you need to draft innings, whether you like the pitchers or not. Minor and Quintana are innings, nothing more or less really. In deep leagues, sometimes you just need to bite the bullet, and draft players you don’t like just because they’re counting stats fillers. Plus, with Canning and Dunning, I easily win the league’s Gerund category.
THOSE ARE TERRIFIC RATIONALIZATIONS THERE, BUB, BUT YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MENTIONED HOW YOU DECIDED TO NOT DRAFT A CLOSER.
Tough but fair. I usually spend around $20 for two RPs who should get some saves. In retrospect, some other guys were better SAGNOF flyers — Peter Fairbanks went for $4; Jose Leclerc went for $7; Matt Barnes went for $8. Then again, Hunter Harvey went for $11 and most closers went for $12+. So, I hopefully I have 25 saves between my two guys, and maybe can sneak into some off waivers, or my TBD bench. Obviously, you can look at my War Room totals and see saves is by far my worst category.
TO RECAP, YOUR BULLPEN IS A POOP EMOJI, BUT YOUR HITTING’S AN EGGPLANT EMOJI. LET’S CALL IT AN EGGPLANT EMOJI WITH WHAT APPEARS TO BE DIRT ON IT BUT IS ACTUALLY–
Okay, got it. Listen, everyone in this league has holes. One team’s “starting” staff is Keegan Akin, Jameson Taillon, Tanner Houck and Taijuan Walker. Another team has “starting” hitters of Dexter Fowler, Tony Kemp, Nomar Mazara and Yasiel Puig. Someone else’s OF is Kelenic, Kiermaier and David Dahl with Mitch Moreland at first and Yandy Diaz at corner, but don’t worry that person spent $30 on Tyler Glasnow. As long as I get innings from my pitchers and the Angels’ pitching staff continues to put globs of pine tar on their pitches supplied by someone named Bubba, I should be a-okay.
Before we cut out of here and go trademark our cheese & crackers dispenser, which is a bent-over man where you pull crackers from his crack and cheese fromunda, here’s our NFBC signup sheet for this year. If you want to play against me, Rudy or Donkey Teeth, put your email in the signup sheet below. It is $150 to play, but you can win $150,000 (I think, check their site for rules and prizes). In fact, 2019’s overall winner of, like, $150,000 was one of our commenters. I’ve placed in the top 20 overall and won around $3500. You can also become a thousandaire if you win just your league. Plus, it’s fun (okay, no one’s here for fun. Fun’s on vacation! Wait, then fun would be having fun…Hmm… Moving on!). Leagues should start in about a week (once they fill), and it’s a slow draft, so you don’t need to be available to draft at any set time. Any hoo! Join us by putting your email below, then Rudy will reach out to the peeps.