Please see our player page for Rafael Montero to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

What’s poppin, Razzpimples? Thought I’d throw together a quick little ditty on how the past couple days of trade action have affected bullpens across the league, and then how that impacts your fantasy lineups. Won’t be deep-diving or anything, just a gut-check response to the craziness. Don’t forget, the Razzball Bullpen Chart is manned by yours […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s poppin, Razzpimples? Bullpen update time! And not just bullpen updates, but trade updates! Maybe even more action will go down today. It’s the trade deadline, if’n ya didn’t know’d it, but I betcha know’d it, didn’t ya? Don’t forget, the Razzball Bullpen Chart is manned by yours truly and updated like every single second (not really, […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hola Razzamigos! Welcome to your Razzball weekly fantasy baseball injury report. First, please ensure you buckle your safety belts, secure your tray table in the upright position, and read the safety pamphlet in the seat pocket in front of you. Second, I have traditionally added intra-team roster transactions and/or replacements for injured folks. I am […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s poppin, Razzpimples? Bullpen update time! I’m already tired of the per-division format I’ve been doing the past few weeks. Feel like it’s better to lead off with the saves daddies, move into the holds daddies, then add some final miscellaneous notes. Much more streamlined reading/writing experience if you ask me. Don’t forget, the Razzball Bullpen […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s poppin, Razzpimples? Bullpen update time! Don’t forget, the Razzball Bullpen Chart is manned by yours truly and updated like every single second (not really, but I stay on top of thangs for the most part). And directly below are your Top 10 most valuable RP over the last week, courtesy of our super cool and filterable Last […]

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kris Bryant (3-for-5, 3 RBIs, and his 8th and 9th homer) pulled a fast one on us. A switcheroo not seen since the 1987 sitcom, Switcheroo. Singing theme song, “He thought being a kid was tough, and the dad did too…Then a witch came along and did a switcheroo…Now the dad goes to school and the son has sex with the mom…Whatcha gonna do it’s a Switcheroo!” Kris Bryant’s switcheroo was pretending to be a washed-up baseball player, and he did a switcheroo with his former MVP self. Classic hijinks ensue, like the scene where fantasy baseballers mentally replace Kris Bryant with the schmohawk they drafted instead around 120th overall. Singing, “I thought drafting Kris Bryant would be tough, so I instead took Didi Gregorius, and now there’s no way I will be victorious…Switcheroo!” Classic fun TV theme song there. There were five bajillion home runs in just this game yesterday, so let’s get to it…Humming, “…so I instead took Didi Gregarious, and now there’s no way I will be victorious…Switcheroo!” Sorry, it’s so catchy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Around The Lou, Paul DeJong is colloquially known as Colonel Mustard, the Land Marshall, who is both dignified and dangerous who always rolls second. Or, uh, *counts the spots in the lineup* sixth. Yesterday, Colonel Mustard (2-for-4, 3 runs, 5 RBIs) did it with a baton on the back of a miniature horse while riding through our nation’s capital. “Onward tiny chap!” The Colonel coaxed his horsie, not a pony, many people make this mistake, around the bases not once, but twice. His fourth and fifth homer-jaunts around the bases in this too-early-to-be-called-a-season season. Will the Colonel Mustard continue to *pinkie to mouth* musquerade as an All-Star General or will his dong-ability be more of a lowly private? A tiny horse, of course, can carry him to 30 homers, and a .250 average easily, and I won’t hear any neighs. My condiments to the Colonel. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The bomb to right-center, his fourth homer of the year, wasn’t even the most impressive thing Shohei Ohtani (3-for-5, hitting .364) did yesterday. He beat out a single to short with a sprint speed of 29.5 ft/sec. That’s the 5th best Sprint Speed this year, just a bit better than Ronald Acuña Jr. Uh…*looks around for forty-five minutes, looks back*…Is anyone else seeing this? Can Acuña, serious question, also throw 101 MPH and have an under 2.00 ERA? Yo, is Shohei Ohtani really Roy Hobbs? ACKCHYUALLY If you had Roy Hobbs hit a 460-foot homer, beat out a grounder to short and pitch 101 MPH speedballs, you’d be like, “I appreciate the love story, and the friendship he built with the cross-eyed bat boy that he saved from a burning supermarket, but the baseball stuff isn’t believable in this movie.” Ohtani is not believable. That’s it. He’s one of the best baseball players ever, tools-wise. Truly not believable how good he is at each tool. Unfortch for fantasy, the Angels insistence on him pitching is hurting his overall fantasy value. Sorry, I’m not being a giant idiot. I mean, I might be a giant idiot, but not in this case. You miss a game or two each week as a hitter, and your stats are going to suffer. Hopefully, he has three months’ worth of Rich Hill blisters and can’t pitch all year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Just Dong Just Dong Just Dong Just Dong Just Dong…oh, and Just Dong. Then, when you get tired, and wanna go home, Just Dong some more.” That was the guy who hired Quasimodo to ring the bell at Notre Dame. It was also the Red Sox yesterday. Leading the Red Sox yesterday in the Just Dong parade of Just Dongers was none other than, you guessed it, Just Dong Martinez (4-for-6, 4 runs, 4 RBIs), who hit his 3rd, 4th and 5th homers, as he hits .472. Hey, Preseason Grey who hated J.D. Martinez, you suck. Always seem to get myself in trouble when I try to time the end of guys’ productiveness, rather than just going with guys until they’re no longer liable. Whit Merrifield and Nelson Cruz come to mind, too. So, I trust Just Dong now, right? Well, no, not entirely, but I also can’t point to any reason not to trust him, so process of elimination tells me, he’s a younger version of Nelson Cruz. Call him Nelson Dongz. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The best haircut I ever received was from a bald man. I don’t usually get anything fancy — just a trim here, a buzz there. Throughout my life I went through all the same generational hair trends of men currently in their mid-30’s. As a pre-schooler in the early-90’s my Mom spiked my hair straight up a la Bart Simpson because who was cooler than the Bart man? Then in the mid-90’s, I transitioned to the Jonathan Taylor Thomas Home Improvement middle part because all the girls thought he was so cute. In the early 2000’s  I jumped on board the ‘Caesar’ bandwagon popularized by George Clooney in his ER/From Dusk Till Dawn days and that’s pretty much where I’ve remained. Low maintenance, good enough, it was “The Rachel” for men! Back to the point of this story — the bald man. Who better to appreciate hair than a bald man? I got out of his chair looking like a million bucks and the bald man was proud of his work. 

What does this have to do with fantasy baseball, you ask? In my 14-team home league, I’m punting saves. Correction — I’m punting saves + holds. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?