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With these top 100 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2021 fantasy baseball rankings for positions. Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Lions jersey that meshes with your silver spandex. Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short. All the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings are there. Here’s Steamer’s 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2021 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers.  Here’s all the 2021 fantasy baseball auction rankings. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 for 2021 fantasy baseball and start this shizz all over again. As always, where I see tiers starting and stopping are included with my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball:

NOTE: All 2021 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games.

NOTE II: We’re giving away 10 spots to RazzSlam for subscribers to Patreon. Compete against ‘perts from Yahoo, Rotoworld, FanGraphs, and all Razzball writers.

NOTE III: Free agents outside the top 100 are not yet written up or projected. They are approximately ranked, obviously subject to change.

81. Shohei Ohtani – This tier started in the top 80 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball. This tier ends at Syndergaard. I called this tier, “I’m using the milkrowave.” As for Ohtani, last I read, “Angels manager Joe Maddon told reporters Friday that Shohei Ohtani (elbow) is ‘doing really well’ and that ‘everything I’m hearing is good.'” So, Ohtani is going to need a new elbow in 3, 2, 1…Now! Yes, for the first time ever, I’d draft Ohtani. Dot dot dot. If his price is ~300, and who can resist a mustache in front of any number? 2021 Projections: 4-2/3.44/1.25/71 in 61 IP

82. Chris Sale – This tier so far:  Peralta? I want now. Triston McKenzie? More like McSexy! Gore? More! More! Alzolay? Give me all your rookie arms and let them massage me! Sale? Um, what’s his ETA? Big picture on a big pitcher:  This is the last pitcher you’re drafting in 12-team leagues, and a flyer in deeper leagues. If you have a IL slot, and I’m assuming nine out of ten of you agree with nine out of ten dentists, and have IL spots, then why not? As of right now, Sale’s return date is around May/June. I’d take a half season of him for a free draft pick, assuming May/June is a half season, and not Spring Training. 2021 Projections: 4-6/3.54/1.13/127 in 98 IP

83. Noah Syndergaard – See what I said about 1/8th of an inch above, or three inches if a girl’s reading. I’ve never owned Syndergaard before, but I’m ready. Listen to me roar, Synderawr’d! A last round pick is a great price for what could be three months of lights-out pitching. Just stash him then pick up someone else. As of right now, his return date is around June/July. He might even be a better stash than Sale, who has had more hiccups recently than a frightened man jamming his mouth with Mentos and downing cola. 2021 Projections: 5-4/3.61/1.28/102 in 95 IP

84. Kwang-Hyun Kim – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Minor. I call this tier, “Changing underwear every day in case you die.” This tier is filled with guys who are safer than the previous tier, but so safe they’re kinda boring and do you stand at an empty intersection in a podunk town waiting for the light? Do you not drink milk past its due date? Do you change your underwear every day in case you die? Live a little! In deep (NL-Only or AL-Only, for unstints) leagues, this tier is a strong option because in those leagues waivers are scant/skank, and you need IP. As for Kim, the epitome of new underwear. Meh, he’s fine, but live a little, and wear your gotchies more than one day in a row! 2021 Projections: 10-8/3.89/1.30/124 in 172 IP

85. Zach Davies – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Went the other way (to the Cubs). The Cubs are such a jizzoke. Hey, can the Cubs not compete in that small market of Chicago? Is this serious? Not going to blow my lid, but I have steam coming out my ears. What if, and bear with me here, you tried to be competitive because you’re a billion dollar sports team? What a crazy idea, huh? I’m turning into the Joker. Okay, to be the only levelheaded person online, no one will know if this was a good trade for the Cubs for five years. So, the problem with Davies is he relied so much on his change last year, and his fastball is goofy bad. That could work in sixty games, but will it work longer term? If you like guys who throw 88 MPH, then Davies will help you get your kinks on.” And that’s me quoting me! 2021 Projections: 7-9/3.93/1.28/122 in 161 IP

86. Brad Keller – Got ourselves a little sub-tier here of guys who might have 150 IP and less than 110 Ks. 2021 Projections: 8-11/4.03/1.29/115 in 154 IP

87. Anthony DeSclafani – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Giants. So weird that he goes by Disco, when his name so obviously fits better with a different genre of music. Please, like you weren’t rocking a skinny black tie and black eyeliner as DeSKAfani in your school while trying to play a trumpet. I don’t want to say I’m going to now draft DeSclafani in every league, but I will try, especially in NL-Only leagues.” And that’s me quoting me! 2021 Projections: 6-9/4.24/1.28/123 in 147 IP

88. Kohei Arihara – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Right-hander from Japan was signed by the Rangers for their rotation. So, he’s a 3.15 ERA pitcher with 12 or fewer walks in 175 IP, or is every player coming out of Japan not in the mold of Miles Mikolas? This year I had a sudden realization that the Tokyo Yakult Swallows weren’t named after birds. Yakult is a beverage. It would be like calling a team, the Taco Bell Farts. Arihara played for their rival, the Ham Fighters, which I’m now realizing is a company that makes ham. Is it me or did the Japanese team owners name all their baseball teams on an empty stomach? On the Ham Fighters last year, Arihara went 3.46 ERA with a 106/30 K/BB ratio over 132 2/3 innings, so, yeah, he might be a 4.25 ERA pitcher, even in the pitchers’ park in Texas. Maybe as a late-round flyer, but I don’t have ton of confidence.” And that’s me copying and pasting me!  2021 Projections: 8-10/4.17/1.22/111 in 148 IP

89. Taijuan Walker – Signed with the Mets. Now New Yorkers can go to Queens or Canal Street to see something Taijuan made. “Hey, check out this Rollex I bought. There’s another L for the metaphor of me spending $250 on a knockoff.” That’s a guy returning from Canal Street, knowing he got duped. You know who didn’t get duped? The Mets! Solid innings bet for Taijuan, and best case scenario is much better than that, since he’s only a couple years away from a 3.50-ish ERA, and the slider he was pumping in last year makes me optimistic. Honestly, I’m tempted to move him even higher, but Syndergaard (eventually), Lucchesi, Peterson and Taijuan for two spots has me hedging a little. 2021 Projections: 8-9/4.21/1.32/126 in 133 IP

90. Drew Smyly – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Braves. This makes me…what’s the emotion I’m looking for…it’s…an adverb for happy…ugh…Grinningly?…No, that doesn’t seem right. Smyly! That’s it! Last year in 26 1/3 IP, Smyly had stats to make you scream and slap yo’ daddy: 14.4 K/9, 3.1 BB/9, 2.56 xFIP. Yo, Smyly are you Josh Hader or nah? Honestly, the sample is so small — that’s what she said derisively! — I’m not even sure what to do with it — she said that too and she needs to stop saying this shizz! His background peripherals back up the K/9 and whatnot, but 26 1/3 IP wouldn’t even be a month in a regular season. Gonna assume it’s all nonsense.” And that’s me–well, you know. 2021 Projections: 10-7/4.34/1.32/143 in 138 IP

91. Matthew Boyd – Got yourself in a league with an innings category and not sure what to do? Well, have I got the answer for you–What’s that, your league also has a home runs allowed category? Oh, hmm… Though, I do have a title on the back burner for an April roundup after a good start from him:  The Deadened Boyd. If balls are only going 385 feet vs. 395, maybe Boyd…Nah, I can’t even lie to myself, but maybe…No, I can’t. 2021 Projections: 8-10/4.37/1.27/161 in 164 IP

92. Danny Duffy – Exclusive! Notorious B.I.G.’s original lyrics to Juicy. It was all a dream, I used to read TV Guide magazine, Duffy and Hagman in the back of the antler’d grill limousine.  2021 Projections: 7-9/4.41/1.31/138 in 148 IP

93. Spencer Turnbull – Tigers’ pitching staff is the ultimate: You got an innings category in your league and punting everything else? Let’s do this! 2021 Projections: 7-11/4.44/1.38/146 in 158 IP

94. Mike Minor – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Royals. He lost two miles off his fastball last year, and I don’t know what to do with that information. I looked at his velocity for 2019 and 2018 to see if there was a pattern of him starting literally slow and picking up speed as the season waned, but that was, “Not true, pardner,” as my enthusiasm John Wayne’d. I want to like Minor but that has me worried. At his current 350 ADP, it might not matter, I could just draft him very late, or pick him up off waivers.” And that’s me quoting me! 2021 Projections: 8-12/4.23/1.23/167 in 177 IP

95. Luis Severino – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Puk. I call this tier, “I’ll have what she’s sniffing.” There’s a high person on these guys, it’s prolly not me. They are all high upside guys, who could shock the world, but they’re likely streamers or waiver guys even in deep leagues. As for Severino, he’s not up with Syndergaard and Sale, because he’s had some shizz or another for the last two years. You pile shizz up for two years and you have to give me a year before I trust you. 2021 Projections: 6-5/4.04/1.26/101 in 91 IP

96. Eduardo Rodriguez – Similar feelings to Trey Mancini, I want Ed-Rod to succeed, but don’t measure empathy by how many shares I have of him on my teams. 2021 Projections: 6-8/4.22/1.32/127 in 124 IP

97. Josh Lindblom – Feck me, this guy’s peripherals were gorge last year. His results, well, what’s the opposite of getting your rocks off? On the jetty with Josh Lindblom, a romantic novel of heartbreak. 2021 Projections: 8-11/4.29/1.31/146 in 139 IP

98. Spencer Howard – I’m prolly the low man on Howard — Loward? — but his command worries me a lot. A 3.5 BB/9 can shook your man with a rookie, because that leads to a roofie and you end up waking in a roadside motel wondering why there’s a guy standing over you with a scalpel and sleeveless t-shirt. For a second opinion, here’s what Prospect Itch said, “High hopes accompanied Howard into the shortened season. A hard-throwing righty who could hold velocity deep into his starts, Howard lost velocity in 2020 and got smoked to the tune of a 1.64 WHIP and 5.92 ERA across 24.1 innings. If he’s healthy entering 2021, the stat line should present a nice buying opportunity. He’d only pitched 30.2 innings above high-A before debuting, so perhaps the hype was just too high for a rookie pitcher in Philadelphia, but a healthy Howard wields four big-league quality pitches with three being plus offerings:  fastball, curveball and changeup. Also, Grey sucks.” Okay, not cool. 2021 Projections: 6-9/4.51/1.41/108 in 112 IP

99. Tejay Antone – Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “Bursting onto the scene with new velocity in 2020, Antone looks like a big win for the developmental team here. He increased his K/9 from 8.79 in AAA in 2019 to 11.46 as a big leaguer this season. His slider and curve both lived up to the scouting grades, scoring impressive pitch-value grades via fangraphs, and his fastball checked in at an average of 95.6 mph, and while that was largely in relief, he also started four games and faired fine in that role, albeit in slightly shorter than usual outings. His first-strike rate of 65.2 percent and swinging strike rate of 13 percent are both impressive outcomes that would land him among the league’s top arms if he’s able to sustain something close to that success as a starting pitcher in 2021, and can we see some sustained injuries to Grey?” What the what. 2021 Projections: 3-5/4.33/1.28/114 in 102 IP

100. Framber Valdez – Already gave you my Framber Valdez sleeper. It was written without a care in the world. UPDATE: Frickin’ frack, Framber’s finger fractured. He pitched after it happened, so will be assuming it’s not too terrible. Haha, I’m lyin’ to myself! Now now NOW! Calm down, Grey, it’s gonna all work out. *turns abruptly to mirror* Is it? So, this isn’t great news, but it’s early enough, and it was his ring finger on his pitching hand, but our writer, Coolwhip, looked at his grips for me (because I was too panicked), and it seems Framber only uses that finger 10% of the time with his change, which isn’t a good pitch for him. He’s primarily a sinker/curve guy. I reranked him, placing him in an area where I’d still draft him, but obviously this isn’t the ideal stuff you want to see. Unless you’re a demented ess oh bee. You a demented ess oh bee? Hmm…? Are you? Tell me! Sorry, I’m amped up. Speaking of which, kinda, he will need to ramp up to game-shape after returning in May, so I’m conservatively projecting him to return end of May, early-June. UPDATE II: Out for year is my assumption. UPDATE III: Surgery was not recommended for Framber, but it sounds like it went like this: “Really think you need surgery.” “Are you sure?” “Yes.” “Really?” “Yes.” Then, forty-five minutes later of this same back-and-forth, the doctor said, “Well, maybe not.” Framber got up and ran out of the office. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with Framber and his draft spot. The sensible thing is to not draft him, so I’m gonna go sensible here, pardners and five her’dners. I moved him here, and around where I wouldn’t draft him in 12-team leagues. 2021 Projections: 5-3/4.39/1.19/112 in 104 IP

101. Domingo German – How is it we have a Spanish-for-Sunday German and we don’t call him, Sonntago? Does no one speak German? Cool, me’s neither. Sonntago was reinstated from the restriction list right after this past season ended, which puts him on pace for “no one has any idea.” You do the flyer if you must, but don’t pretend you know what the hell you’re getting. No one prefers a know-everything to a know-nothing. 2021 Projections: 6-6/4.44/1.31/95 in 89 IP

102. Luis Patino – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Went the other way in the Snell trade. I’ve already given you my Luis Patino 2021 fantasy. One thing I will say is once the dust settles, I might shine up that Patino with some new projections if it appears the Rays are going to start him in the rotation, which is my guess at this point.” And that’s me quoting me and prolly guessing wrong!  True to my word, I’ve changed his projections just a smidge. I still don’t know the Rays’ plans for him, but I gave him an extra three weeks of pitching time in the majors, but he still appears outside of the rotation. This tier, if it wasn’t clear, is filled with upside number six starters, who will see time in the rotation, just not sure how much time. 2021 Projections: 5-8/4.38/1.35/115 in 112 IP

103. Michael Kopech – He is ready to go, said a press release put out by Michael Kopech. Or maybe he just always signs everything “Ready as always.” This is called a “Shoot your shot, what do you have to lose, you can just drop him two weeks into the season.” Only thing more unknown than Alternate Training Site stats is how well guys who just opted out are going to do. I still like Stroman, but he has a long track record. Kopech has a cassette single and the tape is twisted, making it hard to listen to without serious unraveling. My guess is Kopech should be good for about 100 IP, but he still can’t hit the broad side of a barn with a lot of his pitches, unless he’s made progress while not actually pitching in a game. 2021 Projections: 3-4/4.47/1.39/122 in 104 IP

104. Daulton Jefferies – I’m a sucker for a guy with great command, and anyone who reminds me I’ve propped up my bed with cardboard boxes of Gregg Jefferies rookie cards. So, Daulton Jefferies is a double threat! 2021 Projections: 6-9/4.30/1.29/91 in 84 IP

105. Deivi Garcia – There’s very few stats from Deivi’s previous season that I think are indicative of him, and that’s a good thing in regards to his fly ball rate. If he’s pushing a 50% FB rate, it’s gonna be an all or nothing proposition owning him, literally, as in he’s gonna give up a three-run bomb every game, and be on the other side of a lot of 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER games. At 21 years old, I wouldn’t be surprised if he spends a half year in the minors, if there are minors. Deivi is gonna be a great one, I don’t think in Blackjack after Twenty, but, ya know, these are flyers. 2021 Projections: 6-4/4.61/1.36/117 in 114 IP

106. Tarik Skubal – TINSTAPP: There’s no such thing as a pitching prospect. It’s not my acronym. That’s BP. That’s not my acronym either. Just thought of it though as I thought about how the Tigers have legit invested their future in TINSTAPP not being TINSTAPP. Hoping to TINSTOP TINSTAPP. Any hoo! As for Skubal:  Place a bottle on this tier, spin said bottle, and, whichever pitcher the bottle is pointing at, draft him and hope you got the right young upside starter for seventy innings in heaven? Not exactly saying that’s where the smart money is, but it might not be where the dumb money is. The “Cum laude in history, then abandoned that to become a weatherman” money? Sure, that works. It’s gonna be a Skubal comedy seeing some people draft more than one Tigers starter. Wouldn’t be me. Skubal over Mize? Yeah, I guess. Barely though, and I’d guess Skubal has more upside (for 2021), but also way more downside. Talking 11 K/9, 4 BB/9, 4.50 xFIP type upside/downside. 2021 Projections: 3-4/4.33/1.34/98 in 84 IP

107. Casey Mize – Already gave you my Casey Mize fantasy. It was written while watching Hula, the new streaming channel of hula-hoop competitions from county fairs. One note about the Casey Mize post, the general gist remains, but I lowered projections after the Tigers signed Urena. Don’t have any faith in Urena, but the Tigers might use that to limit Mize. Honestly, not terribly excited about any Tigers starter. Have I mentioned that five times in every Tigers’ starter blurb? Cool. 2021 Projections: 4-5/4.37/1.22/84 in 89 IP

108. Clarke Schmidt – I wrote an entire post for Clarke Schmidt, but forgot to post it. Things are going great, how ’boutcha? I’d post it here, but it’s like 750 words long and it ends with just okay projections. Gonna save it for when he’s promoted, or maybe I’ll put it on our Patreon. 2021 Projections: 5-7/4.03/1.31/88 in 82 IP

109. A.J. Puk – Wanna be clear, I will like quite a few of the guys in this tier at some point in their career, but for this year? *sticks index finger into mouth* Puk. Beane has already said Puk will be ready for camp (whenever that is) and is slated for the rotation at some point, and we’ve never heard anything negative after a proclamation like that from a guy who hasn’t thrown more than 25 IP in, like, four years. 2021 Projections: 4-5/4.12/1.35/74 in 65 IP

110. Carlos Martinez – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Wacha. I call this tier, “Damn, (insert year) was fun. What, it’s 2021 now? How long was I asleep? Years? Did I miss anything?” The tier name is self-explanatory. As for C-Mart, he’s gone from being a stalwart in 2018 to an alt-wart Instagram account where it just puts up weird pics of warts. 2021 Projections: 6-5/4.18/1.34/91 in 105 IP

111. Carlos Carrasco – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Traded to the Mets. Carrasco was one of the few guys helped by a partial season. Need to get some innings in, but don’t want to go 200 IP? 2020 had exactly what you needed! Now that I’ve seen Carrasco post remarkably similar numbers to every other season in his career minus his fluky bad 2019, when he was obviously dealing with more important things than baseball — MORE IMPORTANT THAN BASEBALL WHAT — and I trust Carrasco completely to be solid again. I already drafted him, and would absolutely again, though his trade might throw some helium in the thought bubbles about him, raising his price. In the NL East and a much better ballpark, he will be the ace we saw every year of his career, except one. Also, since no one (or maybe very few) will be throwing 200 IP this year, his inability to go 200 innings in 2021 won’t hurt him either.” And that’s me quoting me! Only thing that stopped me from ranking Carrasco in the top 15 starters is he might have a skosh of risk. UPDATE: Hamstring tear.  Carrasco was never going to pitch a full season, and as long as it’s not an arm injury…Hahahahaha lying to myself is grand! This sucks, and I dropped him out of the top 100 starters. His projections are updated too. Conservatively, expecting a return around “just after the All-Star Break.” That will be the shot in the arm all my teams need, assuming I haven’t shot myself somewhere else after needing to start guys like Logan Webb to replace Carrasco. Haha, someone please hold me. 2021 Projections: 4-4/3.86/1.14/81 in 74 IP

112. Adrian Houser – “Yooooo, Adrian! Girl, I will Houser you.” That’s Rocky Balboa working as a club DJ. Unlike C-Mart, for Houser you only need to go back 18 months, but he was interesting for a much shorter time period, and even then, it feels like a figment of my imagination Houser was ever interesting. 2021 Projections: 8-11/4.29/1.31/127 in 144 IP

113. Yusei Kikuchi – One of the few guys who made noticeable improvements last year. Yusei? Yes, I do say, do not question me. His velocity increased three miles per hour and his K/9 went from 6.5 to 9. Yusei? This is the last time I tell you to never question me again. My concern is it was such a small sample last year that it won’t hold. Yusei? We’re done here. 2021 Projections: 9-11/4.27/1.34/136 in 149 IP

114. Madison Bumgarner –  Will he return to Mad-Bum or continue the new tradition of us being Mad-at-Bum? Find out next on, “Starters Don’t Reverse Terrible Declines in Velocity.” Geez, the title of that show kinda gives away some important spoilers. 2021 Projections: 7-11/4.41/1.38/141 in 168 IP

115. Robbie Ray – You can call him Robbie or Rob, but I call him K-bob, because he’s a pitcher who gets strikeouts then is skewered. You see just his 11 K/9 and you’re like, “How bad could this be?” Then you see everything else and you’re like, “I understand now.” 2021 Projections: 8-10/4.58/1.43/203 in 164 IP

116. Jose Quintana – Signed with the Angels, which hurt Patrick Sandoval’s value — Sandovalue? Hey, that’s pretty good! Also hurting Sandovalue was Sandoval. Ya know who hurts Quintana’s value? Quintana. Actually, everyone in this tier hurts their own value by pitching. 2021 Projections: 8-10/4.44/1.35/143 in 161 IP

117. Adam Wainwright – Great signing for the Cardinals, because if he didn’t sign with the Cardinals, we would’ve been left with having to guess it was the Cardinals from the scoreboard, their uniforms or just the channel we were watching. Now we can be like, “Wainwright? Oh, it’s the Cardinals. Where’s Yadier? Oh, there we go, yup, Cards.” 2021 Projections: 9-10/4.31/1.40/132 in 159 IP

118. Merrill Kelly – Had shoulder surgery for thoracic outlet syndrome in September and the Diamondbacks gave him $4.25 million in November, and, hey, it’s not my money, but the Diamondbacks are the dumbest organization or nah? 2021 Projections: 5-7/4.26/1.18/108 in 128 IP

119. Garrett Richards – Signed with the Red Sox. If I were a Sawx fan, I’d love this move. Seriously. I’m not being sarcastic. Why can I not even tell when I’m being sarcastic? Am I damaged? I don’t think I’m being sarcastic. Any hoo! G-Dicks, as he’s popularly known, has never pitched poorly, he just never really pitches. He’s good for a solid 50 to 85 IP with the upside hum-ma-na of a flat-out sparkling 150 IP, which will never happen. 2021 Projections: 4-3/3.78/1.29/78 in 74 IP

120. Tanner Roark – I actually liked Tanner Roark for many years, but, when I say this next part I can’t emphasis it enough, there was absolutely no reason that I can justify liking him. 2021 Projections: 6-9/4.39/1.37/109 in 122 IP

121. Jon Lester – Signed with the Nats. This is the 2nd time a Leftosaurus has been brought to Washington this year. This one didn’t need 30+ lawsuits, but it could leave people screaming, “Stop the steal!” 2021 Projections: 8-9/4.43/1.34/121 in 154 IP

122. J.A. Happ – Signed with the Twins. Know what’s funny? Stop guessing, I’m trying to tell you. Tim Anderson, who hit lefties to a tune of .450 last year, saw the lefty Happ signed with frequent competitor, Twins, and liked the tweet announcing the Happ signing. That’s prolly how every AL Central hitter feels right now. 2021 Projections: 9-11/4.37/1.32/131 in 154 IP

123. Michael Wacha – Here’s what I said this offseason, “Signed with the Rays to become the 2021 Comeback Player of the Year, as frequent commenter, Malicious Phenoms, pointed out. Yes, the Rays are operating a mine where they turn blood, sweat and tears into a diamond. I see a lot of fantasy baseball analysis in 2021 is going to be:

<loud voice>This guy was sneaky good last year.</loud voice>
<whisper>In a five-game sample.</whisper>

Wacha did pitch well in a whole 34 IP last year if looking at his peripherals, but he’s also six years from a truly good season.” And that’s me copying and pasting me! 2021 Projections: 5-7/4.47/1.48/121 in 129 IP

124. Kris Bubic – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Cease. I call this tier, “Saying romance into a glass bottle, then tossing it into the sea.” Putting a message in a bottle is rarely answered, it’s even more rare when someone just speaks words into a bottle and casts it off into the ocean. That’s this tier. The very rare chance for success. As for Bubic, there’s one thing we can say for certain, Bubic is a grinder. *Juvenile giggle* Sorry, sorry. We’re 18,000 words into this post and my fingers are bleeding from typing. He could have a near-9 K/9, decent command, and he was pitching in High-A in 2019, so who knows. 2021 Projections: 5-10/4.19/1.34/119 in 116 IP

125. David Peterson – I debated leaving Peterson off the rankings, then I realized I was just saying “D-Peter” repeatedly in my head, and not actually debating anything. He has a pretty flat fastball, but decent command and slider, so maybe there’s a little something here.  UPDATE: With the signing of Lucchesi, Taijuan and return of Syndergaard eventually, I brought Peterson’s IP projections down. 2021 Projections: 7-6/4.41/1.36/89 in 101 IP

126. Dean Kremer – Anyone else think Israeli-American Dean Kremer is a Sacha Baron Cohen character? When you draft him, you have to say a’la Borat, “My staaaaaaaarter.” If he keeps it close, the bullpen will prolly have you saying, “My wiiiiiiiiin. High five!” The latest Borat movie sucked, by the way. At least a top 500 bummer of 2020.  2021 Projections: 7-10/4.51/1.41/145 in 141 IP

127. Kyle Wright – Bryse Wilson, Sean Newcomb, Touki Toussaint, Huascar YnoaImight’vemadeupthisname…Hey, Braves stop making a dozen or so of the same pitcher, it’s getting confusing. 2021 Projections: 5-7/4.56/1.42/102 in 108 IP

128. Keegan Akin – Orioles don’t have a lot, but they do have innings to give to rando pitchers. This rando has a great change and, uh, other pitches. His slider is actually decent, and if he can stop walking guys at a 4 BB/9 clip, he might surprise a little. Hey, managing expectations. 2021 Projections: 7-12/4.58/1.47/143 in 132 IP

129. Tanner Houck – Made the list because he had a 11.1 K/.9 last year. Just barely, because it was in 17 IP, and he’s going way before this because the Sawx sparkle — Spawrx? — still shines bright for overrating. Can he maintain a walk rate under 3.5? Oh, Houck no. 2021 Projections: 5-8/4.48/1.49/93 in 84 IP

130. Adrian Morejon – Full disclosure alert! I had Morejon about fifty spots higher, above eventual teammate Mackenzie Gore, until Musgrove was traded to the Padres. It was a thirst trap of the highest of thirsts — the thirstiest of traps! A trap that was just a swimming pool filled with Kool-Aid that had a mysterious echo saying, “Drink me.” Now, that’s largely done. I still like Morejon for super deep leagues, but he needs an injury to get any real innings. 2021 Projections: 4-2/3.81/1.25/78 in 64 IP

131. Trevor Rogers – *laying on bed* Take me, Marlins starters. I am yours to do whatever you want. 2021 Projections: 5-8/4.31/1.43/87 in 81 IP

132. Dylan Cease – Crappy diem, which translates to Cease the Dylan for hype and hype alone. 2021 Projections: 6-9/4.64/1.43/129 in 138 IP

133. Aaron Sanchez – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end. I call this tier, “Rolling the die and doing a crapshoot.” All of these guys are a total crapshoot. As for Sanchez, he signed with the Giants. Old friend alert! You might remember Aaron Sanchez as Filthy Sanchez, as he was the Jays’ top pitching prospect from 2010-16. What is it that they say about pitching prospects again and why do I keep thinking of how the Tigers are chancing their entire rebuild around those that can’t be trusted? Sanchez hit 98 on his fastball, and…can’t…stop…giving…him…a…chance. I’m not saying that if you put Turds McTurdsy in the Giants’ rotation I wouldn’t be interested in deep leagues, because of the park, and I’m also not not saying that, or that Aaron Sanchez might be Turds McTurdsy. 2021 Projections: 5-7/4.39/1.41/103 in 121 IP

134. Johnny Cueto – Turds McTurdsy Sr., and the Sr. is short for “Sorry.” Seriously though for a second, if there is a Turds McTurdy reading this, I’m not making fun of your name. I’m making fun of your father. 2021 Projections: 9-10/4.61/1.32/141 in 161 IP

135. Jaime Barria – Fun fact! The Jaime Barrio is what Jesse Jackson calls the Upper West Side. Do not, I repeat, do not, shoot the messenger. Jaime had a 3.41 ERA in almost 130 IP in 2018, and Jaime is what I say to the mirror, so, yeah, prolly not much here. 2021 Projections: 6-8/4.21/1.14/93 in 114 IP

136. Steven Matz – Traded to the Jays. Will be interesting to see how the Toronto media spins Matz’s one known attribute:  That he’s from Long Island. Any hoo! A move to the AL East for one of the worst pitchers I’ve ever liked? Don’t tempt me, you bedraggled wind-up doll! I swear I’m not being dumb liking Matz every year, but he was just unlucky last year to have a 9.68 ERA. Okay, and I’m very dumb. 2021 Projections: 7-7/4.33/1.35/112 in 121 IP

137. Alec Mills – Me seeing the Cubs division sucks. *handshake emoji* Me seeing Alec Mills sucks. 2021 Projections: 8-12/4.44/1.18/104 in 145 IP

138. Alex Wood – Signed with the Giants. Put a guy who always has an alluring amount of upside in a great pitchers’ park, and *struggling to not draft him, sounding like my 15-year-old self*…must…not…grab…Wood. 2021 Projections: 7-9/4.41/1.33/101 in 121 IP

139. Edward Cabrera – Hey, Marlins, stop making beautiful pitchers, you got no more room. More like The Miami Starter Machine, amiright? Come on, shake your body, baby, do that, Edward Cabrera. I know you can’t control yourself any longer. Hey, speech-to-text worked pretty good there because I was obviously dancing and singing, and not typing. Cabrera’s just one more Marlins starter I’m going to be crazy about when he’s called up, but I didn’t write a rookie post for him, because I don’t expect much from him this year. Same with Max Meyer, who looks so special. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo, hand under armpit making fart noises* Dynasty leaguers. 2021 Projections: 1-1/3.61/1.31/41 in 34 IP

138. Miles Mikolas – Latest news for Mikolas says, “Expected to be on a normal schedule for Spring Training,” which is always true. Especially when they leave out what year they’re talking about. UPDATE: Shut down for anywhere from seven to 10 days, due to his shoulder. I have him ranked around 520th overall. Prolly should just remove him. You want me to? Huh? I can’t hear ya. What’s that, move him? Which way? Louder? I can’t hear ya! Sorry, I was screaming into a giant seashell. Okay, so I removed Mikolas. 2021 Projections: 7-10/4.48/1.24/96 in 128 IP

140. Daniel Ponce de Leon – Thru 114 1/3 IP in his career, he’s got a 3.78 ERA with a 10+ K/9. Um, yeah, I’m interested, why do you ask? He’s tentatively ranked, very contingent on Mikolas’s injury. Ponce de Leon is getting a new lease on life like he found, uh…What’s something a Ponce De Leon could find for a new lease on life? Blanking here. 2021 Projections: 6-8/4.48/1.34/119 in 112 IP

141. Michael Lorenzen – Welcome to the Pretend Michael Lorenzen Is A Starter Challenge. How are you doing so far? Already dropped out? Still going? Damn, you’re doing better than me. 2021 Projections: 4-6/4.09/1.37/88 in 84 IP

141. Joey Lucchesi – Traded to the Mets. That’s right, Joey Lucchesi of the Rigatoni Crime Family is going to the home of the crime families. “Don’t get it twisted, Joey, there’s only one Bagel Boss.” That’s what the self-proclaimed Bagel Boss says to his reflection, not within shouting distance of Lucchesi. So, Joey Lucchesi wasn’t even ranked prior to this trade because he was odd man out in San Diego. Now, he’s in a battle for his life for the 5th spot. Joey already took one guy to the Matzresses. UPDATE: He who takes to the Matzresses eventually gets taken himself. A story of love, cannolis and Lucchesi. Also, with the signing of Taijuan, I removed Lucchesi. 2021 Projections: 4-4/4.21/1.28/96 in 104 IP

142. JT Brubaker – The year is 2054. You’ve just finished reading the starter rankings, and the Pirates have announced only one more year of rebuilding. Praise be. 2021 Projections: 6-11/4.49/1.36/117 in 124 IP

If you think I’ve forgotten a pitcher, check the following list, because this indicates I looked at them and decided not to rank them. Logan “Doesn’t Give Me A Woody” Allen, Alex “A What Is A Terrible Pitcher?” Cobb, Nick “Great Arm, Terrible Everything” Pivetta, Nick “Married To Homer” Margevicius, Chris “Double-Jointed And” Flexen, Ljay “Lnotgood” Newsome, Trevor “Don’t Call Me Trevor Dicks” Richards, Kolby M. Allard, Kyle “Grody” Cody, Jharel “Is A Planet In Star Wars” Cotton, San Antonio Senzatela, Ryan “The Cast Album Of The Opera” Castellani, Jordan “Lebron” Yamamoto, Chad “How John Oliver Says” Kuhl, Steven “Not Stephen” Brault, Wade “In The Water With” Miley, Eric “Matt” Lauer, Erick “aka Eri CK” Fedde, Vince “Worse Than Nick Pivetta” Velasquez, Jon “Not Me” Gray, Daniel “Fountain of Youth” Ponce de Leon, Shaun “Of The Dead” Anderson, Austin “I Got Your” Gomber, Michael King Stay King, Kyle “Nothing’s” Freeland, Rich “The Blister” Hill, Josh “LOOGY or Congestion” Fleming, Randy “Uber rating is higher than his K/9” Dobnak, Michael “Not Brad” Fulmer, Devin “Sprayed in the Face With” Smeltzer, Colin “Theo Ruined The Cubs’ Future” Rea, Matt “Person or Gerund” Manning, Joe “Mama” Ross, and Justin “We Are” Dunn.