Please see our player page for Jon Lester to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Jordan Hicks sounds headed for Tommy John surgery with a torn UCL. This sucks; don’t get me wrong, but it’s amazing all the people shocked by this news just because the Cardinals said on Sunday it wasn’t serious. I wish I could be that uncynical. I wish I could see the birds chirping and not a bird nagging another bird to take out the trash, or see the flowers and not think, “I wonder who’s buried under there,” but alas…So, with Jordan Hicks out for the next 14-18 months, who will close?  Carlos Martinez has the makings of a two-inning closer, I guess, but, man or five women, it seems super dumb to continue Carlos Martinez down the closer route.  Don’t they want him to start again at some point?  John Gant’s been great until he defecated the sheet out of my fantasy bed on Sunday.  He might still get some looks.  Then there’s wild cards, Andrew Miller (if he were great like years past; he’s no brainer) and Tyler Webb, who is only in discussion because he got one save look the game where Hicks was hurt. I’d go C-Mart and Gant at 55% vs. 42% chance and everyone else at 3%. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before I get to today’s picks, let me start with one specific element of today’s FanDuel slate that I felt needed to be addressed. I wasn’t sure what to do with the Colorado Rockies @ Arizona Diamondbacks game. On its face, the game looks like a stay-away from hitters as both Jon Gray and Zach Greinke are solid enough pitchers that there will be far better matchups elsewhere. However, it is expected to be 102 degrees in Phoenix at first pitch. That is stupidly hot.  More after a word from our sponsor.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

As they say in Anaheim, “If you can’t get to see the Cherry Blossoms in Japan, you should get to see the Gin Blossoms in concert at the Hard Rock or Shohei Ohtani.”  One Anaheim-born woman, Gina, was so excited about Ohtani that she got a tattoo of the Japanese symbol for strength, that she later found out was a tattoo of Calvin pissing on a Grateful Dead logo. Gina did it in honor of Ohtani, so it’s still close to her heart, though mostly because it’s covering a third nipple.  Yesterday, Ohtani became the first Japanese born player to hit for the cycle, going 4-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 8th homer.  The closest previous Asian cycle was Kurt Suzuki.  When Ohtani becomes Hot-tani, there’s few players that can match him for sheer excitement, though Ian Kinsler wears sheer pantyhose under his uni, if that counts.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Brewers, as you likely heard, sent down Keston Hiura, which means the return of Travis Shaw, The Mayor of Ding-Dong City returns to Milkwaukee.  *sees Travis Shaw carrying a box of Ding-Dong snack cakes*  Oh!  See, the whole time I thought that meant home runs.  The nickname makes more sense now, and would’ve been good to know in the preseason. Let me hear your jubilation for manipulation of service time.  This, more than anything else, MLB really dominates. Hear that’s why MLB is the most popular sport amongst knobsticks, blacklegs and union busters. I grabbed Shaw, because he hit .235 during his rehab in the PCL, which is like hitting with aluminum bats on the moon.  No, his .235 average isn’t the reason I picked him up, it’s because I called him my preseason MVP and must wear him like a Scarlett Letter.  No, not for that reason either.  Because I had room and it was a deep league and I was like dubya tee eff.  That really is the reason.  Muy excitamente Señor Ding Dong!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The last time anything this exciting came from a Reds’ DD was Kevin Mitchell in 1994 when demonstrating his barehanded catch on Morganna. Yesterday, Derek Dietrich went 3-for-4, 6 RBIs with his 15th, 16th and 17th homers. To add insult to injury, it came against the Pirates, who earlier this year he homered off of, which sparked a benches-clearing brawl because of how he was lallygagging around the bases.  For yesterday’s home runs, Dietrich would not be outdone.  For his first home run, he tagged Ric Flair and had him WOOOOOOOO around the bases. A totally legal maneuver, says in the rulebook.  For his 2nd homer, he stood on the shoulders of a bear on roller skates and skated around the bases.  Then, not to be topped, for his third home run, the PA announcer played porn music and Dietrich stopped at every base and mimed sexual acts with the Pirates infielders. So disrespectful to the game!  Ex-Marlin Dietrich has 17 homers, the entire Marlins team has 36 homers.  *lays on the floor, rolls around, laughing* If only there was an acronym for that.  If you drafted Dietrich, Bellinger and Yelich (a totally reasonable possibility), please drop by the comments so I can bathe in your glow.  As for Dietrich, reminds me of Scooter’s breakout a few years ago. Not sure if Dietrich gets to 30+ homers–Excuse me, I should say I’m not sure if he gets to 30 homers by the All-Star break.  Speaking of which, vote Derek Dietrich for the All-Star Game so he can do a three-day home trot. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cavan Biggio will be promoted today to join Vladimir Guerrero Jr. Soon, Bichette will join Guerrero and Biggio and the Jays’ master plan to reunite the 2005 All-Star Game in the luxury boxes will be complete.  “How’s Darin Erstad Jr. look?”  “More like Darin Ersatz!”  “I don’t get it.”  “Ersatz means an inferior substitute.”  “Is that some thinking man’s humor? I don’t like that.”  That was overheard in the Jays’ front office.  Here’s what Prospect Mike said about Biggio this preseason, “At 23, Biggio had a solid 2018 campaign at Double-A. He hit .252 with 26 homers, 20 steals, and a walk rate of nearly 18%. He has the pedigree and patience to make it in the pros and the power to hit 20-25 homers, but he also strikes out a lot and I’m not sure what position he’ll end up at. This could mean he ultimately finds a role as a super-utility type like a Swiss Army knife. Speaking of which, anyone know where Grey is, I want to harvest his liver.”  Okay, what now?  This year, Biggio cut down on his Ks, and held his walks, hitting .306 in Triple-A, while adding in his usual mix of power and speed.  I imagine he takes over for Sogard and hits leadoff. Sogard? So long!  I added Biggio everywhere I could because I have a sickness for upside.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I remember fondly my pickling phase of years ago when I went ahead and pickled just about everything.  Pickled eggs, pickled garlic, pickled…pickles. Fast forward 3 years and all those jars are still sitting on the shelf and I’m fearful of any of them breaking a seal and releasing their rancid smell on the house.  To be fair, I did eat the pickles, but I was definitely fearful of the eggs. That transitions seamlessly to my favorite pitcher of the night, Griffin Canning ($6,800).  Canning gets to face the Royals at home tonight and I’m lining my shelves and praying to not get a stinker.  It’s been a bit of a roller coaster to start Canning’s major league career with 3 runs in 4 innings, 2 runs in 5 innings and 4 runs and 4 walks in 4 innings.  One thing has remained constant though and that is the strikeouts (6,7,6). That works out to about 12 K/9. Yum! That’s the equivalent of some fine homemade dills.  As long as we can avoid the spoiled pickled eggs, we’ll be good.

New to FanDuel? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well, be sure to read our content and subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays. Just remember to sign up through us before jumping into the fray. It’s how we know you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hope our five girl readers had a beautiful Mother’s Day yesterday. I sent my mother a trade offer sending her Tyler Flowers and Goodrum. She appreciated the thought. Also, I wore pink the entire day for you mothers, because that is a very girly color that baseball keeps perpetuating every year. Why can’t mothers be into purple or lavender or mauve or rose or fuchsia or flamingo or other shades of a color similar to purple or pink? How about next year all players wear lavender pants suits for Mother’s Day? Ooh, I have an idea. Since all pink bats are relegated to the trash bin after Mother’s Day, how about players use them again to raise awareness to spay or neuter your pets?  Like an in-heat bitch (medical term in vet school), George Springer was hot with that pink bat (more vet med terms), going 5-for-5, 5 runs, 4 RBIs with his 14th and 15th homer, hitting .321.  The good news is he’s finally living up to his top 10 potential.  The bad news is his owners from last year are on suicide watch.  But, hey, it’s not us, right?! (Actually, it is me. Damn.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No ham sad-wiches at this Fiers fest!  Mike Fiers pitching a no-hitter with 6 Ks, ERA down to 5.48, and he only needed 131 pitches.  Previously, he threw a no-hitter in 2015 when he threw 135 pitches.  Man, pitchers really threw a whole lot more pitches back then in the mid-twenty-teens.  Way back when we still thought Game of Thrones was a good show and not a shill for Starbucks.  Way back in 2015 when we all got along outwardly and just simmered under the surface with our political differences.  What a time!  Of course, Mike Fiers was facing the Reds, and Fiers is red and *insert Spider-man pointing at himself jpg* and Ramon Laureano needed to rob Joey Votto of a home run, but…piece of cake.  As we knew all along, there’s nothing to Fiers except Fiers himself.  He was a streamer I strongly considered yesterday, because Fiers is the epitome of a Medi-OAKer pitcher, and he was at home facing a terrible team.  Sadly, the one thing that puts out Fiers is when you put your stream on him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?