Heerrre’s Luis! Mariners catcher slash DH Luis Torrens continued his power binge as he went 2-for-5 with two home runs and four runs batted in Friday night to carry the Ms to an impressive 9-3 win over the White Sox in Chicago. Catcher lovers, this is your lucky day, as Luis could be the next big thing in catcher adds in the mold of Yermin Mercedes and Eric Hasse, ie, he could be the hottest hitter around for a week or two before ultimately falling off harder than the Hawks in Game two. Torrens has tormented opposing pitchers this month with five homers in his past seven games and he’s batting an impressive .375 during that stretch. Grey told you to BUY and he said “If you have Tom Murphy and he’s losing playing time, blame it on Torrens, which coincidentally is also the fantasy team name of Fab Morvan, the last living member of Milli Vanilli.” My thoughts exactly! If you asked Luis, he’d tell you he couldn’t throw a proper hit party without his right hand bash bros, the Two Jakes, Jake Fraley (1-for-3, 2-run HR) and Jake Bauers (2-for-4, RBI). Because someone needs to hold up Torrens while he kegs stands, he’s a big dude! Both Jakes have been steady contributors over the past two weeks and could be worth a look if you’re as desperate for outfielders as I am for positive feedback. Bauers is hitting .320 over the 15 days and Fraley has done a little of everything. Last but certainly not least, Dylan Moore (2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 SB (12)) can steal bases and hearts with the best of the best if he can remain healthy in the line up for more than a week which is a big ol’ bolded, 72-point font IF. Has Luis Torrens arrival sparked the Ms offense?! Probably not but a guy can dream–remember last time I highlighted a Mariner the team crashed a burn for about a week following, so I am treading carefully. Regardless, the C-Attle offense looked scarier than Shelley Duvall’s O-Face Friday night and Torrens and Co. could be worth a look while they’re hitting all the baseballs. Ms about to go on a streak! Please don’t quote me on that.

Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Kolten Wong – 2-for-5, HR (7). BUY. Drove in the game-winning run in the 11th along with the dinger and Kolton is a hot little potato right now. Grey told you to BUY but suggested he’s likely already owned in your league. What Grey doesn’t know is about the 8-team league I play against different variants of myself. Ha, take that Morbius! Just let me check waivers and–oh, Kolten is in fact owned there, too. Hmm, the multiverse versions of myself are too quick! Well, Wong’s hitting .333 in the past week with three bombs and leading off, grab him before the, smarter, lady-variant version of yourself does!

Willy Adames – 3-for-5, HR (10), 2 RBI. Game tying HR in 9th! OK, maybe Willy hasn’t lit the city of Milwaukee on fire since his arrival but he has been one of the Brewers best hitters–which I guess says more about how bad the Brewers have been.

Trevor Story – 0-for-5, 2 K. Not a great first audition for one of the only teams that might want to trade for him. You’re blowing it, Trev!

Keston Hiura – 1-for-4, HR (2). That’s right. THREE Brewers infielders in a row, and one possibly potential? I may have witnessed Keston getting his groove back live on television last night. Only time will tell, but the swagger looks back.

Corbin Burnes – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 2 BB, 7 K. Not really sure how Brewers managed to lose this game for Corbs–oh, right they can’t score. Yeah well Burnes Baby has a 2.53 ERA, 0.92 WHIP and 115/14 K/BB and that’s better than anything their lineup has done collectively all year.

Francisco Lindor – 2-for-3, SB (6). 0-for-4 in game 2. So, Franco looks to be legitimately “back” in quotes, and he’s hitting almost .300 in the past week with 3 homers and a steal. He’s good again. It only took 3 months. Now good luck climbing up the standings.

Aaron Nola – 5.1 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, BB, 12 K. Nola K’d 10 in a row tying Tom Seaver’s record, and whenever you hear that name mentioned you know you’re doing something special. He was also 2-for-2 with an RBI. The two hits were twice as much as his entire team provided for him hit-wise. But while we’re trashing our teammates, let’s not forget to mention new closer, Jose Alvarado (1.1 IP, 1 hit, R, 2 K, BS (2)) who blew the lead that Aaron created for himself. If you need Nola post-game he’ll be in his room blasting “Sour” by Olivia Rodrigo, and I think it’s best for all parties if we leave him alone a couple of days. Good 4 u, Aaron.

Hector Neris – 1.0 IP, K, SV (11). No longer the closer–so of course he got the save! His potential replacements, Alvarado (see above), and Archie Bradley (1.0 IP, 1 hit R, BB, K) were not up to the task, but Neris got it done! My guess is Alvarado gets the next save chance, but I also don’t know what I’m talking about!

Taijuan Walker – 5.0 IP, 3 hits, ER. BB, 5 K. Taijuan was made in Queens, baby! Walker (or should I say K-er) is having his best season since his rookie year and is one of the few Mets storylines that doesn’t depress me. Most surprising is an injury-prone guy like Taijuan hasn’t been foiled by the Mets trainers yet! No jinxies!

Shohei Ohtani – 2-for-4, HR (24). Mashed his 24th home run as he led off in place of Justin Upton who is headed to the IL after Joe Maddon assured the media he would not go on the IL. I could trash Joe for batting Shohei lead off, but Ohtani can do most anything, and I’m sure being a great lead-off hitter is one of those things. Also, it was fun watching him lead off the game with a 430-foot bomb.

Anthony Rendon – 1-for-4, HR (5). Yes! This! More of this, please oh please!

Griffin Canning – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, BB, 4 K. Is Griffin Canning aka Hogwarts most popular extracurricular activity, been the Angels most reliable starter in 2021? How can a team with Brohei Brotani and Mike Trout make me so sad all the time?

Drew Smyly – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, ER, 0 BB, 3 K, 5th win. The Emoticon has been surprisingly solid in June, winning his third in a row, allowing just 3 ER over that stretch. He gets the Mets next week and yeah I’d prob stream that. Smirking cat face emoji with winky eye and kissy lips.

Vladimir Gutierrez – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 3 ER, 2 BB, 4 K. If you scooped him up off waivers immediately after seeing a “Vladimir Gu–” was available but it wasn’t the Vladimir you thought it was, don’t worry cause this Vladimir’s been pretty Gu too.

Jonathan India – 2-for-4, run, SB (6). Keep stealing bases and we can be besties, bestie!

Dansby Swanson – 2-for-3, HR (13), SB (4). Swanson serving up a Winner Chicken Dinners for ATL. PUBG anyone? Or has everyone moved on to Warzone at this point? Either way, wouldn’t want to be in the Gulag with Swanson right now. Dansby good like that!

Freddie Freeman – 2-for-5, RBI. Freddie is on a mission to get his BA above .300. FF in chat to pay your respects.

Garrett Cooper – 3-for-4, HR (4), 2 RBI. Kevin from ESPN’s “Get Him in Your Lineup” department left early for the weekend and let’s be honest, he would have forgotten about Garret Cooper anyway.

Adam Duvall – 2-for-3, 2 runs, RBI. Marlins scored 11 runs on 11 hits in this one. Miguel Rojas was 2-for-5, HR (4), 4 RBI. Member last week when I told you to grab Duvall that and a bag of Takis cause he was spicy hot? And he hit two home runs Saturday and I felt like a God. Nothing like that instant gratification–people were cheering my name! Then he went 2-for-15 the rest of the week with no stats, and then yesterday happened. Well, I’ll always have last Saturday!

Jon Lester – 2.1 IP, 5 hits, 7 ER, 3 BB, K, 3rd loss. Surprised Lester wasn’t at Dustin Pedroia’s retirement ceremony (freakin’ Ellsbury was there, getting paid by the Yankees, wearing a Sawx uni) Friday night–he would have been better off missing this start. Seems like someone’s maybe missing the sticky stuff? Get a grip, Jonny! Oh wait.

Pablo Lopez – 6.0 IP, 6 hits, 2 ER, BB, 9 K. Excuse my foul language but gawrsh dangit if I don’t love Pablo-Lo! He’s rocking an ERA under 3, a 1.08 WHIP, 94/22 K/BB and the best part is, no one is going to want to draft him next year either. Why won’t you love him! Marlins starters, baby! I’m hooked!

Kyle Schwarber – 3-for-4, HR (22). Another solo shot as he led off, of course! That’s four in the last three games, or nine in his last six–whatever sounds better to you.  How about 13 in the past two weeks. If that sounds like a crazy number its because it is. Here’s an idea. Swap Schwarber and Soto. Just to see what happens? Maybe you wouldn’t lose 11-2.

Ryan Mountcastle – 2-for-4, run, RBI. Mounty is slashing an impressive .354/.391/.646 with seven jacks and 20 RBI in June and we’re starting to see why everyone drafted him so high in March. He really seems to enjoy facing Toronto (batting .450), so keep on doing what you’re doing and maybe I’ll considering owning two Orioles next year.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 2-for-5, HR (25). Your home run leader, ladies and gentlemen. That’s halfway to 50 and puts him on pace for 56 and 140 RBIs or something IDK I just did that in my head. If only there weren’t a faster, sexier, just-as-dreadlocked version of him in San Diego that might be just-as-good-if-not-better I’d be gushing all over the little league park they call home.

George Springer – 1-for-3, HR (3). You take the scariest line up in baseball and add George Springer. MLB collectively gulps.

Alek Manoah – 6.0 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K. It’s amazing how quickly rookie pitchers are dumped after one bad start. His 33/11 K/BB is quite similar to a doodle I made in my notebook, but there were more hearts. If you’re rolling with rookie pitchers, you’re going to get a few 3 IP, 5 ER starts–but you’re also going to get some starts like this one. He needs to be owned, if you Manoah what I mean.

Eddie Rosario – 1-for-4, 2 runs, HR (6), SB (9). Amed Rosario – 1-for-4, HR (5). All the Rosarios homered, and Jose Ramirez remains unhappy being the meat in the Rosario sandwich, but the bread, my friends, is toasty! Eddie chipped in with the slam & legs, and in MinnesOta (O intentionally capitalized) the slam & legs is served inside of a burger that explodes with hot cheese when you bite into it. It tastes better than it sounds, trust me.

Bobby Bradley – 1-for-3, HR (6). Bobby Buys! I told you to check him out two weeks ago, now he’s already a big time hot shot star ledeing off Grey’s Friday Buy/Sell column. He really made it. What can I say, when I see a guy hit dingers, I want to add them, and Bobby Bomb’s got 5 in the past two weeks.

Luis Arraez – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBI. Besides having an incredibly fun name to say Ah-Rah-EZ, and leading off for the Twinkies, Luis hits everything and is batting .455 over the past week. Unfortunately, he has little in the way of power and speed, but could be worth a look for the counting stats if he’s going to keep doing his Ted Williams impression.

Alex Kirilloff – 1-for-4, HR (6), 2 RBI. Kiriloff the Wall! Even with two multi-hit games in the past five, he’s still batting just .238 in the past week. If he hits another home run this weekend I’m back on the wagon, but for now, I’m trying not to get hurt again.

Dane Dunning – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 2 BB, 4 K, 3rd win. Dane has Dunning again! Wait until next year when he’s finally got the training wheels off.

Nate Lowe – 3-for4, 2 runs, 2 RBI. Nick Solak was 2-for-4 as the Rangers scored 9 runs without hitting a home run. Take that baseball purists! Isn’t this what you wanted?? Are you not entertained!?

Carlos Rodon – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 4 BB, 8 K. Ahh, yes, this is the Rodon I remember and love. Takes me back to 2019. I was bumping Lizzo as I strolled out about town blasting particles on all my closest bros. Not a care or a mask in the world. I would have taken this start in 2019 and loved it, but the standards for a Rodon start have grown exponentially in two years. Still, he hasn’t struck out less than 8 in a start since the middle of May! Rodon still feelin’ Good as Hell.

Yusei Kikuchi – 5.2 IP, 2 hits, ER, 4 BB, 6 K, 5th win. Another starter who didn’t have his best stuff last night but against the White Sox I’ll take this start and run off into the sunset. He gets the Blue Jays next week, which is playing with fire two weeks in a row. I wish you the best of luck with that but I’m already half way to this sunset.

Michael Chavis – 1-for-5, run, SB (1). After watching Danny Santana go 0-for-5 again and again leading off, Red Sox Nation is demanding a Jarren Duran call up!  Duran is hitting .295/.381/.626 with 13 HR and 8 SB, and has been especially hot lately, but instead we got Chavis so that’s a big time sigh. Seems more likely we see Franchy Cordero again before Duran but maybe if I wish real hard.

Miguel Andujar – 3-for-4. Batting .400 in the past week! He also plays for the Yankees, not-sure-you-knew-that, which means he could score lots of runs maybe if they didn’t suck so hard.

Johnny Cueto – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, BB, 6 K, 6th win. Back to back quality starts and he gets the Diamondbacks next week. If you ask me on Thursday in the comments if I’m starting Cueto I’m going to say “Yes!” unfortunately I won’t respond till after the game has started. That’s why I’m telling you now!

Jake McGee – 1.0 IP, K, SV (15). Rogers or McGee! Both? Yes! Why not own both! Both is good.

Sean Manaea – 6.0 IP, 3 hits, ER, 3 BB, 7 K. 2-for-2. Since allowing 7 ER in a start at Fenway back in early May Sean has been outstanding. He’s rocking a 1.13 ERA, 34/10 K/BB and opponents are batting just .181 on him in June. He’s on pace for career highs in Ks and add/drops over the course of a season.

Chris Paddack – 2.1 IP, 8 hits, 5 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. I was just starting to think about considering not trading you! Now I have to think about who would actually want you.

Zack McKinstry – 1-for-4, HR (4). AJ Pollock was 2-for-4, HR (6). I would love, I’d absolutely be thrilled to tell you that you need to pick up Zack, but the limited playing time and .133 batting average over the past week makes me think I should wait till he’s actually hitting to gush about him.

Tony Gonsolin – 4.1 IP, 1 hit, ER, 2 BB, 7 K. He may never pitch over 5 IP. Heck, he might never pitch over four, but let’s assume the Dodgers’ are ramping him up for a big start with the Nats next week and Roberts might let him throw over 70 pitches for once this year. Fingies crossed!

Jake Arrieta – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 3 BB, 4 K. He’s got a 5.32 ERA, 1.49 WHIP and gets the Brewers next week. Pick him up if you hate yourself.

Kris Bryant – 1-for-4, HR (15). THE POWER OF KRIS COMPELS ME! But fr, if you don’t have 25 home runs and aren’t hitting three a game I could really care less what you’re doing.

Dylan Carlson – 1-for-4, HR (7), 2 RBI. Slowed down a bit after a hot April, and hit his first homer since June 2nd Friday from the lead off spot. Homering in the lead off spot is all the rage lately, all the cool kids are doing it!

Nolan Arenado – 2-for-2, HR (15), 3 BB. Three jacks in the past week! Going from Coors to Busch seems like the ultimate betrayal but as long it’s cold and I’m hammered it’s hard to really tell the difference.

Jake Cronenworth – 2-for-4, HR (12). Tommy Pham also homered (2-for-4, 3 runs, HR (7)). For what it’s Cronenworth, Jake is hotter than that new Tyler the Creator drop and just as weird. He’s hitting over .400 with five homers over the past week! Someone is super peanut butter and jelly of Tatis’ skills and wants to show the world who’s really carrying this Padres team (spoiler: it’s still Tatis).

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 4-for-5, 4 runs, 3 HR (25), 4 RBI. Tatis’ Three Jacks Downs D-Backs! The hat trick! His fourth multi-homer game of the year. The hat trick with Tatis is putting the cap on back to front, so you can easily get it over your braids. He was almost your lede! But then I thought I’d spare you another think piece about what FTJ’s stat line would look like if he didn’t miss three weeks and wasn’t playing with a bum shoulder. I’ll save you the trouble and tell you it would probably look like his current slash, .293/.373/.702 with 25 homers, 54 RBI, and 15 stolen bases, with a couple of +3s and +4s, maybe even a +5! Mhmm. That’s right, Sorry Vladimir, your home run lead is currently asterisked by Fernando’s unrealness.

Thanks for reading! Questions? Problems? Complaints to management? Advice, small gifts or large bribes? Please leave it in the comments below. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!