Please see our player page for Garrett Cooper to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

“What a day for a game! We have Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander squaring off today to decide who goes to the World Series for the American League, and–hold on, clear the room! Mr. Met, no! Don’t do it!–*tv channel goes to static*” Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but the Mets did well at the deadline. It’s not how they would’ve imagined it in the preseason, but unloading two fossils for prospects, and they can just buy again this offseason. Of course, they’ll likely take the prospects they just got and trade them for, like, George Springer, but it’s a strategy. Now, due to their luxury tax implications, it’s imperative they lose as many games as possible, which brings me to: You too can be a Mets starter! Just head down to Metco and line up! Auditions start at 2 PM on Thursday. So, Justin Verlander returns to the Astros…*yawns* If the biggest move during the Trade Deadline is Justin Verlander returning to Houston, then what a snooze. Let’s go Yankees, do a move no one likes! Let’s go Dodgers, grab another player no one wants! C’mon, Rays, grab another forgotten starter and make him an ace! A guy Verlander’s age doesn’t change suddenly. He can be great for ratios, and give IP, but his Ks have gone bye-bye and he’s not locating as well. He goes to a tougher park, but an easier division, though the Astros face a bunch of AL East teams in August. I’ll say it’s lateral, and you should know what you’re getting. Well…You could be getting a one-day contract to pitch for the Mets! Just head down to the stadium!

As it turned out, all of that Verlander business was a preamble for a historical event that was about to happen that night. Was it Lance Lynn’s first crotch grab on his new team, the Dodgers? Well, that did happen, but no-no. Framber Valdez threw a no-hitter with one walk and 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.07. So, The Framchise threw the Astros’ first lefty no-hitter on a day they brought back a guy with three of them. It’s pretty inspiring. Maybe you’re next for the Mets! Seriously, they need arms, head down to Metco this Thursday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hola, chicos and cinco chicas! Are you ready for some Tex-Max Schenchiladas? Ay, papis and cinco mamas, you want some Tex-Max Enscherziladas?! Ay?! So, the Max Scherzer trade to the Rangers was briefly held up because they needed Max’s approval, and I have been laughing for two days thinking about someone asking if they would waive their no-trade clause from the Mets. Can you imagine?

“Hey, I have to ask you–”
“Wait, let me–”
“You have to let me ask you, it’s a part of the clause, I must say the whole thing before you can answer. Okay, are you willing to leave the New York–”

C’mon, bro. Max Scherzer is going to say, “No, I want to stay on this submersible.” So, Scherzer goes to the Rangers and this will fix everything. I kid. Scherzer could go to any team, except maybe the Rockies, and be Scherzer. His 4.01 ERA hasn’t been pristine, and he’s starting to show some wear at 39. His Ks are down, and his walks and homers are up. He has the worst xFIP of his career. I’d never bet against Scherzer — one does not bet against someone with two different colored eyes — but he does look more like a number two vs. the one he’s been for 13 years. By the way, the return package — which I’m sure Itch will go over — includes Luisangel Acuña. Hmm, pitch clock, fine. Limited pickoffs? Okay. But what’s Manfred doing with this “Every NL East team gets an Acuña” rule? From what I’ve heard, it’s a good return for Max Scherzer; the Mets did well. Until they trade Luisangel Acuña this offseason for Whit Merrifield or something equally bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Four score and seven ‘And that’s me quoting me’s ago, my Fordfathers said, ‘Stop calling us Fordfathers, you idiot, it’s forefathers!” That was a quote from our most true patriot, Grey, the Fantasy Master Lothario, don’t abbreviate it. Hope everyone had a nice 4th of July, and you still have all ten fingers, and, if you don’t, I hope at least you had nearby an appropriately-sized, half-eaten hot dog to use as a tourniquet. Someone who doesn’t have a working ten fingers is Mike Trout. He looks like Captain America, so somehow it tracks that on the day with the most hand injuries in America, he gets his. Brutal news for sure, but every toilet flush fills up with a dog getting a clean glass of water, and that’s Jo Adell, as he was promoted. Since Trout is likely out six to eight weeks, this gives the Angels ample opportunity to find new ways to not play Adell. I kid. Kinda. I’d grab Adell in most leagues to see if he can finally click. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s the German word for “everyone knows a person is cheating but the umps just want the game to end?” Schaden-fraud feels too perfect like. Dot dot dot. What else was perfect last night? Oh, yeah, Domingo German (9 IP, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.54). How about a German word for I just dropped him in all my leagues because he gave up 10 runs in his last freakin’ start? Uberidiot? Prolly Uberidiöt, because the Germans like that an umlaut. This was the first perfect game since F-Her in 2012, and there were three in 2012. By the way, if you haven’t seen the movie, Tár, it was great. It’s about German’s hands when he’s pitching.

Dane Dunning was supposed to be the lede, but he’ll have to settle for co-lede. He was holding his hands in front of his mouth, screaming like a teenager, “Me?! I get a Razzball lede?! Oh my God!” You come within one out of a complete game shutout with 10 Ks? Yes, you get a lede. Step right up. *begins the formal pat down that every player goes through* I’m sorry, when I tell you to cough, you have to cough otherwise I’ll get arrested, okay? What, you thought you just had to perform well? Ha, silly, you Dane Dunning! So, Dane Dunning (8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.69) should actually be used to the Razzball spotlight. This might come as surprise to some of youse, but I liked Dunning so much I included him in starters to target two years ago, and he wasn’t great. His peripherals were fine, but his ratios were laggards. He doesn’t have a great fastball (90 MPH), but he barely throws it. He’s figured out his pitch mix, though; he has a great cutter and has nearly doubled its usage. A great cutter? Yup, solid ground ball rates. Dane Dunning is a poor man’s Gausman. Call him Petrolman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Huh, weird. 4,030,000 results but Google knows which one to feature. And some of y’all say AI is bad. AI, tell me why people are against AI. “They’re not, Grey. Everyone loves AI.” Oh, okay, cool! Joe Ryan (9 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 2.98) wasn’t necessarily an unpopular call by me. He still had an ADP of 144 at the time I published my post, and drafted as late as 216th overall. Did I move the market on him? I like to think so, but even if he moved up to 80 overall, Sandy Alcantara was going at 25th overall, so was there value still to be had on Joe Ryan? Yeah, I like to think there was. Is this entire lede just me patting myself on the back? You’ll get over your scoffing and allow me one occasionally! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday, the Dodgers called up Jonny DeLuca. He’s been tearing up Triple-A, which is pretty impressive for a studio enforcer who’s having an affair with Lana Turner. Jonny DeLuca’s got all the photogs on call, and, yeah, see, he’s got pics of your favorite movie stars in ways you don’t wanna see them, see. He’s also got solid power and speed, and had a 15% strikeout rate in Triple-A, so the contact is there too. Think he might be more of an NL-Only or deeper mixed league guy for now, but worth monocling. Unless you wanna see your dame splashed all over Look! magazine. Also, the Cards are calling up Luken Baker, but, if you’ve seen him, he looks exactly like Adam Dunn. In the minors, he even wore his number.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Worse thing that God ever spit up.”
“What? No, I’m looking at what Jake McCarthy did so far this year in the majors.”
“So, you think Hitler was better than Jake McCarthy–”
“Shut up about Hitler!”

Jake McCarthy recalled in that above exchange and to the majors. I’d say he was hideous to start the year, but I’m afraid of a defamation suit being filed by the word “hideous.” “Ya know, I’ve had about enough of your disparaging.” That’s the word hideous. There was a reason why Jake McCarthy was on a bunch of my teams to start the year. It is illuminated by his four homers and four steals in only 22 games since he was sent down. He has great speed and power. I know you drank away most of what he did from your memory. This post: A splash of knowledge refreshing your Mind Eraser. Jake McCarthy can absolutely be worth rostering in every league. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The crazy analytics that the Rays have that no one else has: Pinpointing what players are good at and reenforcing that some players only do what they’re good at. For unstints, they’ll tell someone like Drew Rasmussen (7 IP, 0 ER, 1hit, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 0.00) “pitch well,” and only “pitch well.” Crazy, right? Sometimes they’ll say to a hitter, “Hit well.” That has never been done before by a Major League Baseball team. One time they said to Vidal Brujan, “Be terrible,” and what do you know? What did he do? I’m gonna give you one guess here. He was terrible! It’s analytics like this that allow the Rays to save money too. The Rays received a bill from their travel department and were like, “This is way too much money to travel to games,” so they said to Manuel Margot, “Fly the plane,” and that’s what he did. Analytics, that’s what this is. So, I went to look to see if Drew Rasmusen had a sleeper post written by me, but he didn’t. Guess I merely loved him vs. wrote him up. Wanna know how much pitching there is in the majors? Rasmussen has a 2.96 ERA in 243 1/3 IP in his career. Yeah, but you have to draft a top starter. Mmkay. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*digs nose into an open field of grass, lifts head, eyes filled with tears* This smells of my youth!

Passerby, “My dog just peed there, so probably smells of youth because you used to wet yourself.”

Baseball is back.

“Hello, Genie, I have three wishes for this baseball season. My first wish: No one I roster get hurt. My 2nd wish: Everyone I roster do well. I drafted Oneil Cruz everywhere so, really, I’m doing much of the heavy lifting for this wish. My 3rd and final wish: All 3rd base coaches send runners home by doing the Moonwalk. Thanking you in advance, Genie. Wait a second, you’re not a genie, you’re Bartolo Colon in Blue Man Group paint. Damn you!”

Welcome back to another season of baseball! This one won’t be like a lot of the ones in the past few decades or so, because singles up the middle are back, and the pitch clock. Can’t believe how little jock scratching is in baseball with this pitch clock. Baseball has gone woke! Bring back the slow, intimate groin adjustments that baseball was once famous for!

So, I’m glad I didn’t waste a wish on trying to keep Mets healthy, because that was never happening. Justin Verlander hit the IL with a low-grade teres major strain. Triston McKenzie just had one of these and now we have another? How many major strains are we getting this year? Wait a second, Rob Manfred didn’t make some sorta deal with a dispensary and this major strain is a tie-in, right? With Verlander out, I’d go ahead and grab Tylor Megill, and let’s hope he’s as good as previous seasons for Ks (9.9 K/9) and command (2.6 BB/9). Don’t be Slippin’ Megill! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Donkey Teeth and I drafted this past weekend in Vegas for the NFBC Main Event, and we had one plan — no plans! But, see, Donkey Teeth heard no “pants.” Well, that aside, we were back at it after our, I wanna say, 10th place finish last year. I blocked it out after the 2nd month of rostering Jose Berrios. Hey, Jose, buy me a drink first before screwing me! Never the hoo! Donkey and I never let a little thing like “doing well” stopping us from plopping down seventeen-hundred smackeroos and taking on the best the industry has to offer. Here we are five minutes after sitting down and realizing we the only ones making this a Draftquiri Happy Hour.

For those unfamiliar, it’s a 15-team, two-catcher, 5×5, 30-round league. There’s an overall prize of a lot of money and a big-but-slightly-smaller league prize, but let’s win the league first before worrying about that. There’s a $1000 FAAB for waivers in-season, and no pre-draft hypnotism is allowed, which makes me buying that old-timey watch with a long chain fob sorta pointless, but oh well. Anyway, here’s our NFBC Main Event draft recap:

Psyche! Just wanted to announce the Streamonator and Hittertron are running with all of the first weekend projections. LFG100! Anyway II, the draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?