LOGIN

Please see our player page for Garrett Cooper to see projections for today, the next 7 days and rest of season as well as stats and gamelogs designed with the fantasy baseball player in mind.

Sometimes, the Gods smile. Not broad, goofy grins. They’re Gods. They have chiseled chins and deep dimples, and they’re women. They look like Kirsten Dunst. Gods are multiple Kirsten Dunsts. There will not be questions about this later, so you can read and discard, like your medical chart that says your cholesterol is high. Speaking of medical charts that we can read and discard, Ronald Acuña Jr.’s knee MRIs

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“What a day for a game! We have Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander squaring off today to decide who goes to the World Series for the American League, and–hold on, clear the room! Mr. Met, no! Don’t do it!–*tv channel goes to static*” Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but the Mets did well at the deadline. It’s not how they would’ve imagined it in the preseason, but unloading two fossils for prospects, and they can just buy again this offseason. Of course, they’ll likely take the prospects they just got and trade them for, like, George Springer, but it’s a strategy. Now, due to their luxury tax implications, it’s imperative they lose as many games as possible, which brings me to: You too can be a Mets starter! Just head down to Metco and line up! Auditions start at 2 PM on Thursday. So, Justin Verlander returns to the Astros…*yawns* If the biggest move during the Trade Deadline is Justin Verlander returning to Houston, then what a snooze. Let’s go Yankees, do a move no one likes! Let’s go Dodgers, grab another player no one wants! C’mon, Rays, grab another forgotten starter and make him an ace! A guy Verlander’s age doesn’t change suddenly. He can be great for ratios, and give IP, but his Ks have gone bye-bye and he’s not locating as well. He goes to a tougher park, but an easier division, though the Astros face a bunch of AL East teams in August. I’ll say it’s lateral, and you should know what you’re getting. Well…You could be getting a one-day contract to pitch for the Mets! Just head down to the stadium!

As it turned out, all of that Verlander business was a preamble for a historical event that was about to happen that night. Was it Lance Lynn’s first crotch grab on his new team, the Dodgers? Well, that did happen, but no-no. Framber Valdez threw a no-hitter with one walk and 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.07. So, The Framchise threw the Astros’ first lefty no-hitter on a day they brought back a guy with three of them. It’s pretty inspiring. Maybe you’re next for the Mets! Seriously, they need arms, head down to Metco this Thursday.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hola, chicos and cinco chicas! Are you ready for some Tex-Max Schenchiladas? Ay, papis and cinco mamas, you want some Tex-Max Enscherziladas?! Ay?! So, the Max Scherzer trade to the Rangers was briefly held up because they needed Max’s approval, and I have been laughing for two days thinking about someone asking if they would waive their no-trade clause from the Mets. Can you imagine?

“Hey, I have to ask you–”
“Yes.”
“Wait, let me–”
“Absolutely.”
“You have to let me ask you, it’s a part of the clause, I must say the whole thing before you can answer. Okay, are you willing to leave the New York–”
“PLEASE!”

C’mon, bro. Max Scherzer is going to say, “No, I want to stay on this submersible.” So, Scherzer goes to the Rangers and this will fix everything. I kid. Scherzer could go to any team, except maybe the Rockies, and be Scherzer. His 4.01 ERA hasn’t been pristine, and he’s starting to show some wear at 39. His Ks are down, and his walks and homers are up. He has the worst xFIP of his career. I’d never bet against Scherzer — one does not bet against someone with two different colored eyes — but he does look more like a number two vs. the one he’s been for 13 years. By the way, the return package — which I’m sure Itch will go over — includes Luisangel Acuña. Hmm, pitch clock, fine. Limited pickoffs? Okay. But what’s Manfred doing with this “Every NL East team gets an Acuña” rule? From what I’ve heard, it’s a good return for Max Scherzer; the Mets did well. Until they trade Luisangel Acuña this offseason for Whit Merrifield or something equally bad. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Four score and seven ‘And that’s me quoting me’s ago, my Fordfathers said, ‘Stop calling us Fordfathers, you idiot, it’s forefathers!” That was a quote from our most true patriot, Grey, the Fantasy Master Lothario, don’t abbreviate it. Hope everyone had a nice 4th of July, and you still have all ten fingers, and, if you don’t, I hope at least you had nearby an appropriately-sized, half-eaten hot dog to use as a tourniquet. Someone who doesn’t have a working ten fingers is Mike Trout. He looks like Captain America, so somehow it tracks that on the day with the most hand injuries in America, he gets his. Brutal news for sure, but every toilet flush fills up with a dog getting a clean glass of water, and that’s Jo Adell, as he was promoted. Since Trout is likely out six to eight weeks, this gives the Angels ample opportunity to find new ways to not play Adell. I kid. Kinda. I’d grab Adell in most leagues to see if he can finally click. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What’s the German word for “everyone knows a person is cheating but the umps just want the game to end?” Schaden-fraud feels too perfect like. Dot dot dot. What else was perfect last night? Oh, yeah, Domingo German (9 IP, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.54). How about a German word for I just dropped him in all my leagues because he gave up 10 runs in his last freakin’ start? Uberidiot? Prolly Uberidiöt, because the Germans like that an umlaut. This was the first perfect game since F-Her in 2012, and there were three in 2012. By the way, if you haven’t seen the movie, Tár, it was great. It’s about German’s hands when he’s pitching.

Dane Dunning was supposed to be the lede, but he’ll have to settle for co-lede. He was holding his hands in front of his mouth, screaming like a teenager, “Me?! I get a Razzball lede?! Oh my God!” You come within one out of a complete game shutout with 10 Ks? Yes, you get a lede. Step right up. *begins the formal pat down that every player goes through* I’m sorry, when I tell you to cough, you have to cough otherwise I’ll get arrested, okay? What, you thought you just had to perform well? Ha, silly, you Dane Dunning! So, Dane Dunning (8 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 2.69) should actually be used to the Razzball spotlight. This might come as surprise to some of youse, but I liked Dunning so much I included him in starters to target two years ago, and he wasn’t great. His peripherals were fine, but his ratios were laggards. He doesn’t have a great fastball (90 MPH), but he barely throws it. He’s figured out his pitch mix, though; he has a great cutter and has nearly doubled its usage. A great cutter? Yup, solid ground ball rates. Dane Dunning is a poor man’s Gausman. Call him Petrolman. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?